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Lately, I've become unimpressed with the life that has been given to me. In my childhood, I was given fairy tale stories of a life, full of happiness and satisfaction, only to be disappointed in my later years. This life is not what I asked for. Inside, I know what I've asked for, but it's impossible to articulate, because what I asked for is illogical to suggest. I've been given the same advice on numerous occasions, and more and more, I turn the volume down so I can only hear a whisper.

I'm supposed to be happy with clear skin, but I'm discovering that acne is not the root of my problem. I don't even understand the root of my problem, and I'm only able to recognize it. It seems as if everyone has boarded their space shuttle with unrestrained enthusiasm, and these people are in amazement of the stars, and the thrilling adventure ahead of them. Meanwhile, I've willfully exited the rocket, and now I'm spinning in uncertainty, drifting further and further away from the course. I've reached the point where the dizziness has to cease. I want to remove the tubes that supply oxygen to the suit, and remove the helmet to embrace the only choice that brings me comfort. Most of us are unable to close our eyes for an extended period of time, because the darkness frightens them. I close my eyes and I see nothing, but in the nothing, I feel something. The only comfort I have is in those moments where nothing exists. The freedom I chose to explore will only bring more fear. In the past, the skepticism has kept me alive, and the thousands of questions have spilled over to create a decayed scent of hope. My hope is withering, and I see no reason to live.

But, I am here today because I will continue to love. The glimmer of life I do have involves sharing my pain with the ones who I see in the black hole. The ones who are as lost as I am have become the only reason why I'm still here, and in an abnormal way, it has inspired me to continue. What I want to express is that acne is nothing. It's on your face, but it is not what is inside of you. The real problem is submerged in a sea of ambiguity. You don't even understand your problem, and you're unwilling to even ask the simple question why. Why does acne cause me to act this way? Why do I feel like I'm unworthy of this life? I've already asked those questions, and I've shared what I have discovered on my path. If you want to be truly free of your condition, dig deeper for your problem. If you reach the bottom and discover nothing, then maybe your gift of nothing will bring us closer together. Now, all of a sudden, I don't feel as alone as I did when I started typing this post. I'm here, and now you can see: you're never alone.

Wow man, well put, and rings an incredible amount of bells with me!

A lot of people will jump at you and say "WHAT DO YOU MEAN ACNE IS NOTHING", they however, would be taking you insanely out of context, you are 100% right, and realization of the decent person you are inside is pretty much 90% of the battle, I don't currently suffer from sever acne (getting some bad skin stuff goin on, its all stress related, lost a fiance and job in the same week there a year or two ago so..... it flared up from there, currently keeping it under control)

But ill be honest, I would have lost faith in all humanity if it weren't for decent rational people, like the guys/girls on board here, trust me, im from Ireland, we really have the dregs of society over here I assure you,

Anyways keep the faith man,

Anto

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really the way you write this man you should do something with it consider it as a gift man write a book :) this is really deep, but i know what u mean man. and your right about acne it's something on your face, it's not something inside of you or something u are. but it does cause some people

to act different and for me that's more difficult then the acne itself. for me it really changed me.

sometimes in a bad way but it did brought positive things in my life! and i try focus on that cause

the bad things bring me nowhere. it can be hard to accept but if you do everything u can to get rid of it and u found something that controls it. why feel bad about it? a lot of people see no reason to live sometimes it's healthy.. but you never know what the future will bring. be thankfull for what you got cause it always can be worse.

peace

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I agree with using your writing to your advantage, you always have very well written posts. I know the feeling, some days I just look at myself and get amazed how much my insecurities drain my life experiences. I tend to think about these things when I go camping or get away from the city life. It's amazing when you have a nice peaceful place to think, you sit and realize how crazy life is and how little things like spots on your face can ruin it.

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I love all your writings Mortalsinner, this one almost brought tears to me eyes.

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Great post man. Your posts are always deep and inspiring. I have to agree with the others you should definitely use your gift.

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nice post man, as all the above say you can indeed tell stories in a beautifull way..

i know exactly what you mean, i find myself thinking about it from time to time when i lay in bed at night, it seems like i always blame acne for everything, allthough i never find the reason why my acne could be the source of all my problems.

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"I want to remove the tubes that supply oxygen to the suit, and remove the helmet to embrace the only choice that brings me comfort. Most of us are unable to close our eyes for an extended period of time, because the darkness frightens them. I close my eyes and I see nothing, but in the nothing, I feel something. The only comfort I have is in those moments where nothing exists. The freedom I chose to explore will only bring more fear."

This is stunning..and a little scarey. Please don't remove the tubes that supply oxygen to the suit.

