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So it all started one summer in middle school, I want to say it was summer of 7th grade.My face started getting worse, I had been known to have a few pimples but now my whole face, literally both cheeks and forehead were covered in pimples. My face was red, I cried at my ugliness, my mom and grandparents kept forcing me on a different product and wanted to "pop" what they could every night, I felt like I was embarrassing them whenever I went into public with them. Well I was actually becoming comfortable with it, saying "this will go away", but a few weeks before school a friend of mien came into the library where I was volunteering, and saw me and said "EWWW man, how did that happen to your face?". I never was so ashamed and embarrassed in my entire life, I didn't let anyone know but I cried in the shower that night for what felt like an eternity. I WAS THE SAME PERSON.But this friend didn't carewhy would anyone else care at school...
Look I loved school, loved learning, but this was the first time I dreaded going to school and I would soon learn why. I always got to school early and was sitting in the Cafeteria waiting on some friends to get there.I saw the looks. I heard the laughing Another friend of mine came up and her jaw dropped, she asked me if I was ok? I of course said yes, and she said "you know washing your face might help".It continued all day, role call in all my classes caused the teacher and students to pause and look at me It continued that year, pizza days became "Alan days". I hated myself
My skin started to clear, SLIGHTLY, not much. In High School people were used to me by now and accepting of my appearance, but I wouldn't and couldn't look in a mirror without being disgusted myself. I never went out with anyone for fun after school, it was get up, go to school, and go home. No matter what friends wanted me to do, if I went to the mall people would judge me.Well now my problem was these huge acne scars, literally my entire cheek and forehead is scarred. I went to a new dermatologist, my old one insisted on "waiting it out".This new dermatologist did not make me feel any better about myself and suggested I try wearing makeup/concealer until it clears and laughed about it.In front of meThat hurt guys, but I took his advice. I wear makeup now, i know people can notice sometimes.But it doesn't bother me as much as it would if they saw my acne. I don't know why for how that makes sense but it does. I juste wanted to talk and vent to someone about what I've been through and the pain acne and acne scarring has caused me.
Now I'm here, I'm 19.At a great university. With a great group of friends. But I just don't feel myself, perhaps without makeup and acne I would. It just hurts everyone freaks out about one pimple and here I am over here with a face of mountains and valleys.. On the outside I probably seem like a very happy person, which I am honestly. But when I take a shower, and look in the mirror I just see ugliness. How can anyone ever befriend me? How can anyone ever fall in love with me? You know? Thanks for reading guys.
This sounds like me to a T. I avoid mirrors like the plague now a days and when I do look, i go in real close and examine my flaws....sigh. It's a cycle. The only thing i can suggest is to keep a journal to document your feelings as they are valid, do things that used to make you happy even with acne and if makeup helps get you through this difficult time, wear it. I don't wear makeup and sometimes I wish I did but people i know don't ever comment because they know how sensitive I am (I don't even pop my whiteheads so you know how gross i feel at times). I've found reading my bible has helped me to find my inner value as well as reading other motivational books.
It's hard when you can't meet other people going through the same thing but know that we are out there
Good Luck hun and know that your true value and self worth comes from the inside.
From reading your story the one thing I can say without a doubt is that you are a very strong person. I know acne and scarring is no picnic and It sounds like you've had it really tough but if you look at in a positive way, atleast you know who your real friends are. That friend who commented so rudely on your breakout does not seem like a nice friend. You say how can anyone ever befriend you... but people have at your university so that goes to prove that they saw past any skin conditions and saw the real you. Now friend's like that definitely sound like keepers!
Highschool seemed like a really hard time for you but it's over now and trust me the real world is not as bad as that teenage nightmare. Like I said before you are a very strong person and you can get through this. Acne will get better and time and treatments can improve your scarring. Keep your chin up and keep your focus on your schooling because I promise you things will get better.