sh1234

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About sh1234

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  • Birthday 09/25/1991

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  1. Dec 23rd Report

    Okie dokie well here i am, the day after my December 22nd challenge.. and i must say im pretty happy with where my skins at right now. It was *decent enough* for my hair appt yesterday, and i found something while shopping yesterday that i think will hit it home. Its a retinol cream i found at winners, i used it last night and already could see an improvement this morning. Will keep using! My picking has been pretty under control since theres not much to pick at right now. However, I did have an under the skin golfball on my forhead for a few days. Like, i dont know what it was. It was like, not cystic, not a pimple, just my forehead swelled up LOL. I would put asprin mask on it and ice it and take an aspirin and eventually it went down. Merp.
  2. Dec 22nd Challenge

    Ugh!!!!!! Failed yet again!!!! Picked since my last entry. Like, a full on picking spree last night. Just right out of control. Fell into that trance and just could not stop. I was picking spots multiple times over, even after i knew i had gotten everything possible out, even if i knew there was NOTHING in there in the first place, just hoping something would come up. I just couldn't get out of the trance so kept going over and over the same spots for absolutely no reason. Felt like complete shit afterwards. I cannot even describe the feeling that i get after i have come out of the trance. Its like i have let myself down SO MUCH, i cant even believe that i would do that to myself . I just feel totally doomed because im doing it to myself, no matter how hard i try not to. Then there's the feeling when you wake up the next morning, and remember what you did last night, and know that when you go to the bathroom and look in the mirror you are going to look a fucking mess. BUT its a miracle because right now almost 24 hrs later its almost like the picking spree never happened, with the added bonus of some things i picked being better than before (flatter). Anyhoo, in my desperate searching for some way to get my picking under control i found a YouTube video of hypnosis for skin picking. Its the first one that comes up when you google skin picking hypnosis videos, some English (i think) guy with red hair. Let me tell you!!! I listened to the session the night before last and WOW. I want to say it really works, but i did have that picking spree the very next night HOWEVER i felt amazing and like something had changed in me right up to that point. I actually listened to an OCD one first before i found one specific to skin picking. But like, i was so deeply relaxed, and actually started crying during it because it felt very freeing. Like it was breaking me free from the obsession to pick. Then i found the skin picking one, and im not even kidding, the next morning i had NO urge to pick, felt so in control, was convinced i would never pick again. Then i got too close to the mirror that night and the urge was too strong i couldn't pull away. I am going to listen again tonight and every night until it takes full effect! I'm telling you i am a believer. Anyways, ok the Dec, 22nd challenge. Today is the first. I have gotten a miraculous fresh start from last nights spree, so as of today, the 1st, i am going to do everything in my power to not pick, seeing how much my skin will heal by Dec. 22. THE 22ND, because i have a hair appointment that day. Yes, and we all know how uncomfortable that can be with bad skin. The lighting, the up close and personal with your sylist, the big mirror, staring at yourself literally for hours on end. The getting your hair washed and water splashed on your face, and the nakedness of sitting in the chair with wet hair up. NO, i need acceptable skin for that kind of ordeal. PLUS, to get a head start on NO-PICK 2018 amirite?! So, that's about all for now. Failure, hope in hypnosis, and Dec 22. PS - Totally meant to mention earlier that i have not been using face wash for like, ever. I've used one small container of Lush face wash since July. And it ran out like a month or two ago and I just couldn't be arsed to buy more because the Lush in my town closed, and the nearest is 2 hrs away LOL so i just haven't been "washing" my face, just rinsing with water and i must say there's no difference anymore. Maybe beacsue ive been off the face wash for so long my face is just used to it. Anyways, just though i'd log that as well!
  3. Guess I'll start over

    Well its been what, 5 days now and guess what - ive picked. Of course. Havent had a "picking spree" but will admit that I have picked. Yep. Failed yet again. Should have known. Honestly though, I did try. So here I am, starting over again with the no picking thing. Lets just try for a week. Lets see if i can go until Friday night without picking. Ugh its so hard though. So easy to think to yourself, "ok, no picking this week" so easy to give yourself false hope, yet so hard to actually do it in real life. Its not easy to be fighting yourself. On one hand theres the part of me thats like "just go ahead, its one little spot just handle it and it will go away. Youre making it better, just do it, its not a big deal." Then the other side is like "Dont do it!!!! Stop! Pleaseee dont." And here i am caught in the middle. So, i picked a little tonight. Just some usual daily maintenance (if you can call it that). As of tomorrow morning, i am doing an experiment. One week (not even a full week, just a work week!). Lets see if i can outsmart myself. On another note, just tried using aspirin on the face and i must say it does work, for basic, easy little spots. Flattens em right out. Takes away all the swelling. So thats one good thing!
  4. No picking DAY 1

    Well its been a whole day since this mornings' promise of quitting. While i did not pick, persay, i must admit that i did, as i usually do, "scan" my face in the car driving home from work. I always do this, once i hit the road on the way home and im alone in the car, i mindlessly start feeling my skin for anything dry or flaky i can easily get off without looking. And i did it today.. does that count or no? I figure no. Now i still have to go into the bathroom and clean up for bed tonight so hopefully nothing goes down. I think picking is truly an addiction. Seriously, why cant i just go into a bathroom and quickly look in the mirror without leaning up close to the mirror and looking at my face pore by pore searching for anything to squeeze out. I literally, on purpose, look for things i can "get out". Its insane. I dont want to do it but i legit cannot stop. Trying though, tonight will be different. Just wash and go to bed. It should be hard.......yeah right LOL. Here we go.....
  5. I'm DONE PICKING (again)

    OK. As i am writing this it is the morning after a big pick, after I was on a pretty good roll with nice skin. Yep, I played myself again. It started how it always does, went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. Was going to remove one tiny flake off of a healed spot, very meticulously and controlled..... and BAM !!!!! 30 mins later my whole face has been extracted and is beet red. My favorite cream has mitigated some of the damages, its not the worst its ever been by any means but like come onnnnn WHY did i have to do that. Now im back at square one again. SO, like pretty much EVERY time this happens, i have decided that i am DONE PICKING. *laughs to myself* ahh how many hundred of times, year after year, have I said the same thing over and over and i always fail. Every single time. BUT this time i am starting this journal here for myself. Every day i am going to write how it goes with the picking. And if i pick, im going to admit it. (hopefully i fucking DONT though lol). Sure sure, this journal thing works i tell myself. Even though ive tried it last year when no picking was my 2017 new years resolution and i kept a hand written journal. That didnt work AT ALL. Had no effect whatsoever. Maybe if its on the internet it will be different? Anyways, here it is: TODAY, TUESDAY NOVEMBER 21, 2017, 6:38 AM, FROM HERE UNTIL THE END OF TIME (LOL) I WILL NOT PICK MY SKIN EVER AGAIN. EVER. EVEN IF SOMEONE HAS A GUN TO MY HEAD AND TELLS ME TO (OK MAYBE THEN, AND ONLY THEN LOL) BUT SERIOUSLY. IM DONE. COLD TURKEY. DONE!!!! Its probably going to be the hardest thing ive ever done (well, i know it is.. ive been trying to quit for like 10 years now, ha). But im fucking dead ass serious this time. No looking in the mirror for no reason. NO touching my face except in the morning to put on makeup. No picking before i get in the shower, just GET IN and dont even look in mirror just hurry. I will stop and my skin will heal and be so happy with me. OK, there we go. DONE DONE DONE. NO MORE PICKING YOU FUCKING IDIOT STOP FUCKIN UR OWN FACE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!