holy smokes where do i begin?
ill try and keep this short. My acne started when i was about 9-10 y/o (black heads, mild stuff) ... got worse when I was 13, turned into cyst acne...now I am 23 years old with still suffering with all of the above.
I have deep scars/open pores obviously ... from all the cyst acne ... Not scars all in one area like many of you very lucky people. I have them DEEP on forehead, cheeks, right on tip of my nose 
, chin, jaw line, like weird all types of scars scattered all over. Basically there is no nice clear spot on my face it seems. If i just had a clear (of SCARS) forehead i would be so happy. On top of that, I have active cysts still to this day. *sigh... On good days I can deal with it... but lately its been getting into my emotional. Like I always wonder what people think about my face (they don't say anything) but... Im ALWAYS wondering.... I do a good job of hiding it with make up... but then I wonder... I just feel like a monster sometimes; like I have the worse face on the planet. I am lucky I don't have like red red acne everywere... It's the scars that are so deep that bother me the most....
I have tried everything....percription, over the counter, the expensive crap, natural, diet... The special diet seems to work best I suppose.
But the thing i struggly with now is the emotional. Lately i just rather stay home than go out with friends, I rather sit at home and just think about my acne (when will it clear up, why me?) than face the stress of people seeing me and "wondering" about my face.... or me "wondering" what they are "wondering"
I have tons of friends, a very active social life (when I want it to be), and no problems attracting men, etc... Actually I get approached a lot (really, nice good guys), but I always think "Why would you want someone with a face like mine?!!?" 
... People are always calling me beautiful... but I can never take the complement and run with it, lately ive just been asking myself "WHY? HOW AM I BEAUTIFUL??? LOOK AT MY FACE" ... Maybe they are saying it because they see me struggling????? ........and that brings me to my next problem. Maybe I am throwing away chances with guys because my face is holding me back. I can honestly say I am pretty content not having a boyfriend (I actually don't want one), I like being solitary.... But.. I dunno... *sigh
Maybe I just came to share my story, or to vent tonight, or just short things out in my head... or maybe just to see that I am not alone...
Can anyone kinda relate to my personal stuggle?
Am I my worse critic???
Can anyone kinda relate to my personal stuggle?
Am I my worse critic???
*hugs*
I can relate so much.
But people are saying you're beautiful because you are beautiful. 
It sounds like you have a lot of positive people surrounding you, take their kind words to heart and bear in mind that your inner critic is magnifying any perceived flaws.
I definitely know how you feel... i'm 25 years old (and still have severe acne, only usually occurs when i'm under high stress) and know exactly what you mean by what i think of as "personal paranoia." I was pretty much in your shoes, but i've stopped thinking so negatively, i'd recommend you take up a hobby that just gets your mind off of everything... maybe start doing some long walks... i've done this and its helped me emotionally. I've picked up the guitar... and just forget about the world for hours and take my dog on long walks (sometimes run)... and it just gives me a different perspective. I've done this for the past couple of years and i just stopped caring what people think (or at least what i think they are thinking haha).
I mean its kinda unfair to judge others on what you think they are thinking about you (in a negative way) because in a sense you think they are judging you negatively, but you are also doing the same in return. You are now generating negative energy and that energy is fueling your anxiety. I wish I knew what you could do exactly to "flip your mind" into positive energy, but only you can do that. My friend James was a very depressed person, he had panic attacks, anti-social, did not like going out to crowded areas, etc... then one day he got a new job, which he was good at, met this girl... things just started clicking for him... and now i don't even recognize him. So I hope you try to find something that will help you generate positive energy or at the very least expel some of that negative energy (IE: working out, screaming, etc)
If you decide to go into hermit mode (which i'm kinda am in, not cuz of the acne, but because of school and work.. i really just don't have time to go out anymore 
). You should try wearing less makeup and find ways to heal scarring. I've read that Pure Vitamin E oil (placed on your skin) helps heal scaring have you tried this? I'm not a pro on acne, so i wish i could be more help in this area.
PS i just joined today to reply to this topic because its a shame such a wonderful person can destroy themselves.
I feel the same way. I wish I can just make fun of my situation, but many other things prevent me from doing so. Always in this time of year my acne gets worse. No matter how able I am to control it before, when february comes, it just gets worse. All the cysts come out. And now my friends want to meet up with me. How can I even face them? They are all so vain. Always talking about their skin, their face, etc.
Anyway, so much for this babbling. You probably are your worse critic. Don't be too hard on yourself. At least you have people telling you you're beautiful.
Wow! I can relate. I hear all the same compliments, but i know if I didn't have the makeup or the hair, their perception of me would be entirely different. So i struggle with feeing like a fraud. Or not being my true self. Or being loved for my true self. Even my husband doesn't see me without at least a little bit of makeup on, or hair done. I have built walls so high I don't even know how to break them down. I can't imagine walking into the world without makeup on. I guess my fear is people will think i am "dirty" or "unkept" because I have acne. So I try my hardest to pull together every other aspect of my looks that i CAN control. The hair, the clothes, all the superficial stuff. I get so obsessed with everything else being perfect, since my skin is not. But at the end of the day I feel empty. Because I am still not allowing myself to be entirely vulnerable. Which means I do not feel entirely loved. I am working on this. Trying to feed my soul and not my ego. But only someone who has struggled with acne can truly understand the defenses we have put up. And how it may take years to build yourself back up and break those walls down. Every aspect of my life is effected by my acne. And that's because I allow it. But I understand you, and the self doubt. It's a real struggle. But people are drawn to us and calling us beautiful for a reason. When you've struggled, you are empathetic. And everyone is drawn to that. It's what makes us human. I hope you find your inner beauty, and let it guide you. I fee for you, because I feel it too! Lots of love to you.