Everyday is hard for me at the moment. But this evening I just feel so beaten down with my acne. I had 100% clear skin a year ago, I did have some back acne on and off for 4 years and some spots on my face but all manageable. But I was 100% clear and as a non acne sufferer you don't think about what you can wear, people seeing you without make up or having puss coming out of your face. Now I have acne on my face, neck and back the worst ive ever had in my life. Its really affecting my life where I don't leave the house unless its to go to appointments and I don't want to see friends because everytime I wear make up I take it off to find new spots are forming. I'm sitting here now with make up on psyching myself up to take it off because I find it too painful to reveal what is underneath. Ive never had acne that hurt before either and my face hurts everyday.

I cancelled my holiday in September because I'm starting Accutane in a week and I would be in month 4 by then. what is the point in being boiling sunshine when you have to hide yourskin from it or put factor 50 in places where you normally don't have to, then wash it all off plus attend to skin care you need to do on the drug...I just could notbare it. My last holiday caused me this masse breakout, my skin was bad anyways but the sun made it freak out. everyday my skin got worse it was like being tortured and i am still traumatised by it if I'm honest. I never felt more disgusting in my life.

Its so unfair women have to wait a month to start Accutane, because you know its going to get worse before it gets better and I feel like all my hope for any self esteem rests on this drug. I would never be deemed as an Accutane candidate before, that's how bad it is currently. I can do things to help myself more like exercise and quitting smoking but to be honest until I take that first tablet I feel all efforts are pointless as ive tried it all over the last 5 months. I plan on starting the holistic acne approach once I'm on the drug to avoid this happening again.

I'm just so fed up of my skin dictating myself and what I think of myself as a human being.