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fun times on accutane

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Taylor7613

So I've been on a week of 40mg as of today. Ahhh...feels like good ol' times. But THIS TIME dammit, i will not allow the skin rashes, split lips, and scabs, that I did last time. NO NO NO. this is what I told accutane

me: hey accutane, I haven't seen you in a while. How ya been?

accutane: oh, good. ya know, just helping people but hurting them at the same time..

me: Ya, you do do that. Hmm... How about you NOT be an ass to me this time?

accutane: ok, but dont pick and dont forget to use lotion/chapstick

me: ok. Thanks accutane :( you're a pal

accutane: get me a sandwich.

Taylor7613

Mother Fu**er!!!!!

So not to discourage anyone, I still agree with my last post that accutane does work, but Iiiiiiii have to do it again. ugh. I figured it would happen. I knew that they were putting me on a low-dose to prevent side effects but my acne came back. So now I gotta do the full thing. Big bad prescription and all. At least I know what to expect this time...

For first time users, if you have any questions, feel free to ask.

I'm BAAAAAAACCCCKKKK!

Taylor7613

So I thought I should come back and tell everyone (or the one person who might read this) about being post-accutane. IT IS FU**ING AMAZING. My skin has only gotten better. The red marks I had are fading, and I have not had a pimple since maybe the 4th month of my course (knock on wood). I went swimming yesterday for the first time in oh I dont know, probably around 5 years. Didn't think about my skin once. The only thing I am still weird about it eating greasy foods that have the potential to get on my skin. I don't know why. It's not even very rational, but I just do. I have come to some conclusions about accutane, and they are:

1. It will work.

2. It will be worth it.

3. It will suck being on it.

4. It should not be feared.

As for all the psychological bullshit that people say comes with or post or whatever due to accutane. I can tell you one thing- sure, being on it was hard, it sucked bad, but NOTHING is more depressing than living miserably and hopelessly like I did pre-accutane. I have so much more confidence. And not just in the way that I look, I mean, that is where it starts, but it just continues from there. I feel liberated to do things I wouldn't have maybe tried before. Ask people out I had previously been afraid to. It has seriously changed my life, and I would do it all over again, and if ever need be WILL do it all over again in a heart beat.

For anyone struggling. Hang in there. It WILL all work out.

- Taylor <3

Taylor7613

End of month 5

So I had a derm appointment yesterday to end my month 5. Now, I'm a little nervous to share this but I'm just going to be honest. So he checks me out, and he says, "Well I think we should stop now and not do the 6th month, your skin looks good, and I think your in remission." Great right? Should be great in theory, but I left the office and had like a full blown panic attack. I mean, I freaked the f*ck out. For some reason the thought of stopping early when I had been prepared for 6 months all this time really just didn't sit well with me. I know why too, its because a few months back when I went to my gyno for an appointment she told me, "Oh ya, my daughter did Accutane, but she stopped a few weeks early, and I think that really hindered her treatment because a lot of it came back. So make sure you do the full course." So with this in the back of my mind, I called my derms office (in tears) asking to be put on a 6th month. The nurse talked to the doc, and they said they would let me. I don't know why I got as much anxiety about the situation as I did. I'm pretty embarrassed. But so anyways, I'm doing a 6th month, and then the nurse also said after month 6th he can put me on a low low dose to ween my way off. Which I'm not sure I want. I just want the full 6 months and then that's that. Hopefully I wont have an issue with stopping after this last 30 days. It's weird how it kinda becomes apart of your routine. Just like how before I went on accutane I was afraid of what would happen, now to be off of it I'm afraid of what will happen. Skin look good tho, few stubborn scares still. But I think those will definitely fad with time, especially when I'm off the accutane.

