First, anyone who says 'keratinous lighthouse' is awesome.

Second, glad to hear about your flaking! Lol!

I have been so lazy about my eyebrows. I used to pluck and trim and take very careful care of their shape and neatness. Now I just can't sit by a mirror that long without getting sad. So on top of my acne, I have fuzzy caterpillars above my eyes, aimlessly wandering freely about.

Glad you made it through the meeting. Lights are killer. I got moved to a classroom with no natural light this year, and at first I was mad, but now I am glad. And I dim them every chance I get. "Mood lighting!" Just don't make me go to the staffroom. It is all windows and has NO mercy.

Also, CAPITALS are integral, although I have often found it problematic in writing that you cannot capitalize 'I' meaningfully. Random thought alert.

Happy New Year! I wish you a good year, with clearing skin, and renewed confidence.

DAY 16-20 Pent-a-whammy!!!!!

happy NEW CLEAR everyone!!!!!!!

Day 16 (31/12/13) and upon awakening, rushed to engage in a face off with Frenemy (most will refer to this as looking in mirror). Frenemy generally hates me and I, her. I think she's two faced and she believes I'm a poor reflection of humanity. So my face was like a fried egg with dessicated coconut sprinkled as a garnish atop. Bemusing. The one thing I noticed: The fried egg had been cooked by someone on a post festive indulgence calorie controlled diet, as the oil was significantly less than normal. I do love coconut! but not when it's made of epidermis, sigh. All, and I MEAN ALL, spots had flattened, none of the battalion was on active duty!!!! Peace for Christmas, this is what we want!! It was JOYOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As this was New Year's Eve, I went out that night for dinner celebrations. For me it was really face celebrations. The location was amazing!!!!!!!!!!! The lighting was sooooooooooooo soft!!!! Hello darkness my old friend!!!! Coupled with my battalion's camouflage makeup I think I looked nice!!!!!!!!! THAT WAS HUGE. Acne has made me LOATHE my appearance for sooooo long . "Not totally hideous" are generally my good days. I looked in the mirror in the ladies room at the place, and my makeup wasn't dripping off my chin. I LOOKED NORMAL, so I felt abnormally AMAZINGGGGGGG. I stared for a long time. I felt very emotional.

Day 17: New Year's Day: Woke up with what felt like an ALMIGHTY HANGOVER. As I don't drink alcohol, I began to get curious as to why my head was POUNDING THE RHYTHM OF HELL. Hell keeps good time. The use of my brain to generate further curiosity caused even more pain. Economies of scale and scaling skin told me to stop, my brain was broke and thought processed could cost me my frontal lobe. Later I realised that the day previous, I hadn't imbibed the usual 400000 gallons of water through my newly developed gills (accutanic evolutionary adaptation if ever it was required). On reflection, Frenemy had slightly changed her opinion on me. I looked ok!!!!!!!!!! Skin very clear!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just knobbly and so roughhhhh to touch. But I'm not a cat and I don't need stroked. I attacked some knobbly pores and wow. Some of the crap was brown! I think it had been in there for years. They shot out with such force and determination and flew for miles!!!!!!!! This was the parachute regiment of the battalion. They obviously didn't get the ceasefire memo. Others appeared to be hungover and lazily spiralled and stumbled out of the pores for what seemed like metres!!!! The length of the crap was crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was sort of scared about scarring, but squeezing is addictive!!!!!!!!! Post pore purge, an articulated vehicle could be driven through the HOLES. This scared the crap out of me. I won't do that again. Later that day, my left eyelid became swollen. I had worn contact lenses (BAD BAD!!!! 20:20 is hindsight) the night before and spent all day rubbing my dry eyes. So red, so sore. But my skin looks GOOD!!!!!!!!!!! An eye for an eye. Day 18-20 have been spent literally EATING genetics and biodiversity textbooks. Exams start on the 13th. Dry, peely skin hasn't hung around but it's flaky like that. Oil isn't here either. Batallion absent. I'm in no man's land and kind of looking over my shoulder, but CONTENT. My main priority at the minute are these exams, no matter what. Bones are aching, but logic assigns this to the terrible posture I'm assuming for 10 hours study per day. I want to do so well in these exams!!!!!!!!! I love university so much and I'm excited that with my skin improving I can really be a part of it without fear and self hatred. I think I'm getting hopeful!!!!!!!!! Nothing compares to that feeling. With my acquired genetics knowledge, I hope to one day personally isolate the gene causing acne (most likely recessive, because it's a cowardly loser), magnify it to a grand scale and give it a huge kick in the balls from us all. I also had a minor nose bleed. When I say "nose bleed", I mean two drops. Yes, I am a drama queen. I liked it though, it was as if Accutane was like heyyyy, just thought I'd drop by. Hope everyone else getting on well