Have you read The Velveteen Principles; a guide to becoming real? I I think you might like it. Still using arial font I see. :angel:

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So, I gather that you feel.. somewhat alienated? Nothing makes sense? You search for a purpose, a motive, a drive, an answer. But you don't seem to find one?

Attempting to decipher the mystique of life rarely yields any meaningful answers, for the concept of "meaning" is mind-dependent. Existence has no purpose outside of people's minds, and every mind assigns a different purpose to it. No purpose can be considered more righteous than any other.

"Ignorance is bliss"

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So, I gather that you feel.. somewhat alienated? Nothing makes sense? You search for a purpose, a motive, a drive, an answer. But you don't seem to find one?

Attempting to decipher the mystique of life rarely yields any meaningful answers, for the concept of "meaning" is mind-dependent. Existence has no purpose outside of people's minds, and every mind assigns a different purpose to it. No purpose can be considered more righteous than any other.

"Ignorance is bliss"

I agree with ya there; Life is essentially pointless - and it takes a long time for most people to figure this out. So what do we search for instead after making this realisation? Why happiness of course. But what the hell is happiness then - I think it varys from individual to individual but essentially it's allowing something to fill the void, and in doing so (at least for a time) the irrelevance of life is forgotten.

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I agree with you acne wasn't the problem I was dealing with. At first I thought it was the problem and it was for superficial reasons. But beyond that I realized the emptiness had to do with my health. I was so focused on outside things and not really doing what it is that makes me feel good. I've been lying to myself all along. I thought people were doing all these things to ruin my life and stop me from doing what I wanted or needed but they were pointing me onto that path. I realized it this year somehow. I don't know how but I did. I wish I realized this 15 years ago.

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So, I gather that you feel.. somewhat alienated? Nothing makes sense? You search for a purpose, a motive, a drive, an answer. But you don't seem to find one?

Attempting to decipher the mystique of life rarely yields any meaningful answers, for the concept of "meaning" is mind-dependent. Existence has no purpose outside of people's minds, and every mind assigns a different purpose to it. No purpose can be considered more righteous than any other.

"Ignorance is bliss"

I agree with ya there; Life is essentially pointless - and it takes a long time for most people to figure this out. So what do we search for instead after making this realisation? Why happiness of course. But what the hell is happiness then - I think it varys from individual to individual but essentially it's allowing something to fill the void, and in doing so (at least for a time) the irrelevance of life is forgotten.

Life is, quite literally, an atomic lottery. Some atoms make up rocks. Others make up water. However, only the "lucky" few, if you will, are granted the marvelous opportunity of becoming a human being. That's why we must cherish life with every bit of affection we can muster, even if at first glance it seems completely arbitrary.

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I wonder if it's there.

It can only be there if you want it to be. Free will can sometimes be a bitch, eh? Some humans abuse it, others are utterly stunned by it. However, non of them would even entertain the thought of giving it up.

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So, I gather that you feel.. somewhat alienated? Nothing makes sense? You search for a purpose, a motive, a drive, an answer. But you don't seem to find one?

Attempting to decipher the mystique of life rarely yields any meaningful answers, for the concept of "meaning" is mind-dependent. Existence has no purpose outside of people's minds, and every mind assigns a different purpose to it. No purpose can be considered more righteous than any other.

"Ignorance is bliss"

I agree with ya there; Life is essentially pointless - and it takes a long time for most people to figure this out. So what do we search for instead after making this realisation? Why happiness of course. But what the hell is happiness then - I think it varys from individual to individual but essentially it's allowing something to fill the void, and in doing so (at least for a time) the irrelevance of life is forgotten.

Life is, quite literally, an atomic lottery. Some atoms make up rocks. Others make up water. However, only the "lucky" few, if you will, are granted the marvelous opportunity of becoming a human being. That's why we must cherish life with every bit of affection we can muster, even if at first glance it seems completely arbitrary.

Don't get me wrong, although I fall in the 'life is ultimately pointless' camp, I do cherish it. There is a lot of beauty in this world, both natural and man made - even if sometimes there's trouble seeing it. And, since the 'lottery of atoms' as you so eloquently put it, have conspired to make me a part of humanity - then I may as well make the most of it, seeing as we're one of the few beings that have the capacity to appreciate the beauty around us.

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You are talented, and your words are beautiful. At times I have felt the way the you do, but I am always reminded that we are never alone. Remember god loves us all, and is with us always.

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Wow that was a well thought out post! Very well written congrats!

What you say is 100% fact. For the period of time when acne controls someone, they are always stating how that is the sole problem in their lives. When the period ends they are still left as empty as they began with.

Whilst reading your post, towards the end i got an impression of a very caring and gentle person. I can picture you helping others; have you ever thought of youth care or something along those lines?

Once again very nicely written post you have a knack for writing!

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