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Everything posted by Shit-faced

  1. Can't decide between two guys? Do them both. Everyone wins.
  2. I usually just turn down the volume and jack off to those hot women. Kelly Clarkson especially. She's so cute and plump -- I just want her to sit on my cock and wiggle while I grasp her breast and massage her clit.
  3. Fat mature women getting pounded by two monster cocks simultaneously. Then watching the cum drip from her pussy when she tightens and thrusts her muscles.
  4. You should look into being an overnight loading dock operator/stocker for Wal-Mart. Pretty much everyone else working the graveyard shift is there because of their own 'disabilities.' They will sympathsize.
  5. Don't feel so bad. Birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year's gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, each flicker of the candles on the cake we know it's not to be. That for the rest of our sad, wretched, pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably. Happy birthday? No such thing.
  6. You talked to your crush?! I've never gotten past the stalking part.
  7. That's good to hear. Let's just hope he doesn't get caught xeroxing photos of his wang.
  8. Acne and acne scars are off-putting, and degrade your overall "hottness." For example, there's a beautiful Kirsten Dunst look-a-like at my local grocery store. I want to ask her out, but I don't like that she has acne. It's just unacceptable to me, my parents, and my friends. I'm a firm-believer that acne can be controlled, and from the looks of it, she's not doing anything about it (because it's gotten progressively worse over the past couple weeks). I don't want a girl that practices poor hyg
  9. It's not appropriate in the porn industry. Girls only want one volcano, and that's your penis.
  10. Wait...your flute instructor is a guy? He's either gay or a pedophile. I think you should quit.
  11. Obtain some Valium via online pharmacy, and take a good amount before you go to bed.
  12. Stop bitching. Just get extremely drunk and that'll put everything in perspective. Trust me; I know these things.
  13. From the brief description you give of your boss, he would probably benefit from a nice kick in the balls. So you might have to try something a different. Here's what you do: find a male hooker and pay him to seduce your boss. When they're just about to have steamy butt-sex, have the hooker slather some Dave's Insanity Hot Sauce onto his shaft. Your boss won't be able to walk for at least a week. That'll give you plenty of time to find another job, and it will also give you an excuse to quit you
  14. I like dipping my penis in jars of peanut butter and having hot sluts suck it off. Same goes for my balls.
  15. To release my anger, I like to jump in my car and head over to my city's red-light district and pick up hookers. My favorite is Jan. She has a tight pussy. And she can take it like a knife that's killing her.
  16. Don't worry Drusilla, this short video should help you feel better: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wPdIMPFDnVw
  17. I don't get mood swings anymore. I'm an alcoholic.
  18. I hate "don't cry over spilt milk." Who the fuck says that shit? Nobody worth breathing. And it should really be "don't cry over little things because there will be plenty of bigger things that will fuck you up 'til you wish you were a rotting corpse in a dumpster."
  19. I'm sorry -- your story was great and all, but let's address the crux of your post: who are you?