I can't seem to reply directly to anyone's posts tonight. Kim and Jess: We've got this!!!!!!!! This is our year!!! Even if we have unibrows!!!!!!!!!!!! Embrace the caterpillar, because soon we will be BUTTERFLIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hope you both are getting on great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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• MultiQuo

Hey rob great to hear from you. I totally identify with your skin and all your feelings. I empathise with you completely!! I had gotten so, so low. I was devastated at what my existence had been for so long due to acne. ExCYSTence really! I was hiding from life. That takes so much effort too, it's draining!!! My main emotions were sadness and helplessness and total and utter hopelessness. I had a hole in my soul. The week leading up to my first appointment, I was anxious. I also alternated between excitement and anger at my audacity to entertain the notion that something could bring relief to the relief map of my face. I guess the bottom line emotion that pushed me forward was a residual, desperate hope. I just thought life isn't meant to be this cruel all the time. The day before, I was HYPER. I was like "acne you total and utter dick! You sly, greasy, lurking stalker, you are about to be annihilated one pus filled hillock at a time!!!" So far things have been really positive. Hope has grown in my mind and he's brought his friend "thoughts of a future" with him (FYI she's posh, that's why she has a triple barrelled name). It's leaving little room for the other emotions at the minute. It's so lovely. They are lurking like little creeps in the alleyways of my consciousness , but I'm sticking to the main streets at the minute. I'm not going to get mugged. I wish you all the best!!! Much happiness and contentment. Please let me know how things go for you. Also about the initial breakout, I just said to myself "it's better to go to prison for a few weeks than to spend my whole life there for a crime I didn't commit" FREEDOM AWAITS

Hi ciaraki,

Sounds like things are going well for you. That's awesome - you deserve it! Your first few sentences could sum up the last 10 years of my life. I am 2 months into my third course of tane. I gotta work on that hope thing. Having had it for so long and relapsing after 2 courses of tane has me convinced it's helpless and hopeless. I'm on a lower dose this time so I'm even more pescimistic about that working, but figured I should try a different route as 2 standard courses did not put me into remission.

Wishing you continued improvement and success with your course.

JJ

BTW you are an extremely talented writer - you have a great way with words.

Yay! I am sooooo glad you killed the oilies - one step closer to TOTAL REMISSION! Yay!

I wish I could focus on school right now. What are your exams for? I am trying desperately to finish my Masters, but it has pretty much been on hold since this began. Alas. I'm glad to know you are on the case to solve acne, though, I have an uncanny absolute faith in your abilities as a geneticist.

Hey JJ! Still can't seem to quote people on here and it's actually quite funny, I was studying "defining plagiarism" in the middle of the night for my exams. I didn't think any reference to study could illicit an amused eyeroll in me, but I'm rolling with it!!

