So its almost been 2 years since I last posted on Acne.org and kind of feel that I owe the community something after it helped me so much in my time of need.
First off my name is Tim and in January 2010 i started a years course of accutane finishing this January gone (2011). My dosage at first was 20mg which then rose to 60/80mg then gradually back down towards the end of my treatment. I found life on accutane very, very hard. The drug is a BITCH, but at times we need a bitch to put us right and my god did accutane put me and my skin right. There were times when I was on the drug where I cried. I remember the worst feeling was after about 6 months: From reading all about peoples accutane experience on acne.org the general idea I got was that the course was about 6 months. Not for me. My dermatologist took the opinion that I should drive every last trace of acne from my body. So at around 7-8 months I would go and see him having maybe one spot and he would say 'we will give it another month'. Another month of hell as far as I was concerned. I was at the opinion that hey my acnes pretty much gone why are you putting me and my body through this?! Months 9-10 go by and I'm back again to see him and again he sends me away with a fresh prescription of accutane. Months 11-12 and I go to see him expecting once again to be send away with a fresh box of pills, but to my delight he said I think thats enough. At that moment I felt the weight of the whole world had been lifted of my shoulders and I could finally start a new chapter of my life. With the befit of hindsight I can not be more grateful to my dermatologist for pushing me on through a prolonged course of treatment.
So in January 2011 I started my new chapter. This new chapter has been just as difficult though. Before my acne I was a very sociable person who was never afraid to have all the attention on me. That all changed once acne took its grip upon me. Once accutane cleared it up new problems emerged. My skin (especially my face) would always be red which I absolutely resented. This drove me into a social recluse with only a few friends, a recluse without girls, all being the opposite to how I once was. In any social situations I became awkward and would often get embarrassed starting the chain reaction. Reddish face -> get embarrassed -> go even redder -> . So I eventually gave up trying to socialize with people where awkward/embarrassing situations may arise.
Even being off accutane and being spot free my life still seemed shit. DON'T WORRY IT DOES GET BETTER! After about 3-4 months post accutane things started looking up. The redness in my skin began to die down . With this improvement my confidence slowly started creeping back (very slowly) and still is. I began to talk to girls and a wider group of people at school once again. As my confidence improved I found that my flushing decreased. Although accutane didn't help with the flushing I believe that a large part of the cause of it is mental. I found that if I found my self thinking about it saying to myself, 'omg this girl is fit I hope I don't blush and go all red', low and behold I would. So as I was saying as my confidence grew my flushes fell.
Where am I today? Although the title says one year in fact I'm about two months short of that but oh well. As I'm typing this I'm currently happy with the way my skin is. Admittedly my cheeks are a little rosy but its nothing I can't handle. My confidence, although not being as high as it once was is at a 3-4 year high. I can only see things getting better. I do get the odd hot flush here and there, maybe once or twice every few weeks but thats nothing compared to what it once was.
On a final note, if there is one message I wish to put across in this post, is that don't give up on accutane. It may seem like its fucking your life up now but it does wonders for your future. Keep looking forward and you will see the light at the end of the tunnel.
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