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Hello--
After reading what feels like every single accutane log on here I've decided to also keep a log to track my progress (at least what I HOPE is progress) while on my course. I'm on Day 8 so far and not feeling too hot. I've been dealing with acne flare-ups since I was about 15 and I've tried just about everything, with some (albeit temporary) successes here and there. I was on the BCP, numerous versions actually, and saw months of clear, worry-free skin. But breakouts always returned with a vengeance, so then there was Bactrim which also worked like a charm--I think I got a solid half a year of clarity on my first dose, and when acne returned I was prescribed it again. However after round 3, the Bactrim surrendered and cysts found a pretty permanent home along my jawline. Then it was spironolactone--which seemed to prevent cysts for the most part but also introduced me to the sad horrors of tiny clogged pores in rows along my jawline and chin area (that really did numbers on my self-esteem when caught in certain lighting....) along with permanent pregnancy-terrors due to a complete absence of my period for 7 months. Not awesome.
Time was passing and it wasn't improving, and with the addition of a job (and boyfriend) that I love, and the rapid deterioration of my confidence I decided I really needed to do something drastic to regain my ability to look in the mirror, let alone look someone in the eye without wanting to cry.
So naturally, all roads led to accutane--and while my doctor kept insisting that it is a drug used for severe acne, she did admit that the persistence of my breakouts made this worth attempting.
I started out with about 3 medium-sized cysts on the sides of my chin, along my jawline, and one megacyst above my left eyebrow. Other than that i was relatively clear
...OR so I thought. Within the first 2 days I saw the cysts I had shrink in size. All but 1 have completely vanished (the eyebrow has a bit of a red mark as collateral damage) which at first had me cheering--but I am too familiar with the plight of the fellow accutaner to celebrate so quickly. Low and behold, a new horror appeared. I had clogged pores appearing on the sides of my chin that I did not even know existed. More than several, definitely a lot. While my forehead seems clearish, I can feel a few clogged pores waiting to surface, and while I haven't had acne around my nose in ages I can feel a few clogs around the sides, along with a strange soreness on the outside of my nose.
I have about 4 active cysts around my chin, and while certainly smaller than I have become used to seeing, they hurt just as badly and don't seem to be going ANYWHERE. My face has not looked this bad in a few months, but of course I'm trying to stay positive. Sadly, it's a little early for an IB so I'm working to just mentally prepare myself for things to get a lot worse...but as I'm sure most of you know, easier said than done.
I never had too much oil so I haven't seen any of those exciting changes that some people see, like the lack-of-shine or tightness. And my lips are, sadly, always kind of chapped so it's hard to give true perspective. I'm just telling myself it's still early to see improvements.
Though I have experienced headaches, and my scalp is DEFINITELY itchy.
Blah. I'm going to try to update this log while simultaneously not OBSESS over every new change. I've heard it's a roller coaster so I'm telling myself to just keep my eyes on the horizon....
Day 9 --
Creeping along. Nothing really new to report except that I've noticed something weird. The state of my face literally changes HOUR TO HOUR. I've read about similar things on other people's accutane logs...but it's still a weird thing to experience. I will go to the bathroom at some point during the day, and notice that an entire area that had been breaking out just that morning is now almost entirely clear, or a cyst that was rivaling Kilimanjaro is now almost flat, just a shadow of the soreness left behind....But then on the flip side, things that were small will randomly explode in a matter of hours too...or those shrinking cysts will decide to return to their previous monstrosities later in the day.
My lips aren't really that dry -- but I've surprisingly developed a cut in the corner of my mouth that hurts pretty badly. I have this weird hatred for aquafor (can't really be explained, I know people SWEAR by it) but I use Lucas' Papaw Ointment in the winter and it's amazing so I guess it's time to whip that out.
Was at work until pretty late last night working on election night stuff and it would have actually been pretty fun and exciting if i wasn't feel so self-conscious. I was up for work at 4am, and home around midnight and sadly no makeup lasts that long. Just really looking forward to the days that I don't have to spend so much time worrying about what I look like and just focus on doing a good job. It's not really something anyone else understands, but I almost feel like I spend more time fighting back tears than anything else in my day. Really over it. 