Thanks also JJ for your kind words, I appreciate it! I wish you total clarity of skin and mind!!!! I hadn't heard of low dose before joining this site, then proceeded to google-ise the life out of it. It seems a great way to go!!! I think I had initial preconceptions about protracted recovery etc, but the accounts of people taking it are extremely inspiring!!!! I'd love to be on a low maintenance dose after this course! [Makes L shape with hand] - Low dose FO' LIFE- I'm going to be the first Irish rapper (what a juxtaposition in terms!) on this subject. I think it's a road less travelled, especially in the UK (my location) but I think it seems a great way of ensuring you get to stay at your destination.

About the HOPE! We both know that hope can be so painful and most heartbreaking when it's smashed over and over again. I guess if someone kept breaking your windows, you'd get tired of replacing them and board them up. But we don't deserve to live in darkness, we don't!! Look out your window, even if the glass is cracked, or gone and it rains in on you. If the window of hope is still there, there's still a way out!!! Wishing you all the best!!!!!!!

Kim! I'm studying Zoology! This is my second time at university. The first time was when I was 17. I did three years of medicine but I didn't complete the course due to the acne: depression, anxiety and severe eating disorder stemming from. A doctor that sick couldn't have helped anyone else!! Good luck with the Masters! Don't stress that it's on hold. Once you are in remission, everything will fall into order. Completing your masters will be the final step . The Jigsaw of Life is a puzzle, that's for sure. I think soon, we will no longer have to bend the pieces to fit. No more mosaics! I prefer Scrabble anyway!!!

Ciara!

I can so relate to your University experience! I SHOULD have dropped out the first time - acne totally ruined my grade point average! I barely scraped through, avoiding everything I could. Afterward I missed university so much, I dared to go back. About halfway through my second degree (music), I did my first round of Accutane and it COMPLETELY CHANGED EVERYTHING. Suddenly my grades were stupendous, and I could get up and play that piano in front of people like a maniac! I went on to my education degree and WON THE GOLD MEDAL. So I went from almost failing to tops of the class. That is how much of a difference acne makes in one's life. What a fucker.

Love that you are doing so great!

Happy days ahead!

I posted a reply a couple of days ago but for some reason it didn't save. Anywho. To quote Red from The Shawshank Redemption, "Hope is a dangerous thing". Still I can't help but hope a little. If not for remission (third time's a charm so people say), then I hope I can find a dose that's low enough to take continuously as a maintenance dose whilst keeping the acne at bay.

Good luck with your exams (and skin!)

Hey JJ! Still can't seem to quote people on here and it's actually quite funny, I was studying "defining plagiarism" in the middle of the night for my exams. I didn't think any reference to study could illicit an amused eyeroll in me, but I'm rolling with it!!

Thanks also JJ for your kind words, I appreciate it! I wish you total clarity of skin and mind!!!! I hadn't heard of low dose before joining this site, then proceeded to google-ise the life out of it. It seems a great way to go!!! I think I had initial preconceptions about protracted recovery etc, but the accounts of people taking it are extremely inspiring!!!! I'd love to be on a low maintenance dose after this course! [Makes L shape with hand] - Low dose FO' LIFE- I'm going to be the first Irish rapper (what a juxtaposition in terms!) on this subject. I think it's a road less travelled, especially in the UK (my location) but I think it seems a great way of ensuring you get to stay at your destination.

About the HOPE! We both know that hope can be so painful and most heartbreaking when it's smashed over and over again. I guess if someone kept breaking your windows, you'd get tired of replacing them and board them up. But we don't deserve to live in darkness, we don't!! Look out your window, even if the glass is cracked, or gone and it rains in on you. If the window of hope is still there, there's still a way out!!! Wishing you all the best!!!!!!!

Kim! I'm studying Zoology! This is my second time at university. The first time was when I was 17. I did three years of medicine but I didn't complete the course due to the acne: depression, anxiety and severe eating disorder stemming from. A doctor that sick couldn't have helped anyone else!! Good luck with the Masters! Don't stress that it's on hold. Once you are in remission, everything will fall into order. Completing your masters will be the final step . The Jigsaw of Life is a puzzle, that's for sure. I think soon, we will no longer have to bend the pieces to fit. No more mosaics! I prefer Scrabble anyway!!!

