This week has been good acne-wise for the better half. That lip zit I talked about in my sunday post ended up coming through and it's still lingering on my left upper lip. It hasn't been unbearable. It hasn't formed into a head or anything, it's mostly just a slightly pink lump on my lip which is more annoying than noticeable. Blargh. I haven't had any acne otherwise which has been good. Although, it appears I have a shallow white head forming up on my right cheek near my mouth which I'll have to deal with.
The thing I want to talk about which I've realized today is that 2008 has been absolutely terrible for me so far. Let me tell you about it in order of intensity:
1. The acne resurgance problem I've been dealing with since November has been one of the most challenging situations I've faced thus far in my life. This whole episode of my life I'm going through has been particularly stressful. In fact I can only remember one other time in my life where I was comparatively this depressed on a consistent basis for an extended period of time. The good news is that since I've been on Accutane things have been on the upswing but I'm still not 'out-of-the-woods' yet.
2. The ways my relationship with my closest friend has suffered because of my self-esteem issues related to my acne problem.
2.5 The ways my relationship with many different people has suffered because of my self-esteem issues related to acne.
3. Serious financial destitution which I am likely not to recover from until summer. This is also mostly related to the ridiculous co-pays I've had to pay on so many acne medications. My debit card will be shut down until monday when my account balance will bounce back into the positive. But will probably go right down again after I pay off 2 months of backed up bills and various other expenses I need to get out of the way. Looks like Mom is getting a call in the near future... aaaaaaaaarggggggh
4. The brakes on my car are fucked. Everytime I break I get a grinding, screeching noise. Likely I'll need the brake pads repaced and probably a front end alignment. Shit, I haven't even had an oil change since last year cause I'm so dog broke I can't afford an oil change.
5. I am disliking my job more and more every shift I work. It's to the point now where I have to convince myself to go into work the shifts I'm scheduled to, let alone extra shifts even though I know I need to work extra because I'm so hard up for cash right now. It just sucks that much.
6. Dora died. The official cause of death still hasn't been released even though they found her body over a week and a half ago. Mysterious.
7. My grandmother on my dad's side is about to die. I called my dad last night and he told me she's had an irregular heartbeat since yesterday as well as difficulty breathing. He told me the doctors said "this is the begginning of the end". This doesn't strike me as unexpectedly as Dora's death because I've been anticipating her death for a while sadly. I saw her at Xmas and knew that would be the last time I saw her alive, she looked half dead then. She couldn't even remember who I was.
7.5 My dying grandmother, as well as the rest of my immediate family lives in Maryland and I live in Massachusetts. When my grandmother goes, I'm obligated to go to the funeral, but how am I gonna get there like this? I have no money, my car is fucked, I can't pay to fix my car in time to go to the funeral probably, I have classes, ensembles, and lots of homework everyday as well as a job. How can I possibly work in time and money for an excursion to MD? I hate to say it but I probably won't be at the funeral and I have an itching feeling no one in my dad's family is going to understand that. Then they're going to insinuate I take a Peter Pan bus or something which I sooooo don't want to do. I'll just say right now there's no way I can get there like this, and she could pass any day now.
Sorry to drop all this really heavy stuff on you guys. I kind of feel like I'm crashing the Accutane party right now because we've all been reporting positive results from the medication which we're excited about. Most of these things I listed aren't even directly acne related but are important issues to me nontheless.
I've been feeling more desperate lately to let out all these issues in my life via blogging (which I've never done before) because of my social isolation partially due to my acne problem. I hope you understand that. I'll keep you guys updated later on.