1. Last Week
  2. Last Month
  3. Yeah I often think about that.

    I often look at homeless's skins, and most of them don't have a single scar...

  4. I don't say you don't have scars and I know it's tough,  I just want to say to you I don't personally think your scars are ugly, as they match your skin tone.

  5. On 11/09/2018 at 9:35 PM, ReddedShwx said:
    On 03/09/2018 at 2:27 AM, mickidepaname said:

    But, dude, I hope you don't have severe scars...that's the most important...
    Acne will go away man....I know when you have acne on your face it's something you can't describe...it drains all your energy...but it goes away man...
    I will face it: I’ll forever be a disgusting monster.

    How are you brother...hope you have more energy today.
     
  6. More Than a Month
  7. 3 hours ago, ReddedShwx said:
    I just read your newer post this morning. Been real busy with college and assignments all week. 

    Im really really glad you’ve had such a (I hope) positive perspective although you deal with scars. And your entire post earlier made me think. A lot. About everything.

    i just finished crying because of depression and suicidal thoughts. Acne is only one cause but hey it’s a pretty damn huge culprit. I overwork and distract myself with getting shit done so I don’t feel so bad, until I look at myself in the mirror.  Idk. The suicidal feelings, when they come, are really terrible. i think of how I used to be, how acne basically changed me. 

    Doesnt matter tho. I wonder how you’re doing, dude. I’m really sorry that you have permenant scars. Are you alright?

    But, dude, I hope you don't have severe scars...that's the most important...
    Acne will go away man....I know when you have acne on your face it's something you can't describe...it drains all your energy...but it goes away man...
  8. What's up dude...how are u doing ?

    Turned out my very deep and red scars are permanent, and I'll have to live with it for my whole life...

    Honnestly, the only thing driving me is knowing life doesn't last forever...

    But it's hard (impossible) to cope with society's expectations when your mind is completely f'd up...

     

  9. On 16/08/2018 at 4:12 PM, ReddedShwx said:

    I really am not feelin’ it. The fluctuating moods throughout a single day are tiring, and I don’t want to deal with feeling repulsive even when my face isn’t completely red. Know what I mean? Man, at the moment, I am sick and tired of living.

     

    Nah, I don’t plan on seeing the acne go away at all, especially on my cheeks. Seems impossible no matter what I do. And yep that sucks. I’m sorry you’re suffering through this too. Can’t even feel content enough during social interactions when self-reminders of your acne always come back right? And aren’t you tired of it too? 

     

    Sorry about that. You don’t feel like you can be liked or loved by girls do you? Although your acne is not your fault. Sure we can “deal with it” and just be grateful for what we do have... it isn’t that difficult to have small moments of actual relief, relief because we realise “hey, my skin’s not THAT bad!” 

     

    And yet it isn’t that difficult to quickly tell yourself “wait no, it actually IS” either.

     

    Having to go back to college for my last year, I feel like I’m gonna kill myself more and more each day. There are way too many rules when you have shit on your face. 

     

    I won’t tell ya to cheer up.

    Im hanging on a thread.



    Really strange to here somebody talking about mood swings.

    I experience it. IN A SINGLE DAY too. It's brutal.

    In the morning I may have an Idea that drives me, and energizes me. At 3 PM I look back at my reflection, and I fall back into a hole of misery.

    I may have been a smily guy in the morning, and I'm the most quiet and apparently akward guy ever.

    But, what you need to understand is that with the misery of acne, you must rely on very very long term. Trust my own experience.
    My advice would be, consider you're not living your real life right now...don't think it'll be permanent, because your brain lies to you...

    Trust my own experience :

    Like I said :

    I feel very low right now. It's a horrible moment of my life...
    Indeed, last month I had a very very bad breakout that killed me and depressed me due to the scarring and hyperpigmentation ( lots of suicidal thoughts...)

    BUT.

    Just before that, I felt finally confident after 2 years of the hell we both talked about...Indeed I had a horrible breakout that created horrific marks on my face.....I just didn't see such scars on anybody. It was atrocious. My life was over.

    Let me just tell you this : I booked a plain to Kill myself in a specific city I Know, where it would be easy to jump under fast trains....but my credit card was refused due to unsifficient money...


    But, while I abandoned myself for 1 year and a half, my twin brother said to me one day : "your scars faded incredibly, man trust me your face looks good Man"..

