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lilt22

Suicide is the ONLY way out

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Thats it, fuck it. Ive seriously had fucking enough with this total piece of shit. fucking WANKERS around me have such perfect little fucking lives while mine is just non existant.

Im 15, have had severe acne for about 5 years (i got it at a young age) and im spent. I have strugglesd against this and many things including bullying and excema. I have FUCKING hadc enough of seeing some of the nastiest fuckers around me with great fucking lives, i have never gone out of my way to bully someone (i mean that i have never set out to bully someone not i havent bullyed anyone to those wondering). I am nice to all the kids everyone else fucking bullys or are nasty too, I dont go around tagging stuff like a fucking retard ( though ive done plenty of torrents) and its all just fucked up.

I have to but benozyl peroxide 10% ( the lower stuff is weaker it barely does shit and is hard to get) on about 4 times a day yet i still have multicoloured fucking skin. Whiteheads are fucking immune to it so i have about (honestly, im not exaggerating) 100+ especially around my nose. If i was to not put anything on my face (and fucking know im not kidding) it erupts and i get cysts in a matter of 2 days fucking everywhere.

So all that peroxide does something right? fucking yes. I have to go to school with dead skin dripping from me, especially my neck EVERY FUCKING DAY. I put on moisturiser alll the fucking time (i have SOME shit on my face 24/7) but it doesnt work because the skin on my nack is so thin. My neck is a joke, its always bright fucking red with dead skin covering it fucking everywhere, I look around me and not ONE kid EVER has this shit, i am the ONLY fucking one walking around with pieces of my own skin hanging off me. I know how people can exxagerate over their own looks and ailments but its honestly AWFUL, its so fucked up.

I have never known any girls, i read alot of peoples storys on these boards and they know what im talking about so ill leave that REALLY shitty story there. I cant talk to my mum about anything because she passively and verbally tells me to shut up, the only time she talks is when shes fucking pissed out of her mind, i cant talk to my dad either coz he's wasted all the time.

Probably the worst part is that no-one else fucking has it, I am the only one with it so strong. One of my (ex) freinds (who is a fucker) liked to look in the mirror and say, i dont have any spots do you? I cant help but feel that life is just too shit for me.

I HATE being such a woe is me but id honestly rather have cancer than this shit, atleast then i could fucking die, which is on my to do list. All i want to do 80% of the time is kill myself, not because im some fucked up self pitying prick but because everything sucks SO bad and ALWAYS has, If id die then atleast it will fucking stop and just thinking about it is one of the only things that fucking makes me happy.

Apparently, both my mum and dad had acne extremely bad, i can understand my dad had it as he went on accutane but my mum im not sure of. She seems like shes got NO idea what its like, I had dead skin on my neck EXTREMELY bad one day and she was trying to force me to go to the high street (where many kids from my school hang out), i showed her why i couldnt go and she said "what, i cant see anything", Lying is the most pathetic form of trying to help someone i fucking swear. As for school, whenever i feel exceptionally shit or when my (good) freinds tell me im really fucked i just go home, they dont really find out, if they do i give them some BS excuse and ignore their detentions, I have done nothing wrong to fucking go to them.

Except i cant kill myself, because then my mum and brother will find my body fucking dead and i just cannot allow them to go through that trauma, I dont believe in an afterlife but if there is i dont want to know i put them through such shit. Suicide is like the ultimate release yet horrifically selfish because of its implications to my parents. i just dont know what to fucking do, i cant even fucking kill myself.

Wow what a testimonial to how acne can fuck your life up, even without acne id probably still be unhappy as theres a bunch of shit that goes on but one things for sure, i would be begging to die.

Im currently on tetrzcyling from my dermatologist and get accutane in 2 months but i dont see any hope WHATSOEVER, even if it works perfectly. Sorry for the extremely bad english and structure, usually im more coherant than this but not today.

I don't like to make guarantees, so i'll give you a 99% rate that accutane is going to clear your skin. Just wait it out and see. Then, you can move onto other problems that life will inevitably throw your way. At least they won't be severe acne, though.

Also, I don't understand why you're waiting two months for accutane.

