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Acne Newbie- Accutane Feb 8th -

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pictureperfect

It's been a while...but i've never forgotten about this blog! =)

it's been 2 month post of taking accutane for me, and i got to say it feels pretty darn good to be off of these drugs. I've done my blood work and check ups after being off and i'm very blessed to be on track in terms of health. I can drink again~ with no worries which is also a huge plus hehe

The redness and the scars are still visible but it's way better than before...

like i've mentioned on my previous blogs, i'm so grateful bc my before pics were just horrible....

so horrible that i want to carry it around and remind myself to be humble and never forget what i went thru..which in my lifetime i can never forget. I'm so grateful that all the bumps and pain are gone.

Due to my docs recommendations of undergoing fraxel treatment after 6 month, i decided to listen to her. I just wanted to go thru laser treatements to treat my redness and scars asap..but i just have to be patient..

Having no bumps and acne is just half the battle the other half is the after marks left....

Anyways, i can remember just one time when i woke w a small bump on my face but it soon went away by itself at the end of the day...so cool. it didn't even leave a mark!

Anyways i'm happy! And super excited to just go out there , show my face and be proud of my own skin no matter the lfaws! =)

Good luck to all of you who are on accutane! You can do it! Just be patient and your day will come! Much love xoxo

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Post 21 days!

Mood: :(

Day: post 21 days

it's hard to believe that I'm free of the drugs. looking back it has not been easy... For me, it was a sudden breakout that came out of nowhere..and it took a toll on my self esteem and how I saw myself. I still feel uneasy and uncomfortable when guys approach me...in the past I luved the attention, this experienced has humbled me down a lot. Sometimes I still forget that I'm 100% clear! No acne, no bumps! I am so excited and so grateful that this medication worked for me. I never had the tiniest doub that this pill wasn't going to work for me...u need a lot of patience and hope. That's really all u have after going thru such a horrible experience w acne. Ppl wonder whether I feel scared that the acne will come back but I just know it won't. So far I didn't have one active~

Right now, post 21 days my lips r back to normal...my job environment made it very hard to keep my lips moisturized. There were some days when my lips were peeling and no matter how much aquaphor or carmex etc I put on, it didn't make a diff. It was quite embarrassing but now it's normal. I don't even put on anything but a plain lipgloss for my lips now. I know! Exciting! Hehe

as for my much complained acts and red marks on my face, well the red marks have faded quite a bit. I don't know whether it will ever fade completely but it is a lot better than before that's for sure. As for the acne scars, they r still there and they r bothering me soo much. I want to get laser treatment now...I mean is it really neccessary to wait 6 month? In sept I'm planning to get stg done. I can't wait till the scars r gone...I hate the reminder of my acne faced times...though it was short it was painful just the same. This whole experience feels like a milestone that I feel like celebrating~

I feel beautiful inside and out which Is the best feeling in the world.

So to all the readers out there, keep believing that this medication will work and keep positive!

Good luck to all ur progress and remember, ur time to shine will come :)

xoxo

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Mood: :pray:

day 132

I can't believe it's day 132...which means i have only 18 more days! Wow that's super excting....

i can honestly say there were definitely days when time did not go fast enough, I've already whined in my blog a few times about this. But time does go...and when you don't count down the days till ur done the tane it just goes more faster. i wake up with smooth, soft skin. I love how it feels...Right now i have a small zit on my cheek..but thank goodness it's not a cyst. Make up realy does wonders in covering up the redmarks but seriously it's the scars that make me unhappy now. they r just located on my cheeks...it looks like every cysts i got on my cheeks left a mark. It sucks and i can't wait to do some laser resurfacing to make these scars go away....I've been using Mederma Scar treatment for a couple month now, but i don't see much of a difference. you're suppose to see results in 3-6 months so i guess it's too early to tell. But i'm not seeing any improvement thus far. I'm using the Perricone Skin Clear Acne toner and i love it! It leaves this refreshing clean feel~ love it! My skin tone is really nice, it's clear and the hiperpigmentation is not helping....

I want to get the laser treatement asap...i know ur suppose to wait 6 months after completing teh accutane course, but i'm planning to have it done after 4-5 months.It shouldn't be too bad right?

As for side affects just the constant drying of the lips and I tired...I never felt this side effect but i'm feeling more tired than usual. I've also gained 5 pounds while on accutane. I'm not blaming the pills, i was so into cooking for awhile- I just ate ate ate =) I'm back at the gym working my ass off now.

My joints don't hurt constantly but they do sometimes but i just shake it off..the rash on top of my hands are ok now...at one point i had the rashes on my arms.

As for life my job training is completed now =) and i start the actual work soon. I'm excited yet nervous~ i don't even know if i'll like the job, I guess we'll just have to see. Anyways I'm excited the summer is here and i have less than a month on this then the healing will start.I hope it didn't damage my body too much. i love the feel of my skin now and now the only thing left is the scars~

Good luck to everyone on their progress~ remember time will go by just like that...=)

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Mood: :pray:

Day: 120

I just popped in my last pill in my blister pack! I'm starting my new and last pack tomorrow~~ that means i have 30 more days to go....I'm so excited!

I'm so excited to be done...my lips are getting sooo chapped...I moisturize my lips and constantly put on aquaphor/ carmex but I need to put it on every 10 min. The closer you get to finishing the more chapped ur lips get it seems. As for my face...I'm not completely satisfied yet. I've seen pics of other ppl on here when they are about 120 days but it seems like most have flawless skin by this time, but it doesn't seem like i do =( I still have lots of red marks and the scarring is still there....

The red marks are fading day by day though...I guess i just have to be patient. But as you all know, it's hard. It's such a slow, gradual process.

About 5 days ago, I broke out on my forehead..thank goodness it wasn't a cystic breakout, it was just a lot of small bumps. It was very strange bc i never broke out like that...my forehead was normally acne free. I think it was because i used Dr. Perricone Cold Plasma...not using that again! The Dr. Perricone Acne Toner seemed to help with the breakouts. Now, all my small bumps are gone, like it never was there before! =)

I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, but it looks like my pores are englarged especially after i wash my face...in the morning is when i notice my face at it's purest! It looks sooo smooth and less red.

My knee hurt a bit before but now it's a lot better! I keep on getting the hand rash but it doesn't bother me much...

Not much to report, except that i'm 100% clear now!!

Good luck to everyone on Accutane...just be patient and believe....