    I didn't believe him due to the body dismorphia (A condition touching most people with acne, making you feel way worse than you do, no matter the true state of your face, severe or not) ..then I looked back and I understood he was right....it litterally faded..

    During the next 2 years following acne
    (I didn't only talk about the next 3 months, skin does an Amazing work in extremely long term. Like you don't believe how much your face changes.


    Look at that Man, it helped me so much in my darkest moments.

     

    At 2: 11, he shows what his face looked like 3 years ago....skin  changes so much, even if your depressed Brain tells you the opposite... he didn't use ANY PRODUCTS during 3 years...he only let the real treatment work....TIME.


    So, I have Hope...because even though I'm stuck in my room in this very moment, full of depressive ideas, our lives will be great, in maximum 2 years.

    Also, look at the evolution of the youtuber Brian turner
     
  10. Sorry there was a problem with my answer. I hope we'll finally live a Real life dude. This is just not possible. I totally relate when you talk about the day you feel would be perfect, but you remember a little detail changes everything....

    Man, what's hard is that I refuse every social events, while I would love to go There. That's why I Say people only Know my shadow. I live everything at 15%, when I could live it at 100%.

    example : social events with my colleagues, Friends, family...I don't want to go There while deep down all I want IS to socialize and feel good.

    Like, when people Say : let's go to a nightclub, and I go There, I want to gang myself because I'm like "why does a great thing turns into something I avoid?"

    And the worst of the worst. And it's linked with the social events I mentioned : Girls.

    Man, I'm on barcelona, at 10 minutes from the beach. I see girls all around me. My two brothers talk about Girls 24/24.

    I Know I could date lots or Girls, but I can't... WTF

     

  11. On 12/08/2018 at 3:38 PM, ReddedShwx said:
    On 12/08/2018 at 3:38 PM, ReddedShwx said:
    We must be long-lost cousins. Legit. Man I’m sorry you have to deal with shit too. Honestly, I feel 100% unlovable and I actually believe with all my heart that I m a monster although there are worse acne conditions out there. I’m going crazy. No I don’t feel better. When I start my next college semester I’m gonna eat healthy again, see if I  progress there.

    How about you? How are you holding up with this disgusting disease that you never deserved? It’s fucking amusing to go about your otherwise good day suddenly being reminded of the death plastered on your formerly clear face huh? I not only sympathise with you, I also feel like we are just two members of the grateful dead living a dream among the oblivious and ungrateful living. 
      

    No, I don't feel good right now. But If do have Hope my new scars improve a lot during this year, as I notices There are huge changes in a year.

    My life is a constant "what if I didn't have this"...

    What do you mean when u Say this : "I also feel like we are just two members of the grateful dead living a dream among the oblivious and ungrateful living" ?





     
  12. Man, trust me, I know you that you didn't write 1 percent of what you really feel...it's just too long to explain with a keyboard...I'm 24 and I live the same  nightmare....it's tough..tough..every single second of every minute, and every single minute of every single single hour
    ...

    If you want to Know what i feel, look at my last post

  13. How long did you have this? I think it'll slowly fade away. It's a long process

  14. On 28/06/2018 at 1:34 AM, ReddedShwx said:

    I’m new here and honestly pretty messed up to begin with. So I don’t know how to start. Start anything for that matter.

    Anyway, hi, I’m depressed and suicidal since 16 years old and I’m 21 now. Seems short but hey, life has felt extremely and unnecessarily long over here for some reason. And it sucks. 

    As if I can’t be any more pathetic, here I am trying not to cry again. I’ll just stash that away since there’s no real reason to cry over acne, right? I guess not. Besides my eyes sting like hell whenever I shed the slightest tear. Ah well.

    Basically, I’m fucked up. I hate talking about myself and I just want to die already but here goes I’ll make it brief and stupid: 

    Personality before age 16 and before acne: Basically a funny, kind, helpful friend who would never hesitate to be in the spotlight just to have fun and make everyone laugh and feel at their happiest in life. 

    Now, at age 15, sure I had started getting one pimple ocassionally but I had used Clearasil and it took care of it. My face had always been clear otherwise. I was... quite simply living the time of my life. And so, after having to move From Germany, depression hit badly because all my friends, family, do way of life disappeared. Unfortunately on top of that, I went to a new high school and honestly, it was terrible. Felt alone. Cold. Suddenly, and i didn’t understand why, I began breaking out on my cheeks, gradually, then my chin and forehead. That’s where the depression got worse. Not to mention getting bullied, made me feel suddenly unlovable and ... disgusting? Like a... monster. 

