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thatwillnotfly

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About thatwillnotfly

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  1. thatwillnotfly

    Day 25: "i Used To Pick My Face"

    Aw, thank you. I have always found my comfort zone in writing. I often feel like half the battle of working through any problem is being able to articulate it into words.
  2. thatwillnotfly

    Day 19: Whatever It Takes

    "MINOR MAINTENANCE." Ugh. This is also what just kills me! My skin is dry right now, and I am constantly tempted to try and "exfoliate" my skin. But it turns into rubbing my fingers onto the couple of small plugs I have. It's like I literally have a devil in my brain telling me that "it's ok, just this once, just remove that little tiny fleck of skin right there...see? it was just dry skin, it came right off, you didn't even have to try..." And I know that this is just edging up to that line
  3. thatwillnotfly

    Day 19: Whatever It Takes

    Elliew8 you are absolutely right about becoming complacent. And I am glad I sound like I'm in control...I feel sometimes like I'm thisclose to going on a scratching rampage, but so far I guess I've been lucky. One day at a time, right?
  4. thatwillnotfly

    Day 25: "i Used To Pick My Face"

    I have a large...plug. It's sticking out of my cheek, in fairly close proximity to my mouth. It's just that. A hard, waxy plug, sticking up from a pore. I reach up to run my hands over my face, and I feel it there. So far, I have not picked or scratched at it, but man have I come close. I even tried "drying off" my face with an extra rub with the towel right there. You know, because it needed to be dry, right? Sigh. I realize that I will probably never lose the compulsion to pick at my f
  5. thatwillnotfly

    The Clearest I've Ever Been

    Hi! I'm not 100% positive that I'm sensitive to wheat, but I certainly noticed a big difference when I basically gave up bread. But it might have been something else: the yeast, for example, or some kind of preservative or something that's used in pre-packaged breads. I was tested for celiac disease and it was negative, but after some experimentation I've concluded that I certainly don't need wheat/bread/pasta in my life to function, and that if anything, wheat-based products seem not to agree
  6. thatwillnotfly

    The Clearest I've Ever Been

    Hi everyone! I'm not sure if this is the right forum to be posting this but I wanted to share my regimen in case it's helpful for anyone else. I am gorgeously clear, and very thrilled. Regimen: Water, Benzoyl peroxide gel, and Zinc oxide sunblock. And that is ALL. 1) Wash face with mineral water only twice a day (Evian Brumisateur mineral water spray). I recently discovered that I have a sensitivity to nickel, and it got me wondering if I might be sensitive to other metals (or even o
  7. thatwillnotfly

    Day 19: Whatever It Takes

    Haha...thanks! Also, too, every time I so much as glimpse at my hands or feet, it reminds me how awesome it is that I've made it this far. Plus, I have all of this glorious new nail polish to play with, so lately when I've been tempted to pick at my skin, I literally just replace that thought with, "my nails need a touch up!" Seriously, by the time I'm done fussing with my nails, my brain is consumed with "LOOK pretty color with sparklies!" and the urge to pick has been quashed. I'm not
  8. thatwillnotfly

    Day 19: Whatever It Takes

    So I've been reflecting a little bit more on how it is that I've managed to make it more than two weeks at this point (!) without picking, squeezing, scratching, or otherwise disturbing my face's irregularities. And I think if I had to pick just one thing that has been the most critical to my "success" (I have so far overcome picking, but not the urge to pick) it has been making not picking my face virtually the number one priority in my life. I know that sounds a little bit crazy, but hear me o
  9. thatwillnotfly

    Day 18: Always More

    Aw...thank you. I feel for you too. And I completely get what you mean about the "madness." This effort has really marked a turning point for me in terms of how I approach not picking at my face. I'm going to write about it more in another entry but I want to say that one of the most important realizations for me has been making "not picking my face" The Number One Priority of All Time. By this I mean: I made a decision that I would do anything not to pick my face anymore. Whatever it takes. And
  10. thatwillnotfly

    Day 18: Always More

    I can't believe it's been 18 days since I made the commitment not to pick at my skin. By and large, it's been a smashing success. If by success, I mean that my face is finally clear enough that I don't feel the need to go stare at it every six seconds. I still...reach up to touch it. I have a big plug sitting in one of the pores on my damn nose. I have a couple of tiny plugs on my chin. I hate them on the chin. Drives me bananas. If by success, I mean: I'm twitching with irritation,
  11. thatwillnotfly

    Reasons Not To Pick

    I am so sorry, because I know exactly what you're going through. I do have to say this though: you might notice that the very last "reason not to pick" that I posted is essentially a rebuttal to the voice in my head that says, "you're destined to pick." When you say "I just cannot stop," I hear this belief echoed. The truth is, really really, that you can stop. In fact, if you want to stop, you must absolutely take the leap of faith and believe that stopping is possible. You can stop, but you
  12. thatwillnotfly

    Day 8: All In My Head

    It's funny how I can know something intellectually, i.e. that "acne does not make you a horrible person," and yet somehow not buy into it emotionally. I agree that I could benefit from therapy, and I wish it was a feasible option for me. In the meantime, I figured I'd let my feelings out a bit here, and let the internet be my "therapist."
  13. thatwillnotfly

    Day 9: Scared

    Maybe I should call it "worried" or "anxious" or something that makes me sound less like a five-year-old. But that's exactly how I feel right now. Scared, like a little kid, alone in the dark, not sure whether or not there really is a monster hiding behind my bookshelf. Anyway, right now, I'm standing on the precipice of a major shift in my career that will drastically change my lifestyle for the next several years. And even though I'm happy that I have the opportunity to be doing what I'm d
  14. thatwillnotfly

    Day 8: All In My Head

    It's like being in some kind of psychological prison, isn't it? And I don't mean to of course minimize what it is to be in *actual* prison, but having a face with sores all over it is a terribly painful stigma to have to live with. I wrote in an earlier post about how in order to make the commitment to stop picking I had to outline the beliefs that drive me to pick and then systematically rebut them. One of those beliefs is the idea that clear skin is beautiful and virtuous, and acne is dis
  15. thatwillnotfly

    Day 8: All In My Head

    First, on the positive side: I've been 99.999% successful in not picking at my face. And I throw the less-than-100% in there because I removed a tiny bit of dead skin from a healing spot. I'm not perfect. But I'm trying my best. And at the end of the day, I guess that's all I can do. It's hard for me to explain in words how difficult this has been. In some ways, it's actually been easy for the last couple of days. I've been busy with life, and for good reason: I have a major test tomorrow. B
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