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Day 113

Mood: :|

Day: 113

I've read that month 3-4 is when you get dramatic results...I'm not sure about dramatic, but i'm not complaining! Every day my skin seems to be healing. I don't have any active pimples anymore...i've been 100% clear for about 2 days. My face feels really smooth, the red marks seems to be fading, but it's still noticeably red, my scars are still there, but it's been looking better. I hope it will fade with time...

While on accutane i've noticed my pores look bigger...i totally agree while on accutane you will look really bad. It does affect ur self esteem. But hang in there people....

There are so many people who doesn't judge a person by their skin. My family and friends around me have been great. They may not necessarily understand what you are going through but they keep you sane.

I went clubbing the other night and drank a lot....I have been drinking a beer here and there, but it's been awhile since i've actually drank till i felt tipsy. It was a surprise because i didnt' feel drunk at all...the next morning I had no hangover i felt perfectly fine. =))

As for the side effects, this far in, i've been getting knee pains....i feel a little throbbing before i go to bed, or sometimes when i'm sitting down. I try to forget about the pain...it usually works, haha. I got a scratch on my hand a few days ago and they're taking a long time to heal...it looks like a fresh scratch. I need my carmex, blistex, and aquaphor more than ever! My lips get soo dry...out of the 3 i like blistex the most. Anyways i've also been tryign to drink a lot of liquids...

I'm very excited to wake up every morning to see the changes to my skin. It's a gradual process but it's effective...

I can't wait till i'm done....i will be going on my 4th month soon!! Awesomeness.....

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Mood: :|

Day: 107

I came back to my hometown, just to visit my family for the weekend. It's been a month since i've last saw them...they looked at my face and said my skin definitely improved! Happy, Happy =) However u know the saying, ur, ur worst critic...i'm not completely satisfied w my skin yet...It seems like the red marks are slowly fading...but the scaring...It seems like i've been getting a lot of scarring recently. Will these scars go away? I pray that they're temporary. I've been flushing a lot too. I can feel feel the flush coming...but strangely when i look at the mirror, i'm not even red. The good news is, i have no actives! I have a couple of clogged pores but that it. My skin feels soo smooth. I recently bought Dr Perricone MD Skin Clear toner, I've heard so many good things about it and I finallly got my hands on it! I've used it for a day and so far it's good...i really like the minty smell and the cool sensation feels so good on my skin. My lips have been getting more chapped than usual.

I need to put something on my lips every 20 mins or else my skin on my lips literally peels off. The reoccuring rash on top of my hands went away...the key is to moisturize everyday. Other than that, i can't believe it's day 107! I can't wait to be done w accutane...and see my optimal results. About a few weeks before i'm done, i'm meeting a friend who i haven't seen in 10 years...I HOPE my skin is flawless by that time.

Please scarring go away....

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Mood: :|

Day: 99

Yay! Day 99!! Tomorrow will be my 100th day anniversary! It's exciting...when i look back and see how far i've come. This whole experience really makes you into a different, better...person. During the course there were definitely many ups and downs...but I'm proud that I really learned how to overcome them. Most importantly i'm facing my weakness, and I'm trying not to think about my skin too much....

My skin is really smooth...except for a few clogged pores. overall my skin tone has been looking even but my marks are still clearly visible. I personally think Almay clear complexion concealer, foundation and powder doesn't do a good job on coverage. It's suppose to do less harm on your skin than other foundations, so i'm planning to stick with it till I'm out. During the day my face feels a bit itchy like a piece of hair is on my face..but there is none. I think it's a sign accutane is doing it's job...everyday though the red marks are S-L-O-W-L-Y fading but of course not fast enough. I've been getting a lot of accutane rashes...I moisturize everyday but still my skin feels so rough and dry. Recently i've been putting on more chapstick. My lips get so dry so fast. If i don't put anything on i can just feel my lips crinkling and cracking. Ouch!

I bought Aquaphor but honestly it's not that great as everyone raves....My fav was from Aveeno (can't remember the name, but it's mentioned on my previous blogs) Also Lip Medix Blistex is really good too. Carmex...not so much....taste and feels like medicine..dont' like it at all...and on the back it says to only put it on max 3 or 4 times a day. I need to moisturize my lips more than 3 or 4 times...Just a weeks ago, i didn't need that much lipgloss.

Another awkward side effect is that i flush easily! I've never been a unconfident person...but i';ve noticed when i feel even the tiniest bit uncomfortable/shy i blush so bad...

I feel my face becoming hot like a tomotoe! I dont' know what;s wrong with me!!

My skin looks the best, when i moisturize, sleep and wake up in the morning...seems like the red marks are not as red adn my skin tone just glows!

I've also noticed that my scrateches on my hand (don't know how it happened =( Have been healing rather slowly....

It's alll worth it, I just hope my skin keeps on continuing to improve! I can't wait to start a new career, in a new place, with clear skin!!!

Day 99 and counting!

Good luck to everyone of you who are suffering from acne....I know exactly what you're going through!

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Mood: :|

Day: 93

It's been 93 days since i've been on accutane....Looking back, i've had a lot of improvements on my skin. But I have a lot of red marks...I was going to purchase emu oil, but from where i live, i have to purchase it online. Does emu oil really works wonders? For now, i'm trying to keep my regime as simple as possible. I'm using Aveeno calming cleaner, cetaphil moisturizing cream (which I love~~ I have no dry patches or dry skin..) and i'm also using Mederma. It's been only a couple weeks since i've started using it....I haven't seen any drastic improvements yet, but i'm not losing hope yet! I don't have a lot of acne marks but ever since i've started accutane and my acne cleared up, it seems like i've been left with acne marks. I hate it! Plus with my red marks it looks like I have a lot of acne...

But really, I only have 3 actives! 2 of my clogged pores turned into a zit, which i popped (i know....tsktsk) It's getting better but i really don't understand why it's taking sooo long...I have to be patient but it's hard, when everyone around u have good skin. I've noticed though when i wake up, it looks like my skin looks better, but when i wash my face, the red marks just seemed to stand out more. Make up does wonders though! Thank goodness for makeup~

I've been stressing out and feeling a lot of pressure. I'm in training for work right now and I have exams, quizzes, homework everyday...it's a lot of work..and i haven't been sleeping at the same time, eating at teh same time...my whole daily schedule changed. Maybe that's why it's taking longer for my skin to get better? who knows...everyone is different..

