About this blog

my accutane blog :)

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my skin is still clear and is better than a lot of people's skin - has been for years! :)

i hope my blog has helped people at least a little bit - good luck if you're on accutane. you'll get there in the end and it'll be worth it. take care of your skin - don't pick, don't squeeze, and you'll do just fine.

my long term boyfriend of over four years who i wrote about in my early entries recently split up with me and i just want to write that when he split up with me i was so devestated. one thing i told him was that when i was on my meds and i was dry lipped and spotty and caked in make-up to hide myself he still fell in love with me and i never thought anyone could fall in love with someone looking like i did. but he did, and he said that it was never an issue, he didn't care about what my skin was like or if my lips weren't soft.

i just wanted to write that to let anyone who needs to know that it doesn't matter what you look like, it's really who you are inside that really counts. my skin's the best it's been since i was a child and he fell out of love with me - don't let your skin stop you be who you are because it doesn't matter if you're spotty or clear skinned, love and friendship isn't stopped by what you look like.

i'm sure my posts will, if they don't end here, be few and far between. but if anyone has a question they'd like to ask, i get alerts by email if anyone messages so i will get back to you immediately :)

love yourselves!

fi xxx



so, i can't believe i haven't written since april - time really flies over summer!

summer has been fun. just got back a few weeks ago from a week in the sun in crete so i've got a fantastic tan, my skin tone is more even and a lot of the time i don't wear foundation on my face apart from just around my eyes for those nasty bags and dullness. wee heee! in fact, i went out one night in bars and that with pretty much no foundation on cos it just looks horrible! why wear it when bare skin looks so much smoother and softer?

that's about it really. i don't, touch wood, get any proper spots. although i have an annoying little one on my neck today which is bugging me. but it's nothing important!

happy times. and more in love than ever. yippeeeeeeeeeeeeee! my man reminds me on occasions of the crazy dryness on my chin i used to have and the little patch of dry that would always flake. oh the days. he's got more spots than me now, it's crazy. i like having a good old pick of his tiny back spots like a proper couple of chimps.



day 333 off meds


i cannot believe it...i realised the other day i'm reaching a year off accutane. i cannot believe it. a year!

anyways just a quick post. i'm no longer worried about my new spots, they calmed down a bit and i'm blaming it on my new foundation. but i can handle a few tiny whiteheads. no biggie!!



so i haven't written in a few months, it's spring finally! it's lovely, it's warm ish, it's sunny. yay!

but i've changed my foundation to clinique and i thin it's playing havok with my skin because i have got tiny spots. i haven't had this many spots in ages...it's getting me down. they're not even major spots, but it's bad enough! i just looked at my old accutane photos and i cannot believe how much fuss i'm making now after i looked like that a year ago...

so i've got tiny insignificant spots, but there's been quite a few of them in the past month or so since i started using the clinique foundation rather than elizabeth arden. i changed to clinique because i didn't need such a thick pastey foundation anymore as my pigmentation is getting better. so i got clinique which is thinner and lighter but...i'm not happy. i really do think it's the cause of giving me skin trouble again.

the only other thing i can think of is that i've been stressing about my grandad being in hospital. but i don't stress too much, not more than anything else. unless it's subconscious. anyways. i don't really know what to do, because i don't want to go back to elizabeth arden makeup as it's £25 a pot and it's not much in a pot...but maybe it's worth it? but it's a plumping foundation as the ageing skin foundations are thicker and give more coverage...and i don't need the coverage and i don't need the plumping. ARGH HELP!

sigh. i do have under the skin spots, too. like...minor cysts maybe. i think i've had about two or three (whos knows?!) in the past week. but they're small ones. and i don't know if they're definitely cysts. but it upsets me. i lay awake for quite a while last night worrying about what to do. i think maybe i should just go back to thick good expensive makeup and see what happens...but i don't know. i've still got my clinique makeup to use. arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i've put retin-a on the spots o've had and it made a tiny minor cyst go. but i don't like the drying effect it has. it's annoying. i don't know. i'm just panicking a bit and stressing out. but i don't want to! it'll make it worse!

