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flyboykp

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About flyboykp

  • Rank
    Junior Member
  • Birthday 04/06/1990

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  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Arizona
  1. October 13 2010 Dear 2005, If I say "what if" enough will you hear me? Would you take my advice or do we really have to make our own mistakes? Things are about to fall apart. Your about to jump overboard with the weight of the world chained to your ankle. Im not supposed to regret the past, but in times like this, even the best of us wish we had a time machine. It is sad to think of all the time wasted in pure arrogance. Knowing what I do now, I would carry one simple message back in t
  2. September 26 2010 What do I want to say. My mind is filled with thoughts, none of which make any sense when I attempt to put them into words. How would you like me to feel? Someone please tell me where to begin. Dear Dad, i've spent a lifetime wondering where you are. Now what? If I'm not angry at you, shouldn't I be? Did you forget about me, do I care? In this world I'm expected to feel resentment for my parents, maybe I don't. I missed out on so many things as a child, or did I? Maybe
  3. September 14 2010 Perhaps my focus is off-centered, but it never hurts to dream a bit. I know, I really do. I am to be my own happiness. I am the biggest project I will ever encounter. There is work to be done, but I think I get the jist of it. I made my mistakes, i've traveled the dark paths and i've recovered. Id like to think im on auto-focus. Things may blur, but I always seem to find clarity. My future saved me, im too important to exit the game this early. God has touched my life and en
  4. July 19, 2010 A piece of me here, a piece of me there. Half of my heart in his shirt pocket and the other beneath your stiletto. Yes, life has really dwindled to this point. Every piece of normalcy, funded by my twisted definition of needs has finally slipped from grasp. There is no impression to make and no picture to paint, nothing to offer except for myself... daunting thought isnt it? The sum of my wealth lies within the cavity of my chest. The point of disaster is learning to find every
  5. May 20, 2010 Hate all of the awfull memories, the words, the bruises, and the tears. Hate the pain, the blood and the scars. Remember what it felt like to wake up and suffer through another day. Remember what it felt like to die. Remember everything forgotten and neglected, remember all of the people that were left along the way. Now love what you have become. Love the strength and courage that developed. The wisdom gained is most valuable, far out weighing the pain you once felt. Look thro
  6. I wrote this back in may, i feel that it verbalizes how accutane can feel. There comes a time: When this all becomes routine. Like clock work I rise and I fall. My life is a series of rituals, ones that allow me to feel as though I do in fact have control of every outcome in life. Simple things like eating arent simple, there are calculations, questions and criteria that have to be computed, answered and met. I exhaust myself with fear over everything that I cannot control, this medicine has
  7. may 6 2010 When this all becomes routine. Like clock work I rise and I fall. My life is a series of rituals, ones that allow me to feel as thought I do in fact have control of every outcome in life. Simple things like eating arent simple, there are calculations, questions and criteria that have to be computed, answered and met. I exhaust myself with fear over everything that I cannot control, this medicine has taken the power out of my hands. I am no longer in control of what you see, I simply
  8. April 28 2010 Talking to a friend about being alone prompted this because ive been thinking about it a lot. We all know we are supposed to be happy alone so that we can be truly happy when others are around. We should rely on ourselves number one and be content making difficult decisions with our best interests in mind. Its no secret that I feel alone 99% of the time. Ive gotten myself through some tough times. Sometimes I wondered why it had to be this way. Maybe it was my fault for being s
  9. April 8, 2010 The past few weeks have been amazing. For the first time in a long time I was normal. No procedures, no needles, no appts, no pills, no bloody noses, no more scars, no more hair falling out.. Just normal. Tomorrow I make a stop at the pharmacy so I can start on the poison again. Im not gonna lie, im scared and tired just thinking about it. I wish I didnt have to, but I do. The upside, over the last few weeks ive seen what life will be like after this is all done. Im just praying
  10. Ive really used writing as an outlet. It has helped to make sense of some of the things i have been through. Ive been through it. but I have learned something from it and i just wanted to share some of the things ive written over the past couple years in the bad and the good times.
  11. Sooooooo, my labwork came back perfect. #thankyoujesus! lol My IB on this course wasn't as bad, it just seemed bad because I had been clear and then BAM. It only lasted 2 weeks. The dermatologist seemed pleased with what he saw, nothing too serious to report. He did however inject the cyst on my inner thigh (fml x2) and it didnt feel good. haha it seems as though it has been an eternity since I began my treatments again. Time seems to drag along. No serious side effects, since I am on a lowe
  12. So I did my lab work today. You'd think after 8 months (from my previous rounds of accutane) they would listen when I tell them they aren't going to get any blood out of my right arm! They always try, then try a bigger needle and end up jabbing both arms. Whatever, all this really gets you used to needles. Monday at 245 I see the doc, cross your fingers everything is in check. I will flip if something has gone wrong. Face is basically clear, I have a couple behind my ear (rock hard Bd painful)
  13. Good luck! I am about one month in on my second course. Going for my blood work tomorrow. Wish me luck. Stick with it, it was worth it for me
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