Day 25 (I think)

LADS!!!!!!!!!! HELP!!!

I am FLUSHING. Like crazy. My head is a hot tomato. My hands from the base of fingers to the tips look like fat, red sausages, and above that, deathly white. My heart is trying to kick a hole in my chest and I'm lying down. It is a little bit scary. I also feel dizzy, even when lying down. Can someone let me know if this is normal?? If it passes and is nothing serious, even though it's scary I'm totally cool with it. it's been happening for around an hour now. Started just after my dinner. I had soup. I'm sure that's not relevant! Happened last night but for about 2 mins and I didn't realise what it was, I thought it was stress from study. My hands have also within the space of half an hour become completely reptilian. Information/comfort/new circulatory system would be much appreciated. My legs are hot too, but I'm afraid to look at them to see what colour they are!!! What if they are purple or something. Too dizzy to write more.

Hey - Just saw this post. Are you okay? I wasn't feeling my best today, either, but nothing like you described. I know headaches are pretty normal, but if it gets any worse please call the doctor! If anything, they'll just tell you it is normal and then you can go back to just aching instead of aching AND worrying!

Please let us know how this goes!

AND - welcome to the scaly hands club!

Ciara, how are you? Are your hands swelling too? I hope this passes, but if it hasn't, you should probably call a doctor, and find out what is going on! I wish I had seen this earlier too!

Hiii guys! How is everyone doing?

I have officially been on the Roaccutane for just under 2 months. I was back to work this week after 2 weeks off over Christmas ..I swear I dream every night these days about stroking my hands down smooth beautiful cheeks and over a smooth flat chin ...then I wake up and reality hits and I realise ..the acne, the spots, the flat, open red sores are still there.

Roaccutane is definitely working. I saw my derm on Monday and she said if looks good and I've been put up to 40mg.. Unfortunately this week I've had an operation and been stressed meaning skin has broken out meaning me, being the muppet that I am, have scratched and clawed and now I'm (yet again) left with open wounds that I can't stop touching.

The picking for me just never bloody stops!!!

Ciara I have dizzy spells but not the hot flushers you have experienced - really hope you're okay.

Keep blogging. Very supportive!!

XX

A little worried and hoping for an update soon!

How are you feeling, Ciara? I can't imagine the stress of all those exams PLUS this whole journey - crossing fingers and toes that you are feeling better.

A little worried and hoping for an update soon!

How are you feeling, Ciara? I can't imagine the stress of all those exams PLUS this whole journey - crossing fingers and toes that you are feeling better.

Hey Kim! I'm ok and I'll try and get on later tonight to do an update. Exams start Monday! Aaahhhhhh. No more major flushing but heartbeat bit erratic and dizzy. Psychotic amounts of studying have a role to at there too. Have you had any flushing? I am following all your posts and Jess' when my phone beeps I drop textbooks quickly and read. My acne and I are still with you all in in spirit and sebum. Hope all is well!

Hi ladies & gents..!!

I just read this log and felt inspired to log in and share my experience! I am a 40 (yes FORTY!) yr old female from the UK. I have suffered from acne from 11 years old. Dianette cleared it up when I was 15 and most of my twenties I was largely clear skinned but it started creeping back in my thirties and unfortunately now my hormones are changing again it has come back with a vengeance. What a lovely 40th birthday pressie! Oh my lord Ciara I so get what you are saying about the oil, I would have to wash my hair daily because you could fry an egg in my hair. My face was one big slick..Anyways after the doc confirmed I have exhausted every possible treatment option I was referred to a derm and prescribed roaccutane. I am only on 20mg a day and haven't really had any side effects (apart from the dry lips!!! ) I am on my tenth week and still break out along my jaw but the breakouts are far less severe than before. My acne was never really severe but it was cystic and I constantly had 3 or so painful nodular type 'thingys' that took weeks to go..

