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I do not know if it is just me but first off, I apologize in advance if I do offend anyone in any way. I'm just stating my opinion and how I really feel.
I've been suffering mild to moderate acne for two years. These two years have been the worst years of my entire life. I've tried using all treatments ranging from antibiotics to powdered medicine to tropical creams. I haven't found the cure for my acne yet but I'm still clinging on that hope that one day I will eventually end up with clear skin.
I was sitting down with a girl in class the other day and she had severe acne. She said hello and smiled very nicely and I thought to myself, wow she's very friendly! I've never talked to her either before although she is in my grade.
I could not stop staring at her skin..I know I was being rude but I could not take my eyes off of her skin. I believe it is just a human instinct..
As she kept talking to me in class, I got to the point where I felt embarrassed. I felt so embarrassed for her. I talked to her but I was not being as friendly as she was to me. I did not want to talk to her anymore.
After class, I was disgusted with myself. I felt as though I was heartless. I understand that acne can affect people emotionally yet I was judging her skin. I know I do not have perfect skin either but the fact that I felt embarrassed around her makes me think that I'M EMBARRASSING.
If I feel that way around her, do my flawless friends feel that way around me? Do they ever feel embarrassed when they walk down the hallways with me?
I have also noticed that I like to company myself with people who have clear skin. When I see people with acne, I feel as though I do not want to associate myself with them.
I hate myself for that. I just hate myself in generally.
I feel like I betrayed my own "kind". I hate acne. It has ruined my life.
Now, you may think I am ignorant, rude and heartless but... I do not even have an explanation on why I feel this way.
I know people with acne have more to them than just acne......
I cannot explain it. Can anyone else relate to me?
Teenagers struggle with empathy. So it's hard to empathize with her. I'm assuming you're a teenager.
You're old enough where you're aware of your shortcomings so at least you have that. I think with time, you'll be able to move past this. I used to have similar feelings about some girls in my class, in high school. In high school I was judgmental of others and judgmental of myself. I feel very, very different from back then. I think it was mostly due to brain development and learning how to be humble, empathic, and most importantly, looks are literally meaningless when it comes to having a personality. And I only choose friends on personality.
You were embarrassed to be by her, or embarrassed at the feelings you felt while speaking to her? I think a combination of both, especially with your statement that you feel you betrayed "your own kind." Even if you struggle w/ skin issues a little bit, and they cause a mental problem for you, no matter how small, you should know that what that person needs is empathy, and a friend, and maybe someone to know what it feels like in real life. Im not trying to discount your feelings. I have acne, but when I see someone that has it severe, or even just worse than me, I think to myself, My God, how do they get on w/ life? Obviously this person has realized, much to her credit, that she is more than her acne, and her outgoing personality should trump any skin conditions she may be going thru. She may be the best person who have ever met, but you'll never know if she's shunned because of something she has no control over.
I guess what I'm saying is, I can understand how you may feel the way you do, with societal expectations and all. What Id instead ask is that you put yourself in that person's shoes. If I had to guess, her personality is such that she's already come to the realization that there are gonna be people that outcast her because of her skin, and she's chosen to accept it, and try to look for a caring soul to be a friend. I also suspect that she's experienced enough rejection that she noticed you checking out her skin, and maybe even noticed the way you reacted around her. Maybe she says that since you are not recognizing her for anything other than what she is outwardly; maybe she goes home and cried herself to sleep every night.
Maybe you have these feelings because you hope your skin condition never gets to the state that she was in? I feel that sometimes. That doesnt make me not be friendly and cordial though; its just a fear that I feel inside.
Your feelings may not be well respected, especially in an acne forum, but I can understand your apprehension to get any closer to this person. Im not saying its right, Im just saying that I can understand how people may feel that way. As a fellow sufferer, I suggest you take advantage of an opportunity to gain a new friend. You never know what you'll discover.
Good luck
I think it is far worse. I think that others acne reminds you of your own skin imperfections, regardless of severity. You hate yourself, so you hate others that have the same problems. You project yourself onto other people. It is the strange, obsessive feeling in your head that is the symptom of it ("Have to look... Have to look... Have to look..."). That probably happens because you are constantly looking at your own skin. It is an obsession. I have learned that, if you are conscious about it, then you should act against it by consciously not looking at the skin of other people.
You are exactly showing the behaviour that I am acting against. It is totally expected that you would behave this way though. I have discovered that acne sufferers are actually showing the worst behaviour among older (20-25) people. "You have acne, just like me, so I hate you. Go away!". (Older and reasonable) Clear skin people don't behave this way. They are far more outgoing and far more social.
The fact that we are actually talking about acne people and clear skin people, you know, that we actually make a distinction based on having or not having a minor non-lethal non-contagious skin issue is absolutely insane in my mind. That worst thing is, is that we are doing it ourselves. We make the problems far bigger then they look from the outside, especially in the eyes of (older) clear skin people. We are actually the worst "racists" (Not based on color but on condition).
The solution is to treat everyone as a full person and to step into their shoes. You should not disappoint her. She may be totally schizoid already. You should start to learn to think like "She is probably feeling as bad as I am, so I should try to cheer her up".
