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About CocnutCaramel

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    Over the sea and far away
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    Books, food, performance art
  1. For me, therapy has been a great help. Picking is, in my oppinion, not an isolated issue but an expression of something else. The kind of violent picking you describe, as well as talking about what you do as disgusting is what makes me believe that you have lots of agression towards yourself which comes out in form of picking your skin. I mean, it is indeed helpful to limit the expression of the angst (for example, trying not to do it, stopping yourself, wearing gloves) but the core of the is
  2. Time for a pic update!!! it's been soooooo long, almost a month since I last came here Things are going really well, actually. I did get a bad cyst on my cheek that i popped, which refilled etc etc for little over a week but that's all healed now. Differin did definitly NOT work for me. After using it VERY VERY sparingly on just a few select areas on my cheeks my entire face got super red-orange-y, flaky, itchy and even water made my face burn. So I quit using that. Instead I came upon another
  3. Paul: "outing" oneself is really cool, I hope you got some supportive response too! I think it's very difficult to convince myself that I'm not alone in this struggle. Even though I am a great believer in the collective, the organisation, the shared experience there seems to be a high threshold between my ideological side and my emotional. They just don't agree. It's a struggle everyday to convince myself that this is NOT part of me, that this is a sickness or a mental state or whatever you
  4. DAY ??? Thank you so so so much, Liz and Paul. I haven't felt like answering until now but I have read (and re-read) your very encouraging, altogether lovely and heart-warming replies. Thank you for taking your time to write that down, every word helps. Today, like two weeks later, I'm pretty much healed again. Still a lot of bumps but I've been using less and less makeup, which seems to help A LOT. Even though makeup has been a huge, huge help for me through healing and covering slip-ups
  5. DAY --- So I'm back. Guess why? Because I did it again. Yep. I did. Just a couple of minutes ago I demolished my face. I picked every. single. blackhead, bump, whisper of inflamation on my. entire. face. I'm so upset with myself right now, I cannot believe how I could let this happen. My skin was almost perfect. A minor redness, and that was about it. My skintone had evened out. My bumpiness was almost gone. And now I'll have fat pimples all over my face in just a matter of days. Not to
  6. DAY 96 (!!!!!) It's been 3 months, people! Time for some new pics along with that little celebration, don't you think? Let me just say that these are taken in very poor light so my skin looks a lot more red than useual. But aside from that I'm really proud. I've been sick for the past couple of days (i HATE colds) and i think that's what's caused a very very mild breakout along my jawline. All that rolling around in my bed and not getting any fresh air seems to be a less than excellent skinc
  7. DAY 88 Hi again. I've been doing ok the past week, healing that massive, inflamed cyst/bump. I can still feel a bump under my skin and the area is a bit red, but it's a looot smaller than it was 10 days ago (i mean, my whole cheek was hurting...) Went thrifting for clothes earlier today and found myself looking into the fitting room mirror and seeing every single congested pore/tiny bump on my cheeks and started to freak out. They must have had some kind of wierd light in there, because I did
  8. DAY 78 Sooo... i don't have much to say, my brain is pretty fried from a long 17 hours of essay work, but I felt like I needed an update here. For some reason i decided to pick a tiny tiny something that I couldn't see but feel underneath my skin. Well, my punishment came fast and with a punch - I now have an inch of inflamed bump on my right cheek. It's gonna take ages to get rid of and I feel so hopeless. Until a week ago my skin was so awesome and I was doing so well, and now I'm back i
  9. DAY 74 Paul: as always, you are awesome. Remember what i said about you being a therapist? Still think you should apply and use your talent to help people professionally. I completley agree with what you say about not using the fast healing as an excuse to pick. That one really hit home, I think like that a lot of the time and I need to punch those false promises in the face and get on with my happy thoughts all instead of trynig to mind-f*ck myself into picking. I read a journal of a girl
  10. don't smack yourself, ok :) Be nice. It's hard enough doing this without being angry with ourselves when we mess up (and I'm writing this aimed at myself as much as you). Because we WILL mess up. We WILL fall of that proverbial waggon, but the important thing is to let that next kliché of "getting back into the saddle" come and pick us right up. This isn't like turning a corner and never look back. I'm counting on having to actively work on healing this (the obsession, not the zits) for years an
  11. DAY i-can't-keep-count Hi. I haven't been around in quite a while, and I'm really happy to tell you that's because I've been doing pretty darn great. Until yesterday, that is, so I felt like I needed to come back here and write a bit about how I feel. So my skin's been the best it's ever been: super smooth, not too dry, not greasy/oily and NO breakouts what so ever. I have extracted the odd blackhead, but I've been really good at stopping and just stepping back and making sure I don't just
  12. DAY 50! It's been almost 2 months now, and it's still going ok. I have developed some sort of rash around the side of my chin and nose - it's kind of orange/red and dry. I blame the dry, cold weather outside + the super super hot radiators and dry air in my apartment. Ick. I keep my window open 24/7 just to be able to breathe... It's one month on Yasmin today, and I'm not sure it's been making a lot of difference. At least no breakouts, no cysts, no pimples apart from where I've been picki
  13. Everywhere there's little piccies living piccie lives..... DAY 46 - almost completley clear. 80% of redmarks faded, texture of skin improved about 100%, just a few slow-fading bumps left People, THIS is what happens if you don't pick! If your acne was self-induced it DISAPPEARS. If it's not, well, you'll still feel a LOT more confident, trust me on that one.
  14. Mario Badescu's "Healing Cream". Genious stuff. And ofcourse, hands off and proper cleansing.
  15. You can do it! I know from personal experience that it IS possible to quit picking. I thoroughly recommend going to www.stoppickingonme.com and reading all their info. The site looks really old-fashioned but they have such good advice and envcouragement to give. They have been a great support for me. And, like my grandma says, just because you have an impulse to do something doesn't mean you have to do it.