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Accutane Journal

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Day 60Ish

So I'm back home after midterm week. Surprisingly I didn't break out from stress, which is what I usually do. The reason why I started accutane was because of a ridiculously cystic breakout after finals week.

When I went to see my dermatologist, she was surprised that my skin was doing so well.


I've just started my third month, and she's already telling me to lower the dosage. I guess this is as good as it gets.

Like I said before, I feel that the medication does take a toll on my energy level and mood.

If I were to compare my skin to other people's, I would say, my skin is pretty clear.

I don't worry about acne anymore and I don't spend a lot of my day crying into the mirror.

I do have to drink more water because I feel constantly dehydrated.

I've slacked off putting Vaseline on my hands and the rashes came back worse than ever.

Vaseline is a must.

My hair is really dry. It used to be oily to the point where I had to wash my hair twice a day, at times.

I've prided myself, though, with long thick luscious shiny hair.

It's still thick, just no longer shiny nor luscious. Well, that's to be expected.

That being said, I am so glad I started accutane.

Before Accutane, I spent so much time, effort and money on different skincare products, cosmetics and acne medication.


Day 45

The rashes on the back of my hands flare up once it gets cold enough. I've gotten into the habit of applying vaseline before I sleep, and it's been helping a lot. It's already Day 45, and I apologize for not updating. There has been a few pustules coming and going along the sides of my face, near my hair line and a few tiny ones on my chin. Nothing else other than that. I find it amazing that I don't need to wear makeup, or my regular amount of concealer. My face is still slightly more red than the tone of my neck. I'm waiting for that to subside.

There has been a few changes, now that I think about it.

1. I've been getting headaches, which I normally never get.

2. I'm always tired. Some days, I wake up from 9 hours of sleep feeling so weary, as if I only had 3 hours.

3. Moody. I went from seeing flowers and all that jazz, prancing around and laughing, to utterly annoyed and irritated by everything around me. I'm taking time off my social life to relax and focus on myself.

4. My lips are ridiculously dry. I need to apply chapstick ALL THE TIME. It feels so nasty, like there's grime on my lips. Then I remember that I need to apply another coat of chapstick.

***5. My nose is getting oily again! What does that mean? My face is usually matte or dry, but recently I notice some shine on my face. I don't even need to apply moisturizer anymore. I'm worried that I would have to increase my dosage.

6. MAYBE. I feel like my eyes are dryer than normal. I wear contacts, and it normally isn't so difficult or painful to take them off at the end of the day. Or perhaps I'm just imagining things. Hmmm.

> I never thought medication can change someone's behavior and mood so drastically. I feel like I don't really have control of myself. When people strike up conversation with me, I'm so exhausted that I plaster this fake smile (which looks more like a grimace) on my face. It requires all my effort to pay attention, and I really wish it wasn't this way. I'm not usually sulking all the time and being antisocial.

> I'm really hoping this is a momentary thing... :( because I need some major cheering up.

Happy few days after Valentines Day, loves!


Day 31

Day 31 :)

A few days ago, I noticed small bumpy rashes appearing on my backhand! My hands were unusually dry, so I applied some simple hand cream. It wasn't enough. I also had what looked like over 5 painful papercuts on both hands. After suffering until yesterday, I suddenly received a revelation that it might be a side effect from Accutane! I was right. I googled it and quickly slathered on Vaseline over my hands to sit overnight. The next day, the rashes subsided considerably. My initial breakout acne is fading down, but I just developed this annoyingly sore not-yet-formed acne cyst on my left temple.

Besides that, my skin looks a lot brighter and clearer. Most of my acne is closer to my hairline, to the sides of my face, or my chin. Some days, I can get out of bed, wash my face and can get away with not putting on makeup before I go to classes. I used to wear makeup on a daily basis because I hated looking into my acne filled face in the mirror. Now, I love my bare face. It feels so much lighter and softer.

My lips are getting ridiculously chapped recently. I used to apply Carmex twice a day (morning and night), and it would be okay. Now, every hour my lips dry up completely. Sometimes I wake up and my lips had ripped upwards (think the Joker from Batman). painful Occasionally they would bleed. Does anyone know of a lip balm better than Carmex? I desperately need one!

I'm a known water-hater. I can't stand drinking water and the taste of water. I would go without water for days. I love drinking milk and juice instead. Accutane is drying me out so much that I find myself craving water. I know it's still probably less than the amount everyone else on Accutane drinks, but I've been drinking a whopping 2 bottles of water a day. That's amazing for my standards.

I think I've gotten those body aches that everyone else had been talking about. I've had dance practices 4 times a week, 3 hours long, for a month already. My performance was yesterday and I just started these body aches this afternoon. There's this cramped sore feeling place beneath my left ribs. Hopefully it's not a side effect. I'll get to blog in a few days to update on this.


Accutane So Far

I'm currently on my 27th day of Accutane! ~Woooh go me!~

I was planning to start my accutane journal on day one, but didn't think too much about it. Now that I'm almost done with my first month, I've been feeling the increasing importance of keeping track of my skin.

The first time I decided to get on Accutane was during November of 2013. Finals week was quickly approaching and I still had my last exams to study for. I'm in college and I suck at cooking, so my diet hasn't been very healthy neither. I don't splurge on junk food, but rather I don't eat enough meals per day or I don't meet the recommended daily intake. Too much grain and not enough veggies and fruits... or even meat. As a student and major geek that I am, I don't get even close to enough sleep... since graduating elementary school. My skin started acting up with minor clogged pores when I was 11. Acne was never really a problem until I was 13. Even so, I would on a rare occasion get an acne cyst. Somewhere in high school, this problem spiraled into having a few large flesh colored acne cysts at a time. My skin was, and still was until I took Accutane, very oily. Very oily, as in RIDICULOUSLY oily. I could wet through a few sheets of paper simply by gently pressing my nose against them. Nasty.

