About this blog

a chronological step by step journey through Epuris (Canadian accutane). I will document my experience and the changes I see with my skin. 

Entries in this blog

TheHeartItRaces

Done.

So i'm done. I went to the doctor. They said i'm done. it's been six months since i started this, I went through a lot. This was a super hard process honestly. I felt down about myself a lot. I felt uncomfortable in my own skin. But I also still had a blast. I still met people. i had two girlfriends that regardless of what i looked like/was going through, were there for me. I still played shows and wrote and did art like i still will. I think it just goes to show how much power the mind has and how I will never let anything control what I do or if I wake up in the morning. No matter what, I will have strength. At the moment my back is clearing up, finally. Doctor said the pigmentation should go down. My face has some scarring that will also heal as well. I'll probably post some of what my back and face and chest have gone through in terms of change in a bit. But I'm essentially done blogging on this. Honestly, this blog helped me air out this really sensitive issue for me, I'm really grateful for it. Hopefully I give you some insight and hope into your own accutane journey, regardless of whether the end was dire. Enjoy and happy days.

TheHeartItRaces

So, I've basically finished 6 months. I stopped taking accutane for a week in costa rica, but it stays in your system regardless. i have seen improvement, but only improvement of what happened the past 6 months, which was breaking out....All in all, for my back acne, i'm glad i took it, but for my facial acne, it was not a good idea. Honestly, I'll be trying to mend the damage that accutane did to my face unfortunately. But even my back still has scarring. I'll probably update after I go to my doctor's appointment. If anyone was even following then thanks for being a part of my journey, hopefully you gained something. For myself, I realized how intense this process is, and nobody's perfect, but i'll always have fun and i'll no matter what, pursue my passions regardless of my skin. One love.

TheHeartItRaces

So, I'm actually starting to see improvement....which is nice, like I'm for the first time in a couple months actually optimistic. My back is clearing up, scars as well I think? Will have to wait a few more months to see what I can do about those. My chest is still breaking out in some spots, but my sunburn makes it look better (?). Face is not bad, but I have some pitted scars that get me really really sad, I really want to do something about those. The scarring in general i'm really sad about, but the clearing up is ok. I took a week off because I was in Costa Rica so i'm like almost done 6 months, but also not. I'm just going to wait to finish this box. 
 

TheHeartItRaces

Hey, so I was in costa rica having a blast so I couldn't get to this, but i'm almost done the journey. It's almost half way into my last month - maybe. I'm still breaking out! Like, i cannot believe it. Is this normal? Shouldn't I be done breaking out in the slightest? Also, I noticed something. I was with a girl and she was rubbing my chest and the next day I had a severe breakout on my chest, like everywhere she rubbed was basically breaking out. What is that a symptom of? is this something epuris/accutane can even fix? This experience has me super confused! I can't wait to be done this in less than 3 weeks. 

TheHeartItRaces

Alright. I've finished 5 months. Still breaking out. Getting somewhat clearer? Not sure honestly. Like really not sure. I'm not getting too many breakouts on my forehead anymore, but there's signnificant damage that i hope once i'm off this will sort itself out. if not, i'll look into alternative methods. I treat my skin naturally a lot and know certain tricks to, hopefully, help. Also, I'm going to costa rica on thursday so I'm taking a break from this for a week, i guess we'll see what happens. This technically should be the last month. That's crazy that I've gone through 5 months of this. Honestly, it hasn't really done anything I wanted it to do, and it's been quite taxing. The one thing i'm happy is that people are so loving and caring and understanding and empathetic to people, I always have such a restoration for humanity in times like these. 

TheHeartItRaces

Update. Not too much of a difference. i think my back is clearing up. Chest is still breaking out. Face is still breaking out, causing pock scars. Again I'm quite fed up at this point. Getting really really dry at the bottom of my nose again. Almost done 5 months on this stuff, pretty crazy. Coming up the last month. 

TheHeartItRaces

Hey. Finished 4 months and almost 3 weeks. So, almost 5 months. Crazy. And what have I noticed? Things are not better, that's for sure. And I would say the skin on my face has gotten worse, and maybe my back has gotten better but I can't tell with the scarring. This is sad. I'm sad about this. this is not what i wanted whatsoever. if you compare my blog posts from the beginning to now, you'll see I was really optimistic, and usually people's optimism goes up during their course, mine is the opposite. I'm starting to realize i'll never get the skin I want, and I know that we never get the perfection we hope for, but I expected this to decrease the noticability of my acne, at the very least. To update what's happening with my skin, I just got a big breakout on my chest and the cysts have immediately started scabbing over. another thing i've noticed are pimples that I don't pop will stay, harden, and then end up scarring. It's almost better to pop cysts, which I've been reluctant to do but have done. These cysts rupture my skin and has made my forehead wrinkle much more prominent. The other night I was up all night, anxious about my wrinkle, like, I'm still outwardly confident and happy, but i'm so self conscious about it.  These breakouts, man, still going on. I don't know when the hell this will get better. 

