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Is it just me or have others also felt that acne has made them in a way "unspecial"?
Before acne I never used to worry about how I looked or future relationships, but ever since I got acne I constantly wonder what makes me special or different compared to everyone else that someone in the future can possibly love me for. There are billions of women in the world what makes one with scars and a shattered confidence so much better than the rest of them? And I know it's stupid to be thinking about stuff like that now, but as a grow older it worries me more and more what I'm going to do with my life and if I'm ever going to have the chance to start a family of my own and be happy. Honestly sometimes it scares me to think that I will have no one and have to live alone due to the fact that scarring is considered unattractive.
I used to be a dancer and I had clear skin so I never used to think or even care about it because dancing made me feel good about myself and the fact that I had flawless skin just made it better. But ever since acne came into play I have lost interest in dancing and became scared to look at myself in the mirror during practice and to perform in public because I don't want to go around displaying an ugly face and have others notice. It was really stressful to be in dance; the other girls on my team would comment all the time on my skin and because I had to perform all the time I had to look presentable which I never felt like I did. It was also a struggle to be wearing a lot of makeup during practice because I wouldn't want the girls to keep saying things about my face. I would sweat a lot and it just felt uncomfortable and gross with the makeup and I would soon see myself breaking out more! So in a sense it's a relief to have quit to not have to deal with all these arrogant people in the business but without it I feel like a nobody.
My skin bugs me so much and I'm jealous of everyone else. I can't look in the mirror, at other people, tv shows/films with flawless actors, etc. without feeling bad. My sister has been trying to get me to watch Pretty Little Liars but I just can't because just looking at the girls on the show makes me feel depressed about the way I look. I also want to learn how to drive soon so I can leave my depressing, isolating house when I please but the thought of having to be in front of a rear-view mirror makes me anxious.
I don't want to be like this anymore and I can't imagine why in the world anyone would want to be with me. I have been completely traumatized and I can't move on from this situation. I'm somewhat okay during the day but when it's time to go to bed, I just can't help but break down and feel scared. And I'm sorry for all this writing, I just really needed to let it out somewhere.
I met you in some topic that I followed. I understand how you feel girl because it is exactly what i felt during 5 years fighting with acne. I just want to say to you that you still grow up and everything can change, so keep your mind out of depression. There is one thing that i realise is "The more terrible you feel, the worse your face become". I still jealous with people who have flawless skin, but I will keep myseft strong. Dealing with acne is a long way, especially for me because i have lots of cys and redness, scars,...
Be Strong Girl!!!
Welcome to our world.
I remember I was so... I did all the sports, swimming, basketball, cub scouts, pewee soccer, all that. I loved to fight. When there were no kids to fight, I fought other kids' bullies. I was happy and shy, and all the kids at school didn't like me cuz I wasn't popular, and at daycare because I was too violent. I became a pacifist in the 6th grade, and I had friends that were cool. I was even planning to ask a girl out for the first time. But then cystic acne came with a new school and all the confidence is out the window.
If people made negative comments about it, I was just ignore it and turn to stone. No one picked on me because they got absolutely no response. They got no response because I agreed with them. This shit was disgusting and hated it. I still made friends, but I moved every year and made less friends every move. Acne made it much worse.
I was semi forced into football in 9th grade. I remember thinking about how much better my acne looked until one of my "teammates" said "man! If my face looked like yours, I wouldn't leave the house without a bag on my face!" And I had my helmet on. And he was like 7-10 feet away.
I'll be honest, acne isn't the only thing that shot my confidence down. There was some other fucked up shit going on, too. But I feel acne is definitely in my top 3 worst struggles (next to abuse and mental illness), because there are a lot of things that could have been better without it. I also realize I probably don't look like too great a person based off the first paragraph. 
I really didn't want to get this deep into it. But I spent time writing this up using a tablet, so I don't want to delete it. I'm just really tired, and its passed my bedtime, so its probably really weird. I'll edit it later if I feel like it.