I'm officially at breaking point. This could be my very last post due to personal reasons. I just can't do this shit any longer. I stopped taking my daily doxy pill 2 weeks ago because it was clear it wasn't working anymore, and i started taking 50mg of zinc. I can't explain how bad my face has gotten since then. I can't hardly sleep because they hurt so bad. My forehead has so many cystic painful pimples right now. Both cheeks have huge inflamed pimples and so does my chin. It's physically and emotionally drained me. I actually know when im getting a new spot now as well, i get a itch or a scratch somewhere on my face and when i feel around that area, i can feel a bump forming underneath. Im not home till like another 3 weeks either so i cant even go to my doctor or anything. I wanted to come back home this christmas with at least a smile on my face and the courage to face all of my family, but that wont happen. Just imagine a life where you hie from your friends, hide from your family and dont even look at your own mother in the eyes, and you will have my life. I honestly dont know what to do now, i really cant do it. I gave up long ago fighting this. It's alright for people to say 'keep fighting' or 'it will get better', i've been listening to them for the last 5 years and nothing has changed. I cant keep putting high doses of pills into my body. I cant tell you how much money ive wasted on product after product hoping to find something to heal this torture. I even have to go as low as putting some concealer over my face in order to have the confidence to go outside, you know how hard that is to do? I cant eat what i want, dress how i want, have my hair as i want, talk to who i want. Im just living in my room, curtains drawn, just wasting away my life as acne destroys my face. My foehead had already been ravaged and has pretty much been torn apart, now im just waiting for my cheeks to do the same and it would have finally broken me. I never thought i would ever feel this way over something like this. Ive tried so so hard to help fight this, but i just dont have the mental stability any longer. I have been clinically depressed now for over a year. I should be enjoying life, im 20! At university, and i know my career goals, but they are slowly slipping away, with every new day this disease tears me and my self confidence apart. I wouldnt bring this pain onto anyone! All i have in my life atm, is my Grandma, who is my rock but i know she wont be around for much longer, and when the time comes for god to take her, there pretty much wont be much for me to go on for. I see people on here, who complain about how bad their situation is, and they post pics and you can hardly see any acne at all. Id hate to see what my body looks like from the inside with all the shit that ive put in it. But thats me in a nutshell. There is so much more i could sit here and talk about but i just havent got the energy. I ask for your help but i know you will try but it will all be in vain because every thing i try just ends up making me worse. I just hope people who have had success realise how damn lucky they are to be able to live their life how they want.
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