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Wasted youth

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About Wasted youth

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  1. So I recently came across this website and I feel soo blessed to find and read stories that are very similar to mine. Growing up I have had depression and suicidal tendencies all through my teen years and now into my early 20's. So when I read stories like that I genuinely feel for you, and tbh I know that what ever I say might not even be able to scratch the surface of what your going through because everyone has their very own pain and deals with it in there own way. Last weekend I felt like shit. Someone just triggered me and made me feel so insecure about my looks, I knew them from high school and we always casually flirted but I knew he was a play boy so I always kept my distance. How ever just like a fool I decided to give him a chance and try to get to know him, we hung out and I felt like we hit it off but then out of no where plans suddenly came up while we were hanging out and he ditched me to go to a party and posted a snap of some girl twerking on him. This asshole messaged me later to ask if I was ok because my mood seemed different, and I acted cold. I think he did it because some of my make up came off and you could see my acne. Regardless to say he is blocked and I will no longer give him anytime of my day. The only thing I am frustrated about, is that I let that effect my mood so much. I gave away so much power to someone who just turned out to be rude and I think that is silly of me. I spent all of yesterday and today being sad and contemplating why people treat me terrible and I came to the conclusion that it's because I allow them to. It sort of is my own fault and I'm going to put an end to all of that nonsense. Acne has torn down a lot of my confidence and self respect but that is going to change how people value me, unless I start valuing myself. Everyone deserves to be happy and to have good relationships/ friendships in their life. I'm going to be quiet honest with you. Today was hard because as I was smiling at a beautiful group of people, and know that I have a loving family but there will always be people who don't respect or accept me, I doubt that even if I had clear skin it would change. I dread getting up in the A.m sometimes and looking in the mirror because my face is never clear. Going to the gym is feeling like another awful task because of my acne is always there and while I'm excersizing I watch myself in the mirror to have good form. Having a clear day! hah I only have a clear 2 hours before a new attack arises. It is really hard and I feel like giving up, but I'm going to just try to stay positive and hopeful and try to keep going because those last couple times of trying to end my life, and then seeing the after math of what it did to my loved ones wasn't worth it. I have mild to moderate acne and I am finding that the scarring and acne lesions are getting so much worse as the years pass. I am on Retina A Microgel at night and was using bezagel as a cleanser as recommended by my dermatologist. Currently I am still taking the Retina but am now using castile soap as a cleanser instead; I find my skin doesn't flake as much. Also trying to change my diet and failing by dairy which completely sucks balls! no chocolate and no bread it sometimes it feels like a no no diet. However, when I ate superfoods like the dreaded broccoli, Kale, veggies, and organic meats I noticed a great change in energy, attitude, and my acne was calming down. For liquids: green tea helps, milk thistle and dandelion Roote, and lemon water. One thing I can say about the people who treat or have treated you wrong is that it's all due to a lack of their maturity and it would be a shame for you to stunt your own personal growth. So just remember you're kind of amazing for waking up in the morning and getting yourself out that door with a smile or even mustering up enough pride to go through your day regardless of the reason.
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