I've been experiencing some side effects...i've had the rash on the back of my hands, but it usually goes away when you moisturize. I've been feeling itchy on my arms, legs...I've been getting llittle patches of rash and really dry skin esp on my shoulders, arms, calves..been trying to moisturize but it's been a few days now, hopefully it goes away.

I went on the treadmill a few days ago and my knees hurt after the workout! joint pains?

But all these side effects are worth it! As long as my skin improves.....hopefully soon...

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Day 87

Mood: :|

It's been awhile since i've last updated you guys! It's been a hectic few weeks for me. I'm currently doing my training for my new job. I'm at a new environment, with ppl I don't know, at a place i've never been in...and seriously, EVERYONE has nice skin.

I wonder why I was chosen to have bad skin...I've never experienced this before. I've never been in a situation where I had the worst skin...i've always been an outgoing, bubbly girl. But let me tell ya, it's been hard. In a way it doesn't bother me as much as day 1 on accutane. But either way, i've been trying to hold a brave face in front of everyone, my soon to be colleagues, instructors and of course with my roomate. Thank goodness I've got an awesome roomate. When i'm staying indoors, I try not to wear makeup but sometimes I just do to make myself feel better.

I've been wearing makeup almost everday~ I just purchased Almay skin clearing foundation...i read somewhere that it's good for acne prone skin. It doesn't cover the acne marks that well but at least i know that it's preventing my acne from coming back. I've also purchased Mederma- scar management gel. I've also researched on it, and it apparently works....we'll just have to see. Only time will tell...will update u all if it's really worthwhile to purchase. I hope it's okay to use it when i'm on accutane. I've been using it for about a week and it seems ok.

As for my skin, it's getting better everyday. Seriously i can't wait till the end of the day everyday to pop my 2 pills. I try to stay strong and put up a positive face in front of everyone, knowing and hopign that soon I will have flawless skin....I trust that. I know month 3 is when ppl see a lot of improvement so i'm happy that I'm going into month 3 now...

For all of you...I couldn't wait till month 3..seemed to drag on. But it will come and everyday you'll be looking forward to the next day and the next.

I just had one zit on my cheeks and it went away in 3 days. My face is clear of acne with maybe a couple of clogged pores. I have a lot of red marks and some scars on my cheeks which makes it look like i have acne but i don't. I hope these red marks goes away....seriously if the red marks are gone...it would look like i have flawless skin with very few bumps. Month 3 i'm looking forward to it!!

With my training and an intense schedule it helps me to put my mind elsewhere other than my skin which helps a lot. But I can't help but compare myself to the other girls with perfect skin....

Also just to update~ i have finished the P90X! Man let me tell ya it's been hard....i never knew i could have the motivation for it, but with time, and committment it shows u can do anything!

Good luck to everyone on your progress =)

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Mood: :shhh:

Day 72

It's been awhile since I last updated~! Recently I looked at my acne pictures. I took pictures of my acne at it's worst. And omg it was just so disturbing...Now that i look at it, i never realized my acne was THAT bad. I think all of use who have acne are so brave. I guess we have to be, the world is not going to stop for us...

I was really shocked to see how much my acne has improved...I'm not saying my skin is flawless and i'm happy with it just yet. I still get clogged pores, I have a few blackheads- I never had blackheads before! But my acne has really decreased and i'm getting about 1 or 2 pimples a week! It's a huge improvement! I was eagerly counting down my days and was wondering when i'll be reaching my 60th day, but it passed by fairly quickly....

Like everyone else here, I just want my skin to be clear fast~ But it will come...and like a lot of success stories here, i'm eager to be one of them. So far my progress has been great!

My doc has been wonderful! She gave me prescription for the next 2 month so now I have all the accutane I need to take to finish my 5 month course in my hands. It's a lot of pills! I don't have to worry about whether or not the pharmacy has enough on stock and blah blah blah.

I don't know it just feels good to have my full supply on hand. I'm going for my derm visit next wed, we're going to discuss my blood test results~ Hopefully it will come out ok. I've been doing pretty well trying to avoid alcohol but I've been sipping a few here and there.

Yes boys and girls I have also been keeping up with P90X...everyday i've been doing 2 workouts, i've been really committed...don't want to stop something that i started so I can't wait till the end of the month...I'll be DONE the program! So excited~

Six pack is coming but i've been eating exactly the same and more since i started the program...so my results aren't dramatic. I'm a lot more toned than before and i even lost 5 lbs as a bonus! I really like the program- but i'm scared my muscles will turn into fat once i finish the program and don't keep up with my exercise...

Back to my face~ My red marks have faded and looks much better than before. I think it's the lemon that's really helping it fade. Aside from a few bumps my face feels smooth~~~

I'll be leaving to train for my new job in 7 days! It's an intense 2 month training, so i'm pretty nervous about it. Wish me luck everyone~~ Hopefully my roomate, studing, this new chapter in my life will be a smooth transition....

Good luck to everyone and don't give up!~ <3

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Day: 59

Mood: :shhh:

So i'm on day 59~ trust me time has gone really slow for me. It seems like i've been on accutane for awhile but it's only been two month. Is accutane making me impatient? haha I heard from other accutane users that generally the first 2 months seem to drag and as month 3 comes around, time will go by really quickly. I hope so! I just want to be clear and not have to worry about how i look.

Just the other day, I went to get my bloodwork done and I wore just mineral powder...I knew I didn't look like i had picture perfect skin...actually far from it. But it gave me this confidence and i felt pretty =) I haven't really felt pretty in awhile...Gosh makeup does wonders. But it's a double edged sword...Whenever i wear makeup, the next day, I get at least 1 whitehead. Makeup could be a contributing factor, but as far as my skin goes, I've been getting a few whiteheads recently. They come and go...but it takes about 3 days to go(if i don't pop them).

My face feels a lot smoother, my forehead is all clear! But my cheeks are still a lil bumpy and the red marks are still visible. I'm still washing with lemon and it seems like my red marks have faded! I'm going to try and keep the lemon wash going, hopefully over time, the red marks will fade even more. I'm feeling thirsty all the time, and my lips are dry~ other than that no new side effects (knock on wood) =)

I've been continuing with my P90x workout...i made a commitment to myself that i'm going to finish the program in 30 days working out 7 days a week and doing 2 workout a day...I haven't missed a day! It's not easy to be committed but i just been pushing myself....but not to worry I haven't been working out to the extreme (eg lifting heavy weights) But while i was working out esp when i do the Yoga i can hear my bones cracking on my arm and it hurts! I guess this is a side effect i almost forgot to mention! I try not to focus on it bc after awhile, the cracking goes away.

