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About this blog

a chronological step by step journey through Epuris (Canadian accutane). I will document my experience and the changes I see with my skin. 

Entries in this blog

TheHeartItRaces

Finished 4 Months

Alright. I've now finished 4 months. Actually when I first started accutane I was hoping that I'd be done in 4 months, but I am honestly no where near that at all. Constant breaking out. At least one new pimple on my forehead a day, like, one will go away and it's almost immediate that another one pops up, it's so strange. My back is breaking out at the moment a lot. My chest is definitely better than it was months ago, but still scarred. What else do I notice? I don't know. Technically I have 2 months left. This is the 5th month on it, but I've finished 4 months. Really really really really really hoping for improvement of some sort soon, like anything. I see NOOOO IMPROVEMENT. WHEN OH WHEN WILL I SEE ANYTHING?!!?!?!

TheHeartItRaces

Month 3 Week 4

Well, almost done 4 months. I'm definitely not where I thought I would be with this accutane, and that is super discouraging. I don't think I've ever been this upset over my skin. I'm obsessed with how it looks, like never before. Now I'm worried about other things this accutane might do and very self-conscious. I'm always wearing sweaters or shirts that cover most of my neck, back, and arms. I try to avoid mirrors so that I actually don't even have to look at my body acne. My face has a new pimple every day. And usually very noticeable ones. I have a pretty good routine when it comes to my skin. Shower once, or twice, a day. Moisturize. Toner. Acne cream or Tea Tree Oil. Doctor said I have acne scarring and to even get started on that I would need 3 months after my accutane to start even thinking about it. I'm sad. I've never felt so defeated over something. I feel trapped inside my body. I actually don't want to scare anyone because I feel like everyone has thoughts like this but I just figured how much more comfortable i'd feel out of my body and how I just wouldn't feel this need to constantly hide or cover up my body or skin. I just don't want this anymore, I feel so betrayed by own body when I try to love everyone so big no matter what. Why can't I just feel like that, why does this make me feel so small and powerless. I just want something to work. Anything. I even prayed to anyone or anything to please rid me of my acne. This is the lowest I've felt about my skin ever, I really hope something happens. 

TheHeartItRaces

Hey. I went to the doctor and she checked out the acne on my back. I'm pretty sad. Looks like a lot of what is left are hypertrophic scars on my back :( and I'm still breaking out like EVERYDAY on my face. I have a new pimple on my forehead literally everyday. I don't get it. When does this stop, my skin has only gotten worse, it has barely gotten better. This is the most frustrated I have been. I only feel like i'm damaging my skin here rather than healing it. When I look at videos of people who have gone through accutane their skin may have gotten worse but like I feel like this is just damaging my skin. I'm so frustrated. Also, with the scars, I won't even be able to start treatment for my scars 3 months after accutane. That makes me feel even worse. I really want to just beat this and let it out of my life. I feel haunted by my acne and now it seems further and further away that ill ever beat it. :( 

TheHeartItRaces

Hey. I'm past the halfway point, which is exciting, because hopefully i will be seeing improvement rather than the opposite. So i'm noticing a lot of flaking I guess, like most of my cysts are now becoming scabbed over more than anything. Does this mean epuris is working? I'm honestly worried that epuris isn't going to work, can anyone tell me anything more? Also, it's hard to tell whether i have acne scars or if their still pimples. I'm definitely worried that epuris will leave me with worse skin now. I 100% expected to see better results by now, maybe I gave myself too much hope? As time goes on i'm just more fed up with this, and yeah I know I have to wait it out but holy shit this is just annoying. I'm still a happy person but it's the constant readjusting in the mirror and routine for my skin that's so annoying. I'm going to ask reddit about these scabs and flaking and whether that's a good sign. Anyways, here's to really hoping and wishing my skin gets better. 

TheHeartItRaces

Hey! 2018 now! The year i finally beat acne, hopefully. I'm really not seeing any improvement so far. Still dry lips, red face, ya know the usual. i'm still breaking out and I guess I have seen a little improvement on my chest, but that's it. Nothing has improved drastically at all, maybe it will as this month comes to a close. Here's to hoping for the best! 
 

