I've always been very shy around guys even before I started getting acne.. ugh, it's so embarrassing how awkward I can be lol. I just feel that they're judging me, especially the guys with clear skin. I don't spend a lot of time around men and I don't have any male siblings so I have a very difficult time talking to and meeting guys. I'd just like to know if any of you ladies here are having the same problem or if you have had this problem before? I feel really pathetic because I'm already 18 but for the life of me I just can't loosen up around guys I literally do not know what to say, I'm so used to being friends with girls. I don't even have any male friends! (sad.) Also back in high school I seemed to repel the opposite gender. A lot of people seemed to think I was a weird introvert.

 

I'm not a girl but I'm gonna reply to this later on. Hope you don't mind.

lol! yeah, sure, go ahead. as a guy, maybe you could give me some insight into what kind of things i could say on a first meeting with someone of the opposite gender. i always seem to screw things up, ha

I am not sure, because the two periods my acne was at its worst (back in 2007 and this past year) I was lucky enough to already be with someone. I'm not sure that makes it easier. I knew I was cared about and that the guy still loved me, but it causes all sorts of problems in my relationships. Such as, my face hurts so bad I can't kiss them or be close to them, or I feel so disgusting I'm never in the mood for sex, etc. If I was single, I probably just wouldn't talk to guys. It depends on how bad your acne is, I guess. If that's you in your pic, it doesn't look bad at all and you should have no reason to feel self conscious!

You can't screw up being you.

You being you is either going to make someone go "Wow, I really like her..." or "There's just no chemistry." or whatever. It's out of your control. But the only way you can be is the way you are.

I think when a situation is somewhat forced or tense the outcome is less likely to be "succesful" in terms of people meeting each other/dating is concerned. I think relationships that last, are about the right things (what those things are is up to the people involved, I guess) and don't end up in some gruesome break up which ends up with say the woman going "I'm done with men!" are relationships that "just happen". You just meet someone and there's a natural progression during which no one ever thinks to themselves "I don't know what to say" and there aren't any uncomfortable silences and so on. Because when there is what is referred to by many as chemistry things happen automatically.

At the same time when someone is stressed to begin with then people might not get to know that person that fast or see "the real them" and then you have a problem. So how can you relax around guys? What do you talk to them about?

To break the ice, I'd say just say something random. The first thing that comes to mind. After the ice is broken all that tension should get less real soon. And if there's chemistry you'll find out soon enough.

Here's another tip: imagine how you would talk to your future boyfriend(s). Daydream about that. It might spawn a few ideas. You could quote what you imagined yourself saying in that daydream. Just don't quote anything too sensual too soon.

^^ To add to Lapis' response, to break the ice, do whatever you'd normally say to a girl or a guy you don't like. Just treat them normally lol. If it's really meant to be it's meant to be!

Then again, I don't really date around. I'm not a flirt at allllll. But I've never needed to overtly "flirt" with the guys I've wanted to date.

I'm also very shy. I do have sisters, but I am still not good talking with girls. I don't date and never had. I don't think I will for a while. Hopefully I learn a lot on the internet on how to communicate with a girl.

Don't feel bad about this. I'm the same way around girls...always shy about my skin and thinking that they'll see me as a monster when I talk to them. I have chick friends but I don't understand why they have normal conversations with me and act like nothing is wrong because I guess they see me one way, and I see myself another way. Keep trying though, guys are REALLY easy to talk to and usually very chill, so it's just getting past that hurdle of talking to them and them it becomes a breeze. Guys have very similar insecurities too when it comes to approaching girls....like I've had girlfriends in the past but they've all had to come up to me first because approaching girls is like a foreign concept to me.

I am not sure, because the two periods my acne was at its worst (back in 2007 and this past year) I was lucky enough to already be with someone. I'm not sure that makes it easier. I knew I was cared about and that the guy still loved me, but it causes all sorts of problems in my relationships. Such as, my face hurts so bad I can't kiss them or be close to them, or I feel so disgusting I'm never in the mood for sex, etc. If I was single, I probably just wouldn't talk to guys. It depends on how bad your acne is, I guess. If that's you in your pic, it doesn't look bad at all and you should have no reason to feel self conscious!

 

Thanks! Yes, that is me in the picture, it doesn't look so bad atm because I don't have any huge pulsating red active acne, lol.. I have scars/pigmentation that I covered up with concealer. but in real life, they're more obvious.

You can't screw up being you.

You being you is either going to make someone go "Wow, I really like her..." or "There's just no chemistry." or whatever. It's out of your control. But the only way you can be is the way you are.

I think when a situation is somewhat forced or tense the outcome is less likely to be "succesful" in terms of people meeting each other/dating is concerned. I think relationships that last, are about the right things (what those things are is up to the people involved, I guess) and don't end up in some gruesome break up which ends up with say the woman going "I'm done with men!" are relationships that "just happen". You just meet someone and there's a natural progression during which no one ever thinks to themselves "I don't know what to say" and there aren't any uncomfortable silences and so on. Because when there is what is referred to by many as chemistry things happen automatically.