I have noticed some transformation though! My friends and family have noticed that I have a booty now...well i always had one, but now it's more pronounced~ Also i see a very faint 6pack coming but i think i'm still far from getting one...If i don't have good skin might else have an awesome body right? ^^

I also booked my one way ticket! I can't believe I got a job 6 hours away from home (by plane) I just hope the training goes well and I pass all the exams~ I'm excited yet nervous! By the time my training is done, I get to work with acne free skin!! I can't wait to be done with Accutane and just live my life to the fullest! Body, skin transformation~ I'm ready!!! Bring it on!!!

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Mood: :shhh:

Day: 52

GREAT NEWS!!! I got the job! Thank you for all your kind words and encouragement during my long 3 weeks of waiting. I'm really excited to embark on this new journey. Not only do i feel grateful for this opportunity in such a hard economic time but having a new job (with clear skin hopefully! ) is a change that is most welcoming.

My 2 month of training starts next month! So I have less than a month to prepare and pack my things...I'm nervous because I heard it's intense training....hopefully I will pass the exams and officially start work by July. I haven't studied hardcore in awhile, hopefully accutane won't let me lose focus. This is a huge, huge step for me, as I will be moving from my hometown to a place where I have very few friends....As 1/4 of year 2010 is closing in, it has been a rollar coaster ride. At the beginning of the year was when I realized that my skin troubles weren't getting any better...I waited it out till feb and finally decided to take the accutane plunge. I've been doing my interviews since mid Feb with my skin at it's worst and after waiting and waiting. doubting and hoping, being optimistic and pessimistic. The waiting game ended in good news! It really seems like time went by but the fact is, i'm only on day 52.

My skin seemed like it was improving but just like a rollar coaster...I've woken up with a few bumps. All but one turned into whiteheads and a couple is healing now. This one pimple is just under the skin almost like a cyst..it hurts when i touch it but it's not big at all. I've visited other blogs on here....and I see people who are on month 3-4 seeing huge improvements on their skin. It's really inspiring me to not lose hope to just keep on popping those pills but at the same time, i'm nervous that I won't experience those huge successes...

My main concern are the red marks...I hope they fade. I'm still using lemon and aloe, they seem to be helping and everyday it seems like my complexion is getting more evened out but overall, it's been constant.

While i was getting up from the floor, my knee cracked...weird~ I never had that happen to me before. It felt like my knee was about to give up on me. I've experience it a couple of times. I've also embarked on another journey,,,,,I've started P90X!!! It's a 90 day program that helps you transform your body...I don't want to be bulky, i just want to be toned and have a six pack. That would be so awesome for the summer~ I've decided to be crazy and finish the program in 30 days doing 2 workouts 7 days a week. I'm doing the same program, so I should get the same results right? Well we'll see. I've been doing the program for a week and I feel great! It's so tireing but i'm really pushing myself...like Tony Horton (creater of P90x) says, "Just do your best and forget the rest!"

Okay back to the main topic, I've been trying to drink lots of water...and it seems to be helping with my constant thirst syndrome. I don't wake up in the middle of the night to go to the loo anymore...thank goodness! Because the constant waking up made me so tired during the day. Good restful sleep is so important. As for my lips they are constantly chapped. I need to moisturize my lips 24/7..it almost seems like my lips look fuller, it must be bc of all the moisturizing! As for the dryness, my face is not dry or flaky...I was never oily..but hmmm I prob jinxed myself- prob tom i'll be all flaky ! I have so much to do before I start packing and leaving on a jet plane, but I have all of my accutane on hand so I'm pretty much all ready! My skin doc prescribed me 3+ month of accutane =) I'll be doing 60mg all the way through till month 5~

Good luck to everyone who are in this journey with me...Wish you all a wonderful progress!

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Day by day

Mood: :shhh:

Day: 44

I've been fairly busy yet unproductive....this is the first time in my life, that i've taken such a long break! I'll be hearing the final verdict for the job I applied to very soon...I had to wait 3 weeks for them to decide! My 3 weeks is coming due this week...so hopefully i hear some good news~ Ahhh~ like i said if i do get this job, I will have to move. It's not a 9-5 job so my lifestyle would be so different...it would be very exciting! I should just enjoy this freedom to do nothing right now...but for some reason, I just feel like my days are being wasted. I guess what i'm trying to say is right now i'm not living my life to the fullest...I'm just living each day, day by day and waiting for the verdict...augh why can't they just tell me. All these protocols, all this waiting makes me want to have this job even more.

Tomorrow will be my day 15 on 60mg...I still don't feel much of a difference from being on 30mg. My skin has not dramatically improved, yet it's getting better and better each day. I remember I noticed a great improvement on day 30. The corner of my mouth offically cracked...and boy does it hurt! I had to constantly apply lip balm...it helped a lot. ANd now i learned my lesson, not to yawn so big next time. I have about 4 active pimples now, just the red marks makes it look like i have more....I've been washing my face with diluted lemon juice and putting real (from the plant) aloe vera gel topically every day. I do notice the red marks getting lighter but not enough.,,and not fast enough. Anyways it does feel refreshing rinsing my face with lemon.

The rash on the top of my hands are all gone, I still have dry eyes and I still feel very thristy all the time. I feel tired though....I still wake up 2 times every night...and It's a little hard to fall back to sleep after...

I think i should just stop thinking too much.. =)

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Memories...

Day: 40

Mood: :shhh:

Today is day 40~ It feels like the days go by much slower when i'm always looking at my calendar and counting the days. But I can't help it. I've been feeling really tired lately...I'm also sick =( I think i'm coming down with a cold or something. Hopefully it's not bronchitis (I've had it before and it sucked...I had a fever of 40' and was constantly coughing. My lungs were never the same ever since) I've been coughing up phelm and just been feeling blah. Thankfully, I'm feeling a lot better today. Ever since taking accutane, i've been trying to keep my body healthy as possible. I'm still walking my dog everyday- without makeup...it's been hard and there are days when i force myself to brave up and just go. But it's a constant battle everyday. Everyday, I feel proud of myself...but everyday i pray that i don't meet anyone i know...haha Like i've mentioned I've had pretty clear skin but all in a matter of just 3 months my life changed. Acne became bad to worse all in such a short time frame. It's amazing how fast and how sudden my life changed. Acne does change you, it makes you want to hide in a hole and be a hermit.