TheHeartItRaces

Month 3 - Week 1

Hey. Christmas time! I've been drinking a little too much, so will need to cut back on that because of the effect on the liver. Other than that. Haven't really seen too much improvement. Like, maybe the tiniest amount, but i really can't tell. Breakouts are frequent. Skin is dry. Muscles are sometimes achy. Mood will definitely swing. Confidence is low. Also, face is often red. Honestly, this is pretty confusing. I thought this was supposed to be making things better but I can say I haven't seen much, and if anything, have seen less improvement. 

TheHeartItRaces

Start of Month 4!

Alright. Month 4 is on its way. Honestly, I'm feeling incredibly uncomfortable in my own skin. Like, I just want to leave my body. Red marks are persistent but I was prescribed some stuff for active acne which is helping with red marks on my face. The texture of my skin feels so thin and tight too. In terms of clearing up, like, I don't notice that big of a difference. It's just worse than it's been, at least on my face and chest. My back, is maybe clearing up? I can't really tell because i can still feel pimples underneath my skin. So all in all after now completing three months I'm not feeling as optimistic. Like, I really want this to start working, or at least see it start working. My confidence I can't say is lower but i'm soooo body-conscious at the moment, it just doesn't feel like me. I was really hoping when i started epuris that I could be finished by the end of four months and I'm not sure that's going to happen; in fact, I'm worried that I'll be on this for months longer than I want to. This just isn't what I wanted to be going through at this age, an age where I'm supposed to be enjoying everything. Like, I love living care free but it's really hard when not only do you have acne or anything like that but when you actually aren't comfortable in your skin. It's very debilitating. But honestly like I can't say my quality of life has been any worse, so there's that. Just please work stupid medication. Please please please please please. 

TheHeartItRaces

Hey. So I went for a checkup today. Blood tests are fine, which i was worried about due to some fun nights drinking. Great. But i'm honestly having the worst breakouts on my forehead I've ever had. Literally the one thing that I was worried about happening on Epuris is happening. And it sucks. But whatever, I'm sticking through it and taking it as a learning experience. Writing always helps. Also if I exert my personality and confidence with a breakout on my forehead then honestly when it finally clears i'll be so happy and maybe even more confident! But because of these breakouts my doctor subscribed me taro-clindamycin/Benzoyl Peroxide. As a long-time acne sufferer i know benzoyl peroxide, which definitely temporarily helps with breakouts, so hopefully that will mitigate some of these annoying pimples. My chest is still pretty bad and breaking out constantly. My back is getting not bad, I still see comedomes and feel things underneath the skin though. Face is obviously not ideal, and it's especially disheartening because my face was always pretty fine. Nose bleeds have been happening. Dryness has been happening but i bought jojoba oil which seeems to be sweeet. Anywasy, thanks!

TheHeartItRaces

Month 2 - Week 5

Hey it's been 2 months and 5 weeks, not yet 3 months though. I definitely am noticing how my complexion on my face is getting very stubborn due to my healing factor being so low. I've definitely seen my face breakout a lot more since going on Epuris, which was my biggest fear in taking it, and it's quite annoying. I'm definitely feeling self conscious about it. I still go out, have fun, go to work, and play in my bands, and see girls, but it's just incredibly crushing to just not see an improvement yet. Like, how long is this IB supposed to last until I see improvement? It's been almost 3 months so I guess this is when it's supposed to get better? but it's just so damn annoying and gut-wrenching. So here's to hoping something gets better. 
 

TheHeartItRaces

Month 2 - Week 4

It has been 2 months and 3 weeks. Because I was titling them wrong I for some reason thought it had been 3 months, but it hasn't. This sort of puts me a little at ease because I heard people were starting to notice much bigger changes by the 3rd month, whereas I'm still having breakouts. Though, more of what's prominent is the red marks that are staying after the breakouts. I'm able to minimize breakouts with good skin care, but red marks are the real problem. I'm noticing my back is much clearer. My chest is still bad, but I've been using Hibiclens to see if that will prevent bacteria from spreading, becaue that's what seems to going on with my chest. Side effects are pretty usual (dryness, dry lips) but my nose isn't as dry anymore and my muscles aren't aching too much. Almost done my third month now, so I'm hoping to see significant improvement in the coming month or so!