Taylor7613

So I leave to go to my sister's wedding today and I'm feeling a little anxious, ok a lot anxious. A freakin scar on my jawline has decided to be a weirdo and resurface into a scab.. so that's just great. PERFECT TIMING! That is another thing about accutane- if you think all is well and can relax, wait for it...you're probably wrong. Not to sound pessimistic, and don't get me wrong, the rest of my face looks good, but wtf is this shit with my scars always resurfacing!?? Go the hell away scars! My mom always says that its a good thing they are "sloughing off." I am apparently supposed to find this comforting. There are a few things in my life I would like to "slough off".. some ex boyfriends... some weight... my face? No, no my face is not something I like to "slough off." Looks like I'm gunna have to lay on the concealer! woo-hoo! not. Tonight is the bachelorette party. I fully intend on getting tipsy and forgetting I even have a face. I may post a picture here soon so that everyone can see the horror and not just take my word for it.

Taylor7613

102

half way done! woot woot!! :D

I'm stoked to be half way done, but it is the weirdest feeling because at the same time I'm afraid to be off it. I guess I'm afraid it wont work, which is a little silly because I know it is...I'm totally being paranoid, but it's hard when you feel like this is your last hope. What happens if it doesn't work?

My sister's wedding is in a few weeks, in late March, I reeeeealllly hope my skin stays clear and looks good for it. Otherwise I guess I'll just have to pack on the make-up! I hate the feeling of cakeyness but with events like that, you don't really have a choice.

And in other news, my arms and lips are driving me crazy!!!! I really want this rash on my arm to go away! it hurts! It looks horrible! It is just annoying as hell. And my lip has a crack in it that if i forget to put chapstick on for a hour will open and bleed. Which is so hot. Especially if you are talking to an attractive guy (like I was the other day when he goes, "um, your lips bleeding." luckily we are friends so I wasn't too embarrassed.)

Hope everything is going well for everyone else :D

LoVe

Taylor7613

Day 84

Well. My skin looks good. Waiting for some scares to fade and it will be terrific. Yesterday I went on a date, and I wasn't even worried about my skin at all. Still, I hate first dates. There is nothing more awkward than a first date. And it went ok, I'm just not ready to date I don't think. Plus, I have another 3 months of this and I just would really rather get it all done with before I start dating someone new. I'm really happy I 'm not with my ex boyfriend during this time tho. I knew we weren't right so I think if we were still together I would be using him for the comfort and not because it was right. Then how horrible would it be if one I'm done with my treatment to be like, welp, thanks for the support, bye. No way, I would feel indebted to him. So this is just much better, and I'm proud of myself for going it alone. We'll see what happens. Maybe if I learn to trust this guy I went on a date with last night then I will give him a shot. I just really have a hard time letting guys in. So he'll really have to prove himself before getting over my great wall. And in the mean time, lets hope my skin stays clear :D

Taylor7613

Day 77

We'll I'm pretty proud of myself. I didn't go to a superbowl party and drink yesterday. WOO. Go Taylor Go. Although I don't think drinking effects my skin, I do always get an eczema flare up on my arm. My face is pretty much the same. I never knew how much stuff was apparently begging to come out on my chin. It is a odd feeling when you can feel a zit or cyst under the skin for a while and then it finally surfaces. there is kinda a mix of emotions for me, because on one hand I'm happy and relieved that it has finally surfaced but than it also scares me with what it might do next..will it slowly go away? will it be a scabber? should i maybe try to pop it? Ya know, all these thoughts. It would probably be easier just never to think about it, but I know that's not going to happen.

Taylor7613

Day 63...

So. Things are getting better...I guess.. Some days it seems like it is getting worse, but I guess overall my skin is improving. I think the motto for accutane should be "every time you think it can't get worse, it will get worse, until you're exhausted and don't care anymore." at least that's how I feel. I knew going into this that it was going to be a mental challenge as well as physical, but this is really starting to wear on me. I'm tired of not knowing what I'm going to wake up to, and worrying about someone I know is judgmental seeing me on a bad breakout day (I'm not so much anymore, but in high school I was friends with very superficial girls who judge things like this, and I still bump into them on my college campus sometimes). Oh well, Here's to month three...