i wonder if i should see if the doctor/dermatologist will put me on dianette. but i don't actually know how to go about seeing my dermatologist again because...i don't have a number. do i go through the GP again? or do i call the hospital and ask? if i go through the GP it'll be WEEKSSSSS and maybe months. arghhhhhh!

i think that i do panic when i get spots, because of a fear of getting severe acne again. but maybe it'll clear up. or maybe i can just live with minor spots. i don't know.

i've been touching and lightly squeezing and my face is all red so i've washed my face again and left it with tea tree on the spots...please go away spots!!! all that seems to come out of the spots is water. why!!

boo hoo. i'm stressing out.

i've got to calm down and get on with my uni journal...

people get spots worse than this and don't panic, why should i? sigh.


day 223 off meds


no update! been in malaysia over december so the sun did my skin good i think - made it more even in tone. but still got uneven skin tone. when will i be able to wear no makeup?! my boyfriend said he thinks i don't need and shouldn't wear makeup and i tried today but i still have slight discolouration so i put makeup on.

i have shown my face to him without my makeup on very briefly a few times. i'm getting better! and i went out in town without caring about having no makeup on last week! :rolleyes:

it's very cold here, my skin was dry yesterday even though i put lots of cream on! my expensive makeup might not be needed anymore because i don't need such thick coverage, yay! cheaper makeup is possible! but i've decided to only use the best products on my skin because in the end, when i'm older my skin will be better if i use expensive products rather than cheap stuff.

i have a tiny spot on my nose today but otherwise i have less spots than my boyfriend, so i'm happy! he doesn't really have a spot problem and he just gets normal amounts of spots, so yay! i get less than him! touch wood, no spots for me really!!

hurraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh HAPPY HAPPY!

i can put my makeup on in five minutes now! it took me an hour a year ago!



it has been a very very very long time since i wrote!

here's my skin update:

i HAVE had a few tiny tiny spots. and the other day i thought i was getting a few cysts because i've started eating a lot of chocolate and had a rubbish diet compared to what i eat when i'm being good. but, i put retin-a on, i went to bed early, i drank loads of water and voila. next day they were gone. the most trouble i have now is that it is soo cold and windy that my skin on occasions is drier than usual. but moisturiser and make-up protect me. so yay!


day 91 off meds


i just looked at my photographs from the early days and the ones from nowadays. OH MY! i had totally forgotten how terrible my skin used to be and how red it was. yay!!!!

skin not being a problem in my life, i have other things to worry about that i won't say on here but it's taking a while longer than expected to go away.

i bought a £25 pot of elizabeth arden foundation the other day. wonderful, but pricey. and i also had to buy one that is for older skin and plumping because it was thicker than the others. but it's good nonetheless! haven't used any concealer today, just foundation!

i want cuddles from my boy.


day 85 off meds


so quick update cos i've gotta get ready&go out. i've been drinking roibos tea and i DO NOT BELIEVE IT WORKS! in fact, i've got spots now i've started drinking it! it is either the tea that's doing that OR eating more chocoloate than usual OR because i can't afford a new Clinique facial soap so i bought cheap Simple facial wash. so i'm stopping the tea, buying more Clinique soap when i get paid on monday and drinking loads of water and eating well. i've been lazy and not eating well like i used to.

so anyways, i've had these tiny tiny little spots on my forehead and on my left cheek (5 of them on my cheek) but they're so small! but still, they're there, they're a bit red on my forehead, and they appeared over the course of about...one day and one night! booooo!

i've used retin-a on them and they seem to be either in the process of going or have already almost 100% gone. my cheek ones have mostly gone, but two are a bit stubborn and have gone red. OH WELL!

i was on the phone to my boyfriend and i said "ah, i've got spots! i've had enough spots to last anyone a lifetime, i don't want spots!" and he said don't worry about it, he's got spots too. but i think there's always going to be a difference between me and him when it comes to this, because if i get spots there's always the fear that it's back for good and i'll get cystic acne again. so...i don't think he'll ever quite understand.

so anyways, i've gotta go eat and shower.