TheHeartItRaces

K, So i'm like flaking away skin on my face. Kind of strange. Man I want this to enddddddd. like dudesss it has been 4 months and two weeks....what the heck. Just wondering if this is a good or bad sign that my skin is flaking on my face. BTW i never really had a problem with my face until epuris, really. Oh! And i'm getting rashes on my wrists and stuff. Dunno! Let me know dudes! I'm so ready to be done

TheHeartItRaces

Alright. It's been 4 months and 2 weeks (ish). My back I think is getting better? Hard to tell honestly because of the scarring, which makes me really sad, like really really sad. Face will still have maybe a pimple a day, and I've noticed if I just leave the pimple it stays and hardens and doesn't leave, like ever. It's almost like popping it is better because then it will leave because at the moment it just becomes a permenant cyst. I have a few of these on my neck face and forehead now. I'll have to ask my derm about it becaues that's not usual. My chest is getting wicked scabs that even if i shower they will become inflammed. Not sure what to do about those. This process is really getting on my nerves. I'm not seeing any improvement and only damage really. If anyone can tell me that the scars, the cysts, or the lack of improvement is part of it, this late in accutane, then i guess it might help, but I haven't read too many people not seeing improvement at this point. 

TheHeartItRaces

Alright, I've finished 4 months and one week on Epuris. No change. not sure what else to really write about honestly. Just seems like my skin has gotten worse. Like it's super sensitive and looks so tired and worn out. Thing is, I take care of my body so well, sometimes maybe I eat out a little too often but nothing that impending to my health. i am getting less breakouts on my forehead, I guess, but back is still breaking out, chest is still breaking out, and dryness though has gone down a bit, and redness has gone down in my face. Not sure what any of it means because I'm not sure how this drug is supposed to work at this point because the results have been sooo mild, if any! I really really really hope something happens soon. 

TheHeartItRaces

Alright. I've now finished 4 months. Actually when I first started accutane I was hoping that I'd be done in 4 months, but I am honestly no where near that at all. Constant breaking out. At least one new pimple on my forehead a day, like, one will go away and it's almost immediate that another one pops up, it's so strange. My back is breaking out at the moment a lot. My chest is definitely better than it was months ago, but still scarred. What else do I notice? I don't know. Technically I have 2 months left. This is the 5th month on it, but I've finished 4 months. Really really really really really hoping for improvement of some sort soon, like anything. I see NOOOO IMPROVEMENT. WHEN OH WHEN WILL I SEE ANYTHING?!!?!?!

TheHeartItRaces

Well, almost done 4 months. I'm definitely not where I thought I would be with this accutane, and that is super discouraging. I don't think I've ever been this upset over my skin. I'm obsessed with how it looks, like never before. Now I'm worried about other things this accutane might do and very self-conscious. I'm always wearing sweaters or shirts that cover most of my neck, back, and arms. I try to avoid mirrors so that I actually don't even have to look at my body acne. My face has a new pimple every day. And usually very noticeable ones. I have a pretty good routine when it comes to my skin. Shower once, or twice, a day. Moisturize. Toner. Acne cream or Tea Tree Oil. Doctor said I have acne scarring and to even get started on that I would need 3 months after my accutane to start even thinking about it. I'm sad. I've never felt so defeated over something. I feel trapped inside my body. I actually don't want to scare anyone because I feel like everyone has thoughts like this but I just figured how much more comfortable i'd feel out of my body and how I just wouldn't feel this need to constantly hide or cover up my body or skin. I just don't want this anymore, I feel so betrayed by own body when I try to love everyone so big no matter what. Why can't I just feel like that, why does this make me feel so small and powerless. I just want something to work. Anything. I even prayed to anyone or anything to please rid me of my acne. This is the lowest I've felt about my skin ever, I really hope something happens. 

TheHeartItRaces

Hey. I went to the doctor and she checked out the acne on my back. I'm pretty sad. Looks like a lot of what is left are hypertrophic scars on my back :( and I'm still breaking out like EVERYDAY on my face. I have a new pimple on my forehead literally everyday. I don't get it. When does this stop, my skin has only gotten worse, it has barely gotten better. This is the most frustrated I have been. I only feel like i'm damaging my skin here rather than healing it. When I look at videos of people who have gone through accutane their skin may have gotten worse but like I feel like this is just damaging my skin. I'm so frustrated. Also, with the scars, I won't even be able to start treatment for my scars 3 months after accutane. That makes me feel even worse. I really want to just beat this and let it out of my life. I feel haunted by my acne and now it seems further and further away that ill ever beat it. :( 

