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hotburrito

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Posts posted by hotburrito


  1. I get so weirdly relieved. The other day I was doing some last minute shopping, and I noticed that all the sales girls except one had visible acne/scarring even *with* makeup on. And you know what? They were all gorgeous. It wasn't even a "oh, that girl is pretty even though she has acne" thing, it was more of a "oh look at that pretty girl - oh wait she has a few pimples!" type epiphany. So yeah, that cheered me up a lot :)


  2. I totally agree, theres so much more to life than looks but everytime I look in the mirror I can't help the fact that I automatically feel depressed and don't want to live life..it happens everytime I look at my skin in my bedroom mirror at night with the light bulbs highlighting the scars...it just makes me depressed and I cant control it, it makes me so mad that I fall asleep crying.

    Even when I'm driving in my car and I think about what it would be like to wear short sleeves, and I just cringe (I have bad skin on my arms too)...it's the worst feeling ever and I can't control it, it takes over my life

    This on the other hand I can understand completely sad.png I'm sorry. I feel the same way. 90% of the time I force myself to be positive, but holy fuck staying positive is exhausting sometimes. I'm no longer as depressed as I was on Accutane, but I still spend a lot of time just crying myself to sleep and then feeling even more awful about it because I hate that I'm such a shallow/insecure/superficial person deep down after all.


  3. I might be paranoid but I know having bad skin makes me look trashy.

    And that is literally the worst thing someone can say to someone with acne. I had a similar thing happen where I drew a picture of myself and this guy asked who the picture was and I said "me" then he laughed really loud and said "you made your self pretty hahahaha You aren't pretty". Then he walked away. It hurt me so bad to hear that.

    Perhaps it's a regional thing. I've never seen anybody with bad skin and automatically thought "trashy" - that's a judgement I usually reserve for... well, particularly questionably-dressed or foul-mouthed people.

    That guy was a douchebag, how did you not throw something in his face.

    As for being told that you're not/no longer pretty being the worst thing somebody can say to a person with acne - I guess we differ on that front. It's taken me a while, but for now at least I can just shrug and go "okay, I was pretty before and that was fun while it lasted. Now I'm not and I'm still totally okay." The end. There is much more to life than simply being physically attractive.


  4. ...are you sure you're not just being paranoid? I mean, the paranoia is totally understandable given your dad's really offensive and ignorant statements, but I've never had anybody treat me like I was "trashy" or actually dirty because of my acne. Most people just coo pityingly at me and go "oh my god, that's so sad, you used to be so pretty!" (Which... thanks.)

    Strangers basically just treat me like they always have. Except I think they do more of a double-take when they see me first, but this is completely understandable given that I look pretty pathetic. I walk into stores and SAs still come up to me acting super friendly and trying to make a sale just like they always have though. I feel like people are probably thinking some passing "mean" thoughts inside their heads, but most remain polite in their actual interactions.


  5. Hah, I used this stuff ONCE (same concentration) and broke out in hives all over - the hives have subsided now but my face is peeling all over as well, and it really is very embarrassing. I honestly just stopped using it once I... well, broke out in hives (pretty sure that's an allergic reaction right there), but is it possible you're using too high a concentration? I'm not sure what you can do about the peeling/flakiness except not to pull at your skin flaps, which will probably just slow down the healing process in the long run, and NOT to exfoliate because your skin is extremely tender/sensitive right now.

    Also, I'd caution against using concealer/foundation because that is going to make a giant mess of things. Just... let it peel and put your vanity to the side for now (unless you're required to wear makeup for work or something, in which case I honestly have no idea). It'll be better for you in the long run.


  6. Wow. You guys are really, really nice.

    I know that if I just talked to him and explained that this is something I'm insecure about he would say something to the effect of "aww baby, you're beautiful" because that's the kind of guy he is. If I did open up to him, I could start dealing with this. But I don't think I'm ready for that, so I'll just talk to you guys.

    We're happy to help! But just out of curiosity, why are you afraid to open up to your boyfriend - because you suspect he might not like what he finds?

    Sort of. I have cultivated an image of someone that is emotionally indestructible. But he knows me better than that. He knows I'm human. What he doesn't know is that there is so much I hate about how I look. I don't really want to draw attention to any of those things by talking about it. Nor do I want to make him aware so that he won't make any well-meaning suggestions or comments that I could only find insulting. And not that he ever would, I don't want to give him any ammunition to use against me in a fight.

