I'm a 21 yr old African American female and my college graduation is in a few days butI'm thinking about not going. My skin is just too bad. I have a bunch of dark spots and hyperpigmentation all over my face. I dont have pimples as much as before. When I do, Its two three here and there. But they always leave dark spots behind. It's crazy because my skin wasn't always this terrible. I had dark spots yes but it wasnt something that couldnt be completely covered with drug store powder foundation and a teensy bit of concealer. It wasnt until I started to use proactiv, lured in by the numerous tv ads and promises of clear and sexy skin, and the finacea prescribed to me by my previousdermatologist, that the hyperpigmentation came to be. Suddenly, I could no longer cover up my imperfections as easily as before. Now, I had to cake my face with foundationfrom high endbrands I bought at Macys. Even then, you can see the dark spots and bumps and I would endup looking so cakey. I hate going outside, I hate going to school because I feel as though everyone is staring at my skin. This isnt some sort of Its all in your head kind of thing because they usually are. I dont enjoy wearing makeup anymore but its like Im afraid of being without it. I dont leave the house without makeup even if it is to go to the store a block away from my house. I feel trapped in my own body, a prisoner to my skin. I cant tell you how many times Ive wanted to say, f$#k it and go out without putting anything on my face, thats until I look in a mirror. I know people would stare if I do and thats what Im most afraid and embarrassed of. I cant tell you how many meetups Ive canceled with friends because I simply dread having to go outside and when I am outside, Im just wantto run home, hide underneath the covers and hide. The only people to see me barefaced are my parents and brothers. They tell me Im being too dramatic, that a lot of people have acne, that mine isnt so bad and will fade with time. But they dont understand. Theyve gotten used to seeing me like this. But I know what I see and feel whenever I look in the mirror. I feel like my skin is just too damaged that itll never get better. To me, this isnt something that time and patience alone can fix.

Ive tried St. Ives Scrubs, Mario Badescu glycolic acid cleanser, essential oils mixed with coconut oil, everything I can think of. Nothing seems to work. Ive considered seeing another dermatologist but I worry itll just cause more damage to my skin. I feel depressed all the time, angry, and uncomfortable in social settings, even if its in the company of friends. Just last week, I went to Macys to get matched for a foundation. Then, I was so determined to attend graduation and planning to learn how to apply my makeup better. The sales girl took off the foundation I had on when I came in and I was horrified when I looked in the mirror. Thatwas the first time Idbeen without makeup in public and could see what my bare face lookedlike in bright lighting. I started to cry to the point where the sales girl had to hug and comfort me; I felt so pathetic. Im tired, physically andemotionally. I dont know what else to do. I was thinking about going to MAC and having them do my makeup for me. But then, I have to buy $60.00 worth of product. Im askingmyself, Is thisreally worth it? For just one day? I dont think it is. I have this beautiful dress my mom had tailored for me. I appreciate and love her so much for that but whats the point of wearing such a gorgeous dress if my skin looks a mess? I hate myself and feel like such a selfish and inconsiderate brat because my parents are really looking forward to going. But I cant seem to summon up the courage to go to graduation. Id rather just stay in on that day.