Hey people, just wanted to go on another rant, so i start college tommorow have been topical free for about 5 days and woke up today....lots of those little spots on my forehead, massive blackheads on nose and ultra dry skin at the corners of my mouth and like 3cm under both corners, i am 22, will be 23 in under 2 months and I just wanted to know how do you deal with this day to day, like i feel like a freak when i explain things to my parents now, like yesterday I said i would have to get up early today to get my hair cut for college, they asked why and i said because the hairdresser i go to is only open half day, they asked why i cant go anywhere else and i said because this hairdresser shop is tiny and rarely are 2 people in at the same time and i dont want to be seen, they said this has been going on since you were 15 not wanting people to see your face when are you going to stop it, i went into my room and broke down, i know that if it keeps going my 20s are going to be ruined then i have virtually no chance of getting a girlfriend, having a family etc, but they dont know how hard it is trying to be normal and act normal when you are constantly 24/7 thinking about your face, i actually don't know how i am going to cope tommorow, first day of college meeting all these people and my face looks like shit, the way i have been doing it the past few years is kinda like socializing minimally when i am in public i am always in my own head like when i walk into public il just think to myself, right spotty don't even look at that girl what's the point do you want to be embarassed you ugly idiot and this leads to feeling even more down, the doctors don't seem to care that i am near my breaking point, i never tell them about feelings because i don't want to be sent to psychologist etc because that's on your record for life and will effect future employment, i know it's nothing mentally wrong with me anyway its the acne that causes these feelings and if im clear i feel fine, but they think they know best, one even said to me, because i kept going every few weeks for my acne, what would you do if you were permanently disfigured and tried to make me feel even worse for trying to seek help for my acne, basically saying oh your acne isnt as bad as some peoples you should be greatful, god i was so so angry, i am angry all the time now internally anyway angry and sad always, i never look to the future anymore because it's done i don't see a way it's going to improve so i constantly now feel nostalgic for my younger years even going back to childhood because it was the last time i can remember being truly happy, ive not been happy for about the past 5 years i just hide it with people i meet because i dont want to come off as weird but inside its killing me the desire for clear skin and normality, the only way i get through social interactions is i act like my acne isn't there and try to be confident but it's fake because if someone had to mention my acne i would crumble and i never let myself break down in public i always talk to myself inside my head and say its ok its ok don't break down here wait until you get home, it's weird its like some sort of i suppose defense mechanism to allow me to keep pretending in public but when i get home i will break down in tears and just lay in my bed staring at the ceiling for hours, i have a doctors appointment on monday but to be honest i can only envision more anger as a result of the condesending doctors looks as she tries to make me feel bad for wanting my skin to be better because and i quote 'theres people out there worse than you' it just makes me feel like shit what makes it worse is this doctor has known me since i was about 3 years old and knows family etc, so i don't understand why she won't help, to be fair years ago she sent me to the dermatologist but to any of us acne sufferers we are the best at knowing all about skin and products and what they do etc so when a dermatologist tries to bullshit me with creams i just get angrier, sorry for the rant but i have no-one to talk to except you guys.