    Ahh, I see. Yeah, I can understand why it would seem like a daunting risk for you to make yourself that emotionally vulnerable to him :( Hopefully talking about it to us here will help you get more used to the idea of opening up (even to complete anon strangers over the internet) so that when you need to have this conversation with the boyfriend, you'll know how to do it better. Be easy on yourself and give it time - I think your boyfriend just wants you to feel comfortable and happy.


  7. Wow. You guys are really, really nice.

    I know that if I just talked to him and explained that this is something I'm insecure about he would say something to the effect of "aww baby, you're beautiful" because that's the kind of guy he is. If I did open up to him, I could start dealing with this. But I don't think I'm ready for that, so I'll just talk to you guys.

    We're happy to help! But just out of curiosity, why are you afraid to open up to your boyfriend - because you suspect he might not like what he finds?


  8. I want to gain weight becoz I don't like my skinny arms and legs. And my waist is too thin I guess. And another problem ( the worst). Becoz my breast size is inappropriately big, this whole weight loss process caused them to lose their elasticity. I look kinda weird with skinny body and full breasts. I guess those desirable 10lbs will balance things out.

    You probably already know this, but you have a body type a lot of women would probably literally kill for (and one I am afraid at least some women have probably died for). Which is not to say that you wanting a different body type is illegitimate or whatever because everybody has different wants and needs, but still. It sort of reminds me of that thing where if you're curly-haired and go to the salon to get your hair done for an event or whatever, they often straighten it... and if you're straight-haired, then they curl it. It's like geez, we can never win :P Good luck with your goals either way, though!


  9. increases melanin in your skin so you tan better.... if you bad acne then obviously your complexion is not that great so a tan helps your complexion

    i took accutane and im just waiting for some red marks and redness to die down then im doin a cycle of melanotan...

    What about the people who can't afford/experience extremely troubling side effects on Accutane then?

    if you cant afford it then get a job. if you cant deal with the side effects or something wrong is going on with use than i dont know, figure it out.

    and dont give me this "well my acne keeps me from working because my self esteem is low" BS because i got a job as a dam host with acne so i could afford it.

    It's harder for some people to find jobs than others, and not everybody is lucky enough to get enough health insurance to afford Accutane while they also need to be paying their own rent/groceries/whatever.

    I personally do have a job and could afford the Accutane, but was one of its users who suffered the very troubling side effects (so my derma ended up taking me off). I'm currently trying topicals, but seem to be allergic to virtually everything - though honestly just leaving my skin alone seems to be helping more than any medication ever did. My point is that just because it was easy for you doesn't mean it will be as easy for other people, especially people without the privilege of health insurance/financial security.


  10. i am too, its impossible to recover the time i spent convincing myself i was as 'unworthy', for lack of a better word, as they said, but they were kids, and at the very least i was forced into humolity so even if i was covered in zits i was still one of the nicest kids in school!

    Ugh, I am so sorry to hear that. I think the emotional scars people develop during their formative years are often impossible to completely get rid of. I was popular in grade school, but that's had its own set of drawbacks - rest assured that the popular kids probably hated themselves for every tiny perceived flaw/imperfection that they picked on everybody else for and that their need for "perfection" often ends up carrying on to their adult lives... rendering them far more miserable in the long-run than the kids who learned it was totally okay to be different back during those adolescent years.


  11. That's the thing. I don't really know. I just have that icky "caught" feeling. I guess because it's one thing for me to acknowledge that I have a flaw and take steps to correct it and it's another to have someone witness me acknowledging the flaw. Like before he saw that I didn't have acne, and now I do.

    This is really sad :( I wish I could offer you some advice to help, but I don't know what exactly would work. It sucks when feelings refuse to follow reason, but that doesn't make them any less "legitimate" - sometimes feelings are just... feelings and you can't control them no matter how irrational they seem. Can you maybe go to your boyfriend and try to tell him this? "I know it doesn't make any sense, but you just caught me applying BP and now I feel really embarrassed even though I know you've seen me with terrible acne before." Maybe he'll know exactly what the right thing is to say, or at least give you a giant hug to make you feel better.


  12. in seventh grade a new girl to my class got asked to the school dance by a friend and when she initially said no he said 'its either me or pus mountain over there.' she still said no and never talked to him again but that really hurt.

    What the hell, I would've gone over there to punch him in the face for that, how were you even friends with this person. "Yeah, it's either me or Bloody Harry over there, thanks."

