Ugh!!!!!! Failed yet again!!!! Picked since my last entry. Like, a full on picking spree last night. Just right out of control. Fell into that trance and just could not stop. I was picking spots multiple times over, even after i knew i had gotten everything possible out, even if i knew there was NOTHING in there in the first place, just hoping something would come up. I just couldn't get out of the trance so kept going over and over the same spots for absolutely no reason. Felt like complete shit afterwards. I cannot even describe the feeling that i get after i have come out of the trance. Its like i have let myself down SO MUCH, i cant even believe that i would do that to myself . I just feel totally doomed because im doing it to myself, no matter how hard i try not to. Then there's the feeling when you wake up the next morning, and remember what you did last night, and know that when you go to the bathroom and look in the mirror you are going to look a fucking mess. BUT its a miracle because right now almost 24 hrs later its almost like the picking spree never happened, with the added bonus of some things i picked being better than before (flatter). Anyhoo, in my desperate searching for some way to get my picking under control i found a YouTube video of hypnosis for skin picking. Its the first one that comes up when you google skin picking hypnosis videos, some English (i think) guy with red hair. Let me tell you!!! I listened to the session the night before last and WOW. I want to say it really works, but i did have that picking spree the very next night HOWEVER i felt amazing and like something had changed in me right up to that point. I actually listened to an OCD one first before i found one specific to skin picking. But like, i was so deeply relaxed, and actually started crying during it because it felt very freeing. Like it was breaking me free from the obsession to pick. Then i found the skin picking one, and im not even kidding, the next morning i had NO urge to pick, felt so in control, was convinced i would never pick again. Then i got too close to the mirror that night and the urge was too strong i couldn't pull away. I am going to listen again tonight and every night until it takes full effect! I'm telling you i am a believer. Anyways, ok the Dec, 22nd challenge. Today is the first. I have gotten a miraculous fresh start from last nights spree, so as of today, the 1st, i am going to do everything in my power to not pick, seeing how much my skin will heal by Dec. 22. THE 22ND, because i have a hair appointment that day. Yes, and we all know how uncomfortable that can be with bad skin. The lighting, the up close and personal with your sylist, the big mirror, staring at yourself literally for hours on end. The getting your hair washed and water splashed on your face, and the nakedness of sitting in the chair with wet hair up. NO, i need acceptable skin for that kind of ordeal. PLUS, to get a head start on NO-PICK 2018 amirite?! So, that's about all for now. Failure, hope in hypnosis, and Dec 22.
PS - Totally meant to mention earlier that i have not been using face wash for like, ever. I've used one small container of Lush face wash since July. And it ran out like a month or two ago and I just couldn't be arsed to buy more because the Lush in my town closed, and the nearest is 2 hrs away LOL so i just haven't been "washing" my face, just rinsing with water and i must say there's no difference anymore. Maybe beacsue ive been off the face wash for so long my face is just used to it. Anyways, just though i'd log that as well!