i went swimming today with my boyfriend. this is big, this meant make-up coming off in the water in front of my boyfriend and him seeing some uneven skin tone. this might not be big for other people but it's huge for me. after swimming was more huge because i went to put foundation on over the old make-up but it looked dumb so i left my face as it was even though you could see my red marks. hurrah! he might've thought i looked less attractive but i'm pretty sure he loves me all the same.

that should help others see that we worry too much about what others think of our skin. people know that everybody has imperfections, they don't mind if you have a spot or a blemish or scars or red marks. if they don't like you after they see your scars or blemishes then i honestly think that they're not worth your time and effort.

one day i'll be able to see my boyfriend without wearing foundation, i hope. i love my skin tone on my upper cheeks under my eyes. it's even and there a tiny little freckles, not many but just a few. i love them but i always cover them up so i'm not patchy where i've put loads of foundation on and less in other places. i hope one day my boyfriend will be able to see my little freckles in all their glory.

maybe one day i'll get my scars evened out somehow. that'd be nice.


day 69 off meds


i just looked at some of my friends facebook photographs and there's a boy in one of them, he must be seventeen or eighteen and he has really horrible severe acne, mostly (approx.) six huge cysts on his chin area. i really want to see if he's getting help for them because i'm sure he knows how horrible it looks and how horrible it makes him feel...

anyways, no skin news from me. my boyfriend's stubble has started to make my chin dry again, bah!!! and the end of my nose is dry today too...not sure why to be honest. i had a panic that i was getting lots of small small spots but actually it's fine. no spots, touch wood. lets hope it continues like this forever :naughty:

i out two photos up recently, but they make me look unscarred and my skin tone looks quite good. i actually do have quite a bit of deep scarring and it's a bit redder in pigmentation than it looks. but hey, one day i WILL actually look that pale, not red!

i've given up hope on my one single big cheek milia. damn it to hell!!!


day 61 off meds


nothing new, i keep trying to get my milia out but it's just scabby now.

no spots. bought more clinique exfoliating scrub cos i started using it again and people have said i look radiant! can't tell if it's that of the ton of foundation i put on...but i think it helps me look less dull.

my face still isn't 100% good at making oil i don't think. i didn't have very oily skin before accutane but now it's a bit less. although the heat is making me sweat buckets and so i'm glad i don't have oily skin!

the blackhead i squeezed on my mums lip has turned into some kind of monster on her face...like a cold sore and not just that one spot, like...two or three. er?! never happens to me...hm!


day 56 off meds


summer is back, hooray! it has been wonderfully sunny but i've been doing overtime at work so i've been inside sweating like hell in the pool, ahhh!!!

so. here is my update...

my one milia i have is small today. maybe because i exfoliated yesterday, who knows! oh and i'm still using retin-a on it in a hope that somehow it'll work.

i saw sigur ros last saturday!!!!!!!!! my favourite band ever and they were absolutely mind blowingly wonderful. but after that festival - latitude - i had a sore nose like i'd been head butted in the face...and i think it's because i had a huge spot somewhere in my nose! because yesterday i had a red area on the end and it only hurt in that area. but i used my spot wand from Boots - tea tree and witch hazel double ended wand - and it's worked i think. and i did put retin-a on it too.

nothing more to tell really, i've not had any spots. two on the back of my neck have healed, hurrah!

yesterday my sister was here and we had lots of fun giving her a blackhead extracting facial! baically me attacking her with cotton buds. OH my god i've never done it before but it was fun! (i'm not weird! i'm missing picking and squeezing!) but the best blackhead was on my mums lip. it was huge! she's had it for months, literally 5months+ and she doesn't ever do anything about it because she's never had spots and doesn't know what they are or what to do!

the end!


day 48 off meds


okay so that irritating milia i have, which is actually getting bigger...is no longer getting bigger! because, despite what i've read about using medication to get rid of it (people say medication doesn't work...) i've used retin-a on it just once (last night) and it's gone down SO much! it was really big yesterday so i resorted to th retin-a and now it's smaller! i think i'll keep trying retin-a and hopefully it'll flatten it or even exfoliate th skin until th milia can pop out...i think that's possible? who knows.

