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John Syndey

Who here thinks they would be Pretty/Handsome without Scars

Hi Guys,

First post here! I see myself in pictures sometimes or under dull lighting and I think Geez I wish I didn't have no scars as I feel I would look really good. I hate it how scars affect our appearance. I have had a number of girls see pictures of me and they say that guy is really handsome can you set me up and I never go on the date as I feel they will think differently. I feel it is sort of like false advertising to go on the date

Thats the thing with scars I honestly feel that our major problem with them is the opposite sex reaction to them. When I have had girlfriends I never think about my scars, (it is like there not even there) but when I am single I think about them so much more. The sad things is over the years I have had a number of treatments and they all have helped but the bottom line is we will never be "normal" so to speak especially under certain lighting. The thing is though I have been out with three girls ifor five years in the last seven and they never even mentioned them and me being a guy I really have a problem talking about them openely, so it is like as I said they are not even there.

However in saying all of this if I met a girl who had scarring it wouldn't bother me at all, coming from a guys point of view. In fact I personally would be even more attracted to her as I would feel that her face shows the deepness about her life and hence would have an emotional and interesting/deep personality. Thats why I am suprised that scarred people don't end up meeting and getting together as they both have been through the same thing, and hence in my experience are far deeper people, and can share/ emphasise with each other.

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First of all - I hope everybody had happy holidays! biggrin.gif

And to answer your question, I've been told that I'm a handsome guy. I remember once though somebody telling me that I'd be good looking without my acne and that crushed me, which is why I'm so shy these days. However, my girlfriend thinks I'm lovely anyway. biggrin.gif/

I'm quite, quite obsessed with lighting. If there's enough ambient light and no strong spotlights, you can't see my scarring unless you really look for it. My scars are pretty shallow. However, shine a light on my face and I'll want to curl up into ball and hide because usually it makes my scars look much deeper. sad.gif

Just a note, my GF doesn't have the best skin either, but you know - I don't care. smile.gif It's just me that I have a problem with, which is why I think we are all to harsh on ourselves.

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I can completely relate to what you're saying! I look normal in pictures. I am at the point where I hate to look at pics of myself because I feel such despair and longing. I would be pretty without my condition, and it makes it harder for me to realize a few years ago, I was pretty, but had no idea, and didn't appreciate what I had at all. I had shallow scars back then, but not the chin stuff, and I only wish I could go back in time. Looking at old pictures is hard, because I feel regret for not realizing what I had. Now, I look at pictures from before, and my heart breaks, and I feel guilty that I didn't know that even with non perfect skin, I was pretty.

For those of you with only a few scars, or just some, I KNOW it's hard, but try to realize it could be worse...I try to remind myself of that everyday now. I used to hate my skin before, but I'd kill to have that skin back.

People tell me I'm beautiful now, but I guess I'm just in a place whre I don't feel it. I hope I can change that viewpoint.

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Yes,

Scars have made me less attractive, although the scarring might not be particularly noticeable to others it has really beaten my self esteem to smithereens. If it weren't for them even on days when my hair is having problems, I don't like my outfit....whatever--- I would know it was only temporary and changeable. Before, I had scarring to the degree I do now, I thought I would get a facelift or some nips and tucks when I needed them. Now, I just don't know what the point would be. Oh well, barring if the cure comes within ten years, I guess I'll be saving some money, because the only thing that is really wrong is my scarring.

I remember the first plastic surgeon I saw for my scarring last year said I was a 9 trying to be a 10 and basically kicked me out of his office. The gal I saw for possible needling looked at my skin really closely and said, "Yeah, wow, I see what you mean."

Anna

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I've been told I was handsome on numerous occassions with this scarred face.... I think I would be too when my skin clears. I tend to get comments (Mainly from adults) on how handsome I am. But I've been told at school by really shallow people I was ugly on numerous occassions, that really did it for my self esteem. I'm trying to get in those handsome comments more than the ugly ones so yeah....

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i think id be much better without scars. If any girls want a photo, please do not hesistate to contact me biggrin.gifbiggrin.gif at least if you go out with someone who has scars, they wont break up with you because of them lolol

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Guest ObiWontonKenoli

Have never once been told ugly or unattractive ever. I have gotten compliments from 'handsome' 'cute' 'look nice' 'I won't mind dating you', etc..

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I wish i had no scars at all or dark spots... people tell me I am pretty but of course i always have my make up on when they see me. LOL Its so uneven and blotchy. I could handle it better if i just had pimples and no scars...

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Guest ObiWontonKenoli

Funny enough- I'm more comfortable meeting people in person rather than having people see my pictures. Kinda doesn't make sense since my scars are more apparent in person than in pictures, but I'm quite confident that my personality can more than make up for it.

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Being a Photographer, I can tell you that lighting has a big impact on how our scars appear.

I am married, and my husband tells me that I am pretty regardless of my scars, and says he doesn't even notice them. I am lucky to have found someone who is not shallow as a lot of people are.