Good luck on your treatment!
I definitely understand what you mean about being tired of always being cautious of how you look and worrying about it, I feel the same. Especially with make up. Most of my friends have perfect skin and I hate feeling like I can't be seen without a full face of makeup or always worrying is it blotchy or looking weird. It really does affect your productivity. Sometimes I wonder too what I could accomplish if I just spent less time being paranoid over how I look, it doesn't feel healthy.
Just hang in there! It's tough now, but it will be so nice when those troubles are gone!
THANKKK YOU Stephaniesabine -- Good luck to you too!
I couldn't agree more with everything you said. The feeling of looking in the mirror is awful -- but I definitely don't make it any easier on myself by obsessing over it constantly. Just can't really help it.
I hope everything is going well with you so far! I saw the pictures you posted on your log -- you are so brave, but also SO BEAUTIFUL.
good luck!
Day 11-
No real milestone here but I thought I'd update more as a distraction for myself than anything else. Feeling pretty down. It's Friday and I'm finally done with work, and this time always reminds me how excited I would be, when I wasn't breaking out like crazy, to make weekend plans. Now I'm just relieved to have two whole days at home that don't include awkward social interactions with my coworkers.
Things are in a weird state right now. I have a few newly developing cysts on my chin, that brings the actives up to about 7. And on top of that I have what I THINK are a bunch of very tiny cysts. I know what I would be thinking if I read that on someone else's log....something along the lines of "if they were cysts, TRUST ME you would know for sure." But if there's one thing I've learned it's that things get real weird on this drug, and none of my old acne patterns apply. What Im experience are very hard, slightly painful, bumps. They're like cysts in pretty much every way except they really feel like little rocks are sitting under the surface, instead of the kind of spread-out VERY sore mountainy welts that I'm used to getting. These, like most of my cysts, are also not coming to a head. And no amount of applied pressure or picking (yes, I know I'm not supposed to!....I'm working on it, I promise) seems to produce any signs of progress. I have almost NO white heads. Doesn't really seem like too much is getting pushed to the surface like a lot of people describe. Just more cysts than usual, and peely sides of my nose. Like others have described, the parts of my face that actually AREN'T covered in bumps are soooo smooth. If there ever comes a day that the entirety of my face feels this way I feel like I just won't even know what to do. Ugh--fingers crossed.
Other than itchy scalp, and a cut in the corner of my mouth I haven't really noticed very much dryness. I was never too oily to begin with, so it's hard to measure this. But even if I put the tiniest amount of moisturizer after my shower at night and none in the morning I don't ever really feel dried out at all. Granted, it is still early I suppose.
One possible sign of drying out is my itchy calves. Sounds funny but I swear it must mean SOMETHING associated with accutane because all day my shins itch, and when I get in the shower they itch even more! I upgraded my body moisturizer and doubling my routine so we'll see if it improves.
Taking this drug is the weirdest thing in some ways. I wake up some mornings and even though my reflection is certainly NOT anything to cheer about I'll have these moments of optimism. Like my brain has switched into hopeful mode and I seem to only notice the (very tiny possibly nonexistent) signs of improvement, and I'll think "this isn't so bad! Things are looking great!" I'll even start thinking (way too hopefully) that maybe I'll even be clear by Thanksgiving, and I won't have to keep dodging family member's awkward questions about whether I've considered making changes to my diet....UGH!!!! But then, all of a sudden, it's like the switch gets flipped and I'm CERTAIN it's getting so much worse, and I just knowwww I'm going to be one of those cases where my body just doesn't respond, and I'll be in this same spot in 6 months.
In those moments it's really helped me to read some of the other logs on here. Reading about how happy people are now that they're finishing up their course really makes me so happy, and also gives me hope for my own situation.
And I guess I should focus on the positives! Forehead is (kinddddaaa) all the way clear. For now. (Sorry I couldn't hold back that pessimistic caveat....hopefully my positivity strengthens over time?)
If anyone is reading, hope you have a great weekend!
Day 14 -- so officially 2 weeks!
Things are pretty much the same. I spent the weekend at home so I could give my skin a few days to breathe without makeup, which really means I spent the weekend avoiding mirrors, baking a lot of pies, and watching endless episodes of Gilmore Girls on Netflix.
