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it's been a while

well, i can't believe i posted that last entry 2 months ago.

that appointment with the doctor was a little discouraging, because he told me i'd have to wait

at least until after summer to get a prescription (because of risks of sunburn) and he'd set

me up an appointment with the dermatologist (which i knew would be a long wait).

so right now i want to march in his office and demand he gives me accutane, because i'm

way past the end of my rope. the rope ended about 3 years ago. the best thing that came out of

the appointment however was that he told me i was a candidate for accutane.

so i'm going to the dermatologist (unless he agrees to just give it to me now) in september, or

sooner if they get a cancellation.

i'm still really nervous about all the horrible side affects i've been reading about, but when i look in

the mirror i remember why i want it so bad.

there's still a ball of nerves in the pit of my stomach though. the dose will probably be around 40

at the most (i wanted 20 but apparently that won't do much), but i don't know what that'll do to me.

i'm scared.


Still Unsure

I made an appointment for next week with the doctor to discuss accutane.

I only want the lowest dosage because i'm terrified of the side effects...especially any chances

of throwing up because (believe it or not) that's my #1 fear in life. As silly as that may sound!

I'm also wondering if that will have any effect....my skin always has a few bumps or pimples or whatever, and then sometimes it's really bad so...it varies.

However, I've tried everything in the book to clear it up and nothing has worked so...i guess this is my only option. I'm scared for any kind of initial break out, because it'll for sure leave me depressed, which i seem to be alot of the time. i make a point of avoiding mirrors, and sometimes people all together. Like today for example - I'm missing school.

Basically i'm not sure what to do at this point...i'm very nervous. help?

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