    Fast forward to today. I had tried probiotics back when it was more severe. And one day I had looked in the mirror and seen that my entire left cheek was clear. But my mother stopped letting me take those because they’re bad for liver yadayada. Sigh. Ah well.

    it all came back. For about five years now the same acne has been stuck on my face. And..well.. my mother is now an aesthetician and gave me currently a good regimen for moderate acne. Stuff with certain acids that help acne. Been helping and healthy diet during college really helped me. Everything was clearing finally... almost. Then .... I thought it would be okay... it would end. The pain. The feelings...of suicide. death. But no... my twin is like clear now...... I’m not at all. I ask myself... that’s not fair, why? They always touch their damn face. They eat lots of sweets I eat only fruits and vegetables. They complain about being ugly and  have no confidence. 

    ...You..fool. Acne is the only shade of black that ever cast me a shadow. I’ve been...so patient. So healthy. So selfless. All i wish for... is for this cursed acne to get lost. It’s getting worse and I disconnect myself so much I’m so alone. I feel nothing....my real self is gone. 

    TL;DR I never had severe cystic acne, but this moderate acne on top of nonstop dry skin and REDNESS... all over my disgusting face... it’s all killing me. I’m mentally unstable, wanting to kill myself just about every day. At the moment, I’m alone cooped up in my room, ruminating that I can’t live a normal life because ACNE? And yet... this monster called acne has officially transformed the wearer into a much more frightening nightmare. I hardly cry anymore. depression did that. But yesterday I broke down. I CAN’T....keep living with this shit. Paranoid...disgusting...hugely delusional. Paranoid of food. Of chemicals. Huge fear of breaking out more. I hate myself and will die with nothing left in my soul but self-disgust. Nothing left in my heart but dead blood. Fuck acne, no one deserves it.


    What the f.....that's crazy. Really Man, crazy.

    It just looked like I wrote this text...

    I Hope you feel better now.


    What's most crazy is that I thought I was alone , but I have a twin brother too...who has a very good looking skin...and is very attractive...while I live with horrible deep scars since a terrible breakout of last year...only Twins will understand what it's like to feel your twin brother became way more good looking than you.

    Everytime I look at my brother, I want to Kill myself.

    Life could be a dream, it's a nightmare.

    My Real self is dead. People only know my shadow

    They think they're able to judge me...but they don't know they're judging a person who's not even there anymore and who's not using 1% of his potential.
  15.  
    Hi, I red your story...you're not alone..
    My life is an endless nightmare...my anxiety is making my Belly hurts right now.
    I just turned 24, and I had the most attrocious breakout 2 years ago. I Always strugled with acne a little bit, but just the occasionnal spot, here and there. I was never concerned with it, I thought it was the normal path for a teenager.


    All my life, I never accepted my self...there always was a problem about my looks...(my size when I was young, my forehead...)
    But, litterally just before this horrible breakout, I finally loved my looks for the first time in my life, and felt really attractive...Girls started to pay a lot of attention to me...I looked at my identical twin brother and felt "WTF I objectively look very good...that's Amazing..I was just living with body dismorphia" I was so happy and confident, for the first Time of my life.

    And then...I don't know why, god decided I needed to be touched by the worst breakout possible....my acne got horribly infected and I was covered with disgusting terrible scabs. 

    I couldn't describe it here, it would be too long,  to explain what is like to feel your face being slowly eaten.
    It was exhausting just to stand up. All I wanted was to sleep 24/24....but then you find yourself looking into the mirror and you don't believe what you see.

    In the same time, my Friends asked me to go out every single day. All I wanted was to enjoy life with them and have a drink...but I couldn't, I was trapped in my student Room..

    My acne was that Bad that I quit university, because I couldn't go to School, for 6 months....(I still had my degree at the end)...

    I lost my Friends, and every inch of my self esteem.

    I ended up covered with deep horrible scars.

    In the same time, my twin brother didn't get acne at all...
     
    The most horrible thing, which seem almost unreal to me (I feel like trapped in a nightmare) : I now look at who used to be my "identical" Brother, looking very handsome and Wonder "why didn't I enjoy all those years, I didn't have any problem...I litterally was a good looking Man"... 