I think I'm drying out a bit more. My lips are been pretty cracked, so I've had to up my lip balm usage. Also, the outside of my nose has been peeling.
I guess that's exciting.
The thing I'm most worried about are all of these clogged pored that I've had for a WHILE and just seem to go nowhere. I have a lot of them right under my lip on both sides of my mouth--They're very deep, and before I started accutane I always knew they were there, but you couldn't really see them unless I stretched the skin on my chin. Then it was like WOAH. At least 20 hard little white dots too deep to purge, and excruciatingly painful if i tried.
Now they're pretty prominent. I can obviously cover them up with make-up but I feel them when i run my finger over that area and it makes me want to scream. AND i have more appearing along my jaw-line. I guess one can make the argument that they are far better than cysts--but in my experience, these suckers do not go gently into the night. I want them out, but I'm worried each one is going to explode into a huge painful zit, which would leave my chin an uncoverable MESSSS. And I really need to get my picking under control before that happens. because right now, I am sucking at it. It's really like I cannot learn -- I have SUCH a hard time leaving a whitehead on my face. Even though I've messed with them and paid the price over and over this week.
Overall, my face is a MESS. It's easily the worst I have ever seen it.
But I do think that my cysts have shrunk significantly. I still have about 4 on my chin, but they're not even really painful welts anymore...they're just those annoying bumps that are left behind when I actually resist draining them...which has ALWAYS lead me to believe that I'm better off trying to pop cysts (by any gruesome means possible) because, at least in my experience, I've never really had a cyst go completely away on it's own...even if it disappears on the surface, I always have a little tiny lump left behind which leaves me in constant terror that it will reemerge with a vengeance.
STILL -- evidence that I shouldn't pick is staring me literally between my eyes. My forehead looks like crap right now and it's all my own fault. I picked at tiny little things, and now they're bright red spots. I had a realllllly persistent (but tiny) clogged pore right between my eyes and I murdered it, and now it's a really painful scab that is really not easy to cover up. SO I SHOULDN'T PICK, and I know this
BLAH.
SO I guess Day 14 has brought:
-Shrinking cysts
-more emerging clogged pores -- pretty much no pattern...just EVERYWHERE
-drier lips, nose
-itchy scalp/legs
-SOFT hand and back. the skin on my shoulders is like a baby's ass
-veiny hands-- this may be a weird thing to list, but i've just noticed that I can see SO MANY MORE veins in my hands...not painful, just weird.
-headaches seem to have faded!
-very sore back, esp in the night. When I change position it's like i feel all of my bones resetting or something...or if i'm sitting then stand up, my lower back is -like screaming, but then it fades after a few moments.
Day 16
Trying not to get my hopes up, because I know that on accutane good skin days come and go for a while at the beginning, but my face is definitely showing signs of improvement. All of my previous cysts have shrunk, some entirely but most just to tiny little painless lumps, Last night while I was washing my face I felt some serious swelling under the skin on my lower left cheek which I recognized as the warning sign of a very large and painful cyst to come, but then this morning I think I see signs that it has broken into 2 medium-sized zits, and the tissue around them is significantly less swollen as compared to yesterday. Last night I just put some neosporin on it and prayed to the acne gods to let this one pass. I won't get off entirely unscathed, but so far (fingers crossed. and toes) it seems the damage might at least be minimal--great news considering this sucker had potential to be nuclear.
Still have a lot of tiny bumps along my jawline, and clogged pores under my bottom lip on both sides of my mouth but i have DEFINITELY noticed these are getting smaller in number. Slowly but surely. The area on my cheeks right near the sides of my nose is also not great. One or two small, but VERY persistent hard bumps that I've sadly gone overboard trying to eradicate, so the collateral damage is not cute. But all in all I do think things are trending towards improvement.
But I know I am still SO early in this process, and based on all of the accutane logs I have read on here I still really have a long way to go before things actually start to look better, so I really should just be mentally preparing myself for another AWFUL week like last week.