I'm currently organizing my pictures...I recently got my year 2009 pictures developed. I was in Asia for a year as an expat and going through the pictures made me realize how happy and full of life i was. It was such an amazing experience living in an unknown place, getting by without knowing the language and learning about the different culture and way of life in a country that's half way around the world. The best part was meeting amazing people. Whom I still keep in touch...most of my friends don't know i'm experiencing this. Most of my friends either think i'm still traveling or just too busy for them. It's fine with me...It's me that's pulling away from my friends. I just don't want to be put in a situation where my self confidence could be destroyed even more...I don't want ppl to feel pity for me...I've always been such a strong, positive person and I would say that this experience of living with acne has been the hardest thing i have ever experienced. Shifting through my pictures, i felt like I was looking at a different person. I felt like the pictures that i hold in my hands are the only tangible memories that i have of the person who i used to be.....

I'm sure most of you can relate. I do love life! Maybe not 100% at the moment. I will go back to the life i used to live. I'm giving it 4 month! =)

Anyways, as for the side effects, my nightly routine of waking up and going pee has decreased! I've been getting up just twice in the middle of the night..it's an improvement! My lips are getting pretty chapped, I'm constantly moisturizing my lips. I've also been dreaming some fun, exciting, adventure filled dreams! I read that some ppl are experiencing horror/scary dreams but mine's adventure filled- they're fun! Oh and my eyes are getting dried...i think having dry eyes makes you more tired than you are. I haven't put any eye drops or anything yet. I'm trying to put it off as long as I can. I've also been rinsing my face with lemon juice- I dilute it with water. I've also been putting the real aloe vera gel on my red marks. I've been doing this for 5 days and it seems to be helping with the red marks...but who knows, it's too early for me to say anything. I'm going to keep doing this as much as I can....hopefully the red marks will start fading....and I can live the life I used to live....like i said, I'm only going to give it 4 more month! (the course of my accutane hee hee =)

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Mood: :shhh:

Day: 36

I don't feel much of a difference being on 60mg from 30mg just yet... except....in the middle of the night I wake up 3-4 times feeling soooo dry. It feels like I've been sleeping with my mouth open the whole night! hee hee =) My nightly routine is this:

Wake up at 2am drink a glass of water- go to the washroon

Wake up at 4am same thing

Wake up at 6am same thing...

If i don't drink water in the middle of the night, i feel like my lungs are drying out...it may be all in my head, but i really feel water deprived at night. Also my lips are getting more and more dry. I used to put my lip balm once at night but i find that I need to reapply it at least twice during the night. Strange thing is my face isn't so dry as expected....

I've recently purchased Palmer's cocoa butter with Vit E stick, it's suppose to be used for blemishes, marks, chapped lips etc. basically a general, all over stick. I've never seen it before and I thought I'd buy it and give it a try. It works great on chapped lips and i've been using it on my reaccuring rash on the top of my hands but if ur going to use it on ur face, it's really greasy...and i think it plugs the pores too. I personally didn't like it on my face. But it's a nice product bc u can use it almost everywhere! I recently went shopping and I realized while i was trying on clothes that even though I feel like an ugly duckling now, later on, I just know I'm going to turn into a confident beautiful swan. It sounds conceited and it probably is, but I'm sure many of you who are taking accutane are thinking the same thing. In the change room I remember looking at my self in the mirror and thinking that this moment of stressing over my skin will all be gone in 5 months time....might else just enjoy it right? hah

I'm not sure what happened in the changeroom that made me feel so positive and optimistic but I wish I could just sprinkle the joy to all of u who are feeling down.

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Mood: :shhh:

Day: 32

I'm home!!~ It's great to be sleeping in my own bed after 3+ weeks of being away. As I promised myself, I've been trying to lose the pounds I packed on....so far it's surprisingly going very well! Overall I feel lighter. I wasn't disappointed when I jumped on the scale this morning...Maybe it's the accutane or being on the pill (yasmin) or the combination of walking my dog and going on the treadmill everyday since I got back...Oh and of course i've been eating a lot healthier. But never was I able to lose weight so fast hmmm well whatever it is...I'm loving it!

I was stuck on day 30 for a couple of days and I was worried whether I would break out because of the sudden withdrawal of the medicine. But I only got 2 whiteheads. I did not enjoy being off accutane though, I could feel my skin getting it's moisture back and I didn't need to wear my lip balm as often as i used too. I got my blood work done and scheduled an appt asap. The doc said my skin is so much better than last month. I agree, and I'm excited...however as with most ppl, I'm worried about the red marks...I'm about to purchase Emu Oil- I've heard so many good reviews on here! My doc said that right now there's nothing I could do with the red marks but to just be patient as they will fade away. I hope she's right. But I'm still going to try emu oil...I have to try it myself to believe all this hype! She also upped my dosage of accutane by TWICE! I was on 30mg but I will be on 60mg this month and next. I think it's a little high for my body weight but I'm not going to second guess the doctor...plus I'm thinking higher the dose, the less likely chance the acne will come back later on. Hmm we'll see if my body can handle it. That's why I feel like I have to do my part in making my body as healthy as possible. So far it's only been 2 days since i took my 60mg but I feel like my face is getting dry already..my eyes are dry and I feel so thirsty all the time.

I just read an article, that acne could be caused by mites called demodex that live off your hair follicles....I was so utterly grossed out. These mites lay 500 eggs a day underneath your skin! They feed off dead skin, cosmetics that haven't been washed off properly, hormones etc. It's definitely something you guys should all read about...google it, demodex mites~ there's also a thread here on acne.org it won't let me post a link but it's there...all i can say is...eeeekkk gross!

I just wish the itch on my face that i occasionally get is from the tane and not from these buggers.

As for my job interview, I haven't heard back yet...they said it would take about 3 or more weeks till they give me the final verdict! Why does it take so long? augh~~ 2 more weeks of waiting...Hopefully I can share with you my good news!

Good luck to all of you on your journey! I can't wait to hear your progress!

