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Okay. I know some of you might say "you don't even have anything to complain about!", or "I WISH I had your acne", but I seriously am to the point where I'm questioning if I want to go on in life if this problem persists.
I've always had acne since I could remember (pretty sure I had it as a fetus). From age 18-20 were markably the BEST years of my life, because I was put on Doxycycline and moved down to FL to go to school, and my skin was always bronzed and for the better part, pretty dayumn clear. I was diagnosed with Lyme disease last year, and was put on Ampicillin and alternating rounds of Minocycline and Azithromycin. Since I was taken off Doxy, my acne came back with a vengeance. That part, I'm okay with. But now EVERY G.D. zit leaves a mark, whether I pick at it or not. I used to be completely resilient to scarring, but now I have a couple new scars every WEEK.
Most of them are shallow pore scars, but then they connect and can create some rolling scars. My face is so oily (always has been) that I go through two of those 60-sheet oil blotting pad packs a week. Within 30 minutes my face is slick city...literally looks like the Exxon Valdez had an oil spill on my face. It's intolerable...but in combination with my huge pores and scarring, socially crippling and debilitating to my self esteem. All my friends have perfect skin. All but me. I can't see past my imperfections to see anything I like about myself anymore.
I know this is a sob story that's been told over and over, but I'm at the end of my rope. If I can't stop myself from scarring, I'm not sure I want to continue living.
Pic without makeup (very blurry, makes my skin look decent compared to what it really is):
With makeup:
I don't know what to do anymore...I'm 22 years old and the pores/scarring are getting so large they're starting to form distinct lines on my face.
Hi there, I know you didn't want to hear it but your skin is definitely pretty reasonable, if not perfect, and is definitely not worth considering suicide over! I have had large pores my whole life and when my acne isn't acting up it is pretty easy to cover with a little powder like you did and I am fine with that, but if it really bothers you (and I can understand the oiliness being bothersome as well) have you tried talking to a dermatologist or possibly an esthetician, they may be able to give suggestions as to how to tighten things up and reduce oiliness, I don't think you need any strong medication or anything at this point though for sure. Perhaps using some sort of alpha hydroxy acid cream or getting a facial peel done could help, I know those are supposed to help with minor scarring.
I know the oiliness seems horrible right now but I recently dealt with a skin condition on my face, kinda like an eczema type thing, that resulted in severely dry flaky skin that caused lines to form in my forehead and was impossble to cover up without it flaking everywhere! It was kind of a nightmare, only just getting resolved now, and every since then I have been so thankful for skin oils as weird as that sounds haha, they really do keep your skin looking young and supple for a much longer time, and make a good based for makeup etc. at least. I think you need to think about what is most important in your life and reach a point where so much of your happiness isn't tied up in your skin being perfect, there is much more to life than that!
Hey I have something a little similar. If u use a natural acid like salycilic or glycolic (haven't used but heard) you can definitely take care of these. I would go to an esthetician and talk about acid peels. you want to go to someone reputable obviously; I like aveda concept salons, they usually have good estheticians. Anyway, please don't get down about this, those marks are so shallow and very easily fixable, you just need to look into it and save up if necessary. In the mean time, I would use a salycillic acid product (I use 2%) once or twice a day and it increases skin cell turnover rate so that those marks will become shallower and dissappear. I would start now though and obviously find a good cleanser to get the existing acne under control. I love african black soap. And like you said, no picking. Even if you think it still scars, it's sooo much worse if you squeeze. I find if I don't pop whiteheads (easier when you don't have to be out in public a lot...) they dry up within a day or two and then a day after that it sort of falls off and is just a tiny blemish that leaves no mark. So much better than popping, which I have marks from. Lemme know if you have any more questions and best of luck, this is VERY manageable, and hey i always like to talk to counselors/therapists about this kind of stuff cuz the insecurities usually stem deeper than just your skin, if you're open to that it can really start to make you happier. xoxo