I especially think I have the worst ahead of me because I really am NOT having a lot of the excessive drying out that everyone else has had. My scalp was VERY dry and itchy the last 2 weeks, but it's kind of stopped now. My hands are slightly dryer than usual, and the same with my lips. Because of this I am still using the St. Ives Green Tea scrub. it isn't very drying but there is salicylic acid in it. I don't even really moisturize except a little under my eyes. I'm not oily, but im just really not dry either. I do also use the Algenist Algae Brightening Mask about once a week. It was sent to me for free at work, and I really don't know if I'd actually spend $59.00 on product....But it does make my face feel very soft and moisturized.
sigh...here's hoping.
Day 21-- end of week 3
I officially have not had any new cysts in 6 days. The old ones either ended up shrinking or kind of draining on their own. Pretty crazy. I still am getting a few sore spots along the edge of my jaw but they're literally 1/100th of the size and usually fade within a day or two. The annoying thing is that I can see where these zits are going to show up before they do, because they're clogged pores that I've had forever but are just emerging slowly every day. Like my forehead is completely clear, except I can see very slight almost microscopic clogged pores, three of them in a descending line, that have so far decided to emerge, then pop one by one. Still have two left to go. And then same story under my lip. My chin is actually kind of a mess from the slow one-by-one emergence of these spots. But they each seem to disappear pretty quickly.
So for right now I just have about 3 active spots that look a lot redder and more irritated than they actually are. Now I just feel like I'm in the process of a serious purge. No cysts (at least it seems) but about one or two small pimples appear randomly each day. But like I said, they don't seem to be coming out of nowhere--I can usually see a small clogged pore under the skin and then I just wait for it to become something.
Also--blackheads. I've actually never had these before, so I'm kind of nervous about what to expect. They are SOOO tiny I actually don't know when they appeared because it's possible I just didn't notice them at all. There's a few on each side if my nose, plus a few on top. But they're smaller than the head of a pin. Do these just disappear on their own, or should I expect them to become inflamed? Should I use one of those blackhead remover strips? I've heard people say they can rip off the top layer of skin while on accutane but I've also read about some people using them with great success....
The condition of my skin is pretty weird. It's technically clearer than it's been in a while--but all of my old dark marks and bumps look a lot more pronounced. But I'm not really dry at all. Maybe slightly more than normal but I'm not even sure that's unique for this time of year for me. My lips are also a tiny bit peely, but no serious dryness. My scalp has even stopped itching for the most part. I am DEFINITELY experiencing back pain though. It's gotten pretty bad. Whenever I stand up, or lie down I feel some serious discomfort in my lower back. I've heard people suggest fish oil--maybe I'll give it a try.
Derpface, thanks for the heads up. My doctor told me to stick to lighter face washes since I won't be producing much oil while on accutane--but I was never really very oily at all. Plain water won't really help to get the makeup off, but I think you're probably right in that it's better to go easy on my skin for now. I'm cutting back on the exfoliating washes at least a little, but so far I haven't really seen any excessive drying out at all.
Hope everyone else is doing well!
Ugh I have officially learned my lesson. DO NOT PICK AT THE SMALL THINGS BECAUSE THEY WILL FIGHT BACK.
Day 23 I think.
Everything was actually going REALLY well. Forehead was clear -- cheeks were clear -- a few small bumps along my jaw line, but not too hard to cover, and nothing terrible. But those small deep clogged pores underneath my bottom lip on each side of my mouth were bugging the SHIT out of me. you couldn't even really see them in most lights--no discoloration really at all...just the texture. I couldn't STAND IT. It bugged me so much that I convinced myself if I took a really hot shower opened all my pores, that I could maybe clear a few of them out with a little convincing. Well, after about 10 minutes of painful inspecting and relatively light squeezing, I realized they were going NOWHERE. So i just went to bed.
WELL, WELL, WELL. I was paid back 100-fold. I now have 3 large PAINFUL lumps on each side of my chin. and that skin right under your lips is SO painful. There is no covering these suckers--they are large. No head to any of them--just painful swollen cyst-like bumps. I'm so mad. I'm mad at myself, and I'm really just sad. I was just feeling so good at how everything else was going away, but these things were just not budging, and I went and made them a million times worse. and the pain is the worst. Even just opening my mouth hurts. and right before Thanksgiving. Blah.