I think I am the oldest on here by far so just wanted to say I think that its great that you folks are tackling this while you are young! I know accutane isn't always a 'cure' but I have spent so much of my life being bloody miserable over my skin. Honestly its dictated so much. I insisted I had my wedding in cyprus so if I had a breakout I would have a tan! Its ridiculous really but it has affected me so much more this time around. My husband thinks I am barmy but I think it takes an acne sufferer to really understand how it feels. I got a bit dysmorphic over the whole thing , running to the mirror like a loony everytime I felt another throb or itch on my face.

I am trying get a grip and get on with my life and to stop obsessing - and also to stop obsessing about every possible accutane side effect! Unfortunately when you get down its easy to start obsessing over all the bad news and ignore the good news!

Lets do this together and if I can support in anyway I am more than happy to help. I am an acne lifer !!! Good luck to you all!! x

Hey, Ciara hope your studies are going well. Have you had any return of the flushing?

This is my new favorite log! I'm going to follow it until the cows come home! I hope the flushing has improved. I have experienced some flushing in the past week or so (I just started my second month) but it comes and goes and does seem to coincide with stress or anxiety. Positive: I am saving a ton on blush!

I hope you feel better though.

Hiii guys! How is everyone doing?

I have officially been on the Roaccutane for just under 2 months. I was back to work this week after 2 weeks off over Christmas ..I swear I dream every night these days about stroking my hands down smooth beautiful cheeks and over a smooth flat chin ...then I wake up and reality hits and I realise ..the acne, the spots, the flat, open red sores are still there.

Roaccutane is definitely working. I saw my derm on Monday and she said if looks good and I've been put up to 40mg.. Unfortunately this week I've had an operation and been stressed meaning skin has broken out meaning me, being the muppet that I am, have scratched and clawed and now I'm (yet again) left with open wounds that I can't stop touching.

The picking for me just never bloody stops!!!

Ciara I have dizzy spells but not the hot flushers you have experienced - really hope you're okay.

Keep blogging. Very supportive!!

XX

Do your best to stop the picking hon! Put a post it on the mirror with a warning on it..' Don't pick, you know you will regret it and make it look worse, don't be an ar$ehole' That's what I did and it helped!! Honest it did. A spot however bad will go, scars are a pain in the butt to get rid of If you feel the need to pick shout me and I will give you a list of reasons why it is a seriously bad idea. It won't be long now and you will be waking up with skin as smooth as a baby's butt. Don't ruin it by scarring yourself. Stay strong woman!!! Trust in the roaccutane. xxx

DAY 36 (I thiiinnnk) In dermatology court (In session, so ssshhh)

Judge: "Accutane, you stand accused of causing hot flushes and severe palpitations to the alleged victim, Irish Ciara. How do you plead"

Accutane: "Not guilty"

Judge: "The jury comprising Ciara and her peers and pores, will return verdict shortly"

-Roaccutane starts flushing-

Ciara: "We the jury, myself and fellow peers and pores find Accutane NOT GUILTY of the alleged offence. We hereby move to indict exam stress and resultant temporary loss of sanity for this heinous crime"

Judge: I agree, you are an anxious psychopath when you worry. Exam stress you are sentenced to 4 months incarceration, eligible for parole May 2014, in time for summer examinations. Court dismissed"