    (I was not a very peaceful person back in Grade 7. I once turned a water hose on a dude because he refused to get out of my seat... in the middle of class.)

    it was seventh grade! i cried that day when i got home, and my friend apologized to me the next day, and i didnt have many friends so i forgave him, he wasn't the only one who called me that btw, i was known by a lot of 'creative' names in elementary school. I'd like to say i would have been different if i was in their shoes but i dont know for sure

    Oh, I'm glad he apologized. I was a huge bitch back in middle school - I'm actually surprised not more people tried to stick up to me. 22 year old me wants to give 12 year old me a long series of slaps and more. I'm sure a lot of those elementary school kids probably feel bad about their behaviour now.


  13. in seventh grade a new girl to my class got asked to the school dance by a friend and when she initially said no he said 'its either me or pus mountain over there.' she still said no and never talked to him again but that really hurt.

    What the hell, I would've gone over there to punch him in the face for that, how were you even friends with this person. "Yeah, it's either me or Bloody Harry over there, thanks."

    (I was not a very peaceful person back in Grade 7. I once turned a water hose on a dude because he refused to get out of my seat... in the middle of class.)


  14. Hotburrito,

    Thank you, and your post is really great as well! Good point about the slogan you brought up, and you could also say "just because somebody is healthy doesn't mean they can't be a real woman!"

    Aww, likewise. And yes, honestly, for me at least all that's necessary for somebody to be a "real woman" is for that person to identify as such - whether they're thin, fat, muscular, gay, straight, bi, trans, whatever. The "real women have curves" campaign, while well-intentioned, is ultimately damaging to both skinny and curvy girls alike. Sometimes it really pisses me off that Hollywood acts like there are only two viable types of female bodies - the Kim Kardashian/Christina Hendricks type, or the stick-thin model type. In reality, people come in all different shapes and sizes and I think that's pretty amazing - I wish we could celebrate that more.


  15. wow thats crazy to go that long w/o looking in the mirror. I have to look in the mirror to make sure my skin is getting better and nothing abnormal is happening to it.

    ya well trust me buddy when youre left with very noticeable rolling and box scars on your cheek and red marks all over ur chin its hard to shrug that off, moreso since my work makes me bump into a good 200 people a day....

    I can sympathize with you, OP. My official job title has marketing in it, but I'm really just glorified customer service for a high-end company (one that hosts Tiffany's parties and BMW giveaways and the like), a job that's typically associated with physically attractive people (for the record, I started my job before I developed acne). It's definitely pretty hard to go to work and not feel self-conscious about clients staring at my skin, even though I suspect a lot of this is just pure paranoia from my side. I don't have rolling scars, but I do have a bit of active acne left (mostly clogged pores and small comedones) plus shallow boxcars and icepicks... not to mention very severe hyperpigmentation.

    When I first got acne, I freaked out so badly I literally removed every single mirror from the house except the ones in my parents' bathrooms. I can't avoid looking in the mirror entirely because I need to do things like, well, brush my teeth/wash my face/groom my eyebrows and the like, but I definitely try to stay away from them as much as possible, plus public restrooms = :( I often feel a wild panic rising in my chest whever I catch sight of myself now, but manage to cope with it by a) closing my eyes, b) redirecting my thoughts as SOON as possible, and c) reminding myself that my worth as a human being is not ultimately reducible to my level of physical attractiveness (or for that matter, unattractiveness). Your looks aren't the only thing about you, and while it's easy to feel like they are because they're the most obvious physical signifier, you can always try to remember to dig deep and remember that you have countless other wonderful qualities/experiences to define you. Have a little sympathy for yourself. Don't be your own biggest bully - this isn't middle school anymore, right?


  16. Definitely seconding ABG Fairy's wonderful advice - going by BMI categories (which seems to be what you're doing here) is often a very counterproductive measure, since BMI is by definition an index, not a definitive answer to the question of whether you're too this or too that (professional athletes for example, frequently fall into the "obese" category because of all their muscle). Some people are naturally thin (others are naturally fat) and you seem to be one of those people, so as long as you feel healthy and energized by your diet (which looks very healthy to me) I'd agree that you don't necessarily need to fix it in order to get to a "healthy" weight. If your concern on the other hand is purely aesthetic, then can I just say that the "ideal" hourglassy feminine body is a dangerously unattainable one for most and that a lot of women end up doing damage to both their physical bodies and self-esteem while trying to achieve it? (One of my least favourite slogans is "real women have curves," because, um, just because somebody is thin does NOT mean they can't be a "real woman" - it's super rude.) You sound perfectly beautiful the way you are. If the clothes don't fit, then that's the retailers' fault for not accommodating your body correctly, not your fault for failing to fit into a bigger size.