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Mood: :D

Day: 30

I was suppose to be done my 1 month on the 9th of March but Bc I'm still away from home I am still stuck on my 30th augh! But I lowered my dose as I mentioned so am still taking the tane everyday...but I won't have any come tom :D I have my doc's appt on Monday so by then everything will be right on track!

I am finally going home today!~ super excited... I can't wait to get my new prescription filled! I can't wait to sleep on my own bed ahhh~ the little things we take for granted! When I'm home I'm going to change my eating habits and I'm going to work out more. I haven't done any physical exercise for a long time. I feel so sluggish.. I've been eating out every day and I feel so tired so easily. I'm afraid to jump on the scale...eeek!

As for my physical health exam, I think I did well~ it took one hour! I had to do sight, hearing and drug test on top of everything else...hopefully i pass everything. I gotten ths far in this job process despite having acne and being uncomfortable. I am very proud that I was able to combat all the insecurities and whatever happens, happens for a reason. I have to wait 3 more weeks until I hear the final verdict..So .the waitin game begins! But I have been patiently waiting for accutane to do it's magic so i believe I have mastered the skill of being patient. :D

My skin has gotten a lot better than when I started accutane. Usually when I wake up is qhen I notice a difference the most. My face feels less bumpy...I see improvements so i'm so thankful...2 of my friends who had taken accutane didn't work for them it made both of them so sick and nauseous that they both had to stop. So all of us who are on the tane keep your head up Bc there are ppl out there who can't even take it...

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Mood: :D

Day: 27

I am feeling really happy! I did my second interview and I made it to round 3! Round 3 is the physical health test... My appointment is next week. I'm just a little nervous about it, hopefully me being on accutane won't affect the results. During the interview I felt...confident. But it was a different kind of confidence. Of course my acne worries were on my mind however I tried not thinking about it. It worked. I just kept on thinking out of 7000 applicants and there are only 200 positions Why can't one of them be mine? I am so close...but after the physical test, the waiting game begins.

It's interesting where life takes us... Even a year ago, I would never have thought I would apply to a job like the one I applied! It's just a completely different field than my previous jobs. I guess having a broad range of experience in different fields of career will only make you grow and make you unique. I am so happy that the interviewers looked past my acne and focused on the things that made me who I am...

So because I am still away from home and I won't be back till next week, I decided to lower my dose to 20mg from 30mg. My one month of being on accutane is fast approaching and the problem is I won't be home in time to start month two. I need time to get blood work done, see the doctor, get a new prescription filled, all the fun stuff. So basically I would be missing about 4-5 days of accutane because I lowered my dose I could shorten the days of being off accutane to just 2-3 days. I really don't want to go a day without taking this medication Bc it means I will complete my journey longer than planned. But at this point I really don't have a choice!

I don't feel a difference because I lowered my dose and I haven't broken out. Phew~ my lips are still dry and my eyes are a bit dry too... I can still wear contact lens but after 6 hours it gets uncomfortable. As for my chest, it's gotten better but I still feel some pain but definitely not as strong as before. There are a few whiteheads popping here and there but after I shower it either goes away or goes away by me picking at it... Not with my fingers of course but w a whitehead extracting tool that facial clinics and skin care professionals use. Hah I bought one recently an it's been working like a charm! Just like it says, it rolls out the whiteheads! I find it quickens the healing time. Anyways I feel and see that my skin is improving day by day. And for that I am already grateful ! Have an awesome weekend everyone! Best of luck on your progress!~

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Mood: :D

Day: 23

I don't feel that time is neccessarily going fast bc I'm on accutane... Wish it would go by faster. There are days when time seems to be going fast but days like today, 4 months seems so far away. I can't wait till my skin is clear... It just feels like my life is halted at this moment. I rather just stay home, I don't care about fashion and looking good anymore...I'm not sure If it's depression or me changing into a non materialistic person but this whole acne experience is definitely a humbling one. I have my second job interview in 2 days! I'm getting nervous... I just pray that my acne will not look noticeable... On my previous post one of my hopes has come true!! My skin is not peeling and flaky anymore~ the secret? Cetaphil moisturizing cream for dry to very dry skin! I love it~ my makeup actually stays! If I get this job, the next 2 month will be busy..but if I don't then I will just think of this as a great experience. Going thru the whole interview process is really good practice. Hopeully all goes well on Thursday~ hopefully I don't break out!!

My lips are becoming really dry... I always need to have my lips moisturized. My lips aren't dried to the point where is peeling and cracking but if I don't put anything on them it will certainly do it's damage on them. I recently bought lip buffer and lipgloss called My favorite lipgloss from bath and body and it's pretty good. I really like the long lasting shine, looks very pretty. I also have a few new whiteheads, my big bumps are not as big as they were before! I'm so thankful for that. Everyday I see changes on my skin which really gives me the hope to move on w this treatment.

Recently my chest feels heavy and it hurts whenever I breathe deeply or change position when I sleep. I sleep on my side but when I roll over to my back I feel this pressure on my chest. Maybe it's my lungs I don't know. Also when I wake up in the morn I feel the same pressure. It's not bothering me in any way but I'm a little worried... I had bronchitis before and it's the same symptom that u feel on ur chest. And I don't have a cold and I'm not coughing so it can't be bronchitis. I pray that nothng is wrong with me for me to stop taking accutane...that would suck. Anyways think positively... I have been drinking a fair amount of h2o lately and everyday at 4am i wake up to go to the washroom eeeerrr~ everyday!!!

I can't wait till month 3 when I see drastic results, it's true the first month on accutane is the hardest...

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Mood: :D

Day:21

I can see my skin is becoming less bumpy...however the acne I do have seem to stand out more. I've noticed when I touch it, it feels numb. Don't know if that's normal or not. Also I feel a lot if heat on my cheeks when I'm not even hot. Before accutane I don't recall ever having a lot of heat coming from my face. Day 21 it's exciting that I'm almost at my one month mark! During the month I have been drinking on several occasions, I can definitely feel that my alcohol tolerance has gone down. I would feel buzzed after a glass of beer. Before accutane I would be fine even after 4 glasses..I try not drink but when ur out it's a little hard not too.

Anyways as for my skin, it has gotten a lot more dry. I just purchased cetaphil moisturizing cream for dry to very dry skin. I read from a blog that it's really good for flaky skin. I will let u know how it's like once I use it tonight. I also bought blistex lip Medex Bc I already used all of my aveeno one. I wanted to purchase the same one but they didn't sell it at walmart. Didn't want to go to another store just for chapstick. I started using the blistex one and so far I like this one too~

I'm getting a lot of whiteheads, I try not to pop them but it's tempting too. Honestly it looks a little ridiculous going out and about all over town w a fully riped pimple looking like it's going to ooze haha.

