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i used to think my weight was the determining factor in why i stopped myself from doing things. i used it as an excuse for years, telling myself it was the reason why i wasn't attractive, couldn't get a guy, and didn't fit in with my peers.

however, as i've gotten older, i've realized that my weight is really not the problem. i see tons of women, old and young, completely happy with themselves no matter what size they are, making me feel as though i too, shouldn't put so much emphasis on my natural shape.

but there's still something holding me back. something making me feel as though i'm not as worthy, or as beautiful as the next. and i know exactly what it is. it's my acne.

when i go out these days, i can't seem to focus on anything but other people's skin. how clear, soft and glowing it is while mine is a mixture of all sorts of oily, dry, flaky and discolorations. why couldn't i just have nice skin? i often ask myself.

but then i have to think about it like this. while another person may have the skin that i so desire, they may not have the smile that i possess. while they may have a soft, glowing tone, they do not have the luscious and sensual lips that i do. bottom line, everyone was made differently, and we all don't have the characteristics that others do. for instance, i happen to be prone to acne. however that doesn't mean that i can't get rid of it.

i am finally ready to say goodbye to my acne. in this blog i am going to talk about all of the different methods i use and hopefully one will help me out to get me feeling content about my looks as i should.

i have been using mama lotion as of 10/11/2008. so far i have yet to see results but i have read reviews and been advised that it may take a few weeks to see change. i have to say that my skin does feel cleaner and softer since using, but that may be because i have been sticking to a daily cleansing routine as of the aforementioned date.

here are some pictures to help visualize my progress.





note that my right side (first picture) is much more broken out than my left. not sure why that is. i used to have lots of whiteheads on my forehead when i was in high school, (5 yrs ago) but they have gone away since. i think that it was mainly due to the fact that i had bangs. i have also been getting small whiteheads on the right side of my nose. very odd, and very upsetting since i have never really broken out their before. i also have some scarring on the right side of my face, as well as on both sides near my eyebrows. i used to be covered in acne around 4 years ago because of poor diet and habits. i literally did not care about my skin then and let it get really bad until i finally saw a dermatologist about it. luckily it worked for me then, but it has not done anything since. my chin is noticeably the most disturbed area and there is never really a time when it is clear.

basically all i am hoping for, is to be able to feel comfortable going out without feeling like i need to cover up my acne and scars, or wearing my hair in a ponytail without being self conscious that those areas are visible.

so, the goal: exercise. i know it will do wonders for my skin, as the last time i really tried to keep to a normal exercising habit was when my skin looked its best. secondly, i would also like to cut out unnecessary foods. i am not directly speaking about a diet, but eliminating greasy foods and all that bad stuff can't be anything but good. i will also try to stick to this mama lotion for at least two months. if i don't see results within this time, i may move on to another product or regimen i feel may help.

the MAIN goal: stay positive.. remember that how i feel on the inside about myself shouldn't determine what i feel on the outside. i am beautiful and intelligent, acne or not and nothing is going to change that.


recent pictures = not so good

so, i just got done looking at some pictures of a party i went to last weekend. my skin is incredibly oily and red in every photo. i can't remember a time when i've ever had "perfect" skin, but i've got to say it's pretty bad right now. the oiliness is out of control.

i've really got to take control of my diet and eating habits.

i've been so stressed lately though... the temporary job i had is ending TOMORROW. hopefully i'll have enough from this paycheck to make my car payment, but after that, i have no idea. i'm also stressed about getting into school next year, and where exactly i want to transfer to since the deadlines are fast approaching.

needless to say, my eating/sleeping habits are at an all time low, and i really don't know how to pull out of this slump. looking at photos from this year to last is really depressing, but i knew i'd gain the weight back. but i guess all i can do is go up from here :confused:

hopefully once i get a steady job, my plan is to get on dan's regimen, and to sign up for the gym or think of a proper way to exercise, and yes... diet!

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