TheHeartItRaces

Month 2 - Week 3

Hey. Breakouts are becoming mild. Skin routine is becoming better. Notice a bit of clearing on my back. Face still breaking out. Chest still breaking out. Not clearing up as fast as I hoped. No obscene side effects. Mostly nodular pimples. 

TheHeartItRaces

Month 2 Week 2

Hey! In the second week of month 3. I think I'm probably having the worst breakouts I've had so far on epuris. My back seems to be getting mildly better (?), my chest is still pretty bad, and my face is breaking out like never before, which is to say the least dissipointing. I'm definitely noticing a self-consciousness as I'm afraid to look at people in the eyes when I'm talking to them because then I might catch them looking at my blemishes. My roomate keeps mentioning that I need to "drink more water" not knowing that I'm on antibiotics, and thinking that drinking more water actually does anything for acne, coming from a dude who has absolutely none. But honestly, it might seem like I'm in a bad place, but I'm not. I'm still very happy with who I am inside, and the outside may not reflect how I feel but I still feel at peace with myself no matter the consequence. Side effects at tthe moment are a really dry left nostril, to the point that I have a cut on it. Dry lips. Healing factor is way down. Some achy bones and tiredness. Breakouts on forehead and sides of head. And I think that's it. I'm now starting to dedicate a little more time to a routine which involves, before bed, taking a shower, putting on witch hazel toner, coconut oil and lemon essential oil, and then tea tree oil for problem areas on the face. This has seemed to keep bigger breakouts at bay, as long as I keep it up. I met a girl so I haven't been wanting to do all this in front of her. Regardless I'm really confident these bad days are going to pass and i'm looking forward to the good ones! Chow for now!

TheHeartItRaces

Start of Month 3!

Hey! A little later on this as i was on vacation, but I'm now on to month 3 of my epuris journey. What I'm noticing is a thinning of my skin, immunity system is low, breakouts in spots where i've never broken out and getting better in spots where I always broke out. My face, which never usually was a problem, has become the most problematic, as it's not as easy to cover as well, and my chest has been very problematic as well. I'm not seeing as much improvement as I would have hoped by the end of month 2 but I also hear it starts to get better by month 3 and 4, let's hope that's true. No severe side effects other than my immune system being pretty low. Other than that, I think I've overdone my drinking a bit since halloween, so I'll need to get that in check so I don't do some serious damage to my liver. Regardless I'm still a super happy individual and am being patient with my results! So here's to MONTH 3! 

TheHeartItRaces

Month 1 - Week 4

Hey, Month 2 Week 4! What have I noticed? Hmmm, k so definitely getting breakouts in places I have literally never gotten them before - my cheeks and my chest. I don't really understand that at all because what epuris is supposed to do is purge, then why would it purge breakouts that I would have never gotten in my life? Anyway, that's just frustrating. My chest is breaking out pretty bad and like I have had this one under the skin cyst that WILL NOT go away, and it's starting to hurt. Lips are SUPER dry! Nose is SUPER dry! and skin is SUPER dry!! I'm basically a raisin, or a lizard, whichever skin shedding/ retreating thing you want to call me. My attitude is good about it all, I'm really really hoping the IB just goes the hell away soon enough, but I'm not let it destroy my life, in fact I even met a beautiful girl! So if anyone is reading, don't stay inside and think you shouldn't do anything, just go out there and no that time will tell! My routine is a little more skewed now because of all the randomness and whatnot but I'm using petroleum jelly for my lips, nose and i think i may use it during the night time and then a regular moisturizer during the day, like Cetaphil. To keep some cysts at bay i'll use a roll-on tea tree oil, it seems to do a not too shabby of job. Anyway, here's to completing my 2nd month of epuris!!