I have my 2nd interview in 4 days! I'm very excited but starting to feel nervous again eekk! Hopefully by than m acne will b a bit better...hopefully the cysts would die down more, the redness would fade and my dry skin won't look flaky w my make up ... Sigh is that asking for too much? most of all I just need the confidence and the ability to let my personality shine through...

Good luck on your progress so far and I know there will b a day when we won't have to worry and stress over this...

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Keeping my head up!

Mood: :D

Day: 17

It's been awhile since I last updated! Time sure flies...yet I wish while I'm on accutane that it would fly faster~ lots to update! Honestly I'm feeling pretty ugly right now...my acne is red than ever and when I touch my face it feels smooth in the morn but at night it feels bumpy and it hurts. I wonder why I have to suffer from acne, when I see other ppl w clear skin I can't help but feel envious. Plus when I'm out I don't see a lot of ppl w acne...where are u guys? Haha.

I'm trying to keep positive As other things in my life are turning around for the better! First of all, I'm still overseas, it's been exactly a week now! So... I did my interview a got a call back for a second interview! I'm so excited!! Thank u for all ur support~ It means a lot. Like I say to ppl, u really don't know how bad acne effects u until u actually experience it firsthand if don't then u will never understand what acne sufferers go thru. Anyways I am pretty proud of my progress so far as I've heard more than 1000ppl applied. During the interview I looked into the interviewee's eyes, made sure I was pleasant and I didn't even think about my acne. I had too much to worry about just for one day I decided not to even think about it. That helped. I actually surprised myselfthat I was able to overcome my embarrasemet of having acne on top of that having the examiners looking at my every move...

My second interview is next week! Wish me luck guys! This one is 5-6hour interview...oh how fun!

It's been 17 days and I know it's too short of a time to expect anything...but I've been reading other ppl blogs and around this mark some ppl have mentioned that their skin is clear and acne free... Mine is definitely not the case. It has gotten better but not to a Point where I can praise it's progress. I wore makeup at the interview and I plan to do the same on my second. Could not and will not go w/o it, anyways my skin has been becoming dry and when I wear makeup my skin becomes more dry that it would flake off...i've been wearing clinique moisture surge lotion but I think pretty soon I need something stronger than that. My lips have become pretty dry too. Everynight I have to glide on my lipgloss/chapstick before going to bed. I constantly have to put it on thruout the day now. Also I got a little rash on my hand. It's not bad and it doesn't itch or anything but I'm scared it might spread but so far it hasn't. I've been wearing lots of hand cream and that seems to keep it at bay. Also to note other than my acne bumps my face tone and texture seems to be getting evened out.

I wish everyone is getting good progress on ur accutane journey~ good luck and remember to keep ur head up high!

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so unlike me....

Mood: :D

Day: 12

So I was walking my dog this morning...I see this cute guy- also walking his dog. He's coming closer and closer in my direction...Shit~

I'm not wearing any makeup- my acne is red, big and I have several whiteheads....I was kinda freaking out. I don't want him to see me- I just want to be invisible...as he's getting closer- he's smiling at me. My dog is also pulling me into his direction. He's about 5 feet away....He's saying Hi to me....I said Hi back but I wanted to run in the opposite direction...both our dogs are now pulling us closer and closer....I abruptly say, "We're going this way...See ya!" I cross the street, look back and I see him looking back at me, kinda hurt.

Sigh....I was NEVER like this. I am or at least used to be a very approachable person.

Having acne definitely changes you...

I just pray that I can muster up all my courage for the interview coming up...

I've been feeling really, really tired lately...around 10:00pm I get so tired, that i can feel my eyelids getting heavy. I'm knocked out by 11pm.

My acne is still red, it looks more red than ever. My actives are all drying out, my cysts have gone down but the bump is still noticeable. I still have a few whiteheads- hopefully by tomorrow those too will dry out.

My lips are getting more drier- *Correction* I'm using Aveeno Intense Relief Therapy chapstick, i believe on my previous blog i gave it a new name. It helps a lot! it makes ur lips really soft.

Okay...I'm just about done packing:

Clothes --> Check!

Makeup --> Check!

Lotion --> Check!

Chapstick --> Check!

Resume/ Cover letter --> Check!

Accutane --> Check!

Now, I'm good to go!!!!

Cheers!

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A Test Of...Courage

AAhhhh~ I just got called in for a job INTERVIEW!!!

I'm so nervous you guys...I haven't done an interview in ages!

Any tips/ suggestions would be much appreciated... I need all the support I can get.

The job is located 6 hours by plane from my hometown and i'm leaving tomorrow! I'm really excited yet nervous....

I don't know whether I can show off my confidence, my enthusiasm, my passion... especially when I'm not confident in the way I look right now. I know that opportunites don't always come, but when it does, you just have to grasp it....

The natural confidence I used to have, that spark....I need to have it back.

I believe God is testing my courage...Would I be able to hold my ground or crack under pressure when 5 pairs of eyes are all on me....checking me, scrutinizing me, judging me... ???

We shall see.....

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Mood: :D

Day: 10

About 10 white heads and 2 cysts

So I've decided to launch my blog on Day 10. I can agree with most accutane users, that the first few days on Accutane doesn't bring any significant changes. However day 10 is a special day~~~ You know why? Because now I can start a new pack =) haha I just started but I can't wait till i pop the last pills of my course! The feeling must be just wonderful....I'm definitely looking forward to that feeling of I'M DONE and I'M FINALLY FREE~

As most people, I would never have thought I would be on Accutane, I always thought this medicine is for ppl with severe, severe acne. Mine is definitely not considered severe but nevertheless it's persistent and I've been getting cysts which takes a long, long time to heal. On my previous blog you'll have read that i've tried a lot of alternatives before actually taking this step towards accutane. I've made my decision to go on it and I really believe that it'll work....even if all else fails, your hope... trust...and your belief should never fail you right? Right!

Any signifiant side effects?

  • I have noticed my hair falling a little more than normal when i wash my hair. I'm not too worried about it at this point. Even before taking accutane my hair has been falling a lot....It's probably bc I recently took off my extentions which i had on for more than 4 months. Losing hair? that's nothing to worry about... you can get your head planted with hair follicles which makes you grow hair on your head, you can always get hair extentions, you can purchase hair growth serums etc.