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Lilt22, I am going to be honest and say I did not read your post past the first few sentences. Please take your time and read my entire post, I believe you will find it quite insightful. Reason being is because I do not need to read a computer screen to understand how you feel. I have been struggling with acne since the tender age 12. I am now 21 going to to 22 very soon. It has been a decade since I first began my battle with acne. I am going to be honest and say that it has never been easy. Compared to a few years ago, my face looks heavenly. I believe I am finally reaching the end of the road as far as acne is concerned. Acne has changed my life for the better, even though I am still mentally and physically scarred from acne. I am more compassionate towards others, I am willing to help others in need more easily then before. There is a light at the end of the dark tunnel my friend. I had SEVERE acne to the point where it was painful to sleep on my side. I was not able to eat because the cysts on my face didn't allow me to open my mouth. I know it is VERY VERY difficult to understand it now, but you will feel much better after you look back at the struggles you have been through and finally realize that it is all over. Sometime I even laugh at the dumb things I did to my face to get clear skin. Toothpaste, retin a, minocycline, duac, anything and everything with BP has been on my face. In highschool I remember one day a girl asking my why I was always blushing. Yes it sucked at the time but now I look at my face and feel great. Hang in there. If you EVER feel the need to talk to someone, do no hesitate to email me at my personal [email protected], I promise you will get an instant response there since I check my email multiple times a day.

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http://www.av1611.org/hell.html

Trust me man, you don't want to die without Jesus. It's really not worth it.

If you pray this prayer, and mean it with all your heart, then you actually be destined to HEAVEN for eternity, not hell!

Lord Jesus, I know that I am a sinner, and unless you save me I am lost forever. I thank you for dying for me at Calvary. I want to follow you, and I now repent (turn from my sins). I come to you now, Lord the best way I know how, and ask you to save me. I accept your gift of forgiveness, and I now receive you as my Savior. In Jesus Christ Name, Amen.

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the best things you can do are get help, have a support system you can confide in, and have ways to just release. music, video games, and hobbies. i hope you feel better soon. :comfort:

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as far as your regimen goes, just some advice on that, if you really are putting on BP 4 times a day, especially if its the 10% kind, you are seriously putting WAY too much on. youre not supposed to add more than twice a day, and 10% is harsh enough as it is, so youre most likely just doing more damage to your face than good with that.

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http://www.av1611.org/hell.html

Trust me man, you don't want to die without Jesus. It's really not worth it.

If you pray this prayer, and mean it with all your heart, then you actually be destined to HEAVEN for eternity, not hell!

Lord Jesus, I know that I am a sinner, and unless you save me I am lost forever. I thank you for dying for me at Calvary. I want to follow you, and I now repent (turn from my sins). I come to you now, Lord the best way I know how, and ask you to save me. I accept your gift of forgiveness, and I now receive you as my Savior. In Jesus Christ Name, Amen.

Depression can be twisted enough that the person prays to go to the place that site describes. The more punishment, the more torture, the more motivation to go there . . .

Edit:

Oh, I forgot to put my actual point: I don't think a loving god would cast out a sick child. (If anybody wants to argue theology with me, you win. I'm not all that religious and definitely can't quote scripture . . . I'm just going with my heart and 22 years of experience.)

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What do you love? What do you want to do with your life? Whatever it is, hold that thought. It'll get you through some hard times. I'm sure you'll figure out a way to cope on your own, though; we all do. Personally I'm only managing to keep myself alive because my three previous attempts were very severe overdoses that should have killed me, though I'm perfectly fine. I'm pretty sure if I try it again my body will go HELLZ NAW, BITCH! and make me suffer for a month in an intensive care ward with all my organs exploding. That would suck. So it's the fear holding me back.

Also, r.e thing up there's post, don't suddenly "find jesus" and end up one of those twatfaced egotistial maniacs who hold seminars about how everyone sucks and will cut themselves if they don't dribble all over their bibles at least thirty times a day. Because I will personally hunt you down and fuck your shit up. I'll be waiting.

Chin up, love!

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Trust me man, you don't want to die without Jesus. It's really not worth it.

If you pray this prayer, and mean it with all your heart, then you actually be destined to HEAVEN for eternity, not hell!