okay so yesterday i did get a bit more worried than usual that my acne will come back in a few months...but i mean. i hope it won't. i never EVER had cystic acne or severe acne before december 2007 and so i hope that now it's gone, it's gone for good. i can handle mild acne, no problem. although i'm sure it'll still get me down, but please. no more severe acne. pleaaaaaaaase. anyways, so this panic was brought on by th fact that i had a tiny tiny barely visible spot on my forehead yesterday, a weird thing on my left temple (i think i might have jus squeezed something that wasn't there but i thought was a spot...) and on my right cheek i also squeezed a suspect blachead which i think was actually nothing. so actually, writing this blog now i realise i'm being stupid. panic over!

but i really hope it doesn't come back. OO i have a text message. bye!


day 44 off meds


so my red marks are fading gradually and i can tell because it takes less time to cover up now! yesterday, after staying over at my boyfriends, i put on my make up super fast whilst he was in th shower and because we were in a huge rush to get th train to london. so hurrah!

but i'm still paranoid about everyone seeing my redness if i don't cover up enough. it was my birthday on th 5th and we were down at brighton th week before and i had put my make up on at home, met my boyfriend, gone to brighton, got to brighton, parked th car at th b&b and i left my make up in th boot of th car because my polaroid was making my bag so heavy. AHHHH!!! i think i was trying clothes on in a shop and looked in th mirror and i didn't feel covered up enough and felt like i NEEDED my make up desperately. i got a bit upset, i told my boyfriend i wanted my make up and i wanted to walk back to th car to get it. note: th shop i was quite a walk away from our car. but he asked me why i wanted th make up and told me i didnt need it. because he's lovely and doesn't care for imperfections. i think i should learn from him. i don't care about other people's imperfections, everyone has them, but my face is a big deal.

i hate that it's a big deal and i hate that people have to feel that wherever they've had spots previously or currently is a big deal. it isn't, but i know most of us feel it is. i couldn't look in th mirror of shops, changing rooms, public toilets or even my own bedroom before because i was too disgusted and wanted to forget that i looked like i did. and it's still stuck with me because if i look in a mirror, e.g. in urban outfitters or topshop changing rooms (particularly bright lights in those shops), i am sitll suprised that i don't hate what a see. not in regard to my skin at least. maybe my fly away hair or my love handles, but not my face. i wish i wasn't scared to look in mirrors if people are around. nobody should be scared to look at themselves in a mirror.

right, back to th less in depth thoughts ey. i've not really had a proper spot yet, touch wood. i've had tiny little ones that are barely spots. and it's lovely. but i do sitll have a very irritatin milia which i'm going to have to live with because to get a derm appointment i need to see my GP first and get referred. th other option is a beautician giving me a facial and stuff but th only place available is £8 for th milia treatment ON TOP OF another facial. i can't pay that, it's not annoying me that much! there's only one milia!! it is quite big though...

i still get little spots on my right side under my jaw and on my neck though. i think it's th same one over and over though. it's annoying! cos it's not nice to have a few red marks/scabs on your neck! and on th back of my neck one spot KEEPS coming back. well. actually i don't think it does but i keep picking th scab so it won't disappear, must stop!

so th most i have, really, is a tiny spot on occasion and a number of blackheads...on my neck. my damn neck!!! at least they're not on my face though :(

so really, i haven't got active spots, my redness is going, i'm crazy in love, and i'm just fine.


day 31 off meds


it's been a VERY long time since i came on here! so here's what's new...pretty much nothing!

no new spots, unless you count th ones under my hairline on th back of my neck. but i think theyre caused by sweat&hair irritation/grease.

some days my skin is fine but some days it gets a tiny tiny bit dry around my eyes and on my nose. but it's barely noticeable.

so i really have nothing to update about other than i still have fat spots/milia? well i have one that my boyfriend claims he could get out but i argue otherwise, as i can't get it out&really only my dermatologist would be able to extract but i'm not even gonna bother with that.

other than skin news, it's my nineteenth birthday in 6 days and i'm panicking a teeny bit because that means i have 371 days left of being a teenager. GOD NO DONT MAKE ME BE 20 but really do make me get to 20 because i assume otherwise i'd be dead...don't really fancy that.

my boyfriend took me to brighton (beach town) for a night this week for my birthday and it was wonderful and i wish it didn't end because i loved it. i love brighton, i love my boyfriend, i loved it all! it was lovely.