I wish I didn't have them though because there are people who are judgemental about appearance. I know I am good looking, but I know there are people out there who will always view me as less than perfect. Of course, no one is perfect, but it is tough to have your flaws right there on your face where they cannot be hidden. There are days that I am fine with how I look and then there are days I can barely stand to look in the mirror. I don't know why, but that's just how it is for me. I think it has to do with my moods.

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Jumps up and down and raises her hand...

I have some days when I just can't stand it, but then pick myself up, use some of the tricks I've learned here and slap the makeup on.

Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. Ah well, maybe I need to start listening to my hynotherapy tapes again...

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I guess I used to be really good looking. Maybe I still am good looking, objectively, and from a decent distance anyway. I still get told that I am occasionally, but it doesn't matter because I just assume people are trying to make me feel better.

If the whole world thought I was way sub-par in the looks department, I wouldn't give a crap, if only I could look in the mirror and be pleased w/ what I saw. I guess its all about feeling like your true self, what ever that would be without a sickness or disease, or scars.

I think we all need to keep this in mind, that good looks naturally fade even w/o an "unatural" condition like scarring. Everybody has to deal w/ this, just not as acutely as we do....

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Guest ObiWontonKenoli
Jumps up and down and raises her hand...

I have some days when I just can't stand it, but then pick myself up, use some of the tricks I've learned here and slap the makeup on.  

Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.  Ah well, maybe I need to start listening to my hynotherapy tapes again...

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Poohman, you're right. Everybody does have to deal with thir looks fading eventually. I often remember this. However, there are so many procedures, including new ones coming out constantly that combat aging of the skin. On the other hand, they can't get rid of scars. I looked forward to turning 30, because I erroneously thought I would look my best. I didn't think I'd have to deal with acne at this age. Then, bam right before I turned 30, I got a REALLY bad case of acne that has gotten tremendously better, but hasn't completely gone away yet. I've been on antibiotics for years now, and I hate it. I just ran out and can't afford them, and I'm breaking out again.

Even though I'm 32, people always think I'm under 25. That's great, but I don't look my best at all. I'm so sick of this, just like the rest of you.

Today, I even have been enertaining thoughts of going to the tanning salon. This is something I thought I'd never do. It's so aging and bad, but I'd probably look a lot better. My scars would be less noticeable, and I wouldn't really break-out. I'm not advocating this for anyone else, and I doubt I'll do it, but I'm losing all hope--at least I'll look good now. I mean, who knows how much longer I'll live anyway.

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I do have good looks and a nice figure (can't believe I just said that, sounds so up myself - but I'm so not) and I love clothes and makeup, BUT, I feel so disfigured with these scars. When I'm in a (dark) club, I get hit on etc, but I NEVER let them see me in the light, cause I'm terrified they will think "Oh whoops, I made a mistake". When I walk down the street, I will get whistled at, but from a distance of course. I went on a trip with my friends a few months ago and when we got out of our car to go to this club there was a group of boys outside aged about 15-17 (I am 29), I crossed the road, but my friends started talking to these boys and they said "whose your friend, she's a hottie", that made me laugh so much. I doubt they would have said that had it been broad daylight.

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Hi Donna,

That was an excellent post! It was like you were reading my mind!

I too go to some clubs and one girl actually said she thought I was a "Casanova", and that I must do this all the time, but little did she know I wouldn't even talk to her with the confidence on the street. The sad thing is our predicament would not have probably made any difference to her but it is how we feel ourselves and hence we don't pursue things that could have been great. I ended up going on two dates with her and found two sort of dark drinking places to go and we hit it off really well and I had such a good time as I was feeling so confident as like you I feel very confident in my appearance its just my scars I hate and in the right lighting their not very noticeable. The girlfriends/woman I have been with over the last 7 years have all been girls who have pursued me as I couldn't have done that to them as I feel this barrier is holding me back and is unfair to them as stupid as it sounds.

Maybe to some 15-19 year old they may care but not as we get older. But as I have said having been through all this I actually find woman who have been through what we have very attractive. That's why it surprises me why more people suffering this don't end up together.

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The girlfriends/woman I have been with over the last 7 years have all been girls who have pursued me as I couldn't have done that to them as I feel this barrier is holding me back and is unfair to them as stupid as it sounds.

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yup. it just makes me regret the fact that i didnt know i was good looking when i actually was. uh, i shouldve taken advanage of those days!

and it is hell walking through high school everyday (im a junior) with everyone judging you, and thinking," damn what happened to her face, she used to be beautiful". adn im not even bragging when i say i used to be beautiful, because it honestly feels as if im talking about someone other than myself. i look at old pictures adn say," wow, i looked like that?"

well, its ok. we'll be smooth-skinned again soon, and then we will be the happiest bunch of beautiful people in the world since we have overcome the worst.

the best is yet to come.

