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Internal Health Issues?

Okay so I have for the most part gotten rid of my acne by just not stressing about it, I quit touching it quit looking at it and quit putting products on it. That's all fine and dandy, i'm actually extremely thankful I can say my skin being super nasty is in the past, but now something else comes on.

I'm only 20 years old and I have shingles right now, it's actually the SECOND time i've had it believe it or not. Your not supposed to get shingles unless your old or have a weakened immune system so that kind've worries me, on top of that I have high blood pressure an my normal resting rate for my heart is at 130 bpm, pretty high.

I'm just trying to figure out what's wrong with me cause i've been to countless doctors and they all say i'm healthy but no one knows how you feel except for you and everything in my being tells me i'm extremely sick. I have troubles breathing, sometimes I go days without sleeping because when I start falling asleep my lungs quit working, I literally have to take every breath manually so when I start to fall asleep I can no longer breathe.

Most recently i've been having problems with my nasal and left eye ball, I get these insane pressure headaches right between my eyes/behind my nose that literally knock me to the ground. My eye feels like someone has it in their hands and is squeezing it constantly and it causes insane pain. It gets so bad I can't open my eye and it just waters for hours and I can't even see past all the tears if I can open my eye. Most of the time the eye pain is accompanied by nasal pain, it gets so bad my nose will start pouring blood and sometimes the vision in that eye temporarily cuts off, it's not an empty black space it's as if that eye isn't even there, close your left eye and imagine going like that all day. It causes problems.

As if all that isn't enough I am extremely fatigued constantly, my bones ache and I get cold really easy. Like the bone chill that makes you want to pass out and vomit at the same time. I have stomach pains often and most of the time I go to the bathroom there's blood afterwards.

I'm even experiencing heart pain, the only way I can describe it is when your on the very top of a roller coaster and right when you start to go back down and your in free fall how your heart goes into panic mode, it will feel like that everytime I step on my left foot but at the same time along with the fluttered heart feelings it makes me so cold I feel like passing out and at the same time as the flutters and chills it feels like someone stuck a needle with a string attatched through my heart an they're ever so slowly pulling the string through my heart causing a sharp backwards stabbing pain.

There's even more side effects but I think that is more than enough for someone to try and figure out what's happening to me. Like I said i've been to doctors and they do agree something is wrong with me but they can never figure out what it is.

I'm trying to stay positive but sometimes it very literally feels like i'm dying an it's starting to worry me quite a bit. It all started happening two and a half years ago when I took a 6 month course of antibiotics, I actually took the antibiotics because I had cut off my finger tip, prior the the antibiotics my skin was flawless. Only after the antibiotics did my skin start going hayware, and ever since then the side effects come and go causing more and more problems with no trace.

If anyone has any ideas, no matter how ridiculous they sound please let me know, I have now clue what's happening, maybe you guys can help.


Life Does Move On...

Okay so I haven't been on here since last year, and there's a really good reason for that. I'm living my life. After sitting in my room for two years straight, I was so depressed about my life I decided to kill myself, that's right. I was actually going to do it, and I have never been suicidal, I wanted to live, just not the way I was living, because of acne.

So there I was, with a shotgun in my mouth, thinking after all the bullshit i've been through, this is how it ends? It can't end this way, I thought about how my life could have change dramatically, if only someone would've taken the time to listen, just a few minutes out of their lives to sit down and tell me it's going to be okay, that life does move on, and that's when it hit me.

I decided that I would be that person that was never there for me, I became that guy that buys breakfast for homeless people, and I even eat with them, I talk to them and listen. I always take time out of my day to smile, or wave, or even nod my head at someone who didn't think I would even notice them.

I know how corny this sounds but when you see someone with their their head down, trying to avoid eye contact, when you see someone and you can feel their pain. Because of acne, depression, because they don't like they're weight, or for whatever reason. When you smile at someone who needs it, you can literally see their pain go away for a brief second.

That to me is the most beautiful thing in the world, and believe it or not, through giving joy to others, I myself have found happiness. Not necessarily because of karma, but because you literally create your mood. Nobody forces you to be upset, your the only person who makes that decision. Yeah acne can be very depressing, but please just take time out of your day to smile, or to laugh like your insane, over the littlest things, drive around your neighborhood with music blaring, singing to everyone you see.

Something else you should know, each and every cell in your body has their own cells, with mini immune systems, and each of those cells lives in the environment you create in your body. To put it simply, if you live in a depressing environment, you will indeed become depressed, with that being said, if your depressed, so are your cells, and your body itself, and we all know if your depressed you don't function right, so why would your cells? Positive and negative thoughts literally shape your health just as much as physical objects can.

Anyways, ever since I hit rock bottom I chose to not only be as happy as I can be, but I also made it my purpose to help others find happiness. Please don't let my journey through hell and back be for nothing, I can tell you from experience if you don't choose to control your emotions, they will control you.