    Don't get me wrong, I hate the fact that human beings are that obsessed with looks, and this nightmare made me a much better person, understanding the meaning of pain ..but when you hate your body...It's a struggle to truly feel good inside...and when you don't feel good in this society...when you're depressed......you feel like you're predetermined to be a failure...

    Why? Because NOTHING cares. That's simple, I just realized I just played a role during these last 2 years : I ACT like I'm living, but I'm not. I'm litterally dead inside (hard to explain)...I don't enjoy anything....so I feel isolated from every other  people. 

    I was humiliated in every aspect of my life this year...I had an internship this year which turned into a nightmare, because I didn't want to socialize because I felt unsecure...while it could have been Amazing.

    A few months ago (...1 year and a half After the breakout), a lot of my scars went away and I never thought it would happening, but I liked my face again, after a lot of work...and then.......I was hit by a horrific breakout again...which created very serious scars...which destroyed once again everything...notably my hollidays un barcelona, which is a nightmare while it could have been a dream...


    I have too much to Say again but I think that it says it all : my life should be a dream, but because of a stupid (unrecognized) dizease
    , it turned into an endless nightmare....


    But I keep hoping...I keep hoping our lives will be great again...life is quite long we'll see un the future...

  16. Hey, I read your message..

    Hey, you're not alone, I relate 100% and it's honnestly surprising, while I feel so alone in real life since several years...

    "I had so many passions in life that I wish I could be pursuing, but scarring has taken priority over everything. It seems to be all I think about and I feel like I'm trapped in some weird Nightmare."

    You don't know how much it reflects the last 5 years of my life. 

    I can't focus on ANYTHING, so I feel I waste every % of my potential.

    I'll right you a long message later.

    I watch a movie right now lol

  17. Man, trust me, my scarring is way more important than yours. And I suffered terribly. Really Man. But now thank god I love my scarring (mine, not every scarring)
    What I Say doesn't comes from the average dude who gives advices about scarring and confidence like: 

    "embrace your scars and Say yes to life, scarring isn't everything!"

    "People don't Care about scarring, it's all about confidence and self love!"


    Lol.

    These people don't know anything about life, so don't even bother listening to them.
    Bad scarring is a Real problem Man, don't get me wrong. 

    I repeat. My scars have nothing to do with yours. But I'm convinced you're in the same situation than me. 

    You won't believe what I will say, prepare yourself, but we'll try to see if I'm right.
     I think that, like me , you tend to overrexagerate what you see in the mirror.

    Ok, I'll tell you what happened to me. 

    For 2 years, I had suicidal thoughts EVERY SINGLE DAY. I even crossed the Line, and wasn't far from killing myself.


    But my twin Brother saved me. He litterally saved me. (Yes I got a twin Brother with almost no scarring).


    I'll tell you what happened. I said to him how I felt about my skin : like a monster, a Freak.

    But he looked at me in the Sunlight and said "what? Your skin look ok, what deep scarring are you talking about?"

    I didn't believe it, so I made him repeat that for several months, and I finally realised that he was right....I was clearly not seeing the truth.

    Then I took pictures about my skin, thinking "how no, we don't see anything...it looks much much better than in the mirror"...and my brother
    said to me "...this is your skin Man".

    Then I filmed his skin, and Guess what....it looked exactly like what I saw in Real life.



    Two weeks ago I had a breakout that left me with several red marks (which will leave in a few months). I took a picture, and this time it looked Bad...

    so, that's simple, I challenge you to take a picture showing me how much worse than what your sent me your skin is. 

    Also, ask somedy how your scars look, and we'll ses what they Say...

    Honnestly, I regret the years I wasted litterally walking in the street looking at my shoes, and refusing to hang out with Friends...

    And that's very personal, but I find that, on a lot of cases, shallow scarring on jaws are aesthetic. It's just me Man, but Manu Times I look at people with shallow scarring and think : "it suits him very well".

    Sorry for the postales, it Comes from my phone corrector, who is set up in french lol

    And sorry for the mistakes, it comes from my phone corrector, who is set up in French...

  18. Man, ok, I'LL rate it.

    Your skin looks almost flawless.
     

    Please don't waste your life for sometimes that isn't even there. (And trust me I suffered from scarring myself)

    Do you realise that it's not even scars, but really shallow marks we don't even care about ?

    You could play the beautiful in a movie with this skin.

    You're very lucky, trust me, it's even aesthetic.