Two months ago I met someone and I finally felt like I'd met a person who really ticked all the boxes for me. Despite this, I am now sitting here considering ending our relationship due to my acne. My acne has definitely gotten worse, my partner has seen me with bad skin but I just feel that I can't shake off the negativity about acne. I don't find it easy to talk to him about it, his approach is very much "don't get upset, get on with it" and "I wish I had the answer but I don't". I also feel that I don't feel good about myself with this acne and that is reflecting very much in my personality, I don't feel attractive or confident like I used to when my skin was clearer. My partner has told me that the acne is not a problem when I have been upset about it, although he is very critical on stupidly small things on himself it makes me feel like my acne might be a problem really because the flaws he talks about really aren't anything at all.
Can a relationship successfully work when one is battling with acne but has experienced the above lack of support?
Am I being too sensitive?
Should I attempt to say again how down I am feeling about my skin?
I just need some help on making sense of it all, I don't want to make a stupid mistake but at the same time I sometimes feel I would be better off just dealing with it on my own.
Rebecca x
Rebecca, first off you are absolutely not being too sensitive! You care about the appearance of your skin and it is something that bothers you and makes you feel vulnerable. Coming from first hand experience, I felt just like you a couple of weeks ago and I made the decision to talk to my boyfriend about how insecure my acne makes me feel and I'm SO glad I did. We can't necessarily control our acne, but we CAN control working on how we handle it emotionally. Absolutely talk to him about it, even if that talk is difficult for you. I bet it will be healing and that he will support you. Hang in there and work through this. We support you!
I don't know if you are too sensitive or not, but I actually wouldn't mind if a girl had acne (scars). The problem might be bigger in your head than in reality. In my opinion, the state of your skin is always an extremely bad reason to end a relationship. It is not like he punched you into the hospital or something. If I were you, then I would talk with him about it. If he is like me, then he doesn't mind one bit.
@jensweetone, I am so pleased for you about your story and I am glad it worked out. I do talk to him about it, but he just doesn't really get it and comes back with unsympathetic comments. I think what makes it harder is I have a friend who tells me daily I am beautiful even if I do have spots but I just don't get this from my partner which is making me feel extremely s**t about myself. x
@jensweetone, I am so pleased for you about your story and I am glad it worked out. I do talk to him about it, but he just doesn't really get it and comes back with unsympathetic comments. I think what makes it harder is I have a friend who tells me daily I am beautiful even if I do have spots but I just don't get this from my partner which is making me feel extremely s**t about myself. x
If you don't feel supported by your partner or they are unsympathetic to how you feel, than I think you should move on. I am assuming that you are still young and you will have the opportunity for many relationships in the future. It doesn't sound like your partner is meeting your needs, and it's probably more than just your acne that is causing issues in your relationship, especially if you've only been together for a couple of months. T
That being said, if you really want to make it work, you might want to cut him some slack. By what you are saying, it doesn't sound like he is necessarily saying anything rude or insensitive, just that you aren't really getting any feedback from him, i.e. he isn't acknowledging the acne which makes you think he's uncomfortable with it. The fact that he is critical of his own (what you feel are insignificant) flaws is indication to you that he must be critical of yours even if he doesn't say so.
Perhaps, however, he feels the same way about you. Perhaps he really sees your acne has a rather insignificant flaw, and his own flaws as extremely significant in comparison. Perhaps your being hypercritical over yourself makes him feel the same way as him being hypercritical of himself does to you. It might be worth it to mention that, when you are expressing concern over your acne, you simply want his support and acknowledgement of your pain, not necessarily a solution. Sometimes we assume our partners just know that's what we want - but no one is a mind reader!
It might be that your friend is more comfortable with saying "you are beautiful even with acne" because he/she is your friend and is not so concerned with making you self-conscious. It might be more natural for a friend to say something that implies you are beautiful DESPITE your flaws. It is more natural for a partner to say "You are flawless". Perhaps your boyfriend is concerned that hearing him say "you are beautiful despite your flaws" will make you self-conscious about your flaws, so he takes a more careful route of simple not acknowledging it.
