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pleaseoplease

jenny's accutane log!!!

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i wouldn't blame you if you skipped this part...but to give a general idea of where i stand:

my skin was nice and clear all the way to sophomore year (of course i still didn't appreciate it then), but as fate would have it, when i transferred from my all-girls catholic school ( :wacko: i knw) to a co-ed school, acne creeped its way in. to make the long story short, it grew progressively worse, i worried and became obsessed more, and then it grew worse, and then i worried, etc etc and it was a vicious cycle.

let me say, makeup was a new thing and i probably started off making some bad choices with crap that clogged my pores, and now even tho i use "safe" makeup...makeup is makeup and no matter what i knw wearing a nice thick layer of it is still incredibly damaging. maybe i'm addicted...

and the cherry on top of all this is guys. yep guys and my social life, and how extremely self-concious and vulnerable i am. my acne has gotten to the point where i pretty much ditched my social life, including prom! arrrrrrrrgghhhhhhh and even the guy who said that if i could have let down my walls, i would have been the closest thing he's ever had to falling in love. but no. he's perfection in my eyes, and it would be shameful to me if he settled for anything less.

so here i am. i can't get myself to stop praying for a dream come true. who knows, as hard as it may be, accutane might be it.

p.s. i pretty much started this log because i've been so damn down cause i'm losing whatever hold on beauty i've ever had, and i knw this forum has been unbelievably kind and supportive, and i wanna say thanks to all of you.

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oh n i forgot to mention tuesday's gonna be day 1!!

ahhhhhhhhhhh

i'm so so scared of it. seriously, i don't know how i'm supposed to be strong, and bear the side effects, esp the IB. yikes

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Don't worry about it.

I don't have any idea how severe your case is, but I can say that Accutane improves your skin dramatically 99% of the time. The only real side effect is that your skin will peel all the time, and your lips will peel all the time, but if you moisterize constantly, you'll be all right.

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Good luck! I hope accutane brings back some much needed confidence to you!

And remember we're all in the same boat!

(Don't stress out too much about the IB, just think 2 weeks of bad skin compared to the life time of clear skin this stuff will give you, and it makes it that much easier to tuff it out!)

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thanks you two believe it or not your words of encouragement really do help.

well today i popped my very first pill...eh.

had the worst day. my brother found out i ditched (because i drive and drove back home instead of going to school). o god he was such a jerk- out of nowhere- he starts saying it's because of my acne and 'cause i'm so insecure. no i'm starting to cry againnnnnnnnnnnn he made me feel so ugly. seriously, that's even why i've been ditching. like i don't want to show my face. i should have shouted back saying why then was i voted for prettiest girl in the senior poll, or why vogue magazine scouted me and wanted me. wouldn't matter, acne hit me harder now and none of that applies. he'd laugh i bet.

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Day 5

ehh...at least there's nothing horrible or anything that happened, but still i think i may be one of those who gets worse before better. damn i was hoping i wasn't. aside from the all the red marks, it seems like all my clogged pores decided to peek out, and it looks bumpy. i have maybe two active pimples, but geez i'm scared that those tiny bumps will decide to turn into ugly zits.

oh, n how could i forget, i'm oily. ew. like more than i was to begin with...and i was already oily to begin with! ha i wish i could be like others and take things lightly and be optimistic about this accutane journey, but truth is i'm worrying myself to shreds. i have to check in the mirror constantly to see if there's an improvement...i could swear it's making things worse.

p.s. i hate going around without makeup more than ever, i feel like everyone's thinking how bad i look.

lord help me

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cheer up! i know it's hard, but try your best not to think too much about it. If you do, you'll drive yourself crazy! maybe find a hobby or something to get your mind off of it, and if manage to do so, you'll find you are SO much happier! I spent years infront of the mirror pointing out flaws and hating myself, and it even led to a slight eating disorder. I got to the point where I stopped caring, and I was determined to live my life happy, and boy am I glad i did! I still look the same, but you know what, I'm happy now!

good luck!

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