Taylor7613

I seriously have the biggest scab on my cheek. It's redic. And it is so much fun sitting in my 4 hour wintermester class everyday with it. And then comes the choice of whether or not to cover it up, oh the options- either have a white scab or a regular red scab...I'm not sure which looks worse. Then I look at other girls in my class with less then perfect skin (I try not to but you notice these things but its hard when your insecure about them yourself) and think well at least I'm not alone. Although comparatively I'm probably the worst...its just the truth. I will say it doesn't stop me from talking to people and making friends, well, with other girls that is, I definitely am not so interested in talking to cute guys..no thanks. I feel a sense of relief when the professor turns off some lights to do an overhead or something...fuck that's sad...someday I wont, that's all I can tell myself.

ps. thanks to anyone who is actually reading this...

Taylor7613

Day 41

So Christmas and New Years has come and past. I guess I made it through okay. There were times however when I had major social anxiety and wondered if people (even my own family) was staring at my face. My Aunt did however, comment on how clear my face was looking. A really weird thing happened tho, an area of skin near my mouth kinda on my chin, just came off.. i have no clue why. There wasn't a zit or anything just a patch of my "upper epidermis?" came off.. it has scabbed over now, and hopefully it doesn't scare but it was practically horrifying. My only theory is that maybe it was a patch of scar tissue and my skin was resurfacing it. My lips have gotten a little better.. idk. all and all I'm still waiting for things to get better and taking it day by day. Some days I feel really depressed about the whole situation but here's to hanging in there. Happy New Year everyone.

Taylor7613

ughhhh

So I kinda thought, more like kinda hoped actually, that my I.B. was over. Ya, no. My chin has a line of 3 cysts. Granted they are pretty small, but they hurt like a mo fo. My checks look really good, but my chin is just really starting to get me down. Its pretty frustrating to have part of your face look so good and the other part be like "wha-bam!" Just trying to hang in there. My nose has been bleeding a lot too, which is always fun especially when your with a group of people out. I also am starting to question the integrity of chapstick, it seems to do practically nothing for my lips other than add sheen to the dryness. Pretty much I am just super frustrated right now, but I am trying to stay positive. It just sucks because I am going through finals and having family and friends come in for Christmas break all while going through my I.B. bad bad timing. Also it is hard to go out with my friends and not drink as much, I mean, I'm not a huge drinker to begin with but its hard when we are at a bar and one of my friends will get a round of shots expecting me to take it, not exactly the time or place you wanna be like, "oh, sorry, no can do, I'm on accutane...FOR ACNE." No, not really in my game plan, so what do I do? Take the shots. So I guess I should just reevaluate going out all together, but I have so much fun with my friends that that's going to tough. I dont ever drink more than about 4 drinks(including shots) so hopefully its not a big deal, my derm said I can still drink socially as long as I'm not binging and overdoing it. So once every month or so I think is ok, and maybe I will just limit it to two drinks. Anyways, enough about that. thanks for stoppin by. haha. have a good day.

Taylor7613

Day 12

So I'm on day 12 now, even tho it feels like so much longer. My face seems to be clearing up pretty well. I think the worst of my initial breakout is pretty much over (knock on wood) and for the most part my skin is just super dry. When I have gotten a zit they seem to pop really easily and everything comes out and it heals within a day or two (I know, I know, you're not supposed to pop but sometimes I do.) I have noticed that my overall complexion is a lot smoother and places where there were slightly red spots from previous zits are all almost gone. So overall it is going ok. Not wonderfully because I do feel kinda sick after I take my dose and these dry lips are ridiculously annoying. We'll see how things are on week three!

Taylor7613

here we go

Hi everyone,

My name is Taylor, I’m 21 and I live in Nevada. Like so many others, I have struggled with acne throughout all my teen years, and now that I’m in my 20’s I just want to be done! I’m starting this blog because for months now I have creeped around this site, and many people’s blogs helped me find the courage to start accutane myself. So here I am. I’m on day 7 of my accutane course (40 mg a day) and so far its been nothing more horrible than the acne I already had. I just really really hope that by the end of all of this I wont have to hide under makeup or be self-conscious about my face. Its hard because all of my friends and family aren’t being very supportive of my choice to do accutane claiming they don’t think “I’m bad enough.†So I hope this blog will be the outlet and support I need during this time.

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