DA

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I really hate having these scars my life has turned for the total worse when I got these scars. I remember the days when girls would tell me that im cute, handsome hot. Im tall 6"4 guy with dark complexion Im asian and dresses nice but having these wont help me because of these damn scars. i would have to rate my scars from being moderate to severe, its so hard everyday to wake up and try to live my life, sometimes I just want to die perhaps i wont have to suffer anymore if I do, but some how something inside tells me to keep going. 3 1/2 years ago my life was totally wonderful I didn't have any scars on my face and didn't struggle with acne, I was going out with a very beautiful girl she was soo wonderful and meant everything to me, I was also going to a university where I was getting good grades, I remember everything being soo wonderful. Then a year later I started to brake out more and more and it go worse and worse my gf stayed with me even through the worst but when thing got really bad and scars started to form she left me. I dont really blame her for leaving me because she is soo beautiful and she deserves better than me. I then got soo very depressed and got terrible grades at school, I pretty much didn't care about life anymore. I got on accutane to stop my acne problem which did the job but has left me with even more scars. I now have very little friends, nobody to love me, quit school, feels depressed all the time and working at a factory making very little, I basically dont have a life anymore. Its just not fair I hope a day will come when acne scars will be a thing of the past. [-o<

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Mikey,

I understand the issues you have with scarring, sometimes its just too hard to deal with but you've got to stay positive. There are plenty of people with scars that lead successful lives, many in industries where looks are far more important than an average career.

What you have to do is to not let the scars prevent you from striving in your career or your personal life, only you can make that choice and its not one that's easy but you have to make it. Don't let scars have any power over you.

I wish you all the best, its a long road (and perhaps oneday they will find a complete cure) but in the meantime stay strong, strive and good things will happen.

M.

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My acne started in 7th grade and it was cystic all the way. That was in the mid 70’s (yea I’m 40)….

Back then there was wasn’t any accutane so things got real bad. I was seeing dermatology but they offered very little help except to pick a few cysts and give me antibiotics and sulfur cream to put on my face. It did very little, and looking back on it, I think it made things worse. Scaring was very bad….

I didn’t have one girlfriend throughout high school. No proms, no dances, no real lasting relationships either. I wanted to date all the time which made me very frustrated and depressed at times. I suppose the positive is I got very involved in a church and fellowships, but this isn’t the format for that.

I also became very interested in health care in high school and was a natural food fanatic. I think that helped some but was never a cure. And, I started a little late on eating right as the scarring was already bad.

I was reading some of the other post here and have to say I feel your pain. I know what it’s like to always stay in “dim light� so my scars don’t show when I go out. The positive thing many of you need to realize is there is lot more help out there now. Accutane is some good stuff. My skin was still oily in my 30’s so I went on it, very good results for me. Also, they keep coming up with better treatments for scars. I did one CO2 in the late 90’s which definitely made a difference. And now I’m doing smoothbeams, and I’m showing improvement even after one treatment. (Once I get a few treatments I may even post the before and after pics.) This site helps us all, I wouldn’t have known about smoothbeams if I didn’t find this site.

Though acne definitely had an effect on my life, it’s doesn’t “run� my life. That’s something “I� do. I’m currently a military officer with plethora of interest and successes. Like I said….acne doesn’t have to run your life.

So, to answer your question, I think I was pretty handsome before acne, and deep inside I still am…..

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Its easier said than done. I tried to not let my scars get to me bother me but no matter how hard I try to put it behind my mind It still presents itself. I had a great high school life I was never single went to all the school functions, dances sports and such, I had many friends. But when I tried to go back to my old life try to make friends again call up some girls I use to know they no longer want anything to do with me after see how I look now. Ofcourse they dont say it to my face but they dont call me back or ask me to hang out. I also tried to look for a job and the jobs that were offered to me involved working in the back where I didn't have to deal with people, and I use to work with people all the time beofre because I worked as an optician. Its hard to go from a good active life to finding myself staying home alone on a friday and saturday night, with no friends and a meaning less life. sad.gif I tried to stay positive but its hard when everything in my life is soo negetive. I dont know what I would do without this board it really has help me to get through these tough times. Im currently having smoothbean treatments plan to have needling, subicision, excision and tca cross in the future, I hoope these treatments will give me enough improvements if not then i jsut dont know i would do. sad.gif I pray to god to help me and everybody else suffering through this [-o<

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There is no doubt dealing with acne is challenging, and definitely can lead to depression. I think this board is very beneficial, I wish I would have found it sooner. Just remember, you life isn’t over because you have acne. I know this analogy has been done before but it really does help. And that is just remembered there are people in this world in worse situations than us. I’ve worked over 10 years as a R.N. and can tell you that from experience. I’ve seen lot’s of folks on deaths bed (one girl was only 21) who would trade for acne any day. I’ve also worked with plenty of handicaps and I’ve seen them figure out how to over come many obstacles in their lives. So, I say, why should we be any different! Yes, acne is horrible and can really affect our lives, but we still can have plenty to be thankful for. I mean look at all the new procedures coming out….smoothbeam, TCA, etc. Maybe I’ll never have “perfect” skin but I’m thinking I can get pretty darn close….. O:)

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I think I'm a good looking guy but I know everyone notices my scars, just a few months ago someone told my friend.. "he's cute but he has crators"

I still dwell on that comment which is why I'm determined to improve my scars.

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