TheHeartItRaces

Hey. I'm past the halfway point, which is exciting, because hopefully i will be seeing improvement rather than the opposite. So i'm noticing a lot of flaking I guess, like most of my cysts are now becoming scabbed over more than anything. Does this mean epuris is working? I'm honestly worried that epuris isn't going to work, can anyone tell me anything more? Also, it's hard to tell whether i have acne scars or if their still pimples. I'm definitely worried that epuris will leave me with worse skin now. I 100% expected to see better results by now, maybe I gave myself too much hope? As time goes on i'm just more fed up with this, and yeah I know I have to wait it out but holy shit this is just annoying. I'm still a happy person but it's the constant readjusting in the mirror and routine for my skin that's so annoying. I'm going to ask reddit about these scabs and flaking and whether that's a good sign. Anyways, here's to really hoping and wishing my skin gets better. 

TheHeartItRaces

Hey! 2018 now! The year i finally beat acne, hopefully. I'm really not seeing any improvement so far. Still dry lips, red face, ya know the usual. i'm still breaking out and I guess I have seen a little improvement on my chest, but that's it. Nothing has improved drastically at all, maybe it will as this month comes to a close. Here's to hoping for the best! 
 

TheHeartItRaces

Month 3 - Week 1

Hey. Christmas time! I've been drinking a little too much, so will need to cut back on that because of the effect on the liver. Other than that. Haven't really seen too much improvement. Like, maybe the tiniest amount, but i really can't tell. Breakouts are frequent. Skin is dry. Muscles are sometimes achy. Mood will definitely swing. Confidence is low. Also, face is often red. Honestly, this is pretty confusing. I thought this was supposed to be making things better but I can say I haven't seen much, and if anything, have seen less improvement. 

TheHeartItRaces

Start of Month 4!

Alright. Month 4 is on its way. Honestly, I'm feeling incredibly uncomfortable in my own skin. Like, I just want to leave my body. Red marks are persistent but I was prescribed some stuff for active acne which is helping with red marks on my face. The texture of my skin feels so thin and tight too. In terms of clearing up, like, I don't notice that big of a difference. It's just worse than it's been, at least on my face and chest. My back, is maybe clearing up? I can't really tell because i can still feel pimples underneath my skin. So all in all after now completing three months I'm not feeling as optimistic. Like, I really want this to start working, or at least see it start working. My confidence I can't say is lower but i'm soooo body-conscious at the moment, it just doesn't feel like me. I was really hoping when i started epuris that I could be finished by the end of four months and I'm not sure that's going to happen; in fact, I'm worried that I'll be on this for months longer than I want to. This just isn't what I wanted to be going through at this age, an age where I'm supposed to be enjoying everything. Like, I love living care free but it's really hard when not only do you have acne or anything like that but when you actually aren't comfortable in your skin. It's very debilitating. But honestly like I can't say my quality of life has been any worse, so there's that. Just please work stupid medication. Please please please please please. 

TheHeartItRaces

Hey. So I went for a checkup today. Blood tests are fine, which i was worried about due to some fun nights drinking. Great. But i'm honestly having the worst breakouts on my forehead I've ever had. Literally the one thing that I was worried about happening on Epuris is happening. And it sucks. But whatever, I'm sticking through it and taking it as a learning experience. Writing always helps. Also if I exert my personality and confidence with a breakout on my forehead then honestly when it finally clears i'll be so happy and maybe even more confident! But because of these breakouts my doctor subscribed me taro-clindamycin/Benzoyl Peroxide. As a long-time acne sufferer i know benzoyl peroxide, which definitely temporarily helps with breakouts, so hopefully that will mitigate some of these annoying pimples. My chest is still pretty bad and breaking out constantly. My back is getting not bad, I still see comedomes and feel things underneath the skin though. Face is obviously not ideal, and it's especially disheartening because my face was always pretty fine. Nose bleeds have been happening. Dryness has been happening but i bought jojoba oil which seeems to be sweeet. Anywasy, thanks!

TheHeartItRaces

Month 2 - Week 5

Hey it's been 2 months and 5 weeks, not yet 3 months though. I definitely am noticing how my complexion on my face is getting very stubborn due to my healing factor being so low. I've definitely seen my face breakout a lot more since going on Epuris, which was my biggest fear in taking it, and it's quite annoying. I'm definitely feeling self conscious about it. I still go out, have fun, go to work, and play in my bands, and see girls, but it's just incredibly crushing to just not see an improvement yet. Like, how long is this IB supposed to last until I see improvement? It's been almost 3 months so I guess this is when it's supposed to get better? but it's just so damn annoying and gut-wrenching. So here's to hoping something gets better. 
 

