Last year, I got a pretty bad breakout of pimples. I've been dealing with acne since I was 15 but this breakout was worse than the pimples I would get in the past. Red pimples + marks all over my cheeks and a few on my forehead. It was awful. I would miss classes, avoid friends, just in general feel awful about myself. I started taking Doxycycline and using Epiduo at night, which cleared me up within a month and a half. Once I started clearing up I felt a lot better and for the next 6 or 7 months I was clear. The feeling was amazing. I was so happy with life and felt so relieved to not have to worry if I was going to wake up to new pimples in the morning. I felt so confident.
The past month and a half has been hell for me. My pimples are starting to come back, gradually. At first it was little clogged pores, not really a big deal, but now it's starting to appear as actual pimples. It's not as bad as it was last year, but my feelings from last year have been triggered by seeing acne on my face again. I'm starting therapy on Friday and just started taking Prozac because my anxiety/depression has gotten so bad. My psychologist thinks I have a case of OCD and generalized anxiety disorder. Thinking about going out in public with acne, or even just doing things with my friends, sets off my anxieties like no other. And then, on the days where my face looks clearer, I feel a lot better. But it's just a cycle because pimples keep cropping up.
It's just so awful because dealing with anxiety disorder is bad enough but adding in visible red bumps on my face is just terrible. I have been missing classes again and I just feel like I am in this terrible cycle of failure. I know I need to succeed in school, if not for myself then for my parents, but I look in the mirror and I almost feel like I'm going to faint. When I was younger I had so much optimism for my future, getting my college degree, going out and working, being in the real world etc etc. Now I feel stuck and as helpless as a little kid. I've called my mom in tears so many times this semester just because of what's on my face.
I have really good friends here in school but I can't even be myself around them anymore. Not fully at least. I just feel so sad and self conscious all the time. I have the last option of withdrawing for the semester and going home but I guess, to me, that would be the ultimate failure. I'm honestly so scared for myself and my future, I'm scared I'm not going to get the life I've always wanted, simply because of my insecurities. A year ago I never would've thought I'd be struggling so much in school because of acne.
My parents are at their wit's end, I've stressed my mom out so much that she's cried on the phone to me and told me she's probably going to start seeing a therapist. I'm sure everyone knows that hearing your mom cry is the worst sound in the world. It hurts so bad because her and my dad had so many visions of me succeeding and becoming independent yet here I am, sitting here, missing classes again and feeling sorry for myself.
Sorry for the overly depressing post, I'm having a pity party right now and I just feel really upset.
I feel your pain...
I too suffer from acne and I am nearly 29... I constantly have red blotches across my face (used to be cystic acne) and annoying acne. Don't let it affect your life. I know it's easier said than done but you'd be surprised at how many people don't actually notice it. Trust me, I am the most paranoid person there is about my face
Are the anxiety and depression still there when your skin is clear? I find it a bit worrying that your psych might be labelling you with a number of extra disorders if they are just caused by your skin. It is normal to feel those things when you have acne, you are so not alone. Easier said than done, but if you can, try not to worry about what the psych says about your mental health.
Having acne affects almost all of us emotionally - I get extremely agitated whenever there are cameras around, or when I have to speak to people because I know they will look at my face when I speak to them. When we had staff photos day at work a few months ago I burst into tears because I just couldn't face it. It makes me not want to go the shops when I need to buy things, but we have to fight those feelings because otherwise they become extremely limiting to our lives.
I took a big risk this summer and twice when I had friends over to stay, I went down to breakfast with them in the morning with no makeup on. Even though we'd been friends for years I was still extremely anxious, wondering what they'd be thinking. But you know what, they didn't say anything, they didn't treat me any differently, and now I actually feel better at having been in that vulnerable position with them and finding they accept me as I am. Of course, you have to be careful which friends you choose.
