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My Battle With Acne And Body Dysmorphic Disorder

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So this is my first time posting as up til now I have been happy browsing others posts and seeing there struggles and success but I feel now I need, if only for myself, to chart my own feelings towards acne and have a way to see how my skin changes now I am seeking treatment.

So a little history. I have had mild, hormonal acne from the age of 17 on and off. When my acne first surfaced it was obvious straight away that I couldn't cope with the changes in my appearance and I soon developed depression as a direct result. I would miss school and stay home just obsessing about my skin, pouring on lotion after lotion. I finally went to the doctor and seeing my distress they put me on dianette and retin a. This worked....however it worked as I stayed home for months applying retin a 4-5 times a day to my chin so that it would peel off all the spots and layers of skin and then I would spend weeks applying cream to stop the dryness. I was clear until my early twenties when I forgot I needed to keep up treatment and stopped the pill...again tho I went back on the same dianette and retin a combo and did the same thing again, hiding away until I had managed to ruin and then heal my skin.

At the age of 27 I became pregnant ( on dianette) and during my pregnancy my skin was the best it had ever been. I needed no creams of lotions and potions as I really did glow.

Fast forward til now and I am 32 and my son almost 5 and the last year my skin has progressively got worse...going from two spots a month before my period to two or three painful pustules a week.

As my skin worsened so did my depression and earlier this year was so depressed that I couldn't eat, sleep or generally function and was diagnosed with clinical depression. Not one person could see or would believe that my 'mild' acne could cause such feelings until recently a physiologist diagnosed me with body dysmorphic disorder. This is where the sufferer sees flaws that are either not there or see a mild flaw in their appearance as severe.

Anyway they have put me back on my same routine and I have now been taking dianette for 3 weeks and using retin a once a night for a week with the addition of Bp in the morning. So far I have had no change in my skin, my chin has lots of red marks plus one big sore spot and there is one sore big spot on my right lower cheek. I only break out on the sides of my chin and lower part of my cheek. My skin is also starting to peel slightly on my chin so make looks crap but I can not bear to go out without it.

Anyway I plan to update every few days, so I can hopefully see my progress and keep positive as currently I am in a deep dark place emotionally so as well as trying to help my skin I am trying to help my mind and heart's a very trying time. Any words of encouragement would be lovely as what drew me to acne org was the wonderful community and support you guys offer each other.


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So it's been a few days and my skin is pretty crappy. The two spots in my chin and cheek are healing but an old papule/nodule on my chin has re swollen and is big and sore. I can also feel lots of bumps on each side of my nose, these generally stay small and skin coloured but gives my skin a horrid bumpy texture...why can't it just get better, every time I get my hopes up I am disappointed again and again. Am missing out my seven day break on dianette and carrying on taking it but am getting some spotting. Hope the swollen boobs, water retention and bleeding stop soon as my body adjusts to the pill again and then maybe just maybe my skin will improve. I hate this, hate having to tell myself everyday it's not that bad and put in a fake smile

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