    Having said all that, what did you end up doing with the avocados? Those are pure fat (and good fat) so I think that if you have at least 2 a day, you might end up seeing a weight gain. (That, and you could always drizzle lots of honey onto things.) On top of that, sometimes diets take time to work - I personally have quite a slow metabolism, so it'll usually be months before my eating habits actually end up impacting my body in a noticeable way.


  17. I applied a combination of Retin-A (0.1%) and Hydroquinone (4%) on my face yesterday and now have a hive-like rash all over my face. I'm aware this is an allergic reaction and will discontinue use, but the redness is really pretty unsightly. Has anybody else experienced this allergic reaction and if so, how long did it take for the side-effects to fade for you? On that note, do you guys also happen to know what I can do to fix the problem as soon as possible?

    I'll probably contact my derma if things get any worse (she wasn't actually the one who prescribed this - my GP was a couple of months ago, it's kind of a long story), but for the moment, I figured I'd ask around on here. For the record, I suspect I overapplied - I knew I wasn't supposed to apply too much, so I grabbed a Q-tip and applied the Retin-A to my red marks/scars and then wiped off anything excess, but in hindsight this was still probably too much product :( Thanks in advance, guys.


  18. ^Finally. Someone who is honest. When you say "ugh" do you mean gross? If that is the case then I know exactly how you feel. Acne is a disgusting skin condition, but I know the person who is suffering from acne is not disgusting.

    Wow I thought every girl had a secret list, or a set of guidelines on what they like in a male. Well, at least you didn't cop out with "Tall, Dark and Handsome." Also, I don't know any girls younger than the age of 40 who use that expression anymore.

    Handsome. Is there even a difference between handsome and hot? I have been called handsome before so perhaps there is hope for me. I don't know what you mean by preppy guys...I guess ralph lauren, ambercrombie models?

    Well, back when I had clear skin, I guess I did used to think "gross" - now I don't have that thought quite exactly, but it's more of an "ugh" reaction still... I don't know how to describe it, but I guess I'd call it more of an inward wince (the result of long-term programming and all that)? For the record, that inward wince is not something I extend only to other people - I can't even look into the mirror without feeling sick.

    The thing is, I don't presume to speak for all women. I have always been very, very picky about skin, especially because mine was effortlessly clear for the first 22 3/4 years of my life - I'm not quite so picky about other qualities, like height, whereas some of my friends won't even look at a guy unless he's over 5'10" (I'm Asian as are most of my friends, so 5'10" is in the tall range for guys for us - though ironically enough most of my taller Caucasian female friends set their limit at 5'8" :P). Different people have different turn-ons and turn-offs.

    Eh, some girls have secret lists. I think most of those girls are secretly still 12 on the inside.

    I think different people use "handsome" and "hot" differently. When I say handsome, I mean more of an objective, traditional, almost old-fashioned type of attractiveness like Don Draper from Mad Men. "Hot" is probably more of an attitude thing - I feel like people take Chuck from Gossip Girl to be hot even though he's not traditionally handsome because he just has this swagger. For the record, I find neither character particularly attractive. As for preppy, I guess Ralph Lauren/Abercrombie kind of works, though I've never particularly liked modelesque guys save for a purely aesthetic appreciation - but on a style level, RL is closer to what I go for than Abercrombie, which just screams "suburban high school teenager."


  19. What are the most important physical qualities for a guy? Does acne turn you on?

    I wish I could pretend it wasn't a turn-off, but it is. It's not something that I'd consciously discount somebody for, but in all honesty I do have a knee-jerk "ugh" reaction when I see a guy or girl with acne, so you can only imagine how awful I feel about myself now.

    I don't really have a list of physical qualities I look for in a guy, but I do know that I definitely have a type. Every single guy I've liked has been more or less conventionally attractive though rarely outright handsome - which is kind of discouraging to me because I generally expect better (read: deeper) of myself, but you just can't force attraction. I also go for the fairly "preppy"-presenting guys. Having said that, like I alluded to before, I never (actively) go for guys on the basis of looks - personality (and overall compatibility) matters so, so much more.


  20. Lol wouldn't that make you sooooo paranoid?

    lol no where are u getting your information from...

    It really depends on how much you smoke/take and how you ingest the marijuana. Back when I used to smoke weed (back in college and all that), it'd take me two joints before I felt the effects taking place, and I never felt paranoia. But I have friends who eat a few "special brownies" and then get SUPER paranoid about stuff - it's pretty trippy just to watch them.

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