I have my 1-month appointment with my Derm tomorrow, even though it'll be 4 days shy of a month. Was really hoping I'd be further along by now But I know this is a long road. Hoping she won't up my dosage...Right now my side-effects aren't bad at all (besides the back pain) and I'm really hoping to keep it that way as long as possible.
Have you tried fish oil? I find that it helps A LOT. It eases the back pain and its only at the end of the day that my back feels uncomfortable. Just go about your day! Think of it this way, you still got big bumps before accutane, right? Its fine that you're getting them now! Plus, you're at day 23 only! I'm almost at day 50 and it FINALLY feels like things are getting better. Who knows, tomorrow, my chin might act up. I do have an active pimple on my chin. It hurts but whatever, right? My skin (i feel like) is way better than it was before I took accutane. One day, you'll wake up and be like whoa!
Stay strong! We are here for you! Hehe
Plus, lip balm will be here for you too, you need to have it by your side at all time!
Thanks skaims-- I will definitely try fish oil capsules ASAP. Hope it helps because it's a pretty annoying side-effect. And I just saw my dermatologist yesterday and she's bumping me up to 60mgs for the rest of my course (5 more months). She's really happy with the progress, but says she thinks I should be getting as much in my system as I can in my course to reduce the risk of a relapse. I'm extremely nervous -- I really REALLY don't want another break out like I had when I first started at 40mgs, and I've heard most people do experience another IB when they up their dosage. But even more worrying is the increase in side-effects. I haven't been experiencing too much dryness, but the headaches and back pain have both been pretty bad, and I don't want them to get worse. And my scalp just finalllllly stopped itching like crazy. UGHHH. But I guess I have to suck it up because I don't want to stay on 40mgs and not end up getting the best effects. If I'm experiencing any uncomfortable side effects at all, I might as well get the full benefits of the drug. Fingers crossed that it won't be too bad
I think this is Day 25--so I have 5 more 40mg tablets left.
I think I'll start the 60 tablets on the 28th, a day later so that I can at least have thanksgiving break at home without the first day adjustment.
One bit of good news--I had my blood drawn yesterday, and I just got the call that the results came back normal, and they've already confirmed me in iPledge so it seems like this whole refill process might be a bit easier than I anticipated. I guess I'll just go answer the iPledge questions today and pick up my new prescription sometime in the next few days, but it's nice to have a buffer period with extra pills from my first prescription still left.
The cysts on the sides of my chin have shrunk a little bit. Last night I only had one active left only right side, but it was the largest bump I've ever had in my life. This morning it kind of oozed when I washed my face, and I think I got most of it out guess I can't be sure though.
A few small cysts keep popping up on my chin every day which is getting annoying. Just want a few days with nothing new
Day 33 (3rd day on 60mgs)
Things are not looking good. Can't even really blame it on the upped dosage because I was breaking out pretty badly even before that. Have two humongous cysts on my chin and then a bunch of inflamed clogged pores. A few tiny bumps on my cheeks but just an overall bad look to my face.
Day 36 --
Feeling sad. I'm still certain I made the right decision to start this drug, and I'm thankful for even the hope of improvement, but I just feel tired and head-achey and self-conscious and oddly fuzzy-brained. Blah. Really hate to be negative, because I would hate to say something discouraging or dissuasive for all those people out there who are so unsure of what to do but feel as helpless as I did...It's really not as terrible as I had feared. It's really just impatience on my end I guess. I would say though, the headache struggle is real. I had really bad ones for the first week and a half when I first started, and now that I'm at 60mgs it seems they are back. It's a weird headache too -- like sharp but very internal. Like little needles in my brain. Perhaps I'm not drinking enough. And the back pain is really just irritating. It's pretty concentrated between my shoulder blades, and recently right at my tailbone. Hurts if I sit for an extended period of time. Everything else is just little stuff--i feel irritable, and just not very present. But I felt that way during really bad break-outs too so who knows. Certainly nothing unmanageable. Just overall don't feel like myself.