Lord Jesus, I know that I am a sinner, and unless you save me I am lost forever. I thank you for dying for me at Calvary. I want to follow you, and I now repent (turn from my sins). I come to you now, Lord the best way I know how, and ask you to save me. I accept your gift of forgiveness, and I now receive you as my Savior. In Jesus Christ Name, Amen.

You, along with the rest of your Godpawn buddies, can die a slow death for insulting our intelligence.

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At 17 my face was a war zone. 2 years later, I found my cure (diet) and am completely clear.

But it's not really about the acne, is it?

Suicide is a PERMANENT solution to a TEMPORARY problem. Your problems may be horrible but they are NOT permanent.

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At 17 my face was a war zone. 2 years later, I found my cure (diet) and am completely clear.

But it's not really about the acne, is it?

Suicide is a PERMANENT solution to a TEMPORARY problem. Your problems may be horrible but they are NOT permanent.

well......sometimes they are permenant. thats misleading. like in my case it is a permenant problem but it can GET BETTER. it may never go away but you can learn to live with in your means by getting help tho i'm still working on that one i'll get back to you on how that goes.

anyways the point is, sometimes yes you do have to say okay this condition in some cases may be forever BUT it doesn't have to run my whole life. Diabetics take insulin you may have to take anitdepressants etc. we adapt.

but yes suicide is a permenant solution to a problem that can GET BETTER.

sorry to rephrase i just feel its best in these circumstances, i know i hated it when i first realized i wasn't getting better fast enough or "growing out" of the emotional problems, it helped to think of it more along the lines of a condition like diabetes than something that could disappear that way i could focus more on living WITHIN my means rather than trying to get around it which just frustrates you more.

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http://www.av1611.org/hell.html

Trust me man, you don't want to die without Jesus. It's really not worth it.

If you pray this prayer, and mean it with all your heart, then you actually be destined to HEAVEN for eternity, not hell!

Lord Jesus, I know that I am a sinner, and unless you save me I am lost forever. I thank you for dying for me at Calvary. I want to follow you, and I now repent (turn from my sins). I come to you now, Lord the best way I know how, and ask you to save me. I accept your gift of forgiveness, and I now receive you as my Savior. In Jesus Christ Name, Amen.

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Let's keep this thread true to it's purpose - as a way to show support to a member who is having a hard time and NOT turn it into a theological flame-war. Thank you.

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i've had to go through severe to clear 3 times. this being my third and i'm 19 now. so yeah. your not the only one suffering. and even now i'm clear i have scars WHOLE lotta them and my face is uneven in color and people talk about and they freak out and shit. I'm seen as a monster by most and my family just keeps on saying it'll pass or i have to drink some stupid lame stuff which i don't drink. calm down i'm sure you're body will react to SOMETHING although I can't promise because i've tried many things some of which made my acne worst so I can't exactly claim everything is going to work but most people that take accutane it does the job, but not all the time.

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I do read every post here and i am grateful for your support.

Im about as religious as richard dawkins, im going to TRY and avoide a theological arguement so as not to quote Evil bible.

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Guest delta force operators

dude do some liver flushes man

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I didn't read most of the replies to this topic, so forgive me if I repeat what others have said.

I'm sorry you've been bullied. I know it sucks. I understand that sometimes it feels like there world is full of horrible people and it's not worth being in it. Trust me, I've felt that way. But eventually you'll realize that there are things out there that make you happy, and they'll outweigh the things that you hate.

And honey, there are far worse things in life than acne. There are things that cause far more pain. There are things that will make you much more miserable. Life is ironic like that. Don't let something silly like acne take away your life.

I honestly wish I could help you with your home life. Having parents that don't listen must be absolutely terrible. But, as you can see, we're all here for you whenever you need to rant.

I hope you feel better.

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And honey, there are far worse things in life than acne. There are things that cause far more pain. There are things that will make you much more miserable. Life is ironic like that. Don't let something silly like acne take away your life.

I know what you are trying to say, but When you wake up every day with loads of big spots, the requirement of powerful chemicals, NOONE else having it whatsoever, the feeling of being so ugly, Really shitty skin in general and a highly diminished social life because of it it DOES feel like the worst thing in the world, as would any ailment if it is severe enough. I hear kids saying "oh no im definately getting a spot the size of a granule on my face" and as everyone on this forum must feel the same, it pisses me off. People ownly care about something if its missing. I and most people here have a shitload of non existant and permanently afflicted stuff other than 'some red marks'.