MORE exciting stuff is that my sister is back in th homeland today!!!!!!!! she went to china on valentines day and now she's BACK YAYAYAYAYAYYYY gosh i'm excited. i'm making her peanut butter cookies for when she stays here at our house starting on tuesday. HUURAAAAHHH IM SO EXCITED!

life is good.

uni exam results on thursday. AH!

(i would post a post med photograph but i don't know how to get them onto my new computer cos it's an apple mac...)



all fine on planet fi and her skin. still a bit dry but lips are much less dry. arms need one small application of moisturiser but no baby oil needed anymore. left ear lobe still a little crusty but healing. face isn't dry anywhere. no spots! well, a few tiny bumps but...not spots i don't think? not really...



so, apparently not drinking for four months is disastrous when you come off meds and drink. vommmmmit mmm!

had a good night, though.

no spots, skin looks lovely and red marks are clearing up very quickly now. my boyfriend keeps telling me how good my skin looks and i agree. i'm loving it and i hope that my spots don't come back. i think i'm going to go on erythromycin if i get spots, because it worked before. but i have my derm nurse appointment tomorrow and so i'll ask her about it tomorrow. i'm not going to wear make-up to my exam tomorrow morning, for th second time. this time i'm a lot more confident in doing it. last time i was still on my meds and i wanted to hide. now i feel like i can be seen and not disgust people :wub:

i didn't use vaseline for ages earlier and i was fine. i went out last night and stayed at my boyfriends (for th first time, yay! except for th puking) and so i left my makeup on. and it looked fine even up to 2pm today! ahh i'm so happy with my progress.

plus, i think all th tiny bumps have pretty much gone from my back. i think th pores were jus clogged with old sun cream, ew!

yes. all good. super good.



dryness is no longer a problem to be honest. lips are a little dry but not really any more than some people usually experience without being on meds. forehead is th most dry, but barely. rest of my face is not dry at all and my arms a slightly dry. it's all good.

but i do feel like spots are coming back. very tiny ones. i can jus imagine waking up with little spots in th morning. but no active spots yet. let's hope i don't get any ey.




so, nothing to tell really. i think my poor little ear lobe is healing slowly. it's been cracked and dry for four months and it recently got so so bad and i'd pick it&it'd weep loads and it's got a red patch. but today it's a little better. not fussed about it though.

so, those milia things. little bump things. i got one out! i think i only have one other on th other side of my face but it's been there ages&i've gotta leave it alone. it's not harming me! so i used th blackhead remover last night on this other one and pus came out finally! and today i squeezed again and more came out, then more of a harder pus, and then a bit of soft pus. it wasn't even raised and all that pus came out!

just a tiny bit red now but it's fine. i'm just anxiously waiting th return of my oil! i think a number of people on here who are on accutane have had problems with excessive oil and it's been a big issue, but i really didn't have oily skin...i'd say it was normal to be honest. and i'm prayyyying for oil to return, so i'm not dry anymore!

basically that's it! these past two nights i've had MAD crazy dreams that i hope don't go away! they're amusing! i kept half waking up this morning but went back to sleep just because i wanted to carry on dreaming aha. a lot of fun to be had dreaming.



okay so i was impatient today and yesterday. i took my dose yesterday morning then got to midnight and took todays dose cos i couldnt wait! woke up super dry, but nevermind! hoooraaayyyyy i hope dryness goes soon.

i have a few of these like...tiny hard bumps that are, to be honest, flat, but i can feel them and i try to squeeze them. dunno what they are. jus bits of hard skin tissue? hm.

no proper spots, jus little ones around my hairline on my neck. but hair does that doesn't it...yeah. everythings fine!