TheHeartItRaces

Hey! So I've noticed that the acne I'm getting is basically nodules, usually not filled with anything but rather just big bumps, which are annoying. I'm wondering how long this will keep up though. I got one in a place I never get them. I probably have a new nodule on my face maybe every two days. Meanwhile, my back I probably have like 4 or 5 new every day. My chest is getting very deep nodules that I'm not used to whatsoever. But I digress. Hoping this can be cleared up soon! My attitude and fun times are still grand though

TheHeartItRaces

Month 1 - Week 3

Hey hey hey hey. Month 2 Week 3, I'm actually surprised how long it's been. Alright so I'm not noticing anything to drastic, in terms of my acne getting better yet, in fact I would say it's gotten a little worse on my face, and maybe a tad better on my back. Even today I have a pimple on a place I've really really never even had one, so that's lame. It's not really effecting my confidence very much though, I'm still having a blast in life. So one thing that was dumb was I tried steaming my face and putting on a face pack. The next day I was so incredibly dry and red that my roommate even said how dry I was. So I won't be doing that anytime soon. But one thing I noticed was putting tea tree oil through the day on any bigger cysts that are just annoying. By the end of the day they are a little flatter and starting to die quicker so I figure I'll keep doing that for a bit. I'm really excited to be on the road to getting clear, but I like anyone else, is just really sick of waiting for it to happen, I'm just ready to live my life without this nuisance clouding some areas of judgement. 

TheHeartItRaces

Month 1 - Week 2

Hey hey hey. On Month 2, week 2 of my epuris journey. I don't know, I'm not really noticing too much of a change yet. I guess I notice that the top of my back, which typically broke out more, is definitely not as much. My face is breaking out in two spots in particular and usually like little blackheads then they become little pimples, not too noticeable but enough to be annoying. I have been cutting back on showers and usually am taking about one a day. I notice the drying effects on my lips especially, oh man, they're peeling and even putting lip chap will just have the chap stick to the skin and leave whatever colour very obvious on my lips, so I've been putting blistex then getting the dead skin off my lips so i don't have disgusting lips. My face is getting pretty dry, which helps with the breakouts, but makes my face really ouch, so I'll moisturize if I really need. Not as many breakouts at the back of my neck. Noticing more breakouts at the bottom of my back, like very under the skin deep pimples that don't come to a head. I don't know if that's good or bad but it just is. Definitely getting a little discouraged though at not seeing any significant improvement, hoping some comes soon.  

TheHeartItRaces

Start of Month 2!

Hey, so now I'm on to month 2 on epuris. I've been upped my dosage to 80 mg a day, which is fairly high, but makes sense for my body weight and height (175 llbs and 6 "3). I'm excited, mostly because I think it will be over faster the higher dose I go. What I've noticed now that I am done is my healing factor going down, so cuts or pimples are not healing as fast and leaving rather tedious and annoying dead skin/scars. I'm getting more breakouts on my forehead, which was always annoying before epuris, but not as frequent not that I'm on it, I figure I am probably purging anything left. My back has been foregoing more change and less breakouts, but my chest is breaking out more, which was the reason I decided to go on epuris, because I had never experienced bad breakouts until right before I started. I've also been cutting back on moisturizing actually because even bland moisturizers will make me breakout, so I've stopped that. I'll usually sweat and my skin will hydrate itself enough through the day that it's actually better I don't, but now that I'm on a higher dose I'll probably need to. I'll put vitamin e on any cuts or pimple i've popped to help with healing. My routine is usually a shower a day with tea tree face wash and a grapefruit body wash. Well here's to month 2!!

TheHeartItRaces

Week 4!

Hi. On to the last week of the month on Epuris. What am I noticing? I'm definitely noticing the drying effects. I need lip chap constantly, which isn't bad, when I put the lip chap on it makes my lips nice and normal. I'm noticing a lot of drying in the face, after a shower and such, to combat it I just put on moisturizer and it's back to normal. In terms of breakouts, I am still getting constant breakouts on the back of my neck, which never really was an issue before. My forehead is getting some deep pimples, embarrassing at times, but I've been able to handle them to the point where they aren't as red and die quicker. My routine has been a shower a day, maybe a light exfoliation here and there. Afterwards I will moisturize my body with vitamin e oil (which I heard is good for scarring) and put lubriderm on my face, or vitamin e oil. After that, I put tea tree oil on the active big pimples. It's been working alright - just to the point where they're not staring me or anyone else in the face, which, if the end results end up with me acne free, are worth it. I will admit the pimples are getting a little embarrassing and dehabilitating, but hopefully things improve. I've been doing a good job of not pick or squeezing and if I do I'll put vitamin e oil on the parts i have. Hmmm what else? Oh yeah, after this week I'll be upping my dosage, if anyone is reading this, what can I expect from a higher dosage? More breakouts? More dryness? Let me know!

