You said he has bad acne scarring, maybe he feels like he's not good enough for you 'cuz of his scars, and when he's with you, his insecurity takes over. And it's harder with you than other girls because he loves you.

Hi My post is a bit long but it helps me to write it.

I found an old post of me, back in 2008 :

Hi, i'm a 24 years old girl living in Quebec (Canada).. English is not my first language but this forum seems to be the right place, with the right precious people, to write what i feel.. I dont have acne.. except for classic monthly hormonal little pimples on my jaw line..

6 years ago, I met a guy by the internet... He came to me, as my nickname was a song title of smashing pumpkins... I spoke to him weeks and weeks... with true pleasure... At time, he once talked to me about how acne Conglobata went bad on him... but I didnt focused on that.. since I dont put importance in those things in my everyday life... I waited.. months and months to see him... and during this time he had sex once with a girl who insisted to have sex with him when they were both drunk... It hurted... I fail to put the right words to explain it... The hint came to me... that this kind of sex... like a relief of an inside pressure, was more easy to him that making love.. tenderly.. When we finally saw each other... oh... the joy over my face... My fantastic love ! I kissed him in the second.. having his warm lips on mine.. I saw his scars... many.. I have to admit... all over his face... All the time we had together during this weed-end.. he never showed his back to me... never... But I saw it.. as the moon light came on him as he was sleeping : red-blueish deep holes...

About not being together.. living together... he allways talks about how tired he is... that isnt easy for anybody... that he failed in all his relationships, that he never had what it takes... When I say to him that he is not alone... and that, as a human, he has to give himself a chance... and that his fears now made him trapped... he says that I dont understand him... But being here for 6 years, writing him letters, call him to say "I love you" the morning, being faithful and sweet... it is, in my heart, to understand... at least, to be here...

Could his pain became for him more easy to live than taking the risk to heal..? I cry, as I write it to you... cause he his like a dream who always vanish when i'm about to touch him.. He loves me... but hates himself..

I don't want him to go with womens he don't love... I dont want to go with mens I dont love... I dont have it in me ! I dont have it...

His body, his eyes, his skin... became the highest standards in my eyes...

------------------

I came back here to write a bit and have a look upon all of this... After I wrote this post back in 2008, this guy dumped me without a word, an explanation, just saying that I would explain to me soon. I cried more than I can admit... it took me down, drowned me very deep. His "soon" came...well...a bit more than 2 years later.. as I learned from one of his friend that he was with someone else, that he developed big alcohol problems and depression-spectrum troubles. His friend of him told me that Michel loved me but that this guy was so overhelmed with fears and self-hate that he would always chose easy ways... being in couple with a women who already has a house to quickly get out if his parents home, keeping the same job, the same village... When I heard of this... oh my... saying that I was angry is not enough. Michel wrote me a letter, about his sadness, that he was "in something (his relation) that he didn't know the future evolution"...bla bla bla bla.." and "I love her and I will always love you" that he was still thinking of me everyday and that he kept the ring I gave to him ... you know.. "the everlasting pain of the darkness crow something something" . I wanted to put a (metaphorical) bomb in his life, getting his head out of his own ass (sorry)... I went to his work, asked him for my ring. He gave it to me, shaking,... I threw it in the parking lot, it made a "plink!" that I will never forget... He told me that he would explain to me all of this soon... again. I left and went to his parents house (how did I do that..I don't even know, i'm a shy girl..) and gave to her mother the letter of his son.. She was very nervous and kept saying that his son was "perfectly happy !!!!!" I wanted his castle of lies to go down... This was in january 2011

I slowly healed my pain, trying to know why I was so sad about being not love by someone who never had true tenderness for me. I met someone, my boyfriend Bruno He don't have perfect skin (he had some wild-wild-west impetigo bursting few months ago...I had to comfort him a lot.. poor him )