One day I woke up with my face so entirely itchy that I couldn't stop scratching at it. My face was red and puffed. There was still no new acne then. But night after night, I couldn't sleep because of the itchiness. I thought I might have touched something in lab and spread it across my face by accident. I had been on doxycycline, an antibiotic, for almost 2 years already. I used moisturizer and even Neosporin on my face. My skin was starting to blotch up and these round red lumps formed. They didn't feel like the acne I normally have. They were disk shaped with no clear definition and seemed to spread around itself. The peaks that were recognizable came to head within 5 days. I carefully cleaned my skin and applied benzoyl peroxide and salicylic acid to no avail. It started on my temples and grew down my cheeks and toward my chin and closer to my nose. I felt disgusting. I finally decided to pop the ones that came to head after the first 2 weeks. I carefully wiped the acne down with rubbing alcohol before and after popping. The acne didn't just pop, but oozed yellow fluid. The acne would go down and a few days later, form at the exact same location as before. None of this stopped the acne from spreading. I looked like a monster. It took so much more concealer to be able to leave my dorm to go to classes. I didn't know what to do.

I went to the university clinic to get something prescribed to help me with the itching and the lumps on my face. I wasn't even sure if this was acne. The doctor there never seen a case like mine and prescribed Mupirocin for impetigo. I slept with it on and I was clawing at the bed sheets to stop myself from scratching. It didn't work and my face was in pain. My next vacation break, I went straight to my dermatologist, who prescribed me Accutane to save the day.

I started my medication on January 2nd 2014. I was incredibly nervous about trying this medication. My parents refused to let me try it during my second year in high school when I had my first (what I had thought to be major) breakout. They were convinced that Accutane would cause people, especially teenagers, to go suicidal. SMH

On day 3 of medication, I started noticing my skin (I can't say drying, haha because my skin never dries)... my skin wasn't dripping oil a the end of the day. It was only reflecting a lot of light. It was no longer itchy and slightly sore- an improvement from being swollen and in pain.

On the end of the first week, my skin looked normal, instead of oily. The lumps of acne were shrinking at such a fast pace that I felt so happy that I could be crying tears of joy. I could see my skin again, and not the formations across it. My face was slightly redder than normal.

On day 9, I had my first nosebleed. My face was red and at times I could feel my body heat up for no reason. The acne down my cheeks simply vanished! The acne around the apples of my cheeks to the hollows were still there but dried and small. The remaining pimples were what looked to be clogged pores. Clogged pores also filled my sinus areas.

On day 12, my lips were drying out and I was so excited that Accutane was working on me. My face was getting so red and so suddenly that my friends were thinking I was blushing at some guy that passed us while we were eating together, haha.

On day 16, My face looked really bleh today, for some reason. My skin looked waxy and so very red. I had a headache :( But this month was going so well for me, not just Accutane. I've been telling everyone that January must be my month. I'm putting on Cetaphil every morning and night, only one dab is good enough for the entire day. I bought Carmex balm for my lips. At one point my lips were ripping upwards. Creepy and painful as hell, yes. Carmex works amazingly, but it looks like lipgloss. I don't like glitter and sparkle on my lips, but since it works so well, I'll just handle the sparkle.

On day 20, I look fab. Acne went down so the only ones left is a few small dots on my chin that aren't active and the tiny ring of sitting volcanos on both cheeks. I'm so glad that it's working for me! My friends, on separate occasions, have been complementing me, telling me that I look really pretty chic and stylish this week.In reality, I'm still bumming with the same hoodie/sweater and leggings/jeans. But I FEEL great.

On day 27, TODAY :)

Sooooo... I stressed out on an exam and grew 2 cystic acnes 1cm apart on the left side of my chin. Few days after that day, I grew an identical one 1cm on the other side. So now I have matching same size same height, etc, cysts on the left side of my chin. It's okay, because the skin surrounding it looks good.

But last weekend I was so worried about my exam and family issues. Then I got in an accident on the way back from NYC (home) to college. I was on a bus to get back to college at 12AM and a pick up truck just swerved suddenly and slammed into the bus twice before spinning off into the rails. No one was hurt fortunately and I was one of the only people who saw it. And/or the only person who saw the entire thing with the best view because the truck hit right beneath my window. I was studying for my exam while I saw this happen. It looked like the driver was texting/talking on the phone, like an idiot and lost control of his vehicle. We were stranded on the bus for 3 hours. When I got back to my dorm at 3am, I found a new acne cyst on my left temple. I hope this isn't the Initial Breakout that everyone's been dreading. Nevertheless, it can never be as bad as my acne was in November.

But besides that, I've been good. This week feels so weird. Strangers would strike up a conversation on a random basis and give me compliments. Some normal to handsome looking guy-stranger told me to smile for him. No. It gets a lot weirder in other situations, but I won't go into detail. *shudder* Thanks, Accutane but no thanks :/

Remember when I said that my parents were worried that Accutane would make me severely depressed? I feel like it's being doing the opposite for me. I am NOT usually a happy camper. I'm normally ultra moody, angsty, sassy and pessimistic about a lot because I have a lot to stress out about. Recently, I've been skipping through fields of invisible grass singing to invisible birds. I freak myself out a lot. I like this so far though.

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