The past month has honestly been wonderful for me. My skin has been doing great, no big pimples or anything, just small ones that last a day or so. It was so nice going the whole month without worrying about my skin, or picking at my skin. Well...2 days ago a small pimple started growing on my left cheek. At first I wasn't very bothered, but then it got a bit bigger. It was like a moderately sized pimple but it was really red and right in the middle of my cheek. Makeup covered it well though.

Last night I thought I could see a small whitehead forming, which made me really happy cause I figured it'd be pop-able by the next day. This morning I tried to pop it and was unsuccessful. All it did was bleed and a little bit of clear liquid came out. I went back to sleep, woke up again and there was a bright red circle around the pimple, and the pimple was STILL there of course. I've spent the entire day cooped up in my room. I used the excuse that I'm "really tired" to my roommates so they've left me alone, but I'm sure they think my behavior is bizzarre. I've just been mostly sleeping all day and hoping it'll get better. It hasn't really gotten better, except the whitehead on the pimple got bigger so I popped it a few hrs ago.

I just feel like I've ruined all the progress I've made. My marks have been fading, my skin has been feeling so smooth, and now this pimple had to pop up, and I just HAD to pick at it and make it look 10x worse. My psychologist says I most likely have anxiety and OCD problems, so my anxiety is at an all time high right now. I just keep thinking what if it only gets worse, what if it never heals, etc etc. I've been inadvertently causing "wounds" to my face this year and this is just yet another one to add to the list. I'm just hoping to God that it looks better by tomorrow morning, as I sit here with a big band aid on my face, still avoiding my roommates. It sucks so much to hear my roommates laughing and having fun while I cower in my room.

I realize it could be a lot worse....and it has before for me. I've been dealing with acne since I was in the 10th grade, but it didn't start to really bother me until last year when I got a bad breakout/hyperpigmentation. But that doesn't change the fact that I feel like I mess my skin up all the time. It frustrates me that I'll be having a good couple of weeks, then suddenly breakout and feel like I've ruined all my progress. It frustrates me that I let acne control my life and make me stay hidden away in my room. It frustrates me that I've even let acne come in between me and school (I've skipped many classes). I wanted to go away on Thanksgiving break with a clear face and a good mindset, but now I'm afraid my skin will look terrible and I'll just be crying and obsessing the whole break.

Any tips on how to deal with this and feel better? I feel very lost. I've made progress with my psychologist, but I still feel like I'm in the process of 'getting better'.