I write here tonight cause he contacted me few weeks ago... saying that he wanted news of me, that he "remembers us"...He called me, talking to me like nothing happened, saying as usual that he was not very happy... with this whiny voice.. I don't know how to explain.. like he has the weight of all the world on him. He said that he was on Facebook without a picture on his profile as I could imagine... Before I hung up, he asked if he could call me again and if I would call him.. that i'm important to him.. that he is alone now and that maybe, he would explain all of this to me.. soon... again... again this oath.... I didn't sleep much that night... I felt back all the anxiety I had during all those years.. this guy saying that i'm beautiful, funny and everything.. but that never let me approach, that man who hurts me, kept me in silence and sadness for so long. I spoke a lot with my boyfriend.. it was truly important to share this story with him. The morning after I called Michel, saying that it was too hard.. that I don't wan't to call him again. He told me "you cannot say that I played with you..." All of this sounded like despair.. and made me very sad.. I met him when I was 18 and him 26... now i'm 28 and he's 36.. He was this "oh-so-impressive" older guy.. now... I don't know... something is broken I suppose... I just felt bored with this dull-with-many-fears man... something has gone... But during few days, I tasted something poisonous, that venom from his long time despair, his way of "sucking" everything out of me.. I took distance like someone hooked on very bad and destructive drug. It's hard, cause my mind has been shaped to ask on and on and on why he didn't love me, what was my "lack". I always had an issue with this... wanting to be loved by unable people... It's almost a pain to have someone who cares of me like I care of him...

I chose life.. cause his sadness his way beyong his skin scaring... I know I would have been unhappy with him.. but some parts of my mind are hooked on pain. I will grow stronger...and I know that the man I love is a true treasure and joyful life is still in him.

Thank you for your time, and for your patience

Sincerly

B©n©dicte

Wow.

I think ultimately coming away from him was the best outcome.

This guy has some serious issues that he needs to fix on HIS OWN! No doubt he cant be with anyone because he doesn't even love himself.

I can certainly sympathize with you. 2 years ago i was with a girl who i had liked for nearly 2 years. Took so long to get to get together as at the time were dating other people and we had to wait to be single lol.

Anyway, long story short i fell so hard for this girl it was unreal and i would have done anything to have been with her. However, like the guy in your story she had some serious emotional issues and just split up with me because what we had was too good and it scared her. Basically every guy she had been with previously had treated her badly.

I have great girlfriend now who i love very much, she is very good for me in every way. However there have been times i have thought about my ex and those feelings come flooding back. Even though she seriously messed me up and hurt me bad i still have a place somewhere in my heart for her. However i would never get back with her after the hurt she caused and the fact that she is seriously messed up.

Truth is, you're much better off just like i am. There will always be that one person who has that hold over you. We don't know why, that connection was just there from the start and that can be a powerful thing. However we have to balance that out and find what is right for us. I have what is right for me and i am very happy.

Thanks for sharing that. It was a nice little story and I enjoyed reading to it.

Your ex boyfriend is clearly what is known as an "energy vampire." They tend to be sad people who are always in turmoil and drama and drain everyone around them of energy. This guy seems to be somewhat aware that he is this way and made efforts to keep himself away from you. That is probably the best thing he could have done for you so I would just be thankful. It sounds like you protected yourself by staying away from him as well.

yea some ppl are just poisonous n it's difficult to xplain the effect they have on you. stay happy with your current man! maybe you will always care about your ex, but it sounds like you know he's not right for you. cheers

I've been in relationships in which either I or the guy or both of us were depressed, lost, and stuck in a blackhole. it was unhealthy for both of us; his anger/sadness fed mine and mine fed his. He really needs to handle things on his own. In my opinion, no matter how much someone wants to genuinely help me, I cant seem to accept it. And no matter how much i wanted to help, I knew i couldnt. I think its also very selfish for someone who is depressed to drag someone else down with them. It's not fair to make someone wait for me to "heal" because frankly who knows when I will. I dont think you can properly love someone else if you cant love yourself (ya, cliche) and if you cant love yourself then stop trying to love someone else because in the end you're just waiting until s*** hits the fan. Good luck.