I've been picking my skin since I first started getting acne, which was about 2-3 years ago in my early twenties. I had beautiful, almost pore less looking skin before than (I mean strangers would actually ask me what I used on my face). Then all the sudden I had blemishes creeping up in sections, first on my forehead along my hairline, then all over my forehead, and now also around my chin and mouth. I also have blackheads on my nose now, which is a recent development. I panicked when I noticed my skin getting worse and worse, and like a lot of you I would sit almost in my bathroom sink, inches from the mirror, picking every blocked and clogged pore, extracting every blemish. Over the summer I was traveling, and the convenience of hours in front of the mirror and a close look at my skin wasn't available. My skin cleared drastically. This is when I realized that although I had some initial acne, about 75% of my blemishes were SELF-CREATED. I couldn't believe I was doing this to my skin, but suddenly it seemed so simple. If I was causing most of it, all I had to do was stop. By this time, I had developed a psychological addiction to picking my skin and didn't even realize it.

I'd pick at my skin so bad that I would, for weeks, ignore friends calls, call out of work on really bad days, avoid washing makeup off my face if I knew my family would see me or if I was going to the gym...basically hide in the bathroom. I cried over my skin and spent a huge portion of my day, and therefore my life, obsessing over how horrible I looked and spiraling into depression. No one saw me without makeup. They wouldn't even recognize me.

For me skin picking became a way to feel control over a problem that, like most of you, I felt no control over. I tried every face wash, chemical, natural agent, supplement, working out to balance hormones, light therapy...nothing was working. Picking my skin initially felt like a way to clear it. Then I realized I'd be picking my skin and actually TELLING MYSELF (sometimes actually out loud) how this was destroying my skin and I'd hate myself the next hour when I was done, and for the week following as my spots turned to huge breakouts and red marks. But somehow I was under this trance of feeling nothing while I was picking. It's absolutely astonishing. It is almost just like your mind under the influence of drug addiction.

In the past weeks I've decided I'm not going to accept this any longer. Just telling myself to stop picking did basically nothing. I'd go all day without picking and then have a huge picking session at night and destroy my skin. So my next steps have been to replace the obsession with picking with other things. I've tried working out when I feel like picking (this is a great step for anyone who hasn't tried it yet-- you'll realize you can't put off exercising if you're using it to replace picking, and when you're done you've done something to your 'appearance' but it is 100% positive and the endorphins help a lot). That helped a bit, but I still needed something to satisfy my compulsion to touch/fix/heal my face. I avoid chemical topicals, but finally I found a clay mineral powder online (this is literally 100% clay powder-- I use moroccan red clay, there is no other ingredient whatsoever) that you mix into a facial mask. This has helped a ton. Basically it's been all about replacing the ritual. I can't completely avoid my compulsion to have a ritual, so I instead create a positive, or at least harmless one. So I mix the paste and put it on my face, and I have to let it dry for a while. So while it's on, obviously I can't pick at my face. As soon as I wash it, I put some kind of expensive oils (argan oil) and moisturizer on my face so I know I won't pick it (lest I have to wash my face and waste more product again). Then instead of feeling like I NEED to FIX my face, I am pleased because I feel like I took care of it.

The hardest part (at least if you're like me and a majority of your acne is caused by or aggravated by picking) is getting over the hump. Once you see that glimmer of progress, of clear skin, you'll start to feel your compulsion to pick wane. I still want to pick, especially when I see a bump, but the idea of destroying what I have, a clear complexion (versus the IDEA of having a clear one in the future) negates it.

I still have some flakiness from combination skin and healing marks from picking. I want to pick these like crazy. Instead, I refuse to touch them with my nails and just remove the flakes gently with tweezers. I only pick my skin with my hands & nails, so of course this wouldn't help you if you use tweezers but it helped me a lot.

I still have some blemishes, but my skin is a hundred times better and I no longer feel brought down by obsessing over my horrible skin. Another thing that has helped me is reminding myself that my skin can only get BETTER by not picking. It's definitely not going to get WORSE by not picking.

I hope this has helped someone a little bit, and I wish everyone luck in trying to stop picking. Don't feel like you're too crazy. When I realized how deep into it I was I thought I was the only person with this problem. I am still trying to stop entirely. I'm doing good so far but it's a process.