I am 20 years old and I have suffered from acne since junior high (grade 7). My acne comes and goes - but ultimately it has left me scarred both physically and emotionally. My social life has evolved around acne, because I've always been ashamed of my skin and I would often decline invitations from my friends simply of the fact that I do not want them to see me with my horrible skin, even though I'm fully aware that they know what I look like already. I'm constantly reminded by family members of my 'worsening skin condition' and while they say things like, "You should probably sleep more...", "Eat less fatty foods...", "drink less milk," and so on, it literally becomes an annoyance. The annoyance because they do not know what I'm going through and the feeling of being reminded of my acne which is already clearly evident. Also, their good intentions of 'help' really offers nothing, but more of a feeling that they are blaming my own personal choices as that directly responsible for my acne (which it is not!).
Taking a look at my incredibly low self-esteem, it's pretty evident how my life has been focused on hiding;
- Avoiding looking at mirrors. Often, leaving the lights off so I can't stare.
- Not giving eye contact with others in discussion...
- Avoiding going out with friends
- Avoiding the sun light as it only highlights imperfections
- Using many hand gestures in a vain attempt to hide my acne
- Avoiding any kind of photos, especially with flash.
- and the list can go on and on...
Even though I've honestly tried my best to live with my condition, accepting the harsh reality and to lift my spirits...
I still find myself being reminded vividly in my mind, as I had struggled to look at myself in the mirror, the one thing that caught me more than the physical representation of acne itself...
was how I was unable to keep a smile on my face.
I know how hard it is, it sucks, I have exactly the same problems. I try to live with it the best I can and most of the time I manage.
Some people lose their family because of war, others get burnscars. Other die of famine or suffer from disease mental illness. Chronical pain.
Life can get really hard. It's a good time to get out of life everything it has to offer despite our mental en physical scars and try to stay strong and compassionate..
This is how life is testing us and if we adapt our life's in a smart way and with strength, we'll make it through.
So enjoy the things you can, be emotionally smart about it and try to make a plan for yourself to make it more easy to live with this. Find values in life and things to fight for. Maybe outside of ourselfs. There is a lot of freedom in thinking and making something out of it.
As a kind of buddhist I believe this might only be one of a many more life's I have to live. So I do and experience what I can in this life..
This has always been a comforting thought for me.
Try to stay positive and I hope you find what you are looking for the coming years.