TheHeartItRaces

Month 2 - Week 4

It has been 2 months and 3 weeks. Because I was titling them wrong I for some reason thought it had been 3 months, but it hasn't. This sort of puts me a little at ease because I heard people were starting to notice much bigger changes by the 3rd month, whereas I'm still having breakouts. Though, more of what's prominent is the red marks that are staying after the breakouts. I'm able to minimize breakouts with good skin care, but red marks are the real problem. I'm noticing my back is much clearer. My chest is still bad, but I've been using Hibiclens to see if that will prevent bacteria from spreading, becaue that's what seems to going on with my chest. Side effects are pretty usual (dryness, dry lips) but my nose isn't as dry anymore and my muscles aren't aching too much. Almost done my third month now, so I'm hoping to see significant improvement in the coming month or so!

TheHeartItRaces

Month 2 - Week 3

Hey. Breakouts are becoming mild. Skin routine is becoming better. Notice a bit of clearing on my back. Face still breaking out. Chest still breaking out. Not clearing up as fast as I hoped. No obscene side effects. Mostly nodular pimples. 

TheHeartItRaces

Month 2 Week 2

Hey! In the second week of month 3. I think I'm probably having the worst breakouts I've had so far on epuris. My back seems to be getting mildly better (?), my chest is still pretty bad, and my face is breaking out like never before, which is to say the least dissipointing. I'm definitely noticing a self-consciousness as I'm afraid to look at people in the eyes when I'm talking to them because then I might catch them looking at my blemishes. My roomate keeps mentioning that I need to "drink more water" not knowing that I'm on antibiotics, and thinking that drinking more water actually does anything for acne, coming from a dude who has absolutely none. But honestly, it might seem like I'm in a bad place, but I'm not. I'm still very happy with who I am inside, and the outside may not reflect how I feel but I still feel at peace with myself no matter the consequence. Side effects at tthe moment are a really dry left nostril, to the point that I have a cut on it. Dry lips. Healing factor is way down. Some achy bones and tiredness. Breakouts on forehead and sides of head. And I think that's it. I'm now starting to dedicate a little more time to a routine which involves, before bed, taking a shower, putting on witch hazel toner, coconut oil and lemon essential oil, and then tea tree oil for problem areas on the face. This has seemed to keep bigger breakouts at bay, as long as I keep it up. I met a girl so I haven't been wanting to do all this in front of her. Regardless I'm really confident these bad days are going to pass and i'm looking forward to the good ones! Chow for now!

TheHeartItRaces

Start of Month 3!

Hey! A little later on this as i was on vacation, but I'm now on to month 3 of my epuris journey. What I'm noticing is a thinning of my skin, immunity system is low, breakouts in spots where i've never broken out and getting better in spots where I always broke out. My face, which never usually was a problem, has become the most problematic, as it's not as easy to cover as well, and my chest has been very problematic as well. I'm not seeing as much improvement as I would have hoped by the end of month 2 but I also hear it starts to get better by month 3 and 4, let's hope that's true. No severe side effects other than my immune system being pretty low. Other than that, I think I've overdone my drinking a bit since halloween, so I'll need to get that in check so I don't do some serious damage to my liver. Regardless I'm still a super happy individual and am being patient with my results! So here's to MONTH 3! 

TheHeartItRaces

Month 1 - Week 4

Hey, Month 2 Week 4! What have I noticed? Hmmm, k so definitely getting breakouts in places I have literally never gotten them before - my cheeks and my chest. I don't really understand that at all because what epuris is supposed to do is purge, then why would it purge breakouts that I would have never gotten in my life? Anyway, that's just frustrating. My chest is breaking out pretty bad and like I have had this one under the skin cyst that WILL NOT go away, and it's starting to hurt. Lips are SUPER dry! Nose is SUPER dry! and skin is SUPER dry!! I'm basically a raisin, or a lizard, whichever skin shedding/ retreating thing you want to call me. My attitude is good about it all, I'm really really hoping the IB just goes the hell away soon enough, but I'm not let it destroy my life, in fact I even met a beautiful girl! So if anyone is reading, don't stay inside and think you shouldn't do anything, just go out there and no that time will tell! My routine is a little more skewed now because of all the randomness and whatnot but I'm using petroleum jelly for my lips, nose and i think i may use it during the night time and then a regular moisturizer during the day, like Cetaphil. To keep some cysts at bay i'll use a roll-on tea tree oil, it seems to do a not too shabby of job. Anyway, here's to completing my 2nd month of epuris!!

TheHeartItRaces

Hey! So I've noticed that the acne I'm getting is basically nodules, usually not filled with anything but rather just big bumps, which are annoying. I'm wondering how long this will keep up though. I got one in a place I never get them. I probably have a new nodule on my face maybe every two days. Meanwhile, my back I probably have like 4 or 5 new every day. My chest is getting very deep nodules that I'm not used to whatsoever. But I digress. Hoping this can be cleared up soon! My attitude and fun times are still grand though

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