Things are definitely drying out now. I think today is the end of week 5. So I've been on 60mgs now for a week i guess? Things kind of semi-exploded within the first 3 or 4 days, and they're just now starting to kind of flatten out. I have like 3 smallish cysts right now -- 2 of which are on my cheeks, where I usually never get anything. The two spots on the sides of my chin, right under my lips are both still a MESS. Just clusters of closed comedones on each side, and they used to be mainly invisible. Could only see them when I stretched the skin. But they've all gotten a LOT more noticeable, and are really taking their sweet time actually emerging. But if anyone that is reading this has the same problem while taking accutane please please do me a favor and just leave them alone. I know they feel gross and in certain lighting they make me want to scream/punch something but I've actually noticed that they are just DISAPPEARING in the little cluster on my left side , but I messed with the right side--trying to push them out, and they've just gotten worse. a few actually turned into nasty painful VERY protrusive cysts, that really still haven't left entirely. and the others are just so sore, and STUCK.
I'm realizing this sad truth: I was feeling so helpless when the somewhat manageable acne I had become used to dealing with started getting much worse, right before I started accutane, and I really told myself that I was MORE than willing to endure 6 months of the worst skin of my life in exchange for even just one year of perfectly clear skin. And it is true. But also...deep down I think I had this secret optimism that I wasn't even aware of, that fostered this idiotic hope that I would maybe just be one of those lucky ones that would see a marked turn-around in the first few weeks. I'd never say it out-loud or even really admit to myself, but it must have been a hope I was holding on to pretty strongly--because I'm really feeling scared and disappointed that things aren't much better now. In fact, they're probably still in that state where things are actually a little bit worse than before I ever started. But then again, maybe not. I should have taken pictures for this very purpose but obviously I was too sad to even have those pictures exist in the universe somewhere. I really should have. I'll start now probably.
I know it takes time--I'm not really losing hope. Just really wish it would hurry up.
Thinking about being able to wake up, splash my face, even just wear foundation without tons of concealer or powder, and just go about my day without checking a mirror a thousand times (or depending on the day desperately avoiding every reflective surface in the world) makes me want to cry tears of joy. Or the idea of not having to carry around concealer and powder in my purse everywhere I go. Or not having to talk myself into going out and doing things with friends because I'm having a bad breakout, like avoiding swimming pools, or water parks, or sitting near the window in restaurants because of the lighting....blah. the list really goes on and on. Just fingers crossed that day actually comes.
Okay sorry for the whole rant. I know I should keep my chin up. I'm really just telling myself to get through this day by day. Maybe by day 50 things will look up? 14 more days?
Hope this wasn't too much of a downer post. Just feeling frustrated.
to Kimber607 and derpface -- thank you. When things feel particularly shitty, it's really nice to know someone else is on here feeling the same way. GOOD LUCK to both of you. we're getting there, day by day.
Day 43 --
So, things have weirdly really changed. Obviously still not perfect...but so much better. I did something a little bizarre and basically stopped moisturizing. I think this only really worked because I'm pretty dry, but not like SAHARA dry. I have been using neosporin after I wash my face at night on some of the bigger spots I had left, but i tried not to use too much. I found that if I didn't really moisturize the night before, I would wake up and a lot of the spots that had been developing the day before would literally flake off. I'm not even sure if the lack of lotion actually had anything to do with it...but while I have some more flakiness than I'm used to, I currently have no active spots on my face. Maybe one or two small ones under the surface...but nothing big at all. I mean, it's not like a perfectly smooth surface or anything, but it's the closest I've been in MONTHS. I know things will probably flare up again at some point. But for right now things are pretty good....so fingers SERIOUSLY crossed.
Hope everyone is doing well 
Great to hear!
I just wanted to jump in to say even though it is against the grain I feel like moisturizing not at all or very little works for me
My skin has always hattttted moisture...every moisturizer broke me out.EVERY one
I was so oily I didnt really need it but everyone would say u had to moisturize anyway but it didnt work for me
I started using moisturizer when I started tane and began to get new spots DAILY in places I never broke out before
So for 3 days, on tane, I didn't moisturize and I didnt get ONE new spot
Im not saying it is for everyone and maybe down the line I will have no options
but for now I moisturize a LITTLE, 1/2 pea, once a day
I have gone a day or 2 and If I get tight ill moisturize again only where needed
GL
Kim