:boogie: :boogie: :lol: going boooooooooozing on saturday and sunday. YAYYYYYYY BOOOOOZE again. a student, who has almost finished th uni year but is starting to drink again. HOORAH!



so yesterday i was getting in a tiny little dilemma as to whether i could be bothered to finish my last three days of pills because th massive patch of skin to th left of my mouth jus keeps on peeling off. i had to carry tweezers around so if it flaked i could peel it off. i tried having a lovely dinner with my boyfriend and at th end he said it was drying up a little again. arghh. i know he says he doesn't care, but i do!!

so i said to him in th car home that i was thinking of ditching th pills here but he said if i don't finish th course then th whole thing is pointless and it's only 3 days. i said if i didn't take th last pills then he could stay over at mine in th week, but despite wanting to, he told me to finish my 3 days. so i am. so today i will take my pills and then tomorrow and th day after. then i'm done, on wednesday i won't have anything to take. i'm hoping that within a week my skin will be making oil again and not be dry.

anyone know roughly how long it takes to get back to normal?


day 109


how can skin possibly be so dry that within five minute of putting on E45 moisturiser, it's flaking and dry again? how. HOW?

ugh bad day.

i'm considering not finishing my course, i only have four days left of pills but i can't be bothered. can't fucking be bothered with it.



okay so basically i'm having a huge panic because i feel like i'm definitely going to break out once i'm done with accutane. i got two pin prick red bits under my left eye yesterday, i'm not sure if they're gone. i think they're going. i had one tiny tiny pin prick whitehead this morning which i got rid of.

in th past week i have used suncream on my back and also had an aloe vera cream on my back (a lot of it during a massage) and i think it's clogged up my back pores and now i can feel (not necessarily see) tiny little bumps. so basically, i'm fretting a lot about my face and my back. i used th back brush and exfoliating mit in th shower to try and exfoliate th bumps off my back and hopefully it'll work.

i think i'll just go back on erythromycin once i'm done with accutane&live on that until i feel i'm ready to come off it.

i'm just really worried today.

th left side of my mouth has been extra dry for some reason. i've gone back to E45 lotion for my face which i haven't been using for about a week. what a saviour. so now i feel much better. i think my skins been a bit funny cos i sunbathed on monday and it did me no good. got a slight tan but also wrecked my arm and face. dried it up or something. mlerghhhhhhhhh

bad day. coinciding with rubbish weather so it's a mixture of s.a.d and spots.

my skin did used to be wonderful once i went on th pill, so hopefully once i'm off accutane my pill will help keep acne at bay. SIGH.

really deep inside i'm happy i don't have proper spots anymore. really i am.



so those jawline spots didn't even turn into proper spots and i totally forgot about them! :lol:

i hate to jinx things but i have NO active spots. not one. this is th first time in a very very very long time. i'm so happy. yesterday i didn't even have to touch up my make up when i usually would feel th need to. ahh!! :boogie:

so basically, last night th...thing on my right cheek which has lingered for weeks now felt like popping so i gave it a gentle nudge and it drained out, despite being flat. i think it was mostly blood trapped in it, but a bit of hard pus came with it too. it was very sticky blood...very odd. and i thought to myself, i hope this is th last time i have to squeeze a spot. i love squeezing but i hope it's th last time. so that thing is just a bit dry and scabby but i don't care, because nowhere else on my face is dry. my left ear is still crusty as it has been since th early days. but that will go soon because i have SEVEN DAYS LEFT! :lol::boogie: :boogie:

i'm so excited. no more excessive moisturiser or vaseline. no more crusty ear. no more dry arms and i can get a wax finally :boogie:

there has been a bonus to isotretinoin/accutane, despite ridding me of digusting cystic acne. i got a tan in two hours yesterday!!! if i had gone outside to revise without accutane, i wouldn't have tanned in an entire day! hooray, i have a bit of colour to me again!

there is absolutely nothing to tell. and that's a good thing.



ahhh, breakout? i don't know. i have two small spots under my right jawline. they could be alone or they could have an army of spots behind them, ready to attack my poor face :boogie: i hope they don't.

so now, instead of three troublesome spots/areas on my face i have two. ones healed well over night and today. th ones on my right are a) turned into a spot after picking, although not really but is really red (hard to explain) and th other is still healing but actually isn't a problm so really it's just one spot which needs to heal faster...

i'm mostly worried about th neck/under my jaw spots. ahhhhhhh i don't wanna give accutane up. i really am terrified i'll break out without it.


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