the four letter word i have come to know as my life has caged me in these four walls i call a bedroom.
i'm not sure where to start...
i guess where most things start: at the beginning.
well, up until i was about 13, i had no acne. i didn't even know what it was. sure, i knew of pimples, but most of my friends didn't have any either. the most exposure to acne i had was through television commercials. it was a good great time. i could do whatever i wanted, eat whatever i wanted and, probably most importantly, socialize with my peers. not to sound vain, but i was quite popular. i was the nice guy that others could depend on and was always willing to share my advice when asked. i wasn't ashamed of going out or being seen. i didn't hold my head down or avoid social situations. my life, my skin was porcelain.
but, like many things, porcelain brakes. i woke up one day and noticed a red mark on my right cheek as i was getting ready for school. i got really close to the mirror to inspect it and poked at it a bit. i was scared to pop it, so i just left it. it wasn't huge, just a small zit. when i got home, i ran to the bathroom and it was a bit larger. i waited for my sister to come home from school and asked her what it was. she called my mom and they both laughed and told me it was a pimple. my sister helped me pop it. it hurt like hell, but the redness went away a few hours later.
as i got older, my acne got worse. i started high school and from then on everyday felt like a video on repeat. i would wake up and see more acne on my face, go to school, try to avoid eye contact with anyone, come home, and do nothing. i began trying all the over the counter products out there (i.e. proactiv, clean and clear, ect, ect) but nothing worked. it began consuming my face making me feel ashamed and disgust. i withdrew. i never went to homecoming, never went to prom, or even a dance for that matter. i became a loner.
fast forward 2 years and i still feel like my life is playing that same high school video. i just go to college now. i'm 20 and have no life whatsoever.
a year ago, i went to a dermatologist hoping he would prescribe me accutane, but he only prescribed me epiduo and minocycline. both of which made my skin more oily. i decided to stop treatment and went on a paleo-diet. i'm still on the diet and although i've seen improvements, the diet has made me even more of a recluse. i only go to the market and come back home. i can't eat out because of the limits of the diet. i'm not sure what to do. i really want accutane.
well, it's 1:52am and i'm tired.
thank you for listening.
hoping to stop this video,
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