At the same time when someone is stressed to begin with then people might not get to know that person that fast or see "the real them" and then you have a problem. So how can you relax around guys? What do you talk to them about?

To break the ice, I'd say just say something random. The first thing that comes to mind. After the ice is broken all that tension should get less real soon. And if there's chemistry you'll find out soon enough.

Here's another tip: imagine how you would talk to your future boyfriend(s). Daydream about that. It might spawn a few ideas. You could quote what you imagined yourself saying in that daydream. Just don't quote anything too sensual too soon.

 

Well, you see... your advice was good but I don't think being me is good enough. I always try to present myself in a better light around people because I'm self-conscious about my personality :s I feel like I could be outgoing and fun but my insecurities about my skin and looks in general are such a turn-off.

All the other advice was good too, I really appreciate the responses! I wouldn't know what to do without this place!

Guys are far more likely to be judging your body than your acne. Trust me.

I definitely would agree with the above.

Well, you see... your advice was good but I don't think being me is good enough. I always try to present myself in a better light around people because I'm self-conscious about my personality :s I feel like I could be outgoing and fun but my insecurities about my skin and looks in general are such a turn-off.

If I feel bad, I don't go walking around the office at work with hanging shoulders. haha So I guess everyone "presents themselves in a better light" to a degree.

I'm the same. I'm generally a shy person and it's worse if my acne is worse than normal. I'm sorry I don't really have any good advice, but i just wanted to say I've found reading the replies here so far quite helpful - so thanks everyone

I think you're in good company among your peers, I know a lot of my friends didn't have strong guy/girl friendships until partway into college... there are lots of opportunities to meet and interact with guys through classes and clubs, which can feel more like you have "permission" to talk to them and less like you are trying to flirt with them. I remember this was one of my biggest worries (and still sometimes is) when meeting guys for the first time, and I tried to remind myself that everyone is generally interested in making friends. Like, I have plenty of guy friends who I'm not at all physically attracted to, and I know they aren't attracted to me, and so essentially it's like any of my female friends: they don't really care how you look at all, it's not relevant to your friendship.

Hope this helps!

I'm somewhat the same, except I have 2 brothers. I used to be awkward and nervous talking to guys before I got acne and now, I'm not. What I'm like now is being so insecure about my skin that I avoid talking to people and especially guys in general and don't kindle friendships :/ I literally have cut out so many things form my life because of my skin condition.. it sounds bad :/ It's either that or living in a place where I have no choice :/

I used to be like that. I also was very shy around guys (even before my acne got out of control), especially guys I found really attractive. It's really easy to lose confidence when you think that all these guys with clear skin won't talk to you because there's other girls with beautiful skin that you think they would prefer. The way I think about though is that if those guys won't talk to you because of your acne/pih, they're not worth your time. You probably hear that a million times, but it's true. I think guys are much more attracted to girls that are confident. I don't even wear makeup to cover up my spots, I just let people see me as I am. But I've built up my confidence and I've become a pretty social person over these last couple of years and I believe that's what really makes someone attractive.

Guys are far more likely to be judging your body than your acne. Trust me.

 

I definitely would agree with the above.

 

But of course this thought only works to help someone feel better if they feel extremely confident in their body. And most of us probably don't feel awesome about our bodies, either.

Moral of the story? Go for a guy who doesn't judge you at all. Or rather, judges you by your personality and who you are and what you believe in.

Moral of the story? Go for a guy who doesn't judge you at all. Or rather, judges you by your personality and who you are and what you believe in.

 

LOL...that's not gonna happen.

Not everyone is a superficial prick. It can happen. You just have to set your standards high and not settle for less.

story. of. ma lyfe.

seriously were like twins, im 18 and have almost exclusively girl friends, i dont talk to any guys outside of class D':

I feel lucky to be a guy because i feel us guys are way too superficial

I definitely think girls care much more about whats on the inside which is the way it should be, but there ARE guys out there that don't care about body,skin,etc trust me

BTW i feel shy as hell around girls, but i probably shouldn't, after all confidence is attractive

Well, I have no siblings, but most of my best friends have been guys.

I just go for it. I did when I have acne and I do now that I have PIH. Walk up to a guy, crack a joke and grin at him like nobody's ever turned you down in your life. It's not failed me yet.

i have a lot of women in my life, too, but honestly..i don't mind.

i used to be very shy around men, but now..not so much. i think ..and i hope you don't get offended, but i think you're just over thinking it. if you put too much pressure on yourself to be more outgoing than you really are, then that's going to make you more nervous. people seem to think a lil shyness isn't attractive. i find that very attractive sometimes...i used to know this guy who was always loud, and trying to get everyone's attention. i found him annoying, and childish. children need lots of attention from everyone, not adults.

you say you have a lot of friends that are girls. ask them to introduce you to their male friends..or go with them to parties. step a little out of your comfort zone, and you'll find that you're not as afraid of social situations than you used to be. i used to hate bars, and parties. now i don't mind them so much.

the thing about dating is it's a hit and miss. sometimes things happen when you least expect it..sometimes you can want to be with someone so bad, and they want nothing to do with you. it's unfortunate, but it isn't easy to find someone you mesh with mentally n physically.

gluck.