Ooohhhh I was anxious. Beyond so!! 1 more exam left tomorrow so this will be a quick post. Firstly, thanks to everyone for their posts and messages, you are all fabulous and I'm so grateful. Secondly, apologies to everyone especially Kim, Jess et al for my lack of support over the past few weeks. Revision has consumed me and it's still digesting me. Skin update briefly: I am a reptile. But NOT peeling. Dry, and rough. I had to study these creatures for last week's test, so I can confirm that I am a Rynchocephalia. I am not a true reptile, Squamata, as I see no evidence of a forked tongue. For the past week, I've really only had 1 HUGEEEEEE thing on my face. I have to say it looked fab. It was on my cheek and give me the HIGHEST, most defined cheekbone ever!!!! Under makeup it was WOWEEE. Aside for the intense pain, it was the first time I had wished a symmetrical sister or brother for a spot. Makeup is looking freaky. Turning orangey brown with patches of bright white. Very much like an egg. I only like chocolate eggs. Anyone found a good makeup for rough as sandpaper and lumpyish, dry but not yet flaking skin? I was using Estee Lauder Double Wear Camouflage, then tried Clinique Repairwear, then Clarins Everlasting Foundation (which was the best for not going freaky). When makeup goes on my face, the makeup molecules chat to each other in low, hissed voices; "lads I don't know where we've landed, but this looks like a very inhospitable environment. Lets all clump together at this cave (my nostril) and stick together. Don't spread out lads, we don't know what's out there." Overall, improving. I need to return to genetics. Random fact of the day almost 100% of calico cats are female.

Hey Nicolacat!! Thanks for your post!! Oh the oil is so CONSUMING isn't it? I used to want to shave my hair off. On bad days I think that as soon as I stop this course of Accutane, I'm going to wake up as greasy as a freshly battered cod. I totally understand about the wedding in Cyprus. For me, I always wanted a night time wedding in a hot country, so I'd have a tan and no one could see my face in the dark. So once I find the man, the wedding is 2am, Dallol, Ethiopia. Everyone is invited

Why can't I quote anyone?? Megtree: thanks for your post!!! I LOVE your log. The title makes me think of the old Batman tv show. BAM! WHOOSH!! KERPLUNK!! TAKE THAT ACNE!!! I fully concur on the blush theory! This is definitely what I am going to start thinking instead of my previous erratic brain screechings of "Am I taking a SERIOUSLY EARLY MENOPAUSE???"

Hey Nicolacat!! Thanks for your post!! Oh the oil is so CONSUMING isn't it? I used to want to shave my hair off. On bad days I think that as soon as I stop this course of Accutane, I'm going to wake up as greasy as a freshly battered cod. I totally understand about the wedding in Cyprus. For me, I always wanted a night time wedding in a hot country, so I'd have a tan and no one could see my face in the dark. So once I find the man, the wedding is 2am, Dallol, Ethiopia. Everyone is invited

Why can't I quote anyone?? Megtree: thanks for your post!!! I LOVE your log. The title makes me think of the old Batman tv show. BAM! WHOOSH!! KERPLUNK!! TAKE THAT ACNE!!! I fully concur on the blush theory! This is definitely what I am going to start thinking instead of my previous erratic brain screechings of "Am I taking a SERIOUSLY EARLY MENOPAUSE???"

bahaha! Thank you for that compliment! I am seriously considering creating a superhero comic, maybe titled: THE ADVENTURES OF ACCU-MAN AND KID FLAKEY

And it will detail their epic and sometimes hilarious battles against their super evil arch-nemesis, DR. CYST! (Bah Bah Baaaaaaah!!!).

Hey Ciara,

Just checking in and wishing you luck as your tane journey rolls on. Good luck with your last exam too - sound like you are kicking butt!

Glad to hear the exams are going well and the face is staying nice and oil-less.

I have no foundation help as I am still on your first step - Estee Camouflage. Oh, how it does love to crust up around my nose. But you just can't beat the coverage, it's like full face concealer. I mix it with a little of my primer (Bare Minerals prep and prime) so that it is not quite so thick and doesn't gunk up in dry spots so much. I don't have quite as much full face redness as I did, so I've been mixing it even thinner lately, and then using the full strength to dab on a few spots that show through.

I can't go on forever with this makeup, though. It is too thick and not exactly the right colour, so if I miss even the smallest spot it is noticeable. It's a lovely colour, it just doesn't happen to be the one my face is, and they only have 6 options or something like that.

So, DO let me know if you find a winner.