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Hey everyone,

I just had to vent about this. I had acne since I was about 11. Its gone now but I have huge white scars all over my face and I have brown skin so I am basically deformed.

I have been living a double life for the past 8 years. No one knows how hideous I am because I wear makeup and have not let a single person see me without it....ever.

I got a single dorm in college instead of a roomate like most people would because I knew I would not be able to sleep at night without my makeup in front of someone else.

With makeup, I'm apparently attractive (I take really good care of my body and the makeup hides the scars completely) and I get lots of compliments and get asked out by guys....but the thing is I can't stop wondering how I am ever going to be able to get married or even serious with a guy.

I look SO different without the makeup. I know I am living a lie. Each time someone tells me I am beautiful, or I get hit on...I just think "if you only knew".

I think about ways in which I could continue this double life even if I got married some day...ie- wear makeup all day and at night put like a face mask on....but know its not reasonable...because at the end of the day I'm a freak.

Does anyone else feel this way or worry about this stuff...its like with foundation I'm normal but without it I am so hideous and I know inside I'm not that hideous person with scars but my outside just doesnt match...and society places such an emphasis on being beautiful and being perfect and with these scars I just know I will never be even close.

I look at baby pictures of myself and just cry. How come some people get to have that baby soft/perfect skin their entire life when I look the way I do and I'm so young. My mom's like 47 and she is so beautiful without makeup. I just don't get why me...what did I do to deserve this...acne is horrible...but the scars are unbearable.

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i am not going to sit here and tell you that it will be easy because it won't. I will say though that i know what you are going through. For the past 4 years my scars have caused me so much anxiety that i have to take meds so i wont have a nervous breakdown. Everyday i would get up before all my roomates, sometimes an hour early, just to make sure that i could be "presentable". The thing i learned though was that if people really are your friend or really care about you then it doesnt matter. I know it sounds cliche and your probably thinking "hey easier said then done". I know i was and still am in the same position you are. Eventually the stress it is causing you wont be worth it. I am not saying that one day you should just change your whoel lifestyle completley, but it should be a process that you take at your own pace and when you feel comfortable enough with yourself then do it for you, not for anyone else. Keep your head up

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I am envious that you can actually completely cover your scars with makeup! I can't. :( That said, I know how you feel. I don't let anyone see me without makeup anymore, ever. The only person I ever let see me since my severe acne breakout several months back was my ex-husband. And I was even ashamed to show him, despite having been with him for 9 years (he's pretty much seen it all). I finally showed my stepmom a few weeks ago. But nobody else. I'm not dating anyone right now, but I know your dilemma. I do get hit on a LOT when I go out to clubs. But you can't see the scars in the dark. And if I were to date anyone now, how would I feel about letting them see my skin? My REAL skin? I don't think I would let them see it for a looooong while. But I think eventually I would. Because by that point they love you for you, no matter what. Easier said than done though!

I also went through this mental process the other day. Thinking about this nice looking, really sweet guy I met at the club on Friday...who I didn't give my number to out of fear. Anyway, I thought to myself...ok I couldn't see every little imperfection. It was dark! But say I saw him the next day and he had some scars on his cheeks. Would I find him any less attractive? No, because I was attracted to his features (eyes, smile), not just his skin. And his personality.

Oh and also, I would suggest that you don't look at "before" pictures. Or think about "before". Just focus on "now". I have to force myself to not think about "before" and compare my skin to others. It just makes me miserable. So I try to accept my skin as it is, even though it's hard at times. And remember that I'm a great person no matter what my skin looks like. And yes, it would be nice to not have skin so messed up at such a young age (I'm 26) but I can't do anything about it. So better to accept it as best I can and just keep living my life. I am probably way more concerned about it than everyone else is. I don't pick apart my friends' faults or anyone else's faults. I think we are harder on ourselves than others are.

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Have you considered a tanning cream for the hypopigmented spots? What do dermatologists suggest? Some people have found that needling helps return pigmentation to some areas; did any docs recommend lasers?

I cannot cover my scars with makeup as they are indented. Deep indentions. The bases are hypopigmented. So remember, there is some good in your situation and all is not lost. You get compliments!

You actually might benefit from some counseling. Depression can make us think that our skin is worse than it really is; I had that problem a few years ago. Not anymore! Now, even though I have obvious unhideable scarring, I still go out without makeup at all sometimes. No one stares.

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Thanks for the responses everyone- I'm sorry that you guys have gone through similar experiences.

I think the main reason I can't show my real skin to anyone is because I like to think of myself as the other person...its almost like I don't want to believe who I really am so I can't come to terms with visualizing myself to others.

What exactly is TCA? If you look at my other posting in the Scar Treatment forum, it describes my situation and asks for advice on what to do/and mainly who to see.

Every derm I go to around here doesn't seem to suggest anything...one suggested a microdermabrasion and I am def not going to take the risk of more scars with that method.

Another said I should use Obagi Nu Derm and that the pigment might come back over 4 years...but the system cost $180 and I had never heard of anyone using that system for pink/white scars...and felt like she was just trying to sell me it because she sold it out of her practice.

Thanks again for sharing your experiences. What type of tanning cream do you mean? A prescription strength or tanning cream from the drug store?

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Tanning cream from the drug store. It has helped my hypopigmented marks on my face.

I do think counseling would be a good idea since you feel you have to wear a mask. I somehow think you're a lovely young woman who cannot see herself correctly and that has got to be hard. :(

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Thanks guys. I have been seeing a counselor....but it really is that bad.

I have attached pix in the scar treatment website. The white spots throughout brown skin really just make me look like a freak.

If you know of any methods or particular physicians that might be able to help me please do suggest!

Thanks :)

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Hey everyone,

I just had to vent about this. I had acne since I was about 11. Its gone now but I have huge white scars all over my face and I have brown skin so I am basically deformed.

I have been living a double life for the past 8 years. No one knows how hideous I am because I wear makeup and have not let a single person see me without it....ever.

I got a single dorm in college instead of a roomate like most people would because I knew I would not be able to sleep at night without my makeup in front of someone else.

With makeup, I'm apparently attractive (I take really good care of my body and the makeup hides the scars completely) and I get lots of compliments and get asked out by guys....but the thing is I can't stop wondering how I am ever going to be able to get married or even serious with a guy.

I look SO different without the makeup. I know I am living a lie. Each time someone tells me I am beautiful, or I get hit on...I just think "if you only knew".

I think about ways in which I could continue this double life even if I got married some day...ie- wear makeup all day and at night put like a face mask on....but know its not reasonable...because at the end of the day I'm a freak.

Does anyone else feel this way or worry about this stuff...its like with foundation I'm normal but without it I am so hideous and I know inside I'm not that hideous person with scars but my outside just doesnt match...and society places such an emphasis on being beautiful and being perfect and with these scars I just know I will never be even close.

I look at baby pictures of myself and just cry. How come some people get to have that baby soft/perfect skin their entire life when I look the way I do and I'm so young. My mom's like 47 and she is so beautiful without makeup. I just don't get why me...what did I do to deserve this...acne is horrible...but the scars are unbearable.

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IMO, active acne looks worse than scarring. (On me at least) Active acne portrays a lot of negative things about a person. (To the ignorant people)

As a man, i'm more attracted to the way a woman takes care of herself. If she is attempting to be the best she can be, that's so incredibly attractive.

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