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Hi

I've realised this a long time ago that this doesn't have to do alot with acne anymore. But I know acne caused it all...my wrong image of myself and my absolutely low self esteem. I cannot tell you all the reason and all my history because it's too long..but I'm 25 now and I feel terribly lonely on this world. At the moment I have really a big desire again just to end my life here and now..I've never had a good family, I actually had the worst childhood you probably can imagine. And I'm a guy who loves peace and hapiness and never tries to argue, so all my experiences as a child really damaged me for life probably.

But that was probably also the reason I was always dreaming of finding the perfect girl, and have a nice family on my own and live peacefully, happy and in love forever...because I have very low self esteem I'm never really walking up to a girl, because I'm convinced if I would be her, I would reject me anyway. So that's the reason I've only had one real relationship, which lasted for 3 years but was over 5 years ago. Last year I had a 1 month thing with a girl with who I'm actually still in love with..she was really perfect for me...at the moment I'm dating a girl who wrote me on facebook and she really likes me..but it just feels wrong.. I don't feel comfortable around her, she's not really my type and I still think of this girl last year.

I don't have a lot of friends but I never wanted to..I rather have a few very good one's instead which I have. But at the moment I'm living abroad away from them for one year which makes everything worse.

Long story short...I've always kind of accepted my uneventful life without a girl and was always hoping for the future. I've achieved quite a lot careerwise since I've wanted everything to be perfect..I have the job I've always wanted and not alot of people are able to get, I've been working out regularly at the gym and a lot of people noticed the positive results etc. etc.

But I'm not happy, I've never been happy and I've lost after my 25th birthday the one thing that always kept me going: Hope! I'm kind of realising now I'm doomed...a lot of my friends who are also about my age are already engaged or in a long term relationship...even my younger friends are usually together with someone or at least aren't single for more than a year as I am. I'm probably just whats leftover...on days like today I really just want this life to end...today nobody wrote me or called me..they probably wouldn't even notice if I'm gone...when I see the MSN or ICQ list of some friends with 50 or more friends and how they're get contacted as soon as they're going online I realise this all even more...nobody cares about me...and I don't either. If I had the possibility I would want to end this...

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go pick up this book "complete confidence" by Sheenah Hankin

It'll be in the self help section and if you got a used bookstore in town and can find it in there then even better..

Post back in here after you've read a couple chapters

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25 years old without a woman isn't the end of your future. I've seen your threads in the past, and my advice is to go out and do something. Strangers aren't going to just walk over and say hi. You need to show that you're friendly and approachable. Why don't you talk to your co-workers? You listed a bunch of things to be proud about, and you're going to be down over the fact that you haven't found a woman yet? You think too much, instead of taking life as it comes. Don't be scared to take risks and put yourself out there.
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man, you seem to be a pretty normal guy, there are so many people like you who feel they dont have a path to follow or a purpose in life. I add myself to that list, i barely have one or two pimples so this got nothing to do with acne...i got you, i feel the same way

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