Lighting and Lying

[gda_11 2]

Hi there,

I just want to talk a little bit about lighting and lying. Let me explain. I only look in reflective surfaces under kind lighting, I just can't handle it otherwise. I've been on Accutane for about 6 months now, my course is almost over and I've seen some improvement but I have so many red marks my acne looks very severe under most light. I decided to look in the car mirror, on a cloudy day (which, in my opinion is worse than florescent lights, anyone agree?) So I looked at myself and I shot back in utter disbelief at how bad it was, every inch of my face was covered in red marks. At that moment I realized that it's this type of light most people see me in, I never thought much about it until then. I lie to myself so much, think about it - who ever actually sees you those nice dimmer lights in your bathroom, when no outside light is coming in. Almost no one, I felt like shit, how can anyone stand to look at me if I can't? I just couldn't comprehend how my red marks could be that bad. I thought I was looking better! Now I know I've just been lying to myself with those nice lights in my bathroom, it's not the truth, it's a lie. I can stare at myself under those beautiful lights for hours but in the end does it mean anything? No. I feel bad for everyone who has to look at me at school or outside. I don't want to subject anyone to have to look at me, I feel so guilty and crushed because I really thought there was improvement.

Why do I/we lie to ourselves when deep down we know no one sees us like that? Everyone sees us/me in different lighting, bad lighting. So what's the point of even looking at yourself in dim light, it's a joke.

[electricfeel 0]

I'm with you on some points. My bathroom has dim lights as well and my red marks barely even show in there. Honestly though, the car mirror is one of the worst mirrors to look at. If you keep looking at yourself and think negative stuff then you are going to make no progress. Before any regimen you start, one of the most important parts to starting a regimen is having faith and believing in yourself. That's probably one of the most important things that any topical or pill can't achieve. And what makes other people so special? Saying you feel bad that others have to look at you is ridiculous.

[gda_11 2]

I feel guilty because I feel it's my fault somehow, I know it's not but I just feel that way sometimes. Also just because I'm just not nice to look at because I'm so infested with red marks, I know I'm not fun look at and I don't want to force anyone to have to look at my face by talking to me when they would rather not.

[electricfeel 0]

It's not your fault you have acne. No one in the world wants acne and wouldn't purposely get it. I'm annoyed with my red marks too try different things to get rid of them. Don't feel people shouldn't want to look at you or talk with you just because of some imperfection. I bet they have imperfections as well and maybe for some, acne isn't one of them. The person talking to you isn't forced to talk to you and is talking to you because they like you.

[gda_11 2]

Good points, I just feel that way sometimes. You know how it is.

[RobTheFool 0]

Yes, although I find sun worse for showing my redmarks. I love dark grey clouds because it doesn't show my marks as much. I hate cars In the car coming home from playing sport I looked so disgusting when I looked in the car mirror earlier ;( But when I looked in a different mirror, I looked fine. :s

[gda_11 2]

Well, I guess dark gray clouds aren't so bad, I meant when it's like thin clouds when there is a lot of light coming through. But yeah, either way it's terrible.

[skinilove 0]

Car mirrors are notoriously bad. Probably worse than fluorescent lighting. Everyone's different but you probably look great in natural sunlight.

[sixfeetunder 1]

For someone like me, only ever looking at myself in dim lighting and doing all I can to avoid seeing myself in 'bad' lighting is the only way I can at least semi-function in everyday life. If I confronted myself with my reflection under bright lighting on a regular basis then it would be too hard to cope with. When, for instance, I finally give in to the need to go clothes shopping or accidentally catch myself in the car wing mirror it takes me a good few days before I can repress the memory of the occassion enough to put back on a brave face and carry on with my life. Sometimes ignorance is better than the truth, I think. It's not the way I want to live, but what other alternative is there? Being more depressed?

I can empathise with everything you said in your post, though... when you get used to the dim lighting and then see yourself in less than flattering conditions, it can be heart-wrenching. But know that car mirrors are definately terrible mirrors. Most people, even those without significant skin problems will tell you that.

[Tyga 67]

I didn't even know that lighting influenced how my acne looked. It was devastating to see myself in fluorescent lighting and car mirrors. I look good in natural sunlight.

[n1ck 0]

i noticed this some time ago 2, looking in the car mirror and thought jezus, this looks a lot worse than the dimmer lights in my bathroom.

sometime ago i always used the dimmer lights in my bathroom, but nowadays i just turn on the spots.

i confront myself with how my face looks every morning, and at the beginning i always was shocked, but at the long shot i actually feel better about myself, because i know that there aint no light on earth that makes my look worse than that spots in my bathroom and i think its nice to know how other people really see me!! i learned beeing honest to myself.

and by the way, do you ever noticed other people's faces? trust me, nobody looks good in fluorescent light.

[invisable girl 0]

by the way, do you ever noticed other people's faces? trust me, nobody looks good in fluorescent light.

Not really. I've seen a lot of people that look great in fluorescent lighting.

Also, are you guys talking about your car's "rear view mirror" or the mirror on the outside of the car? Cuz I think the rear view mirror makes my skin look good. It's being outside on a bright overcast day or under the fluorescent lights that are murder.

[stillfighting 0]

you cant know how you look until u see urself which unfortunately u will not except through a mirror, all u can do is ask someone to look in mirror for u and then compare it to how u look in broad daylight...or just stick to looking in your mirror, afterall it made u happy.

[gda_11 2]

Great posts guys, but yeah I've seen a lot of people that look good under any light. Depressing.

[electricfeel 0]

Different lighting just sucks in general. I went to go get my haircut today and I didn't even want to look up to see my red/brown marks... the lighting did suck in there. But then, I just thought, oh well, last time I was looking at pimples and now I'm just looking at what used to be there but is replaced with the marks. And when I came home, I felt better lol.

[iamafreak 0]

I don't want to subject anyone to have to look at me, I feel so guilty and crushed because I really thought there was improvement.

I know exactly how you feel. I feel so rude making people see me. It feels awful.

[stillfighting 0]

lolll i love the post prior to mine...'i feel rude making people look at me'...this is soo truee..however for me its that say i see a girl i think is hot....i feel 'soometimes' its rude for me to even look at her or even talk to herrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..........YYYYY..lol