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Crap day; this is the only place that will understand (I think)

A little background info; within my 'inner circle' of friends in my 6th Form College, only two I would consider being close to. These are the guys that have stuck by me during my darkest hour, and for that I will always stick with them regardless. That's not to say the others are in any way worse par say, but these two guys I've known since my previous school, and I feel that there's a certain connection that can only truly be established through the passage of time as well as friendship. Anyway, for simplicity and some anonaminity I will dub one 'D' and the other 'R'.

D is a little cocky at times, and always seems to find himself in a spot of bother. But don't confuse this with arrogance, he tends to have a similar problem to me, in that his confidence tends to come one minute and go the other. He's also fairly tall, and this can be mistaken to be intimidating, but really he's a big softy.

R is the sarky joker, always up for a laugh and has a very vibrant personality. Although I won't admit it, I look up to him. He's a great fun to be around, and can literally converse with anyone regardless of who what and where. It puzzles me at times, why he hasn't grown a superiority complex, with so much going for him. But he has remained firmly down to earth,and for that I can only be thankful, especially since he's stuck by me all this time.

Without further ado, the events of today:

I had just finished what can only be described as slow and inhumane tortue- from the hands of my economics teacher. Fiscal policy, the joys of inflation and the oh-so-interesting multiplier effect had whizzed past my head like bullets. Not a single thing had been retained from that hour long lesson, and to make matters worse he expected a large presentation, presented solo in front of leering class mates, from each of us next week. I have enough on my plate already; A level exams every week for the next month and a half- that will decide my future, ominous uni application and some crappy family issues that I'm not going to get into.

It was now lunch, and I travel swiftly to the place my friends and I tend to find ourselves- during the hour long waste of time that comes in between tedious lessons. I enter the room, say a few half-hearted pleasantries and slump in a stray chair. Finally, some peace.

That is until, I notice what D is doing. He is working maticulously on what looks like a website. Or more precisely a Bebo page- MY Bebo page. This is quite strange really, I have a total disdain for 'social networking' in all its forms, why the heck would I possess one? Well for a start I didn't own one till that day. While I was enduring economics, D was busy preparing more suffering (unintentionally) to place upon me, by putting it on himself to create something I neither want or particularly need, supposedly for my benefit. You see him and some mates, have been begging me to get one of these for a while, but I decline. I see no benefit in something that I will rarely use, or even remotely enjoy using. More to the point, any idiot can see your pictures, personal details etc. Call me a pessimist, but that small detail doesn't sit well for me.

There's also the fact that, I am extremely self conscious, and my pic on the internet is something I find extremely disturbing. I almost constantly check my appearance in mirrors/ reflections when ever I get the opportunity. I am honest enough to admit that I am no looker, and acne does little to compliment my appearance. You can imagine my horror when the pics of me, which have been badly taken via crude camera phones potraying me at my worse are placed in the public domain. Words can not describe what coursed through me that split second, anger? sorrow? probably both, but perhaps most of all a sense of powerlessness and betrayal.

I slump further in my chair and quietly lament to myself, how the fuck can this day get any worse...

Well perhaps it can; the page with my pics on has a joke biography and what can only be described as homo-erotic undertones. The icing on the cake is that the friend list, which I imagine is the people who now have access to this page- is huge and will no doubt get bigger. People who I have not seen in ages, and people who I have very bad memories of are all there, in numbers. Great...

R at this point, trys to make light of this Cracks a few jokes, that sort of thing. He could probably tell I didn't like the situation, and attempted to cheer me up. But nothing could. I remained dumbfounded for a few minutes and contemplated. I could feel something in my throat, and tears were trying to break loose down my unsightly face. I halted this though, and turned the music which I was listening via my Mp3 player a notch higher. I needed time to think. I closed my eyes and began to assess the situation. In one moment I had made up my mind, it was not even half way through lunch and I decided to end it all there. I grabbed my stuff, reached inside my coat for my car keys and told them I would see them tommorrow. R at this moment looks a little worried, and reminds me I have lessons in the afternoon. I simply replied yea, that I knew this, and made my way to the door.

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simple answer- if you cant tell them it bothers you, they arent your friends. They shouldnt do that in the first place. If they honestly didnt know you wouldnt enjoy it, they dont know you at all. I dont know what to tell you other than that. Go and delete the page and tell them how you feel if you honestly think they are your friends.

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