If you are really struggling with your school work/life, can you repeat the semester? (sorry I'm English so don't know how your system works). Sometimes it can be better to just write off a bad term and start afresh. Don't see it is failure, see it as taking a break til you are feeling strong enough to go back. It's a shame your parents aren't able to be more supportive, the last thing you need is guilt laid on by your mum's reaction. Can you talk to them about repeating your semester if it comes to that? Over the course of a lifetime taking a few months extra now is nothing. Sometimes knowing you have that option to fall back on can help you keep going. Do you have a college counsellor you can talk things through with too?
Are you still taking the doxycycline and epiduo? If they're not working (and if you have been on them long enough to expect to be seeing results by now) I would think you need to go back to your doctor/dermatologist and review your treatment.
Good luck (from someone who took an extra year to do their degree AND repeated their last term of teacher training due to psychological issues! AND has learned not to care that my workmates have seen me burst into tears on a number of occasions)
Are the anxiety and depression still there when your skin is clear? I find it a bit worrying that your psych might be labelling you with a number of extra disorders if they are just caused by your skin. It is normal to feel those things when you have acne, you are so not alone. Easier said than done, but if you can, try not to worry about what the psych says about your mental health.
Having acne affects almost all of us emotionally - I get extremely agitated whenever there are cameras around, or when I have to speak to people because I know they will look at my face when I speak to them. When we had staff photos day at work a few months ago I burst into tears because I just couldn't face it. It makes me not want to go the shops when I need to buy things, but we have to fight those feelings because otherwise they become extremely limiting to our lives.
I took a big risk this summer and twice when I had friends over to stay, I went down to breakfast with them in the morning with no makeup on. Even though we'd been friends for years I was still extremely anxious, wondering what they'd be thinking. But you know what, they didn't say anything, they didn't treat me any differently, and now I actually feel better at having been in that vulnerable position with them and finding they accept me as I am. Of course, you have to be careful which friends you choose.
If you are really struggling with your school work/life, can you repeat the semester? (sorry I'm English so don't know how your system works). Sometimes it can be better to just write off a bad term and start afresh. Don't see it is failure, see it as taking a break til you are feeling strong enough to go back. It's a shame your parents aren't able to be more supportive, the last thing you need is guilt laid on by your mum's reaction. Can you talk to them about repeating your semester if it comes to that? Over the course of a lifetime taking a few months extra now is nothing. Sometimes knowing you have that option to fall back on can help you keep going. Do you have a college counsellor you can talk things through with too?
Are you still taking the doxycycline and epiduo? If they're not working (and if you have been on them long enough to expect to be seeing results by now) I would think you need to go back to your doctor/dermatologist and review your treatment.
Good luck (from someone who took an extra year to do their degree AND repeated their last term of teacher training due to psychological issues! AND has learned not to care that my workmates have seen me burst into tears on a number of occasions)
Thanks so much for your reply. Yes, I'm still taking doxy and epiduo. The combination worked wonderfully for a few months but now my acne is gradually coming back. It's not as bad as it used to be.
I do think I've suffered from some sort of anxiety disorder for years, as I've always been a worrier and overthink things to the max. I think acne did bring on some sort of OCD in me too. because now, the littlest things on my skin bother me, even things that people can't really notice or see.
I do have the option of withdrawing for the semester, but for me, this is the absolute last resort. I'm in a great living situation right now (beautiful apartment with 5 of my closest friends), in a great school, taking good classes, on my way to becoming a Psychology major....etc. Everything's virtually perfect in my life right now but my insecurities are ruining it all. If I were to withdraw, I'd be giving up a LOT simply because of my insecurities. That's why I'm pretty determined to stay in school even if I am feeling depressed.
That determination will take you a long way!
Do go back to your dr/derm. I wish I had been more persistent and not allowed myself to be fobbed off, or got depressed when things weren't working and just didn't go back. If I'd kept pestering my dr I probably wouldn't have so many scars now, and maybe my skin would even be clear.
If you get the chance for any cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) it's worth a go. It can be good for getting insecurities under control, as it gets you to look at things objectively and realistically. Does your psychotherapist give you time to talk or is s/he the one who has prescribed you prozac?
