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Posts posted by Shit-faced

  1. Don't feel so bad. Birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year's gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, each flicker of the candles on the cake we know it's not to be. That for the rest of our sad, wretched, pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably.

    Happy birthday? No such thing.

  2. Acne and acne scars are off-putting, and degrade your overall "hottness." For example, there's a beautiful Kirsten Dunst look-a-like at my local grocery store. I want to ask her out, but I don't like that she has acne. It's just unacceptable to me, my parents, and my friends. I'm a firm-believer that acne can be controlled, and from the looks of it, she's not doing anything about it (because it's gotten progressively worse over the past couple weeks).

    I don't want a girl that practices poor hygiene. Who knows what else she's got. Probably pussy cottage cheese.

  3. From the brief description you give of your boss, he would probably benefit from a nice kick in the balls. So you might have to try something a different. Here's what you do: find a male hooker and pay him to seduce your boss. When they're just about to have steamy butt-sex, have the hooker slather some Dave's Insanity Hot Sauce onto his shaft. Your boss won't be able to walk for at least a week. That'll give you plenty of time to find another job, and it will also give you an excuse to quit your job (because your boss is a raging homo).