    • I also noticed after I drink coffee (I drink only Black coffee) about 10 minutes later, I get really nauseous. I feel really sick...to a point where I have to lie down on my bed. Weird huh?

I lost 5-6 pounds! I've been gaining so much weight lately, especially after I came back from Asia. Of course I don't give all the credit to Accutane for helping me lose the pounds, because I've been working out. Okay, it sounds like i've been working out for a long time, but I've been working out just consecutively for 3 days...I have never lost weight by just working out for 3 days! Either way, I'm really happy...I'm getting closer to my weight goal of 50kg (110lbs)

I am:

122 lbs (When i was prescribed accutane)

163 cm tall

on 30 mg Accutane ROCHE

Extra note:

I take these at about 9:15pm everyday.

Right now I'm not dry at all, just when i wake up I notice my lips lack moisture. I am getting into the habit of drinking lots of water as well.

My Regimen:

Clinique Toner 3 I found that it really helps get rid of the excess dirt, oil, makeup etc left on my face. It definitely helps dry out the active pimple! Leaving an overal refreshing feel.

What I found also helped me go thru the 10 days was using VICHY Anti imperfections- Sudden localized breakout solution. It's a little pricey for a small tube but it doesn't make my face dry at all. At this stage, my face is not dry so even though it has 5% sallicylic acid it's not irritating my face. I haven't experienced the initial break out yet...hopefully I won't get too...

I currently don't wear any moisturizer on my face. I don't have extremely oily skin, but I don't feel the need too...Once my skin gets dry it will be a different story!

Eye cream is sooo important. I currently use Clinique all about eyes. The product is alright, nothing special. But I think it's important for us all to use some sort of eye cream on...don't want to get any wrinkles early right girls and boys?

I also use Aveeno Intense Moisture Lip Therapy (chapstick) It feels so smooth and it adds a little shine...Don't know if it's accutane but my lips look 'fuller' after I put it on.

On a side note, I also use DHC Eyelash Growing Serum and I've noticed my eye lashes getting longer! Swweeet!~

Everyone has their own unique regimen, if you have a regimen that you swear by, kindly let me know!

I need to switch my current one soon to accomodate when my face gets dry!

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I've hestitated in joining this community. I've never made a blog before, I have never been in a situation where I had to look far for support, and I've always had been in control of my life, career and relationships. But this...(Sigh) going through acne is different. I've never had an acne breakout in my life...over the past 3 months since I got back from overseas my acne seemed like it was getting better but I guess it just decided to stay on my face and hold a party! Come one come all!~ I've done all I could do to control this outbreak (which is just concentrated on my cheeks). Anyways, I noticed how supportive and understanding this community is i've particularly enjoyed reading Stoper54 and Jezika's blog! I decided I too want to tell my story. Because i remember it all...i remember when it happened, how it may have started and possibly why my acne became so resistant to topicals, antibiotics, peels and yes, even one of the most expensive treatments available (W/o insurance of course), levulan blu.

Here is my story:

I'm 26 years old, female, who is outgoing, kind, fun, works hard, positive, and who is not afraid of the spotlight. Over my young adulthood (Okay I guess i'm still considered somewhat young...) I've had the priviledge to be in front of the camera for tv and print in many occasions. I've had my 15 mins of fame, and I was ready to move on. I never thought I was drop dead attractive, but I never thought I was butt ugly either. I was confident in how I looked. But never too confident, I was humble. Sometimes I think about why God choose me to suffer from acne, especially at my critical age, where I need to get out in the world and live my life to my fullest potential....

Sometimes I think, maybe it's bc I was never shy about the way i looked, maybe it's bc I was never satisfied about the way I looked, maybe it's bc I once saw a person with acne ridden face and thanked God I wasn't in his/her position...

But then I can't help but compare myself to say, Heidi Montag (from the Hills) who was naturally beautiful w/o all the plastic surgery...but still wants to be more beautiful. Ppl like her who are so focused on looking good on the outside needs to experience having acne...Okay...it's a little insensitive, no one deserves to have acne! I take it back, but I can't help not having a grudge.

I've worked ever since highschool, all thru Uni, and after Uni...I've had amazing opportunites to succeed in my career, I've managed 30+ employees, met all sorts of people, built a strong network and was even a member of the board in business clubs and organizations. But, I wanted something more.....

So I quit my job and moved to Asia to pursue my dream of studying a 3rd language! It may have been the change of weather, environment, my lifestyle of partying and drinking or simply the change in my hormones that caused my initial outbreak of acne (mind you it wasn't bad). I didn't do anything to prevent further break out...and even worse in the summer, I slathered on my Lancome SPF 50 every day!! I know...the spf is too high for everyday wear. It definitely was the culprit of plogging my pores. I went to a famous Traditional Chinese Doc and I was given herbs to boil and drink..It worked great! And after drinking that my monthly period came on time, every month. I was so impressed. I should have continued my medicine...but my studies were over and I decided to come back home. It definitely was the sudden withdrawal of the herbs that caused my acne to come back! I took tetracycline, and did about 5 acne peels at a skin clinic...it wasn't working, i switched and went to my family doc. She perscribed me minocycline and BC- Yasmin. I took it for a month...and it wasn't doing anything! I know it's a short time to expect any drastic change to happen, but it wasn't doing any justice to my face, I was becoming very impatient...No way in hell was i going to meet my friends after 1 year looking like shit. I went to another skin clinic and underwent $1650 treatment of Levulan Blu....my acne got worse and was just resistant to it. Skin doc encouraged me to try accutane. Accutane was my last resort....and I kept on asking the doc, "is there anything else besides going on accutane?" And she basically said that this is a great medicine which will cure your acne for good. And that i'll see results in as little as a month! I was tired of just wasting time, money and energy so here I am undergoing my 5 month course of Accutane!

I am pretty lucky to be just staying home and leeching of my parents for the past 3 months...I know it won't and can't last, but either way I am lucky to just recuperate at home and not worry about meeting ppl. I understand that it is unhealthy staying home 4 out of 7 days but considering that i was always on a go, I am able to use this time to reflect on my life. My life before Acne, during acne and even how my life will be after ....after when I will be acne free!

My journey begins....I hope you'll join me, as I will be joining urs =)

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