If you can let go of the worrying to some extent, that will really help. If you can get hold of any relaxation tapes, or do any yoga or meditation they could be useful in doing that.
You know that there are always people on here who understand what you're going through and will support you in any way they can. My own thread of despair is quite long now, and it has really helped get it out of my system and the support I have got has been so useful, it has helped me more than any doctor.
Are the anxiety and depression still there when your skin is clear? I find it a bit worrying that your psych might be labelling you with a number of extra disorders if they are just caused by your skin. It is normal to feel those things when you have acne, you are so not alone. Easier said than done, but if you can, try not to worry about what the psych says about your mental health.
Having acne affects almost all of us emotionally - I get extremely agitated whenever there are cameras around, or when I have to speak to people because I know they will look at my face when I speak to them. When we had staff photos day at work a few months ago I burst into tears because I just couldn't face it. It makes me not want to go the shops when I need to buy things, but we have to fight those feelings because otherwise they become extremely limiting to our lives.
I took a big risk this summer and twice when I had friends over to stay, I went down to breakfast with them in the morning with no makeup on. Even though we'd been friends for years I was still extremely anxious, wondering what they'd be thinking. But you know what, they didn't say anything, they didn't treat me any differently, and now I actually feel better at having been in that vulnerable position with them and finding they accept me as I am. Of course, you have to be careful which friends you choose.
If you are really struggling with your school work/life, can you repeat the semester? (sorry I'm English so don't know how your system works). Sometimes it can be better to just write off a bad term and start afresh. Don't see it is failure, see it as taking a break til you are feeling strong enough to go back. It's a shame your parents aren't able to be more supportive, the last thing you need is guilt laid on by your mum's reaction. Can you talk to them about repeating your semester if it comes to that? Over the course of a lifetime taking a few months extra now is nothing. Sometimes knowing you have that option to fall back on can help you keep going. Do you have a college counsellor you can talk things through with too?
Are you still taking the doxycycline and epiduo? If they're not working (and if you have been on them long enough to expect to be seeing results by now) I would think you need to go back to your doctor/dermatologist and review your treatment.
Good luck (from someone who took an extra year to do their degree AND repeated their last term of teacher training due to psychological issues! AND has learned not to care that my workmates have seen me burst into tears on a number of occasions)
Thanks so much for your reply. Yes, I'm still taking doxy and epiduo. The combination worked wonderfully for a few months but now my acne is gradually coming back. It's not as bad as it used to be.
I do think I've suffered from some sort of anxiety disorder for years, as I've always been a worrier and overthink things to the max. I think acne did bring on some sort of OCD in me too. because now, the littlest things on my skin bother me, even things that people can't really notice or see.
I do have the option of withdrawing for the semester, but for me, this is the absolute last resort. I'm in a great living situation right now (beautiful apartment with 5 of my closest friends), in a great school, taking good classes, on my way to becoming a Psychology major....etc. Everything's virtually perfect in my life right now but my insecurities are ruining it all. If I were to withdraw, I'd be giving up a LOT simply because of my insecurities. That's why I'm pretty determined to stay in school even if I am feeling depressed.
how long have you been taking doxy? i reccomend stopping it
and has anything else changed in your life from 6-7 months ago? i.e diet, activity, sun exposure? Its usually when you go back to college that your diet suffers and then leads to an imbalance and bad choices start to rear their ugly head.
If you were treating consistently with bp and differin i would think that things should not have changed unless you did something yourself.. whether it be lifestyle related or a simple change of laundry soap. Anything is possible.
my story is very much alike. Some weeks ago my skin looked really good and my mood was better.But this week I have to go to school and putting on full face of makeup all day, which made my skin look like sh**. Before the first day of school I was crying all day and my parents were really scared and frustrated. I was really scared of having to go to school and meeting people. Now I'm taking zyprexa, I hope this works 