A little about my story! I will keep it short and to the point!
I started with your typical highschool hormonal acne, little pimples when I was a Sophmore! I couldnt stand it! I spent every penny I ever earned trying products at my local cvs. Nothing seemed to really work. Then after begging for antibiotics from my doc at the time, he finally handed me the prescription, but not without telling me I am ungrateful, that there are kids out there dealing with cancer and Im complaining about acne! Ya... I know real thoughtful! not to get on a tangent but anyone who thinks acne isnt a big deal and to get over it, is absolutly clueless. I look at it as a disease, a horible health concern that disfigures your face and ruins your self esteem. it makes everything in life more difficult, especially being a girl!!! okay im done!! haha
So i took antibiotics for 3years as well as trying tazorac(which I loved,but didnt work long term), antibiotics kept me clear! I had great skin! I wanted to get off them and "Oh boy" big mistake. I began with horribly oily skin all of a sudden and then a big red cyst on my cheek one day! Terrified... I turned to natural medicine! Western medicine seemed to only cause me more issues!
I took every herbal remedy under the sun and thoguht I had my body down to a science, like I knew why everything worked the way it did. It was scary how obsessive I became over controling my body to limit my acne! It never really worked and only stressed me out and caused depression. Lost and broken. It all seemed useless! I got myself off natural medicine, but took a year to convince myself I didnt need it, to let my body do what it was "naturaly" made to do! About a year ago I turned to Birth control pills(ortho cyclen, not ortho tri-cyclin) and have been taking that for about a year, with no results, I feel its only gotten worse, now i get all these little bumps around my mouth and big cysts on my chin, which i never had before. Fed up and back on health insurance I decided to give accutane a try, something I never believed in and somehting that alwasy scared me.
I really cant believe I am finally at this point. I have soooo many scars from 8years dealing with acne. My face no longer heals itself and it was time to do somehting about it! Im tired of oily skin that I have to blot 5x a day and tired of being tired of thinking about my face! I mean really ... its our face! the first thing people look at, your first impression. How is anyone suppose to come across confident when you can barely look in the mirror and smile. I had to teach myself how to be strong, bullet proof. I look in the mirror a couple times before i leave the house and give myself a little pep talk, and tell myself by the end of it that "your face is not that bad, no one prob even notices and if they do they prob wont care, its about who you are not what you are". Its a long painful exhausting process that I am soooooo sick of.
I have given my fears about accutane to God, andtrust that he will protect and see me through this process! I dont know if this is what he wants for me, but I know he dosent want to see me suffer anymore. I feel I have learned so much about myself through having acne. Number one, is that every girl wants to feel beautiful, and thats not a bad thing. To enjoy her natural God given beauty. Im not talking cake a pound of makeup on yourface and red lipstick. And second I have learned what is really important in life... that is basically this earth and all the beauty that surrounds us, the ocean, wild flowers, a rising sun in the mountains... and at the end of these 5months with good skin or bad I will still see the beauty!
So I hope through these 5months writing this blog that it becomes helpful to you. And maybe you can relate or find comfort in it.
one day down sooooooo many more to go.
day 1 at 30mg
Side Effects: None so far
regimine: Dove sensitive skin bar for cleansing with wash cloth.
my skin gets so oily during the day that I am wearing my sulfur mask right now. I figure since my skin is still oily and its only the first day, what the hay!!! should be okay!!