Sure my life could be more miserable, my family could die unexpectadly, i could be crippled ect, but i dont think that makes something worse when you are already at the lowest of lows, all it does is reinforce your want to commit suicide, which in itself bring contempt.

Summary: acne isnt a silly little thing that i let take over my life, it wears you down over the years and your realisation of just how shit it is becomes enforced. I just think your post was misunderstanding. Im not trying to criticise, just saying what i think, but thank you anyway :surprised:

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I think misery is relative. Sure, I've got crap going on, but I'm not exactly starving, afflicted with AIDS, and in the middle of a civil war in Africa. If a problem is the worst you've ever experienced, it is the absolute worst problem possible for you.

I had a cool quote, but lost it and can't 100% remember it. My mom e-mailed it to me when my pet rat died. Here's my stab at it: It's just as much of a tragedy when a child loses his toy as when a king loses his crown.

Hope you're feeling a little better? You sounded like you might be in your 2nd to last post . . .

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LOL yea I attempted suicide a few times over the years. And once I ended up in the hospital and had to have my tummy pumped and multiple injections and blood check coz of all the gunk i ate in the process. So here's my two cents, living is hard yea and dying sounds easy but I hafta warn u that the process of dying is hard. I mean when u kill urself and u just die peacefully yea it is fine I suppose but if u suffer before actually dying well...let just say i regret if when my stomach was being pumped unmercifully by the nurse. However I know how hard it is sometimes and you just feel u wanna give up everything but it will get better honestly. It will still be hard, life i mean, but over the years u will learn that u can live with it, or at least just survive it. Sometimes dying scares me but sometimes it doesn't coz then I feel that dying can't be as bad as living, maybe even better. Life hurt so much sometimes and I feel that I am on the verge of tears all the time. But I dunno, just hafta wait and see and in the mean time, I try to do the best that I can and be thankful that I have many things that others don't. So be brave, it will be worth it in the end, at least I know I tried eh?

Sorry if I offended anyone out there. Peace!

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k first of all, hunny please stop putting so much bp on your face! (especially your neck!) i know a lot of people have already told you but i think it must be drying your skin out like crazy, so im telling you again. try some aloe vera, its inexpensive, natural and anti inflammatory.

i am so glad u are getting accutane :) please hang in there, i can see this situation improving drastically in a few months.

sometimes just getting through the day is so hard and emotionally crushing that you feel too tired to go on, but i can assure you that life has wonderful things in store for all of us! the world is not summed up to a couple of ignorant parents and some annoying 15 year old "wanker" (lolz) classmates! theres a hella lot more to see!

life is not fair, and right now you probably have it harder than a lot of kids around you.

i know that feeling, i used to cry on the school bus cuz i didnt want to go home and nobody knew what the hell was wrong with me. they could not wait to get home and see "mommy"

well screw them!! you deserve a good life too! please live for YOURSELF. i can tell thru your posts u r an intelligent person, and you have a vast potential both emotionally and intellectually.

living up to your full potential will be your best revenge on life.

we are all going to die one day, there's no rush!

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http://www.av1611.org/hell.html

Trust me man, you don't want to die without Jesus. It's really not worth it.

If you pray this prayer, and mean it with all your heart, then you actually be destined to HEAVEN for eternity, not hell!

Lord Jesus, I know that I am a sinner, and unless you save me I am lost forever. I thank you for dying for me at Calvary. I want to follow you, and I now repent (turn from my sins). I come to you now, Lord the best way I know how, and ask you to save me. I accept your gift of forgiveness, and I now receive you as my Savior. In Jesus Christ Name, Amen.

Awesome post.

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oh please

that post is beyond ignorant.

yea just say the magic words and you will go to heaven forever!

or else, little fifteen year old boy, you will burn in hell!

it does not actually matter what you DO with your life, just say the lords prayer before you slit the wrist, and everything will be fine!

:snooty: sounds like someone i want to pray to

luckily, lilt22 has not yet been lobotomized

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