I really don't know if anyone is really going to read this. But if they do, then that's okay. I really just want a place where I can be anonymous and write whatever I feel.
I think I have Acne Dysmorphia. I'm really ashamed of my arms. I supposedly have "keratosis pilaris" but I honestly don't think that's the case. All of the pictures I have seen of KP looks NOTHING like my arms. And I also have acne on my upper back, along my spine, on the sides of my face and under my chin.
Anyways, that's not the point. I can't stop picking.I honestly can not stop. I tell myself over and over again to not pick but I do it anyways. I get these urges. And sometimes I'll come home and I'll just sit there and look at my arms and pick. And then after I get really angry because I know that I will get more scars on my arms and that I'll always have to wear long sleeves. I mean I get really angry. I start to cry and I get really paranoid. But I don't even feel like it's me when that happens. I don't know. I guess I'm fucked up.
I feel like I have to hide my whole body. I feel disgusting. I'm afraid to go out on a date because the guy might somehow see my scars of feel my rough skin. I've never let any of my boyfriends see my arms. I've always ended the relationship before it got serious. I never let myself get attached to anyone.
I want to tell my parents about this because I just found out about Acne Dysmorphia today. I mean, I know something is wrong. But I also know that no one will take me seriously if I tell them how i feel. I don't want people to look at me like I'm crazy. I just can't live like this anymore.
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