TheHeartItRaces

Mid Week 3

So my neck has started to calm down a bit, I'm finding my skin definitely getting drier. I have a few breakouts on my forehead, which before Epuris would happen, but not to this extent. These ones are bigger and redder. I'm counteracting them well, with a solid routine of washing and then moisturizing and putting a bit of salicylic acid at night. I've decided to focus most of my energy towards keeping my face balanced rather than my back or chest because it's easier and the area that is out in public the most. Still moisturizing my back though. New under the skin pimples everyday though, sometimes popping up in the middle of the day as well. I started with 40 mg, which I've read most people don't, and my doctor said after this month I'll probably up the ante to 80 mg. Hopefully it's all working well in my body. Also, no harsh side effects other than drying and breaking out so far. 

TheHeartItRaces

WEEK 3

Hellllloooo, Week 3 of Epuris and not seeing any overall improvement yet. I've been showering once a day, putting on moisturizer always afterwards. I have dry lips, so I'm putting on chapstick a bunch throughout the day. Breakouts are often, on the neck and back. Face is a little shinier and oilier than usually, but face isn't 'too' bad. My neck breakouts are scarring on my neck so i keep picking at them, which is making the pimples stay even longer. My main thing is not to pick or run my finger along the active acne, it probably only makes it worse. I haven't been drinking too much alcohol and no smoking. Been eating lots of vegetables and fruits. I'm putting on jojoba oil with my body wash to counteract the drying properties of the body wash. Overall, it's just really deep pimples on my neck and back that are hurting, and if I mess with them they end of staying longer. It's an interesting contrast. So it's just about adapting to what's going on. I'm going to try and continue with a really good diet and less partying. 

TheHeartItRaces

MID WEEK 2

Noticing a lot more breakouts. I was thinking that showering twice a day was helping and using soap, but I just put some moisturizer over my body and it is definitely calming my skin down a lot more. Personally I'm feeling a little uncomfortable and self-conscious about some of the breakouts that are happening at the back of my neck, and the oiliness and little breakouts on my forehead, nothing that doesn't stop me from enjoying myself, but just in the back of my mind. Excited to see what type of progress or even lackthereof comes next. 

TheHeartItRaces

Week 2

So I've done a week of epuris now. Noticing only minor changes? Not sure if that's just a placebo effect. I do notice that I'm getting strange one-off breakouts in places that I was prone to breakouts, but not so much. The new ones that come tend to be quite deep and often painful. But I have noticed that around any breakout the skin is surprisingly getting quite good. Also was feeling around my skin and could literally feel the pimples deep within my skin, which just reassures me that my acne issue and resolving it this way is probably the best way to do it. In terms of drying or anything, I haven't experienced anything to crazy. No aching bones yet. I am anxious for this to work, but I'll be taking it step by step. 

TheHeartItRaces

Hello, i'm a 23 year old male about to take the plunge. After close to ten years dealing with persistent back acne, and plenty of trial and error, I have decided to take the plunge and start Epuris (a canadian version of accutane). I have always been hesitant to try accutane as I had a friend fall into a deep depression upon going on it, not only that, but also the idea of me being able to cure it with natural methods was always something I thought would help me understand my back acne better. This summer was the first time that I actually let it get to me - afraid to take my shirt off, constantly thinking and comparing myself to others - and I always told myself that if my acne ever got to the point that it was preventing me from being myself then I would take more conclusive and preventative measures. So wish me luck on this journey. I'm a little worried about initital breakouts where I don't tend to get cystic or nodular acne, like my face. Like anyone I'm fairly sensitive and vulnerable about my own self-image, and having acne in places where I could just cover with a t-shirt, gave me solace. I'm hoping I can keep it all under control so I'm still able to live my fulfilling lifestyle and not be plagued by sadness or anxiety over this problem. I choose to look at this positively and am never regretful of any of my decisions because I wouldn't be who I was today without every thing that has happened to me. Let's rock!